by Leo Sullivan
Shaking my head, I tried to force back my emotions but failed miserably. Before I knew it, I was swiping a tear from my cheek.
“If King gave you the money for this stuff, I don’t want it. Caesar says that he’s the reason I—”
“Sunday, that is a lie and you know it!” my mama interrupted, speaking through her teeth. “King did not order an attack on you. He would never do anything to hurt you or your child and you know that.”
Defiance was all over my face, but I didn’t say a word. I knew that she was right, and I also knew that my anger in the moment had nothing to do with what I was making it out to be. The fact was, King had escaped from prison, he was a wanted man, and some part of me felt like the dream I’d had of him visiting me in the hospital wasn’t a dream after all. However, he hadn’t been back since then and he hadn’t contacted me once.
After seeing the reports of his escape on the news, I sent a message to his Instagram page asking for whoever was handling his account to have him contact me. Not once had I received a single response even though I’d messaged the page more than once. In this moment, I was definitely angry about something, but my anger had nothing to do with me feeling like King had asked someone to kill me. I was angry that he had met with my mama on multiple occasions but was keeping his distance from me.
“I don’t care if that’s true or not. Caesar believes that King did and he’s my fiancé and Katie’s father—”
“Does he know he’s your fiancé and Katie’s father?” my mama interrupted, folding her arms over her chest. She narrowed her eyes at me, making her disdain for Caesar obvious.
I countered by matching her posture. “What do you mean? Of course, he knows. He’s been working! He’s busy and that’s the only reason he isn’t here right now.”
“Sunday—” she began and then stopped to drop the frustration from her tone. “Sunday, Caesar has not been to see you or Katie since he was released from the hospital over a month ago. He hasn’t contributed a dime toward anything that I had to buy nor has he bothered to ask if anything was needed. You went through a whole facial reconstruction surgery and he didn’t bother to show.”
“He didn’t know about it!” I defended, feeling fresh tears stinging my eyes. “I didn’t have a chance to tell him about it.”
It was true. Caesar and I hadn’t spoken on the phone since he left. We’d only been communicating through texts because he said he was heavy in the streets, working to be able to get our lives back on track. Truthfully, I was so hurt by how much he avoided looking at me when I was disfigured that I was purposely avoiding any conversation about my face.
“Rest up, baby girl,” my mama suddenly said to me. I didn’t have to look up to see her expression. I could hear the grief in her voice.
“Rest up and when you’re ready, I’ll drive you back up to the hospital to see Katie.”
I nodded and forced myself to hold it together until she left out of the room and closed the door firmly behind her. The exact second it shut, the fragile levy holding in my emotions broke and I was overcome by the pressure of it all.
My daughter needed my strength and when I was back at her side, I would make sure to be strong. But, in this moment, I had to release.
13
King
* * *
“Yo, just say the word, King, and I could have this bitch ass nigga takin’ a permanent dirt nap right along with his brother. I’m so close, I can see the whites in his eyes.”
“Nah, stand down,” I replied to Dolo, though I wanted nothing more than to give him the word to go ahead. “Just keep your eyes on him.”
To be clear, I didn’t give a fuck about Caesar’s life, and before everything was said and done, I would make sure he received payment for his actions, but that time wouldn’t be now. I didn’t allow others to handle shit that was for me to deal with personally.
“I’m watching this nigga like he the plug, and my supply is on E. Ain’t a corner in this building that he can walk to where I can’t see him.”
Chuckling at Dolo’s way of putting things, I glanced out of my front windshield just as Sunday stepped off the bus. Clasping the edge of her jacket in her hands, she took a quick glance at her surroundings before pulling the yarn hat down low over her forehead, ducking her eyes and taking off in the direction of her mother’s house. She was trying to blend in, but all she was did was make herself stand out.
No matter how hard she tried, Sunday could never blend in, not in my opinion. That’s how it had been since the beginning because of how I felt about her. Now, she stood out because her fear of everything and everyone trailed her like a dark cloud. She was skittish, and it made her seem like an easy target for anyone looking to take advantage of a woman who appeared to have something worth protecting so desperately. She was only trying to protect her life, but street niggas would assume there was something more.
I had been trailing her every day for weeks since she came home from the hospital, making sure that she wasn’t harmed whenever she went to visit her daughter. She always traveled to the hospital first thing in the morning and left in time to catch the bus that would get her home right before the sun set at night. While she was home, I always had someone stationed outside her residence to ensure her safety, someone I could trust.
The word was that the men who had almost killed her were still around, even though I hadn’t been able to catch up with them yet. It was a given that one day they would come back to complete the job they’d started, so whether Sunday knew it or not, her life was in danger.
“He took the bait. They are on the move,” Dolo said, referring to Caesar and the girl who we’d paid to capture his attention for the night. “She ain’t even have to put in no real work to convince this nigga either. I should ask for half the money back.”
“Yo’ cheap ass would say something like that.” I laughed, running my hand over my face. “As long as she gets the job done, she’s earned it.”
“True shit. I’ll let you know when we get to the spot.”
I ended the call and then paused when I realized I had an unanswered text message. There was no surprise that it was from Makita. She’d been hitting my phone up regularly, either to give me updates about how things were with my team or to tell me how much she missed us being together. I appreciated her loyalty, but I was trying to keep my distance. No matter how she felt, there was no way I could give her what she wanted.
Blowing a burst of air through my mouth, I looked up and searched around for Sunday. The walk from the bus stop to her mom’s crib was about eight blocks long, but it was a straight shot. Leaning up, I narrowed my eyes and peered down the sidewalk, wondering why I didn’t see her anywhere around. I had only looked down for less than a few minutes. How could I have possibly lost her so fast?
“Where the fuck did she—”
Tap! Tap! Tap!
Flinching, I instinctually gripped the handle of my gun before turning to my left toward the source of the sound. When I saw the person standing there, my jaw almost dropped. I was looking at the last person I expected to see.
“Malik, I know you’re in there!”
A smile teased the edge of my lips as I watched Sunday bending forward, trying her hardest to see through the dark, limousine tints on my ride. Her eyes were narrowed, her nose was wrinkled as if she smelled something rank, and her pouty lips were poked out in annoyance. Her angry face was one of the many things I loved about her.
“Stop yelling my government out like that. You work for the Feds or somethin’ now?” I joked, rolling down the window.
It wasn’t until I saw her angry expression fold into shame that I became aware of the ironic nature of my joke. Though I never believed she would have turned on me, many suspected that the reason I took on the murder charge in exchange for letting Sunday free was because I thought she would talk and give the Feds information on not only me, but my whole operation.
I wasn’t surprised that people thought it, though it w
asn’t true. Most niggas in my position would have let her go down for it all, being that she had a clean record and a better chance of escaping the charges, but that wasn’t how I moved. I couldn’t let her spend a day locked up for something that I knew she was only involved in because of me.
“I never told on you, and I never would have,” she said, her voice almost so low that I didn’t hear it.
I nodded. “I know.”
A few quick moments of silence passed before Sunday seemed to suddenly remember what she had come over about.
“Why are you following me? Do you think I haven’t seen you following me the past few days?” She cocked her head to one side and glared at me with her arms folded over her chest.
Past few weeks, actually, I corrected her in my mind but kept my mouth closed.
Dropping my eyes, I took her in, enjoying the beautiful sight that I was finally able to observe up close and personal after keeping my distance for so long. She teetered on the balls of her feet as I took my time before responding to her question. After all the time that we’d spent together, I still made her nervous.
“I’m just makin’ sure you’re safe. Is that a crime?”
Her brows rose. “Do you really want me to answer that?”
I had to laugh at that, though I fully understood what she meant. It wasn’t wrong in the normal sense, but I was a wanted man with a price on my head, large enough to make somebody ‘hood rich.’ Simply taking a breath of fresh air that hadn’t been given to me by the Feds was a crime.
“Nah, you ain’t gotta answer that.” A few moments passed before I nudged my head toward the empty passenger seat by my side. “Why don’t you get in? Let me talk to you for a minute.”
Sunday bit her bottom lip, and I watched as her eyes rose to the sky. Her mother told me that Sunday was partially blind in one eye and had some other impairments that she would have to adjust to overtime. Looking at her then, I couldn’t see anything but perfection.
“I don’t know about that. I…” She let the last word hang in the air before clamping her mouth shut, appearing nervous for some reason I couldn’t understand. When she opened her mouth again, she spoke, and I couldn’t believe what she said.
“I heard the guys who did this to me say that you were the one who sent them. They said they were part of The JDBs.”
My expression pinched. “That’s bullshit. Whoever said that was lying. Trying to set me up.”
She rolled her eyes and rested her weight on one hip. “Where have I heard that before? I guess everyone is trying to set you up, huh? Did somebody set you up for the murder of those two federal marshals that the news said you’re responsible for?”
Sucking a sharp burst of air through my nose, I cut my eyes away from her before replying.
“There is a lot of shit I’ve done that I’m not proud of,” I began and then turned back to meet her eyes. “But I’ve never been the type of nigga to lie about what I’ve done. You know that.”
“Oh really? You mean like how you were supposed to be my man but was tonguing Makita down in the prison visitation room?” she shot back with fire.
I scrunched up my nose, trying to figure out what the hell she was talking about and how we got to this subject.
“Visitation room?” I paused, thinking for a moment. “If I was tonguing Makita down, that must’ve been right when I first got locked up. She was bringin’ me dope and that’s how she passed it to me—through her mouth. I had her do it because she didn’t mean shit to me and I wouldn’t give a fuck if she got caught. I needed money on the inside, but I would’ve never made you do no shit like that.”
Defiant as ever, she crossed her arms in front of her chest and turned away from me, purposefully dodging my eyes. Her jaw flexed as she chewed the inside of her cheek. I knew that our past history was affecting her; she wanted to believe me, but it was easier to hate. Right now, she had a child with a man who had told her that I was the enemy and her life was less complicated if she took his side.
“Just stop following me,” she said before doing a quick about face.
Before I could stop her, she took off in a jog across the street, rushing to increase the distance between us. For a moment, I thought about jumping out to follow her but then decided against it when I saw a patrol car turn onto the block. Although I’d been in hiding for a while, the police were constantly on the lookout for me. More than a few times I’d seen them stationed outside of Sunday’s mom’s crib, waiting to see if I’d come over.
Sighing, I ran a weary hand over my face and then grabbed my phone.
Bingo, I thought as I read the text from Dolo.
He had Caesar right where we wanted him, so it was time to move.
14
Sunday
* * *
“Yesss, Sunday, you did that!”
Holding up the sealed bag of freshly pumped breast milk, I grinned from ear-to-ear. Only new moms understood the sense of accomplishment that came from being able to pump more than a few ounces of milk at a time. It was even more enjoyable for me because I never thought that I would breastfeed since most women around me didn’t. In my mind, it was the way that I took care of my baby.
At the moment, there wasn’t much that I could do for Katie but feed her. She was still in the NICU, and I wasn’t able to stay there with her. During the day, I tended to her, changed her diapers, cleaned and breastfed her, but when I went home, I felt like I was no longer her mother. Being able to do this one thing meant everything.
Just as I was attaching the breast pump to my other breast, the doorbell chimed. Groaning, I set the contraption down on the table next to the rocker that I was in and hurried to fix up my blouse.
“One minute!” I yelled, although I was positive that whoever was at the front door couldn’t hear me.
I stood and was about to start toward the front of the house before pausing for a second to grab my pepper spray. I’d finally been able to convince my mama that I was comfortable enough to be home alone so she could go to work, but to be honest, I was tense until the moment that she came home. She worked nights as a nurse’s assistant, and even though I knew she couldn’t afford to miss any more checks over me, being alone at night was still hard.
With the spray in my hand, I crept toward the door on the tips of my toes, praying that when I looked outside, I’d be greeted by a friendly face. Leaning forward, I was about to press my face against the door to look through the peephole when whoever was on the other side began knocking with so much force, it was like they were trying to break down the door. I jumped so high that it was a wonder that I didn’t hit the ceiling.
“Sunday, open up! It’s raining hard as hell out here!”
“Caesar?” I frowned. It had been a while since I’d heard from him outside of a few texts and calls every now and then.
“Yeah, who else would it be? Open up!”
When I opened the door, I wasn’t sure what to expect.
“What are you doing here?” I said with more aggression than I’d attended but less anger than I actually felt.
Although I hadn’t mentioned it to anyone because I was tired of people pitying me for my circumstances, I was pissed at how Caesar had treated me and his daughter since leaving the hospital. He was basically acting as if we didn’t matter. I understood that his life had changed drastically, just as mine had, but that was no reason for him to treat the ones who loved him so poorly.
“What you mean what am I doin’ here? I came to see you and my daughter!”
With his nose curled into a snarl, he pushed by me into the house, scanning the living room with suspicion in his eyes.
“What other nigga you had in here got you actin’ like that? It seems like you ain’t want me in here.”
“I don’t!” I shouted, positioning my hands on my hips. “I haven’t heard from you since you left the hospital except for random texts and short calls every now and then. You haven’t gone to see your daughter once since the day we foun
d out that she could be autistic, and you stopped coming to see me once you saw my face. I guess once you realized that we weren’t perfect, you decided to bounce, huh?”
Caesar looked up at me with wide eyes, as if he were seeing me for the first time.
“Your face!” he said, gawking at me as I stood in the light. “How in the fuck did you get it fixed? You’re beautiful again.”
Walking forward, he grabbed me by my chin, pinching it between two of his fingers as he inspected me like I was under a microscope. I scowled as I snatched away. This was disgusting.
“I’m beautiful again?”
“Yeah,” he replied, not at all catching my attitude. “This shit even looks better than before. They hooked your ass up. Did they fix your eye?” He waved his hand in front of the eye he was referring to. “I mean—can you see?”
My jaw nearly dropped. “If you’re asking if I can see out of it again, the answer is no. So, you can stop with all the compliments and go back to how you were before when you didn’t want me because I was ugly.”
For the first time, Caesar seemed to realize what I was saying. Looking somewhat uneasy, he crossed his arms in front of his chest and shook his head.
“Nah, see, you takin’ shit personal. Just because I said all that stuff ’bout your face didn’t mean I didn’t love you or think you were beautiful anymore,” he said, backing away. He sat on the arm of the sofa behind him, and I watched as his face softened, giving me a glimpse of the man that he once was before everything went crazy between the two of us.
“It’s just—seeing you like that hurt me. You don’t have anything to do with this street shit, but you got pulled into it because of me. It broke my heart to see your face like that, and it breaks my heart to see my daughter struggling. I feel guilty; if it weren’t for me, none of this would’ve happened.”
“There is nothing wrong with Katie,” I battled back at him, feeling tears build up in the corner of my eyes. “What she’s going through was part of her life’s story either way. But the difference between you and me is that, though she’ll be different from a lot of people around her, I don’t see anything she’s gone through as a disability. She’ll just have to work harder, and we will have to work harder as her parents to give her a good life. The life that she deserves.”