by K. Shandwick
I felt I’d been struck with a knife when he said he’d hurt himself like that and I’d been oblivious to the event. I felt hurt and angry, but I knew I had to curb my impulse to tear into his mom about it. Frowning, I held him by his forearms. “Were you hurt anywhere else?”
Rudi hesitated then shook his head, and I shot Andrea an angry glare and bit my tongue about my feelings for fear of ruining the visit. The last thing I would do was show any behavior that made the welfare worker feel like I was a threat to Rudi.
My initial attempt at communicating with my five-year-old when all I’d had were two generic ‘Your son’s doing fine’ letters a year and second hand information from my parents, wasn’t easy, and I quickly realized the enormity of winning the confidence of a small boy who perhaps knew nothing about me.
“Hey,” I said gently, because the last thing I had wanted was any animosity between us. I had to let the past slide to move us forward for our son’s sake.
“You got what you wanted, now what?” she asked.
I glanced at Rudi to see if he was listening and when I looked back to Andrea I didn’t miss the uncertainty in the way she regarded me.
“Now, we put the past behind us, Andrea. What’s happening now isn’t about us, it’s about what we do next as both of Rudi’s parents. I don’t want to take your place or to interfere in the relationship you have with our son, I just want to get to know him and let him get to know me.
Narrowing her eyes Andrea scrutinized me like she had difficulty accepting what I’d told her and placed a hand on Rudi’s head.
“You have no idea how hard the past five years have been,” she informed me in a voice that was more familiar to how she was during the difficult times we’d shared.
“You’re right, Andrea, I don’t… but I’d have given my life for my son. Staying away was never my choice. I don’t want to argue,” I said nodding my head toward, Rudi as I shoved my hands in my pockets. “I just want to start fresh and despite what’s happened, Andrea, you can trust me never to speak ill of you to Rudi. You are his mother and that grants you my forgiveness to make Rudi’s life easier with us both.”
A look of shame passed through Andrea’s eyes as she lowered them to the ground and I figured she had a lot to think about from then on.
During our first visitation, Rudi appeared reserved but polite, not like Molly with her constant dancing, incessant chatter, and challenging mastermind standard questions. The difference troubled me. It was like he’d never had fun… or wasn’t allowed to. Molly was spontaneous whereas every move Rudi took, every comment he made, and every question he asked appeared deliberate.
After the exchange with Andrea I took Rudi off to play on a few of the inflatables and it wasn’t long before his behavior became more relaxed and he relished scoring goals at soccer against me into an inflatable goal post.
I wondered if he was worried because despite the fun he appeared to be having he never laughed aloud. I probably wouldn’t have noticed had I not been around Molly so much. I compared the two children many times during that afternoon and although I knew I shouldn’t, I couldn’t fail to because they were both my kids but I didn’t know either of them very well yet.
During the three months that followed, the visits got easier, and I almost felt sorry for Andrea as she watched Rudi slip from a one parent child to having us both. As time passed, I felt him gravitate toward me. I reminded myself that Andrea had been his disciplinarian for his whole life so it would have been easy for him to think I was the fun parent due to the unnatural environment I’d been forced into meeting him in. Strangely enough, toward the end of the three months I found myself reassuring her she’d done a good job of raising him thus far.
By the time we were due back in court the judge had decided Molly’s case could be finalized by me taking a simple DNA test. It never even occurred to me to do that after Maggie’s initial outburst because the picture and emails had said it all and I was surprised the email evidence wasn’t enough as the dates all tallied up.
I was thankful for the way it turned out because I wouldn’t have wanted to celebrate Molly being mine when Rudi’s future with me hadn’t been rubber stamped. Maybe the judge was wiser than I originally thought when he’d set the condition about Molly previously.
The day before I was due in court I submitted the DNA sample as requested and went to the studio before I went home to spend the evening with Maggie.
When I arrived home, I was surprised to see Maggie all dolled up in the hottest, clingiest dress, waiting on the front steps. She placed a hand on my chest, gave me a sexy smile and ushered me back into the car. Eamon glanced to Maggie and a knowing smirk passed between him before he drove us away.
Knowing exactly what I needed to take my mind of the events of the following day she had arranged a sneaky candlelit dinner at my parent’s place while Kathleen and my mom took care of the kids at ours. It had been the first time we’d had quality one-on-one time since George had been born because life really had been that busy.
The succulent aroma of lemongrass and Chinese spices sent hunger pangs to my stomach as soon as we opened the door of the property. Everything was set: low light, silver and flatware laid on a white linen tablecloth in the intimate setting and security of my bolt-hole.
Maggie knew me very well, for she’d taken me to my safe place to reduce my level of stress in anticipation of my vulnerable emotional state, on the eve of what was probably the most important day of my life. If things went my way, it would be a major step forward in restoring some of my damaged reputation.
Being with someone as grounded as Maggie was as effective as any therapy or pills I could have taken. There had been only one occasion where I had thought drink was the answer since I’d met her. Even then I’d felt the strength to seek seclusion rather than fall back into that trap.
Dinner was delicious, but the company was even better. Maggie was witty, and I found myself completely focused on her. It was like she had cast a spell on me where I could think of nothing else except to kiss her beautiful mouth as she told stories of her days in high school until my sides were sore from laughing so much.
Eventually it wasn’t enough to watch, and I caught her chin between my thumb and forefinger as I leaned toward her and pressed my lips to hers. “Mm, best course of the night,” I mumbled then kissed her for real. My tongue played along the seam of her lips and as they parted, it invaded the warm space inside as her tongue curved around mine.
Without breaking the kiss, I slipped my huge hands under her tight little ass, lifted her clean out the chair, and staggered blindly in the direction of the leather sofa in the den. I inhaled her scent deeply as she curled her arms around me and buried her face in my neck. An exquisite sensation ran down my spine when Maggie’s nails scratched my neck then curled up into my hair. She fisted a handful tightly as she wriggled her ass against my hands.
Oh, is that how it is?” I asked playfully as I stared into her eyes. She shrugged but didn’t say anything… she didn’t have to.
Her body heaved as her uneven breaths belied how quickly she became aroused. My cock was rock solid. She always had that effect on me. No real effort necessary. The chemistry between us was fire and ice, electricity and water. Each burning or shocking us with shivers and chills to pull at our cores.
Reaching the sofa, I spun myself around, dropped clumsily to the soft leather, and slid back on it. Maggie’s center landed directly over my erect dick and it felt good. It was pleasurable and painful at the same time. Like a bruise that aches at the slightest touch but you know the feeling can only get better.
When she rubbed herself teasingly against me I strained for greater purchase. I knew from the moment I touched her that night I’d struggle to make it slow and easy as my desperation to get inside her was too hard to control.
Within less than a minute I’d flipped her onto her back, my rough hands gliding up her smooth and silky thighs to reach nirvana. Grabbing the waistband
at each side, I frantically tugged her panties down her legs. The material creaked under the strain until I suddenly felt the strain leave them at the same time as a loud tearing sound cut into the silence between us.
Maggie broke the kiss. “Did you just rip my panties off me?” she asked, amused.
“Hush, woman, lie back and let me spread you wide. I want to look at you,” I said in a low, wicked, half whisper.
“You did not just say that!” Maggie said, chuckling.
“Wanna bet?” I joked as I hurriedly bunched her dress up around her waist and buried my face between her legs. Maggie was giggling until my tongue connected with her clit, and I heard her breath catch in her throat. “Mmm, delicious,” I mumbled playfully as I continued to languish long deliberate strokes and short teasing licks with my tongue.
Pushing my head back, Maggie sat up and reached for my belt buckle then frantically opened it quickly followed by my jeans. Her cool hand slid into the searing heat in my pants and she wrapped her fingers delicately but firmly around my cock.
She began to rise off the sofa and shoved me forcefully like she was taking charge and I knew she wanted to love me, but I couldn’t allow that… not that night. With all that had gone on and the anticipation I had contained inside I needed to take control.
Grabbing her by her wrist, I shook my head and her eyes bore into mine. A silent conversation happened between us and she understood I needed to do it my way that day.
Shrugging my jeans down my legs I pulled them and my socks off in unison then knelt before her on the sofa. Next, I gripped her by the legs bending them up toward her shoulders. My cock brushed her thigh igniting all the pent-up raw carnal feelings I’d been harboring inside.
Our eyes locked, and she smiled, the gesture melted my heart, but fueled the desire to take her to unbearable heights. I’d never looked into the eyes of someone so calm and full of desire at the same time, so I bowed my forehead to rest on hers and angled my cock just right. The way her beautiful vibrant eyes widened before her gaze grew in intensity almost ended me. My cock stretched her pussy walls as I pushed my way into her body… the feeling never got old.
No one had ever looked at me like that… not that I noticed them looking before Maggie, and no one could ever have replicated the powerful connection we had because we owned one another heart, body, and soul.
I took Maggie twice in the hour that followed. The first wasn’t sensual and giving, but rather demanding. She was as clued in as I was and gave as good as she got, her ass rose to meet each thrust. Reaching over, I pulled out a cushion, lifted her hips, and slid it underneath increasing the depth as I sank balls deep to her core. That sexual encounter took our connection to a new level.
If I was rough the first time around, the second time I took her was almost spiritual in contrast. It was slow, sensual, and sexy. I treasured her, taking her with care. I lavished her with attention and worshipped her body. Every moan, whimper, and intimate sound Maggie made tightened her hold on me like a warm blanket of love enveloping my heart, and making it an intense session for both of us.
Covered in sweat, Maggie’s face and neck glistened, her face flushed from the effort of our lovemaking. She curled up on the sofa and rested her head on my lap and she shoved her dress down her legs after we’d tidied ourselves up. The scent of our steamy session hung in the air.
“I can’t believe tomorrow could be the final decision about the kids. When I look back at the week of George’s birth, I honestly didn’t think we’d survive. I’ve learned to accept you as Molly’s dad and I’m glad you never said anything to her before. I can’t wait for tomorrow to tell her. She’s going to burst with excitement,” Maggie murmured and circled a finger around the hairs on my bare thigh.
“Hell, baby, it’s me you’ll have to watch. If the judge gives me the final nod, I may strip off my clothes and do cartwheels across the floor of the courtroom naked.”
I burst out laughing at Maggie’s don’t-even-think-about-that look and shook my head. “Maybe the press expected that of me, but I’d never do anything to jeopardize my kids from coming home.”
Maggie inhaled deeply and gave a long sigh, “One more day, Noah. Then everything’s going to be okay.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Maggie
The night I planned for Noah was designed to take his mind off the pending court hearing and it went even better than I’d expected. I was happy to see how relaxed he appeared considering what was at stake. I trusted him, but I wasn’t complacent of the pressure I knew he must have felt. I worried it may have affected his depression and because of that and his history with alcohol I removed all possibility of Noah losing control. I didn’t think he would; however, it did no harm to be mindful of his past.
By arranging a meal at his safe place, it minimized the risks of him being overwhelmed. I think Noah knew why we’d gone there and if he had an issue with that he never said, and if he did, he got past that quickly because we had a fabulous time.
It wasn’t until we were back home in bed that Noah showed any sign of uncertainty. I could tell by how restless he was that the decision of the judge played heavily on his mind. When I tried to encourage him to open up about that, he became introspective, shrugged his shoulders, and didn’t reply. He knew nothing I said would improve his chances because his future with Rudi depended on a legal decision.
Even his welfare worker had tried to reassure him he had nothing to worry about; the visits with his son had gone well, and she assured him the next step of unsupervised visits and sleepovers would feel much more natural.
However, I knew Noah would continue to err on the side of caution until the judge told him differently. He had been disappointed so many times in the past. His protective mechanism wouldn’t allow him to take anything for granted.
Supervision became a dirty word in our home and I was glad that part had come to an end. I agreed with Noah it wasn’t a natural setting for him to get to know his child in front of his estranged ex-girlfriend and with a social welfare worker hovering in the background. The good thing was he and Rudi had grown closer.
Each time Noah visited with Rudi he came home buzzing and gave me a minute by minute account of what had been said, how he felt the visit had gone and then he included comments such as which of his brothers Rudi looked like the most.
It was evident in the way he spoke about his son that his feelings had grown deeper. The brightness in his eyes coupled with how animated he was about Rudi, warmed my heart and I saw true happiness in his smile. It gave me a glimpse of the man he was before all the sorrow had affected him and that made my heart ache for all he’d gone through.
As I got to know Rudi through Noah, I became excited for his visits to our home and prayed the kids all got along when the time came. I wasn’t surprised when he expressed some concerns about Rudi’s personality because he was very accustomed to Molly and the way she interacted. However, from what he told me I wasn’t worried, and I explained that sometimes boys were less forward than girls, especially at that age.
Being a schoolteacher, I had dealt with more than a few quirky behaviors from very young children and then reminded him that Molly had been given a lot more input with her communication due to my training. If I compared her to other kids her age, she appeared streets ahead.
I had envisioned more strain between Noah and I after we found out about Shona and the secret she’d kept hidden. My immediate reaction to her news devastated me and I reacted both irrational yet completely appropriate at the same time given the circumstances.
When Noah asked me to forgive him, I became rational and felt there was nothing for me to forgive. How could I blame him when he had been ignorant to Shona’s decision to keep Molly’s existence to herself? I apportioned more blame to her for not telling me the facts and Noah could hardly take responsibility for something he knew nothing about.
Since the night we’d ironed it out, I had ignored the press and pushed my anger at Shon
a to the back of my mind. I was surprised at how quickly our relationship appeared stronger than ever, despite the pressure Noah was under from his management, his band, the family courts, and trying to form a proper relationship with Rudi.
He coped amazingly considering all of that, and at home Noah remained the even-tempered, patient man I had known him to be since I had first met him. Sometimes I would lie and stare at him in bed wondering how this ordinary man I lived with had ever lived his life to excess. Then I’d look at how handsome he was, how amazing he was as a musician, and how sexy and charming he could be… then it wasn’t difficult to imagine at all… and sometimes that part frightened me, and my insecurities would creep in.
There were times I’d listen to him on the phone with his bandmates, with the language and banter they had, and it would leave me chuckling heartily or in awe when he’d discuss his ideas, or a song he had written. It was there I knew how exceptional he was compared to other men. And then there were some occasions when he’d say something to me on the fly and it left me… breathless.
On the odd occasion I felt like I didn’t know him at all because I had never seen the excesses of the rock star lifestyle he’d led because his band hadn’t done much since I’d met him. There was one thing I did know for sure; Noah had grown happier in the time that I’d known him. It made me think when Noah said how much he loved being with me and added his break from the band was the first time in years he’d had the opportunity to think for himself.
Apart from when George and the guys dropped by, Noah Haxby, the front man from Fr8Load, never made a personal appearance in our home. Instead I had the gentle but strong family man who was fantastic with Molly and George. Molly adored him, and I reconciled myself with what I’d learned from Shona’s emails because when choosing to accept Noah as Molly’s father, I was certain I could never have found anyone better.