Maddie let out the breath she’d been holding and sat back down, planting herself more firmly onto the chair. She should just leave. She couldn’t understand why she was still sitting there but she was. She cleared her throat, willing herself to stay focused.
“Okay, question one—is this a space where children live or regularly visit?”
“You really don’t know the answer to that?”
“It’s easier, and quicker for you, if you just answer.” Maddie frowned at her screen, her tone sharper than she intended. Sofi had a reputation for being a hard ass, but Maddie wasn’t going to let herself be pushed around.
“No. No kids.” Sofi seemed pensive for a minute. “So any drawing on the walls is me when I’m drunk and feeling artistic.” A sad smile appeared and was quickly put away.
“Question two—is this going to be a primary residence or a seasonal one?”
“I’d like it to be primary. I’d like to live here. To live somewhere for once. You know what it’s like, I’m touring half the year and I’m in LA for the other half, but no, it’s not seasonal. I intend it to be my home.”
“Is anyone else going to be living here?” Maddie knew about Noah—pretty much everyone knew about Noah. Sofi and Noah were pop music’s power couple. The singers who’d collaborated on a hit single and fallen in love. It had been hard to read the stories about Noah being the love of Sofi’s life, as if Maddie didn’t count. But she didn’t—not as far as the public was concerned and maybe not as far as Sofi was concerned either. She rolled her shoulders, willing the tension away. This whole thing was a really bad idea.
“Not really, no. There might be people staying sometimes but no one ‘living’ here.” Sofi wrapped the word in air quotes and Maddie again felt the intensity of her gaze. It was something she hadn’t been subject to for years. She couldn’t believe it still held any power over her, but right now, the tension in her body was telling her something different.
“You haven’t changed.” Sofi spoke out loud, but to Maddie it sounded like maybe she hadn’t meant to. “Your hair’s a little shorter, your arms look stronger. You work out now I guess.” Sofi sounded so casual, like Maddie was a cousin she hadn’t seen since last Thanksgiving. Was it really this easy for her? Had Maddie really meant so little? She ignored the comments and carried on.
“Just a few more questions and then I’ll have someone come and take some photos if that’s okay? He can be here in ten minutes. I told him to wait at that coffee place on the corner.” Maddie had wanted some quiet time with her new client before Greg barreled in with all his equipment and noise. Now she wanted him here, wanted something to break the tension between them.
“Sure.” Sofi nodded.
Maddie typed out a text to Greg and went back to her questionnaire.
“Is it a place to hide out, a place to entertain, or a place where you want to be creative? Tell me a little about how you see yourself living here.”
Sofi pulled her knees up to her chest. It made her seem younger, and a little vulnerable. Maddie knew it was something she did when she was feeling exposed. The urge to cross the space between them and wrap Sofi in a protective hug was surprisingly strong. And completely absurd. Sofi would laugh in her face.
“Like I said, I might have friends over to hang out sometimes. I might also have more formal dinner parties, music people I need to meet, that sort of thing.” Sofi waved the significance of her comments away with a hand.
Maddie smiled. The idea of Sofi having a dinner party amused her. The Sofi she had loved couldn’t even make a grilled cheese sandwich.
“Wow.” Sofi spoke softly. “I really missed that smile.”
Before Maddie could figure out a way to respond, Sofi spoke again.
“Mostly I just imagine hanging out here by myself. I want to feel relaxed and at home. In a space that feels like mine, surrounded by things that make me happy. My books, my music, the ocean. You know those cheesy films where the heroine sits looking out at the ocean, an oversized sweater pulled over her knees, a hot chocolate in one hand, a book in the other, and a dog snuggled alongside her on the sofa? I kinda want that.”
Maddie wasn’t writing down what Sofi was saying. She didn’t need to. She knew this was Sofi, this was what she needed, what she had always needed. They had talked about it often.
“After the Grammys, I’m going to try to maybe take some time off and spend it here.” She didn’t sound convincing. Maddie knew from bitter experience there was always another album, another tour, another pound of flesh to give someone.
Sofi’s phone rang, interrupting the silence they had fallen into. She looked at it and rolled her eyes. “And make sure there’s no Wi-Fi or phone signal. Line the walls with aluminum foil if you have to.” She spoke as she stepped out onto the deck to take the call.
Maddie watched as Sofi seemed to be arguing with someone and saw the moment she gave up—the slump of her posture giving it away. She stepped back into the house.
“I’m sorry. I have to go and get changed. There’s a car outside. I have to go do something, something I don’t want to do, on a morning I’d arranged to take off to do this. But since when does that count for anything?”
“Sure, sorry, of course.” Maddie stood up quickly, shoving the tablet into her bag. “I’ll cancel Greg. Get someone to call me when things are less hectic and we can—”
“Things are never less hectic. After the VMAs, I’ll be touring right through till January.” There was a tremor in her voice, and for a second Maddie thought she was going to cry.
“It’s okay, just get someone to call me and I can wrap it up with them. It’s possible to do some of the color and fabric choices remotely. The software we use can build a virtual version of your house that we can decorate online so we can show you what it looks like.” This was her chance to get away. She could maybe even do the work herself if Sofi wasn’t going to be around. She tried to feel happy about it, but she couldn’t. Sofi’s unhappy mood was affecting her too.
Sofi stopped on her way to the stairs, a frown on her face. “Could you come back tomorrow morning? I don’t leave till the afternoon. We can finish your questionnaire thing then and maybe we could…” She seemed shy suddenly. “Maybe we could just catch up a little bit too. It’s been years, obviously. It’d be nice. Totally weird I know but nice maybe.” She smiled hesitantly, and in that moment, she looked a lot more like the Sofi she had loved all those years ago.
Tomorrow was very short notice. Sofi couldn’t possibly expect her to be free. And she’d already told Sofi that she was handing the project off to someone else. She could say she was busy and let Sofi and her people work on the house with one of her other designers. She could avoid the past, avoid the memories, and avoid any chance of revisiting the heartache.
“Sure. I could be over by nine. I’ll drop Mateo at preschool first if that’s okay?” Maddie wasn’t sure where the words came from, but she was most definitely the one speaking.
“Cool.” Sofi smiled at her again. “See you then. Let yourself out, Mads.” Sofi disappeared upstairs and Maddie was left with a lingering disquiet from the way her heart had skipped a little when Sofi had smiled at her.
Maddie walked up the drive back to her jeep. She’d had the chance to walk away and decided not to—it was possibly the worst decision she’d made in a really long time.
Chapter Four
Sofia sat on the couch in the corridor outside the studio. She’d put her earbuds in to avoid talking to her mom, to escape her constant questions about Maddie. She’d told her mom the truth. Mostly. Maddie was back living in Miami. She had a son and a new career as an interior designer. She had been professional and perfectly friendly, and they were going to have one more meeting before Sofi went on tour. What she hadn’t said was how hard Maddie had tried to avoid doing the design work herself and how Sofia had practically begged her to stay involved.
Since Maddie hadn’t loved her enough to fight for her, Sofia wasn’t surpr
ised that Maddie wanted to stay away. But what had surprised her was her own willingness to put herself in the way of Maddie again, even if only for a few hours. She’d spent years getting over the heartbreak of losing Maddie and less than ten minutes deciding that she wanted Maddie, and only Maddie, to work on her house. And more than that, wanted a way to be able to talk to her some more. She couldn’t have explained it to her mom even if she’d wanted to.
She was passing time answering questions from her fans on Twitter. A tweet caught her attention. It was a thread of pictures of her on stage with the hashtag #fatflores. She scrolled down and saw unflattering close-ups of the cellulite on her thighs, the slight paunch of her stomach, and pictures that made her look like she had a double chin.
“Why are people so mean?” She slipped an earbud out of one ear and held out the phone for her mom to take. “I mean, I know I need to lose some weight, but I’m not really fat. And I’ll work it off when I’m touring. I always do.” Sofia wished she wasn’t always so upset by the comments, but she was.
“Not good.” Her mom sighed as she scrolled through the images. “Maybe we need to get the dietician to tour with us again. Start counting the calories again, maybe fast a little before the tour starts.” She handed the phone back to Sofia. “Some of them are even saying you’re pregnant.” She made a curving motion across her own stomach.
“You’re supposed to tell me I’m beautiful and I shouldn’t listen to them, not tell me to start fasting.”
“You are, of course, cariño. But extra weight is not good when you’re photographed from every angle every day.” Her mom shrugged. “I don’t make the rules. You want them talking about the album not wondering about whether your bump has a baby in it.”
Her mom was direct to the point of callousness sometimes. Sofia pushed her earbud back in. Suddenly, everything about today was annoying—her mom, this interview, tonight’s meet and greet with her fans, and the fact that some dumbass in her management team thought that sending Madison Martin—with her perfect body and take it or leave it attitude—to work on her house was a good idea.
Sofia called Felix.
“Who chose the designer for the house?” She didn’t bother to say hello.
“Anna I think. She had a few of them send in their portfolios, got some recommendations. Is there a problem?”
“And Madison’s was the agency she selected?”
“Yeah. They came with good references. What’s going on?”
Sofia was spinning it out. She didn’t like herself for it, but ten years in the business had left her with some prima donna tendencies.
“Madison’s is run by Madison Martin. She came to my house today. To help me redecorate my house. Because you sent her there. Do you have any idea what seeing her again like that did to my stress levels?”
Sofia made herself sound stern, but she wasn’t angry. Not really. She was mostly mad at herself for the feelings that had surfaced when face-to-face with Maddie. For the shameful, pointless jealousy she’d felt on hearing about Maddie’s happy little family life when all she had was this—managers, PR people, dieticians, and a fake boyfriend.
“Fuck.” Felix didn’t often curse. Sofia was glad he felt that this situation warranted it. “I’ll call Madison’s and we’ll get you a new designer. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I’ll make sure they get an apology and a payoff for the loss of the contract. And rest assured I’ll have a serious word with Anna about this.”
“You don’t need to get rid of Madison’s. We’ve said we’ll make it work—I’m leaving tomorrow anyway—and it’s just one more meeting.” Sofia hadn’t been sure what she was doing when she’d asked Maddie to come back tomorrow, but in that moment, she understood that she simply wanted the chance to see her one more time.
“Are you sure?” Felix had seen the impact of her breakup with Maddie up close. She had been a mess for months and even he had struggled to create a new superstar out of the wreckage. All the big plans they’d made to launch her solo career had been pushed back, and her first album was agonizing to write and record.
“I’m sure.”
“We can easily get rid of—”
“I said I’m sure. I just would have liked a heads up. I’m hardly going to be there anyway, because of this bullshit schedule you’ve committed me to.” He had to take this shit from her. It was her way of pretending she had some control over her life when in fact she was locked in a cage. A cage she had agreed to live in because it was the price she paid for her success and—she made herself face up to the unpleasant facts—because after Maddie turned her back on her, her career was all she had.
She hung up, leaned back, and closed her eyes, knowing that the day wasn’t going to get any better. Behind the studio door was Eduardo, Vibe FM’s most popular deejay. Sofia had been interviewed by him many times before and he was an asshole. Nowhere near as funny as he thought he was and someone who went out of his way to try to be controversial.
She felt a shake on her shoulder and opened her eyes to see her mom pointing at the studio door. She sighed, sat up, and removed her earbuds. Her mom made a smile shape with her fingers and pointed at her. Sofia gave her an exaggerated fake smile and stepped toward the door. She had thirty minutes to survive with Eduardo, how bad could it be?
* * *
“So, the album doesn’t have as many sad songs as the last one? Are we to assume that’s because Noah is making you happy? I know your fans are hoping for wedding bells. Do you have an exclusive for us, Sofia?” Eduardo gave Sofia what he clearly thought was a charming smile.
God, she really hated this guy. She took in a deep breath before replying, willing herself to be a pro. The show was filmed and live-streamed on the website, so any eye roll, any flash of annoyance would be seen and commented on. And she was Sofia Flores—sweet, patient, and always happy—so she got into character and looked back at him pleasantly.
“That’s a lot of questions.” She did her best to keep smiling. “The inspiration for the songs on the album comes from a lot of places. I’m sure that’s true for all songwriters. Not all of it is obvious. It’s part of the mystery not to spell it all out. It lets people put their own meanings onto the songs.” She believed in what she was saying, it was what she’d always loved about making music, but she knew he wasn’t even listening. He just wanted to talk about Noah. She was so tired of talking to people who didn’t give a shit about her. For some reason, the cursing voice in her head reminded her of Maddie and her complaining about the endless interviews about fashion and boyfriends the band had been forced to give.
“And the wedding? You and Noah are, like, eighteen months in now. It must be something you’ve talked about.” He waved at her mother standing at the back of the room. “And I’m sure your mom is like any good Latina mama and can’t wait to help you plan a wedding.” He laughed at his own joke.
“I’ll make sure you’re the first to know, Eduardo.” Her voice was a little clipped, but she kept the annoyance from showing on her face. “But don’t hold your breath. I’m still very focused on my music.” It wasn’t a lie. Her career was still her priority, even if lately she had felt tired of so much of it, and more and more aware of time passing her by.
Across the room, Sofia could see her mom making a face and lifting her shoulders, urging Sofia to smile a bit more, to be a bit more upbeat.
“I’m going to play your last single now. We all loved it here at Vibe. It’s an absolute bop.” He pushed a button on the console in front of him and pulled off his headphones, giving her a silent thumbs up.
“Thanks, Eduardo.” Sofia gave him her best and brightest smile and then turned to her mom as if to say that she could do fake cheerful with the best of them. Her mother simply shook her head at Sofia.
As the song played, Eduardo tried to make small talk and Sofia was saved by the beep of her phone. She’d never been happier to have a distraction. Mouthing “sorry” at him, she looked at the text from Noah.
Wo
w, I forgot how much of a jerk this guy is
Sofia typed out a quick reply:
I know. he’s spent the last 10 mins basically telling me that this album isn’t as good as the last one and you and I should be getting married to give my mom a good excuse for a party
She sent it and then sent another:
But since when do you listen to Vibe?
I’m at the gym. you’re keeping me company. and they play good tunes sometimes. like now. this one’s by Sofia Flores, dunno if you know her, she’s my girlfriend and she’s fucking dope
Before she could reply and tell Noah for the hundredth time she wasn’t his girlfriend, he sent another text.
Wanna have dinner?
She’d already had to endure a painful lunch with him yesterday, Sofia couldn’t really believe he thought she’d want to have dinner as well.
I can’t. i’ve got a meet and greet. i told you
I know. Felix arranged for me to drop by and “surprise” you. lots of fans, lots of cameras. and, since I’m about to go off on tour, it’ll look like i can’t bear to leave you, which i can’t <3. i was thinking afterward.
“Fuck,” Sofia said. Eduardo shot her a look, and she held up a hand in apology.
I don’t want dinner, i’m too tired. and i don’t really want you to “drop by and surprise me” either but I guess I don’t have a say in that. i better go, the song’s finishing. sorry.
Okay babe
Please don’t call me babe. I don’t like it
Okay…baby!
The song was finishing, and Sofia put down her phone with a sigh. She had ten more minutes of this torture left. And after she was going to talk to Felix about Noah. They had all agreed to keep things going till after the Grammys, hoping the extra buzz the two of them were creating together would be helpful. But Noah just wouldn’t keep to the boundaries they’d agreed and he was driving her crazy.
And it didn’t matter whether she liked admitting it or not, seeing Maddie today had reminded her what it was like when she’d had someone in her life she actually loved. Before she’d chosen lies and record sales over her own happiness. Not that Maddie had given her much of a choice in the way she turned her back on her.
Not This Time Page 5