Chapter Eleven
“Make my video for me.” Sofia waited about five seconds after Maddie had answered the phone before blurting out the thing that she’d been thinking about all night. She’d woken up in the early hours with the idea already planted in her brain, and she hadn’t been able to talk herself out of it in the hours of wakefulness that had followed. It was both the best and the worst idea she’d ever had and she really wanted Maddie to say yes.
“What?” Maddie sounded sleepy and a little confused. “Make what video?”
“Make the video for ‘Not This Time.’ The single is out next month, and I still don’t have a concept. Write it, design it, direct it.” Sofia knew she sounded excited, even a little crazy, but she didn’t care. “Please, Mads. You said you really enjoyed making your own videos, that you loved working on Danny’s.” Sofia faltered for the first time. “I want you to do it, I would trust you to do a great job, and it’ll be a great excuse for us to hang out.” She swallowed, not realizing until the words were out of her mouth just how much she wanted to do this with Maddie. But all there was on the other end of the call was quiet.
“Just don’t make me ride a motorbike. Or a go-cart.” Sofia couldn’t stop talking, her anxiety getting the better of her. She didn’t know what to do with Maddie’s silence.
“Have you been at the energy drinks again?” Maddie’s voice—low, teasing, and husky with sleep—sent shivers down Sofia’s spine. She remembered this Maddie, how she looked and sounded in the mornings, how she woke with her hair tousled, her face pink, her arms and legs wrapped around Sofia possessively. It was something she’d never tired of remembering, and thinking about it now gave her serious goose bumps.
“Of course not. It’s seven in the morning.”
“I know. I looked at the time when I answered, wondering who the hell would be calling me this early, imagining an emergency that wasn’t just you needing someone to make your next video.”
Sofia could tell Maddie wasn’t really annoyed.
“I also thought it might be someone who didn’t know me very well, who didn’t know how much I love to sleep in the mornings, but guess what, it was you.” Maddie pretending to be grouchy was making Sofia’s heart smile. She made herself focus.
“I’m serious, Maddie. Do the video. Do it because I need the help, but also because you’ll enjoy it and you’ll be great at it. And you get the song, the way I don’t think other people do. They don’t even want me to release it. Help me prove them wrong.” Sofia was close to pleading. It wasn’t cool, but she didn’t care. She’d never cared about being cool around Maddie. She thought this was a great idea, and she wanted Maddie to trust her instincts for once.
Maddie yawned.
“First, I don’t really have the time. I have your house to decorate in case you’ve forgotten.”
“But that’s going well. We’ve worked on it lots lately, and the video won’t take you away from it for more than a couple of days.”
“And second…” She heard Maddie take in a breath. “Literally everyone we know would say it’s a terrible idea. I mean, the paparazzi are outside your house every day, and they’re already on overdrive about some imagined reunion between us. They’re going to have a lot of stupid stuff to say about us working together on a video. I don’t want that and neither should you. It’ll be an unhelpful distraction.”
Sofia had guessed this would be Maddie’s concern.
“We can do it somewhere away from Miami. Some location we can keep private. No one even needs to know until it’s all finished. There won’t be any blowback for you, I promise.”
“And for you? You’d be happy for people to start talking about us again? Noah already seems annoyed about you hanging out with me. He’s gonna hate this.”
She wanted to tell Maddie that Noah could go fuck himself. And to remind her that Sofia was a lot older, and possibly even a little braver, than she had been when they’d been together in the band. But it wasn’t the right time to say any of it. She tried again.
“You’re not being very positive about my great idea. You can’t see me, but I’m pouting hard right now. Come on, Mads, it’ll be great. Rick can help, and I’m convinced you’ll enjoy it.” She added more seriously, “And if people don’t like the idea of us working together, that’s for me to worry about. I’m tired of doing everything I’m told. I love this song, and I want to make my own creative choices around it.”
“How hard are you pouting?” Maddie sounded amused.
“It’s pretty bad I can tell you. If the wind changes direction, it could be devastating for my career.” Sofia held her breath.
For a moment, they were both quiet.
“Rick has made some great videos for you.” Maddie broke the silence first. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just work with him again?”
“No.” Her reply was emphatic. “I want you to do it. I want something different, something edgier, and I know you’ll come up with something beautiful. Everyone is obsessed with it selling—and I am too, don’t get me wrong—but I want to do it justice too. And it’ll be a great experience for us both to do it together, to have a joint project.” Sofia felt weird saying it out loud. “Can you imagine how cool it’ll be to see your name on the credits? People will lose their shit when they see that.” She couldn’t contain the excitement she felt.
For a beat or two, there was silence again on Maddie’s end of the phone.
“That’s not why you want me to do it, is it?” There was a tension in Maddie’s voice that wasn’t there before. “To create some noise?”
“No, no, Maddie, I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant at all.” Sofia couldn’t get the words out fast enough. “I just meant that it’d be cool to have you making the video. It would be a privilege honestly. I’ve always liked the way you see things, the way your mind works. And I really like the way your videos make me feel.” She wasn’t sure she could explain. “I just feel like it’s time to grow up, to show myself a bit more.”
Sofia could hear movement, the noise of a running tap. But no reply.
“What are you doing Thursday?” Sofia asked.
“Working. I have to go and look at tiles and then meet with the decorators.”
“Meet me and Rick instead and we can talk about the video.” Sofia wasn’t going to let it drop. “He’s coming to pitch to everyone in the afternoon, but I asked him to meet me separately first to talk through his ideas. Please, Maddie, come and contribute, bring some ideas, bring that amazing creativity of yours that I’ve always loved.” She hadn’t meant to use the l-word, though it was true. She didn’t want to scare Maddie away by reminding her of the past.
“Okay.” The word was accompanied by a sigh. “What time and where?”
Sofia couldn’t stop the squeal that escaped. “You won’t regret it, Mads. You’ll be awesome and it’ll be fun. I promise.”
“Can I have my coffee now?” Maddie’s tone was light.
“Only if you promise to think of video concepts while you’re drinking it.”
“Hear that sound? That’s the sound of you pushing your luck.” Maddie laughed softly as she spoke.
“Okay, okay. I’m going. Thank you. I really appreciate you saying yes.”
“You didn’t give me much choice.”
Sofia ended the call after agreeing to a time with Maddie. For the first time in several weeks, she felt like she could breathe easily, like she wasn’t carrying a heavy weight on her chest.
* * *
Maddie rang the doorbell rather than using the keys she’d been given. She wasn’t sure if Noah was around, and the last thing she wanted was to walk in on him and Sofi having some kind of moment together. She recognized the feeling as jealousy and tried to push it away. Trouble was, the more time she spent with Sofi, the worse it got. And the fact she’d had lunch with Daya and chosen not to mention the possibility of doing the video together said everything about how dumb she felt agreeing to do something that would mean her sp
ending even more time with Sofi.
As soon as Sofi opened the door, the shouts of the paparazzi became more intense. They were calling Sofi’s name, Maddie’s name, asking them both to turn, pose, and smile.
“You came.” Sofi offered her a shy smile as she spoke, leaning on the door and seeming oblivious to the photographers. “I wasn’t sure you would.”
Maddie couldn’t help but stare. Sofi looked great. Bare feet, faded jeans that hugged her curves, and a fitted white shirt with enough buttons unfastened to reveal a chevron of smooth brown skin dipping down to her cleavage. She looked hot. There was no other word for it. At least not any polite ones. Sofi held her gaze and Maddie felt things shift a little. She couldn’t deny that this feeling was attraction. She cleared her throat and held up a large portfolio folder.
“I did my homework.”
Maddie caught the up and down look that Sofi gave her and felt an unwelcome throb of arousal between her legs. Sofi looked at her a moment longer and then stepped back, giving Maddie space to pass inside.
“I’m excited.” Sofi reached out and touched her arm.
“Me too.”
They were talking about the video, about the meeting. Of course they were. Maddie shook her head slightly, hoping to shake some sense into it.
“Want a drink? Rick’s already here, but we haven’t started. We’re meeting the others downtown at three, so we have plenty of time.”
Maddie nodded. “Coffee would be good. But can I just use the bathroom?” Her nerves were already getting the better of her.
“Sure.” Sofi smiled warmly.
She stood in Sofi’s bathroom trying to compose herself. Rick Wahlberg was the best in the business right now, and Maddie wanted two things—not to embarrass herself in front of him, and to make Sofi proud of her. She had struggled for hours last night to come up with something suitable, and then, after a couple of glasses of wine, she just let her instincts take over. What she’d come up with suited the song perfectly and she’d gone to bed happy. But the morning brought an awareness that the concept was far too challenging for Sofi, so she’d quickly adapted it and come up with something that was safer but still suited the song. Luckily, the sketches being in pencil meant most of the adaptations were easy to make.
Maddie toweled off her hands and ran a hand through her hair one last time before taking in and releasing a few deep breaths. As she emerged into the living room, she could see that Sofi had dragged the coffee table closer to the couch and cleared its surface. Her portfolio—still zipped shut—lay on the table, next to a white mug, and Rick and Sofi were at either ends of the couch, both of them looking at her expectantly.
Maddie sat in the space they had left between them and leaned forward to unzip the folder and pull out a loose sheaf of sketches.
“I’m excited about the chance to collaborate, Madison. I’m Rick.” He offered her a hand to shake. “I had a look at the videos you worked on before.” He nodded. “Very good.” He put on his glasses and sat forward in his seat.
He was probably being polite, but Maddie couldn’t help but be encouraged by his words. She moved her head from side to side to loosen the tension in her neck.
“Come on, Mads, show us what you’ve got.” Sofi offered her a reassuring smile.
She took in a breath.
“So, we’re in Paris, and we’re shooting in black and white.” She shrugged a little self-consciously and lifted the first sketch. “Sofi is a photographer. She’s part of a crowd of paparazzi, but she’s not like them. She’s on the edge of the group, she seems more serious, and she’s the only woman among them. They are following a man, an actor, around Paris taking pictures of him. He’s handsome and sophisticated of course. He’s at a premiere, arriving there with his wife, then we see him having coffee outside a chic little café. Then he’s up early and going to the gym, maybe going to a gallery opening and whatever else we need to see him doing to understand that he’s rich and his life is glamorous. The point is that he and Sofi see each other a lot—because Sofi is following him around Paris with a bunch of other photographers, intruding on his life.
“And from our viewpoint, we can see that the man is going out of his way to give Sofi the best shots, and that he sometimes waits to make sure Sofi sees what he’s doing and can get a good shot. We don’t understand their relationship, but we think maybe he’s as intrigued by Sofi as the paparazzi are with him.” She was lifting her sketches to show them the visuals that went with her words.
“We cut to the man saying good-bye to his wife. It’s the evening and she’s going on a business trip or something. Moments after she leaves,” Maddie couldn’t help but pause and swallow, her anxiety bubbling up, “a woman arrives at the house by taxi and our actor kisses her on the lips before ushering her inside. We are left to assume it’s a secret lover. We see Sofi across the street leaning on her car—this time she’s the only photographer there—and we see that she is easily able to capture the whole wife leaving/woman arriving scene with her camera. But rather than do that, she lowers her camera and puts the cap back on the lens. We understand that she doesn’t want to hurt the man by revealing his cheating. She looks sad and we understand she also has feelings for the actor.
“Before going into his house, the actor looks back, catches sight of Sofi, and witnesses her lowering her camera, refusing the money shot. They look at each other for a lingering moment. Sofi walks off and gets into her car. The actor goes inside.” She looked from Rick to Sofia, worrying about their reaction.
“Is that the end?” Rick asked.
“Not really, no.” Maddie pulled another sketch from the pile, feeling less sure of herself.
“Go on.” Sofi put her hand on Maddie’s arm. The touch made her shiver. She cleared her throat.
“Next scene. Sofi is again outside the house. In her car with a long lens trained on the front door. It’s late and she’s alone. The actor comes to the door. We see him framed for a few seconds. He is holding a coffee which he takes outside, walking slowly to the car to hand it to Sofi with a longing look. Their hands brush.”
She heard Sofi swallow.
“And then we cut to Sofi walking up to the front door to return the coffee cup and the actor opens the door kinda wide. They stand looking at each other, and rather than hand him the cup, we watch as she walks into the house, trailing a hand across the man’s arm as she passes. We cut and our view is now that of a photographer in the street outside. We see from the street that the actor moves to the curtains to close them—basically letting us know that they are going to be getting down to something and he wants privacy.”
She took in a breath.
“And then we watch as Sofi moves next to him and stops him from doing it, throwing the curtains wide open again. They are framed in the window looking at each other. They kiss passionately. And that’s where it ends.” Maddie put her hands facedown on the table and made herself breathe evenly, trying to seem much more relaxed than she was.
“For me, ‘Not This Time’ is about being in charge, about no longer doing what’s expected of you and not accepting it when people offer you too little. It could be addressed to a partner or anyone in your life really. It says that I want things for me, on my terms, and this time, I’m not going to accept less. It’s true for the actor who’s not living the life he wants, and it’s true for the photographer who wants more for herself than to just photograph, to witness other people’s lives.” Maddie had run through versions of this speech in the mirror last night, but it had sounded so much better, so much more righteous before she’d bottled it and changed the woman she’d originally scripted Sofi following across Paris to a man. The song was about being more courageous, and sitting next to Sofi, she couldn’t help but feel the irony of her refusal to follow her own instincts for fear Sofi would think she was trying to “out” her and ruin her career.
There was a long moment of silence, and Maddie thought she’d blown it. Even without the same-sex storyline, showi
ng Sofi as a paparazzi, falling for and sleeping with a married man was incredibly risky for someone as wholesome as Sofia Flores.
“I mean, I know it’s rough and needs some work, but I didn’t have much time. And I know it’s a bit of a risk to portray Sofi that way, but I was aiming for something edgy, something that suited the vibe of the song. I don’t expect you to go with it if it’s wrong. I mean, I’m happy for you to tell me that it’s not right.” Maddie’s confidence was evaporating, and she was speaking to fill the silence, to avoid hearing from both Rick and Sofi about how much they hated it.
“Rick?” Sofi invited him to speak. Maddie cared about his opinion—he was Rick Wahlberg after all—but she cared more about what Sofi thought.
He sat back in the seat and put his hands behind his head as if stretching. He waited a beat.
“I love it.” His face broke out into a grin. “I like the vibe—the watching, the being watched. There’s something dark and predatory about it. And seeing Sofia in charge like that is perfect for the song.”
Maddie let out a breath, not quite believing that he liked it. She dared to turn to Sofi who, without warning, leaned over and pulled Maddie into a tight hug. Maddie let herself enjoy it for a minute before gently extricating herself and holding Sofi at arm’s length.
“You haven’t said anything, Sofi. Do you like it?”
Sofi looked from Maddie to Rick and back again. “I guess I’m just a little confused.” Maddie felt her heart sink. Sofi didn’t like it.
“I’m confused by this.” Sofi reached for a sketch at the bottom of the pile, pulled it out, and placed it on the table in front of them. Maddie cursed inwardly. After she redrafted all the sketches, she’d thought she’d left the originals at home. Somehow this one must have attached itself to the pile. It showed the window to the house and, framed against it, two female figures were kissing.
“I changed my mind.” She couldn’t get the words out fast enough. “I thought at first that maybe it might work with the actor being a woman, but then I realized it wouldn’t and I changed it.” She attempted a shrug, as if to say it was no big deal.
Not This Time Page 14