by Sarah Price
In truth, she was starting to feel cheated. Here in Amish country, everyone knew where they belonged. There was no doubt about the present or future. The work was rewarding, the rewards satisfying, and the satisfaction endless. "Aren't you ever curious?"
"Ja vell, maybe when I was younger," he admitted, his eyes still sparkling at her. "Now, I'm content."
They drove on, Emanuel telling her about the few years of his youth when his teacher lived on his father's farm. "Her family was from another district, too far for her to travel everyday. So, throughout the year, she lived with us. I was so glad when she got married and they hired another teacher, one of our neighbor's daughters. It's hard to have any fun with your teacher always nearby."
He paused the horse at the bottom of a hill. In the pastures nearby, a colt raced eagerly around its mother. Two small Amish girls, obviously sisters for they looked identical even from the road, sat a safe distance away, watching the beautiful scene. One of the children, the smaller of the two, held a fistful of daisies in her hand. The other girl, dressed in a plain pink dress with a patterned apron covering the front, plucked another flower that grew near to where she sat and handed it to her younger sister to add to her collection.
"It's so peaceful," Shana declared, seeing the land in a different shade of bright. "There are no problems out here."
Emanuel glanced at her. She stared out of the side window, her dark eyes glowing. "We do our work and follow the church rules," he replied, still watching her. "But we are people first, Shana. Everyone has some problems."
"If only we had your problems," she said softly, her eyes momentarily glazing over causing him to wonder what she was thinking. Then, her inner spell lifted, she looked over her shoulder at him and smiled, "If only the rest of the world was at peace with itself the way the Amish are."
As they approached the farm, they both fell silent again. The sun was setting over the neighbor's cornfields, casting beautiful red rays over the quilted land. The neighbor, just returning to his farm from a day in the fields, waved from behind six mules. Emanuel and Shana waved back. "That's Jacob Hostetler. He comes over every once in a while to visit. After the spring planting, anyway. And during harvest, he often helps my daed since his fields are not as large."
Emanuel stopped the horse outside of Shana's house. He helped her out of the buggy and walked her toward the door. For a brief moment, they both smiled shyly at each other. Neither spoke at first, Shana wishing she could find the words to thank him for forgiving her Englischer ways. But, too embarrassed to speak what came to her tongue, she finally reached for the door.
"Thank you for my buggy ride," she said at last.
Emanuel took a step backward, thrusting his hands into his pockets again. "Shana, if you really want to learn about the Amish, perhaps you'd accompany us tomorrow to my grandparents' farm. I believe Mamm had intended on asking if you'd like to go."
Shana's face lit up. To accompany the Lapp's to the grandparents' was certainly an honor most "Englische" people would rarely have. "I would love to, Emanuel. That sounds like a lot of fun."
The horse neighed loudly, shaking her head and stamping her feet, too impatient to stand around for idle chatter. "Be ready about eleven then," he said. He hesitated before quickly adding, "If you'd like, you can ride with me." Then, he took the horse's reins and lead Lucky Monday away, pausing to spare her a final wave from the edge of the cow barn.
Shana opened the door to her house, feeling warm and pleased with herself. You've made a good friend in Emanuel, she told herself as she hung her hat up on a hook in the wall. Standing in the doorway, she stared outside at the cow paddock. Already Jonas was milking the cows with the help of Samuel and David, his two younger sons. She could see Steve and Daniel walking from the horse shed toward the dairy barn, waving at Emanuel as he unharnessed the horse from the buggy. She watched them for several minutes before, content and happy, Shana shut the door.
For a moment, she looked around the plain room, seeing nothing but the memories from the ride back to the farm. The schoolhouse waiting patiently for the return of the local children, the young colt racing across the field after its mother, Emanuel's eyes lighting up as he reached back into his memory to share his past life with her. Finally, Shana's eyes lingered on the book, still resting on the kitchen counter. She picked it up and leafed through several pages. This book, she realized, came so close to ruining the friendship that developed. Too close, she corrected, allowing her thoughts to linger on Emanuel before, taking a deep breath, she set the ill-fated book in the garbage.
Chapter Four
The backyard of the grandparents' house resembled an elementary school yard at recess more than a family picnic. The younger children, mostly grandchildren and a few great-grandchildren, chased each other around the yard, laughing and playing. Most of the children were dressed in similar clothing, the girls in simple homemade dresses and the boys in black-suspendered pants and a simple blouse. Yet, even in their simplicity, they stood out with the vivacious colors, blues, purples, or rich greens, of their dresses or shirts.
Shana gave up trying to count them, finally settling on thirty or more, if she included the older girls who stood around the back porch watching. Turning to Katie, Shana asked, more out of disbelief and amazement, "Are all of those children your nieces and nephews?"
Katie stared at the Englischer girl, the Amish woman's large, sorrowful eyes hidden behind her plain, wire-brimmed glasses, as she replied curtly, "Ja, some. Ana and Lea's families couldn't make it today. And Steven's are too far." Katie brushed past Shana and disappeared into the house where the other women were already busy in the kitchen preparing the midday meal.
Shana stood by herself in the shade of the large tree, watching the children for a while. The ride had taken almost an hour. Young David and Samuel had ridden in the back of Emanuel's buggy, their two older sisters having ridden with their parents, and Daniel rode along with Steve.
The long journey had lacked the fun of the previous evening's ride since Emanuel hadn't pointed out sights for her or shared his memories. Instead, he drove Lucky Monday in silence, his back straight and his eyes focused ahead, as though setting an example for his ten and eight year old brothers. But Shana had enjoyed Emanuel's soothing presence, if nothing else. The younger boys had chattered happily in the back, mostly in Deitsch, while they shyly waved at the thrilled tourists who drove behind the buggy along the winding country roads.
Shana had worn a black, sleeveless dress with a crisp, white shirt underneath and she had French braided her hair away from her face, trying to look as inconspicuous as she could. But she still felt out of place among the plain Amish people. They stared at her, probably in disapproval of her dress, and occasionally, Shana heard someone repeating her name as they passed on what they knew of the background of Jonas Lapp's live-in Englische guest.
"Wie gehts?" someone called out in a deep, demanding voice. Shana saw an old man with a long, white beard hobbling toward her with the assistance of a thick, wooden cane. He stopped before her, planting his feet wide apart as he stared her over, his gruff nature unable to hide the kindness in his twinkling blue eyes. "Don't look very Amish to me!" he snapped, his bare upper lip twitching slightly.
"My name's Shana Slater."
"That sounds like a Hollywood name!"
Shana laughed. "I can assure you it isn't."
He shut one eye, still staring her over. "You the Englischer from Jersey? The restaurant worker, ja?"
Shana glanced over his shoulder, hoping to catch Sylvia or Emanuel's attention. Unfortunately, no escape was in sight. "Yes, sir." Faced by the demanding old man, Shana forced a smile as she said, "And, let me guess. You must be Jonas' father."
"That I am. And all those young’ns you been staring at out are my grandchildren. The whole herd of them and there's more! What do you think about that, Englischer?"
Shana glanced back at the children before answering slowly, "I'd say you're one very lucky ma
n, although it must be difficult to remember all their names."
This time, the old man laughed, clapping her good-naturedly on the back. "I'd say you're right!" Then, his eyes still twinkling, he limped over to join a group of older men with gray beards by the picnic table set in the yard.
Alone again, Shana wandered inside the house. The women busied themselves with the preparation of the midday meal. They spoke softly to each other, mostly gentle requests for help rather than actual conversation. No one noticed Shana as she tried to help. Each woman had her own job to do, setting plates of food on the table, heating up pies in the oven, or shucking corn on the porch. The younger women, once out of the disapproving sight of their elders, chattered happily among each other, mostly in Deitsch, enjoying their time among friends and family, even as they worked.
Frustrated, Shana retreated outside. The men stood together, talking about the unusually good weather they were having that summer and where the next Sunday's worship service was being held. The smaller children played in the yard with a small kitten. And the group of young girls had disappeared. Having no one to talk to, Shana drifted toward the enormous garden. By herself, she admired the fine plants, wishing she knew something about gardening, or anything for that matter, that might affiliate her into these people's lives.
Feeling as though she shouldn't have been so eager to accept Emanuel's invitation, Shana sat down on the grass and rested her head on her knees. She was getting homesick. Homesick for her parents, her friends, even the people from work. Yet, no one had appeared too upset about her leaving for so long and Shana reassured herself that they weren't sitting home at nights, missing her. Suddenly, she felt like crying, hating the loneliness she felt.
"Bored?"
Shana glanced up, not surprised and a little thankful, to see Emanuel hovering over her. "I have a lot on my mind."
"Anything to share?"
Shana shook her head. "Nothing more than problems at work. Boring stuff," she said with a sad smile.
His knees cracked as he knelt beside her and began plucking at the grass. "Saw you met my grandfather."
Shana smiled at him. "He's a character, huh?"
"Ja! He is that. Got married when he was eighteen to my grandmother and they had thirteen children. Four of them died young. Can't imagine so many children." Emanuel laughed, nudging Shana with his arm. When he saw her cheeks flush with color, he sobered and continued, "Several years ago, he lost part of his foot in an accident."
She had noticed the grandfather's limping with the cane but hadn't thought anything of it. She didn't know what to say in response, especially after their conversation earlier that week about Emanuel's finger. After a brief hesitation, she replied, "Certainly is bound to make a person strong."
Emanuel stuck a piece of grass into his mouth. "He liked you. He likes anyone that can make him laugh." They both fell silent again. Shana's thoughts raced to her family and friends, the sadness returning to her eyes. "Are you homesick, Shana?"
Torn from her thoughts, Shana sighed. "It's tough to be far away from friends and family."
His gaze steady, Emanuel softly replied, "Now you have friends and family here."
She laughed good-naturedly at his comment. "I'm not so sure they'd think of me in those endearing terms." Shana tossed a small pebble into the garden. It rolled next to a ripe watermelon. Aware that Emanuel was still looking at her, she met his gaze and was surprised at the concern in his eyes. "I'm an outsider in your world, Emanuel. I don't understand your traditions or customs or where I belong." As she spoke, she realized that she was sorry that she had come, not because she didn't fit in but because she felt as though she almost wanted to belong. "I'm not a little kid that can race around the yard or a young girl that can hang around in gossiping groups. But I'm not married so I feel awkward around the women. Certainly the men don't want me around."
He laid his hand on her arm and, to Shana's surprise, she felt comforted. "You'll find your place, Shana. In the meantime, forget about fitting in and just have a good time, ja?" was his simple solution. The warmth of his gentle grip and the sincerity behind these words touched her.
With a smile, Emanuel stood up and reached down to help her stand. Taking a hold of his hand, Shana noticed his hesitation as he clutched hers. He stared at her, his crystal blue eyes warm and inviting. For a brief moment, his lips parted as though he wanted to say something else. But he said nothing and merely released her hand.
In silence, they walked back to the farm and separated. Shana attempted to help in the kitchen again, this time succeeding after she clung to Katie's side until, to get the Englische woman out of their way, someone found something for Shana to do. Satisfied that she had made her point clear, Shana spent the next hour seated on the porch, helping some of the young Amish wives peel potatoes for the midday meal. She listened intently as they talked to each other, sometimes slipping into Deitsch before they remembered Shana's presence and switched back to English. Yet, they did not draw her into their conversations, much to Shana's disappointment. Still, Shana had managed to feel useful, if nothing else.
Shortly after one, the food was spread out on a blue and white checked tablecloth that covered the kitchen table. Shana stood in the corner, out of the way of the women as they tried to hurry the men inside before everything got cold. She surveyed the table, amazed at the quantity of food that would feed almost sixty people that afternoon. There were homemade sausages, fresh beans, a steaming plate full of fresh corn on the cob, and half a dozen garden and pasta salads. Everything, she realized, was the result of their hard work as well as their love of the land.
Before the meal, Grandfather Lapp said a prayer in Deitsch over the food. Then, as the youngest children, eager to eat, single filed past the table, the young girls began to sing a chant like song in German. Soon, everyone was moving about the table, singing the song as they helped the young children dish their food before dishing their own. Shana listened to the sound, smiling to herself when the men joined in with their deep voices that overshadowed the women. Looking around the room, she noticed that everyone sang, from the small children to Grandfather Lapp.
Shana waited until she saw Katie standing in line. Katie smiled and gestured for Shana to join her. Though surprised, Shana felt comfort in her sincere smile and hurried to the older woman's side. Then, as Shana stood next to Katie, the Amish woman handed her one of the plastic plates that she had brought from home for her family. Touched, Shana took the plate and thanked her, her heart beating quickly as it warmed inside her chest.
For the first time, Shana felt as though she belonged. Maybe not belonged, she quickly corrected herself. But she did not feel like a complete outsider to the Lapp family. When she caught Emanuel's eye, she smiled and held his gaze. For a long moment, they stared at each other. Her own smile slowly faded as she realized that he had been watching her, not just for several minutes but ever since she had left him outside. And he had certainly seen the exchange between Katie and her. Shana would have thought him pleased but her smile was returned with a solemn look that disappeared only when he averted his gaze, as though afraid that someone would notice their silent communication.
Shana continued watching him for a minute. If the smile had faded from her face, it now faded from her heart. She had been so proud of herself, finding a small niche in his world. She had thought Emanuel would share her pride. A frown crossed her face. Emanuel had wanted her to fit in and she had, not just for herself, but for him, too. She wondered if he sensed that and if his solemnity came from disappointment. She had truly been curious about the Amish but now, she found herself admitting, that curiosity was more about him. When Emanuel finally disappeared outside with the men, Shana bowed her head, ashamed at her feelings.
After everyone finished eating, Shana helped the women clean up. There were dishes to be washed, food to put away, tables to be wiped down. Quietly, Shana did as she was instructed, shooing the younger children outside to play while the women c
leaned the kitchen. She had noticed how the children had lost their shyness around her. Instead, it had been replaced with curiosity and they had started to get underfoot, especially when Shana teased them and would lean over to tickle the youngest ones. But, with so much work to take care of, the children their place was outside and Shana was needed in the kitchen.
When everything was cleaned up and put away, the women sat down to gossip. To Shana's surprise, Ana motioned for her to join them. "You enjoying your stay here, Shana?" Ana asked when Shana sat down. Ana’s head was bowed over a crisp white pillowcase that she was cross-stitching.
"When I'm not working," Shana replied.
Melinda, Katie's mother, leaned over, placing a strong hand on Shana's arm. "And what kind of work was that?"
"I manage a restaurant."
"A restaurant, I see."
"Mamm, did you hear about the Isaac’s?" Sarah, one of Katie's sister-in-laws, asked. "Their youngest just died."