by Austin, Lori
Despoiler of innocence. Ravager. Degenerate.
He was every one of those things. But when he gazed at Ruth, all he could see was the happiness shining in her eyes, and he didn’t want to spoil it with recriminations. But what if he’d made her pregnant?
Noah moaned and smacked himself in the head.
Ruth caught his hand. “Stop that! What’s the matter with you?”
“You. That’s what’s the matter with me. I ruined you.”
“Are we back to that again?” She stretched, rubbing herself against him like a cat. “If that’s ruin, ruin me some more.”
“Ruth, you don’t understand—”
“No, you don’t. Since when is love ruin?”
His gaze shifted. He couldn’t look at her when he lied. “That wasn’t about love.”
“It was for me.”
“I know, and that’s what makes what I did unforgivable.”
“What you did? I was in this bed, too. You weren’t alone.” She put her fingers on his chin and drew his face back to hers. “You haven’t been alone, Noah, not since you met me.”
And because that was true, he didn’t argue.
“You don’t have to love me, but don’t leave me.”
“Ruth …” He tried to untangle himself from her embrace, but again she held on tight.
“Listen to me. Have you ever been happier than this moment? I haven’t been.”
“You’ve got a life, a home, a family back in Kelly Creek.”
“None of that means anything without you.”
This time, he refused to let her cling. He kept backing up until he backed right out of bed.
Naked, Noah strode to the fire and tossed in a few more logs with more force than was necessary. Sparks flew up the chimney. His temper flared along with the flames.
“What do you want to do, Ruth?” He threw up his hands. “Run off with me?”
“Please.”
The soft intensity of her voice made him glance at the bed. The sight of her hit him like a fist to the gut. Hair tumbled about her face, lips swollen from his, the blankets slouched to her waist, she didn’t bother to lift them up. She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever known.
Ruth was the dream, and dreams were fragile. Like glass they would shatter if you didn’t care for them properly. On the frontier, a part of this life, Ruth could shatter into a million pieces in so many different ways, and it would be his fault, because he’d been unable to tell her no when he should have.
“All I want is to be with you, like this, for always.”
Like this? His treacherous gaze flitted over, then away from, her milk-white skin, the slope of her breasts. Just like that, he wanted her again.
So he paced, even though it was far too cold to walk around unclothed. But it seemed his body could use some forcible discouragement.
“You don’t understand. I’m wanted. They’re after me. We’ll be running forever. It will never stop, Ruth, until I’m dead.”
“Why does it have to be that way? Why can’t we go to Old Mexico?”
“First we’d have to get there. It’s going to be pure luck if I get there. Getting you there, too, would be a miracle.”
“It’s the season of miracles. Can’t we at least try?”
Noah leaned his head against the ice-cold windowpane. The picture she presented was far too appealing. He wanted that life—badly—and he needed to remember why he could not have it.
“Once we get there, we live on what?”
“What happened to all the money you—” She broke off and bit her lip.
“Stole? It’s gone.”
He wasn’t going to discuss how little they actually ended up with once a job was done. Between silver, gold, bonds, and the like, the actual cash that they could use was minimal. Once split between the men, it became even less, and when Noah distributed his share to Jonah and a few others who’d come upon hard times …
“I’m broke. I usually am.”
Amazingly, she shrugged. “I don’t need much.”
“You deserve everything.”
“But all I want is you.”
“It’s easy to say that now. What happens when you’re hungry?” He turned around and stalked back toward the bed. “You’ve never been hungry, have you, Ruth?”
She narrowed her eyes. “No.”
“I have. It can get so bad, you’ll do anything for just one slice of bread. I don’t want you to have to do anything.”
“But I would. For you. For us.”
“Ruth, you don’t know how bad anything can get.”
“I have an idea.”
He went down on his knees and grabbed her arms, yanking her up against him. “No, thank God, you don’t. But I do. I’ve done anything and everything, and I won’t have that touch you.”
“It already has.”
She spoke quietly, but he felt as if she’d slapped him. Noah let her go, holding his hands, palms up, in a gesture of surrender. “You’re right. You’re only here now because of me. You almost died because of me.”
Now she grabbed him, shook him. “Stop it! That’s not what I meant. I know what you’ve done, and I don’t care. We can start over from right now.”
“I can never start over, and you have no idea what I’ve done.”
“Maybe I don’t, and I don’t want to. All I want is a chance for a life with you. I’ll go wherever you want. Just take me with you.”
“You deserve better than I can ever give you.”
“Together we can make a life.” She touched the garnet that still hung between her breasts. “This should get us started.”
After taking it off, she held the necklace out to him. Noah stared, shaking his head. “That’s yours.”
“Mine to do with as I please. We’ll sell it, and we’ll eat for a little while. At least until we get on our feet.” She jiggled the chain, and the stone danced. “Take it.”
He did, only to drop the necklace back over her head. “I can’t. I won’t have you selling a gift for some bread.”
“Let me make that decision. All of my life everyone’s been telling me what to do and when and how. Let me decide how I want to live the rest of my life. I want to live it with you. However that is.”
Face earnest, love brimming in her eyes, she waited for him to succumb to the greatest temptation of his life.
Maybe it could work. Maybe they could make it. Maybe the dream wouldn’t become a nightmare.
Maybe.
Noah shrugged and climbed back into the bed, into her arms. He never had been able to resist temptation.
Chapter Seventeen
Ruth spent the night, or perhaps it was the day, in Noah’s arms. He had ruined her, and she had ruined him. They would be no good to anyone else now. Best that they stay together.
Noah made love to her without reserve. Every touch was a thrill, every kiss a mystery, every stroke another thread binding them closer. He did not speak of love, but Ruth could wait. He was going to take her with him, and right now that was enough.
The storm blew down; the wind died. Light trickled into the cabin. It must be day—but how many days since they’d left two sheriffs and a posse behind?
Ruth experienced a pang of regret over Leon. He cared for her, said he loved her. But wouldn’t it be better to find someone who loved him in return than to continue to want from Ruth something she could never give?
She would miss Tildy and Tim, perhaps even her father in a year or two. The worst pang was Annabelle. But Noah had left Dog behind, too. Sacrifices had to be made.
Ruth shifted, and Noah’s arms tightened, pulling her closer to his chest, tucking her more securely beneath his chin. They fit together so well. She rubbed her cheek against his skin and let her mouth linger along his collarbone.
She was running off with an outlaw to Old Mexico. It was a story straight out of one of those penny dreadfuls John Banyon always carried around in his back pocket. Perhaps she’d write one of those herself. O
nce they got there.
She ought to be frightened; she was exhilarated instead. Noah would take care of her. They’d have a life, a home, a family. It was all she’d ever wanted.
Ruth tilted her head to discover him awake and studying her closely. She smiled and kissed his nose.
“What were you thinking on so seriously?” he asked.
“Life.”
“Second thoughts?”
“Not a chance.”
He looked over her head toward the window. “Storm’s over.”
“Mmm,” she agreed, running her lips over the stubble of his jaw.
“Guess we’re not going to die here, after all.”
“Did you really think we might?”
“There was that possibility.”
“Not anymore.”
“No, not anymore. Now we have all sorts of other ways we can die.”
Annoyance flashed through her. “You can try to frighten me, but it isn’t going to work. I’m going with you.”
His sigh was long-suffering. “I know.”
Ruth smacked the heel of her hand against his chest. “Don’t sound so happy about it.”
He chuckled and kissed her. “I am happy. More happy than I’ve ever been in my life.”
“On to Mexico?”
“Vámanos!” he said.
“What?”
“Let’s go! You’d better learn some Spanish.”
“Where did you learn Spanish?”
“You’d be surprised at what I know.”
“All right. Let’s start with this.” She closed her hand around the length of him. “In Spanish.”
He hissed in a breath. “I don’t think I know that word.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, anyway. Why don’t you just show me how this works.”
“You’ve got it working just fine,” he said tightly as he grew and throbbed in her palm.
“I think you’re right.”
“Ruth, we need to get a move on.”
“Yes.” She guided him where she wanted him to go. “We do.”
By the time they dressed, then packed the bedclothes and the staples in the cabinets, the sun had melted icicles all along the corners of the roof.
“Noah, look! Decorations.”
Ruth stood beneath the eaves and stared up at the shards of ice sparkling in the light. Noah yanked her out from under them. “Careful. If those fall on you, they’ll knock you senseless.” He shook his head. “Stay by me.”
Chastised, Ruth followed Noah into the barn and helped him saddle the horses. At least she knew how to do that. She could learn everything else. She would learn. She’d give Noah no reason to regret taking her with him. He’d see that she could manage whatever came. Not only would she manage it; she would conquer every obstacle and thrive.
They led the horses out of the barn. Noah scanned the horizon in every direction. There was nothing, no one. He relaxed visibly.
This morning when she’d offered her necklace again, he’d taken it, then tucked the garnet into the pocket of his pants. To Ruth, the action was almost as good as a promise.
“The storm should have held them up and covered our tracks. With luck, they won’t consider that we went south.”
“What if they do?”
“Then we’ll have to go south faster.”
They went pretty fast as it was, Ruth thought. Once again, her riding skills came in handy, but they were not good enough to keep her from being exhausted long before night threatened.
As they moved south, remnants of the storm lessened, and they could move faster still. They said little, silent with their own thoughts. But being together, knowing they would stay together, made the day special for Ruth. Every day could not be a party, a surprise, or an adventure. Some days just were, and this was one of them.
Noah shot a rabbit for dinner. They made camp in a tiny gully rimmed by rocks long after the sun died. Ruth managed to cook a meal with the few items they’d brought away from the abandoned cabin; she even managed to eat some of it before she fell asleep with her nose in her plate.
She awakened when Noah picked her up. “I can walk,” she protested.
“But you don’t have to.” He kissed her brow and deposited her on the bedroll, then moved away for a moment before crawling in beside her.
Ruth aligned her body to his. “You’re so warm.”
“You’re so beautiful.” Ruth fell asleep with a smile in her heart.
She awoke to terror in the very same place.
Three men she had never seen before stood on the other side of the fire. Ruth thought she was dreaming until they spoke.
“Lookee here,” said the man in the middle, his voice like the growl of the bear he resembled. “Seems like we hit ourselves the jackpot.”
“What are we goin’ to do with him?” asked the one on the right, his voice tinny, tiny, scared.
The great, bearish man stepped around the fire, his eyes on Noah, his hand on his gun. “I say we kill him.”
Ruth stiffened. Beneath the bedroll, Noah’s hand touched hers for just an instant; then it it was gone, but he was there, and he would take care of her. He always did.
“I say you’re right.” The little man smiled, more at ease now.
“Try not to get any blood on the girl this time.” That was the man on the left, who had not spoken yet because he’d been staring at Ruth the whole time. His voice was as slithery as the snake-mean expression in his eyes.
Tiny and Snake, as Ruth had begun to think of them, joined Bear on the near side of the fire. Ruth couldn’t take her eyes off them. This could not be happening.
Silence descended. Time slowed. After what seemed like an eternity, the bearish man smirked, bad teeth flashing amid the overgrown length of his furry beard. “Come on over here, little girl.” His hand tightened on the gun. “Now.”
Boom.
Ruth jumped as the explosion near deafened her.
Boom. Boom.
Two more bursts sounded in rapid succession.
Tiny, Bear, and Snake appeared as surprised as Ruth. They looked at Noah. So did she. Leon’s rifle had blown several holes in the bedroll.
Slowly, Ruth turned back to the three men. Blood blossomed across their chests, and they toppled like trees in a cyclone-force wind.
Bear landed across Ruth’s legs. She barely noticed his crushing weight because he wasn’t dead yet. He reached for her.
Ruth began to scream, and she couldn’t seem to stop.
Noah leaped to his feet and shoved the huge man off Ruth. Prepared to shoot him again, he breathed a sigh of relief when the body went limp. The man’s eyes rolled up as he died.
Ruth continued to scream while Noah made sure all three were dead. His heart pounded so hard and so fast that he thought he himself might expire. He’d never been so afraid. Because nothing had ever mattered so much.
Going down on his knees, Noah tried to gather Ruth into his arms. She fought him. Her eyes unfocused; she wasn’t herself. He shook her once, hard, and the screaming stopped. The staring continued.
She had blood on her neck where the bastard had touched her. The sight of it made Noah slightly ill. He grabbed a handful of snow and clenched his fist around it, relishing the sting and the burn as his skin froze, even as the snow melted.
His fingers shook as he reached toward Ruth, terrified she’d cringe from his touch, but she didn’t move at all as he smoothed away the stain with his damp, icy hand.
“Ruth? Say something. No one’s going to hurt you.” She didn’t react. He didn’t know what to do. So he took both her hands in his and begged, “Princess, please!”
She blinked. “N-Noah?”
She saw him at last, but she didn’t throw herself into his arms as if he were her hero, her savior. Instead, she drew away, staring at him as if she didn’t know him.
Because in truth she didn’t.
What she’d witnessed tonight was the real Noah. What they’d had for a few short da
ys was the dream. How could he have believed even for an instant that they might make the dream true?
“Y-you never said a word. Couldn’t you have tried to talk them out of their foolishness before you—you—?”
“You don’t talk to men like that. You shoot them before they shoot you.”
“Men like them. Wh-who were they?” Her gaze went to the bodies and stuck there. “Lawmen or outlaws?”
Noah shifted, putting himself between Ruth and the sight of what he’d done. “In situations like this, sometimes there isn’t much difference.”
“Wh-what situation?”
“A pretty girl, theirs for the taking. All they had to do was kill me.”
Confusion dropped over her face like a curtain over a window. “All they had to do? Killing a man seems like a lot to me.”
“But it would be nothing to men like them.”
Men like me.
The words dropped between them—unsaid but there nevertheless—exploding their perfect fantasy world into an imperfect reality.
Ruth began to shake. “I-I’m so c-cold, Noah.”
He wrapped her in the bedroll, trying not to react when she flinched from his touch, when she would not look him in the eye. What had he expected? That she would cuddle up to him with three dead men nearby?
Noah stoked the fire and dragged the bodies away. When he came back, Ruth stared into the fire, shivering still. He wanted to join her, to hold her and touch her and make everything all right again. But there was blood on his hands in more ways than one.
“Wh-where are they?”
He waved a stained hand in the direction of the bodies he’d covered with snow, then hunkered down on the opposite side of the fire.
“You buried them already?”
“Even if the ground wasn’t frozen solid, I’ve got no shovel. There’ll be no burying for them. Just as there’d have been no burying for us.”
“But the animals …”
“Have to eat, too.”
She winced, swallowing hard, and Noah cursed himself for his crudeness. Ruth had no idea of the realities of life, or of death, out here.
“Who were they?” Her voice shook.
Noah scrubbed his wrist across his eyes. “I have no idea.”
“They just stumbled across us in the middle of the night?”