by Teresa Roman
I heard the rage and shame in his voice. I imagined it was hard enough being the product of rape, but I remembered that Devin had told me that witches and shapeshifters were enemies. That must have made it a million times worse.
“Do you change into . . . something?” I asked. Not that it mattered, he could turn into freakin’ Godzilla and it wouldn’t change the way I felt about him.
“No. Although, I’ve never tried—and I never will.”
“Do you know the man who attacked your mother, or anything about him?” I couldn’t even imagine how horrible coming face to face with the man who raped your mother would be, but he was Devin’s father, and I imagined there had to be some curiosity on both their ends. Although maybe he didn’t even know he’d fathered a child.
“No. My mother said he was punished by his clan after they learned of what he did. He died before I was born. But when my mother gave birth, his clan claimed I belonged to them. As a child, more than one shapeshifter showed up at my home hoping to take me with them, saying that I should be raised as a shifter, not a witch. Shapeshifters aren’t solitary creatures, they seek each other out, and I suppose it bothers my father’s family that I want nothing to do with them,” Devin said, his voice bitter.
“I’m sure a part of them understands why you feel the way you do.”
“I don’t care whether or not they understand,” Devin said, reaching out to tuck a few stray hairs behind my ear. He held his hand in place, cupping my cheek. I looked into his eyes. “Remember the first time we kissed?” I nodded, and he continued. “I didn’t even ask if it was what you wanted. I took from you without your permission.”
“I dreamt about kissing you for a long time before that, but I thought you didn’t see me that way,” I said. “That kiss was the only thing I could think about all night.”
“Earlier, when you were kissing me and touching me I wanted to tear your clothes off. I wanted to make you mine. It took everything in my power to stop myself. What does that say about me?”
“I might not know that much about guys, but I’m pretty sure you’re not the only one that’s ever felt that way. The important thing is, you did stop yourself, you didn’t do anything that I didn’t want you to do.”
“And I never will, Lilli. I’d rather die than hurt you.” Devin stood, and I wrapped my arms around him. After a moment, I felt the tension leave his body.
I lifted my head to look into his eyes, which seemed to glow even in the darkened room. “Are you okay?”
He nodded, dropped his arms from around me, and reached for my hand. I followed him back to bed. “You’re taking this better than I thought you would. I was afraid of what you’d think of me, that you’d change your mind about us.”
“Why would I do that? What happened to your mother isn’t your fault. It’s not her fault, either.”
“Witches look down on shapeshifters. They’re not supposed to have babies together. It’s like I said before, I should’ve never been born.”
“And like I said before—don’t say that.”
“After I realized that your father was human, I began to wonder if that’s what made you so intriguing to me. Half-human isn’t exactly the same as half-shifter, but it’s the closest I’ve come to finding someone else like me.”
“So if my father was a witch, instead of human, you wouldn’t have been interested?” I asked, trying to hide my disappointment. I was hoping there was a different reason Devin had fallen for me.
“Of course not,” Devin said. “My feelings for you have nothing to do with us both being half-breeds and everything to do with the fact that both inside and out you are the strongest, most courageous woman I have ever laid my eyes on.”
“Hey.” I shoved him playfully. “Who are you calling a half-breed?”
Devin chuckled. After his laughter faded, we lay in each other arms silently. He traced his fingers up and down my arm.
“What are you thinking?” he asked in response to my silence.
“Rayden and my mother seemed so okay with the two of us being together. Why do you think that is?”
“Because they’re different, they’re more open minded than most. And Rayden and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. He’s like a brother to me. It’s not every witch that sees shapeshifters as inferior. Some even believe that way of thinking is wrong, but a lot of witches don’t. They think witches are better than all other beings, and the more powerful the witch, the higher they’re held in esteem.” He paused. “If . . . I mean when we go home to the Wilds, people will talk. They’ll want to know how you can let me touch you knowing what I am.”
“About that . . .” The thought of going to the Wilds had begun to lose its appeal over the past few days. I wasn’t sure I was ready to deal with the hazards that came with life there. “I was thinking that after this whole thing with Zoran is over, maybe we could stay here for a while longer. We don’t have to go back to Crescent City. We can go somewhere more interesting.”
“I was hoping to bring you home to meet my parents and my brother.”
“You told me you left home because you wanted to explore the world, but that wasn’t the real reason, was it? You were treated like an outsider in the Wilds. That’s why you left.”
“Yes, but . . .”
“Why would you want to go back to that?”
“My family doesn’t treat me that way. Tibor has always treated me like I’m truly his son. I miss him, and the rest of my family, too. The only reason my parents told me the truth about how I came to be born was because they were afraid I’d find out some other way; they wanted to be the ones to tell me. And . . . truthfully, not everyone is unkind. It’s just a few people, the ones that believe witches are better than every other creature in the world.”
“I guess I never realized it was that important to you.”
Devin kissed the top of my head. “You know what? It’s late, we can talk about this some other time. After you, my lovely flower, get some sleep.”
*
Morning came too quickly. I would’ve liked to sleep late, but Devin insisted that we had too much to do. We spent the day trying to free my magic from whatever spell my mother had cast on it.
Fatigued and irritable, I grew despondent after a while. “Maybe my mother was wrong,” I said. “Maybe I had no magic to begin with, or maybe she cast another spell after we left her.”
“No. That’s not it. You need to stop thinking about all these maybes and focus.”
But the more I tried, the more frustrated I became, and the more frustrated I became, the harder it was to clear my head. Every time I closed my eyes, my thoughts came crashing down on me. I wished I could give my mother a piece of my mind. Binding my powers had been a bad idea, and leaving me in the dark about everything had been, too. She should have found a way to warn me and let me know about Zoran.
“Maybe this just isn’t meant to be,” I finally said.
“Yes. It is. But you have to believe in yourself.”
“Can’t we try something else? How about teaching me to teleport on my own or letting me try to bewitch someone. Who knows how long we’ll be on the run? Eventually we’ll run out of money. Maybe it’s time I try using my powers to get us some free meals.” I knew I sounded bratty, which only made me even more disappointed in myself than I already was.
“Again with maybes, Lilli? I’m not hanging our lives on them. After Zoran is out of the picture, I can teach you whatever you want to learn,” Devin said. “But right now, neither bewitching nor teleporting are going to get us out of the trouble we’re in.”
I knew he was right, but knowing that and being able to do what I needed to were two different things. Long after Devin said it was time to quit and go back to our room, I insisted that I wanted to keep trying.
Finally, I gave up and let him talk me into getting dinner and going back to the hotel.
The next morning, Devin announced that we should head for Texas. I didn’t even bother
asking him how he’d decided on Texas of all places. I figured it had more to do with how far away it was from San Diego than anything else. The plan was to stop in San Antonio, where I would keep trying to find a way into my mother’s head. I wondered how long it would take for Devin to give up on his plan and think of something else. I didn’t like that we had no Plan B, or at least not one that he shared with me.
The drive was awful. I missed the towering redwoods of Northern California. It felt like the only trees we passed were palms, and even those were few and far between. Mostly all we saw was dust and dirt. It was a long drive, longer than the one from Crescent City to San Diego. Devin and I took turns driving, stopping only to eat and fuel the car. It was almost the next morning by the time we checked into a hotel in San Antonio.
We slept most of the day. By late afternoon we dragged ourselves out of bed and headed outside in search of food. The air was thick with humidity, something I’d never experienced before. It felt like we were wading through the streets, rather than walking, and all I wanted to do was hurry and find somewhere air conditioned to escape the oppressive heat.
“What about that place?” I pointed toward a noodle shop.
Devin didn’t reply. His attention was on something else. He stopped walking and turned his head slowly from side to side. He sniffed the air and then grabbed my hand.
“What’s wrong?”
“Coming here was a mistake.” He pulled me behind him back in the direction of the hotel. “We need to get out of here.”
Chapter 25
“What? Why?”
I glanced over my shoulder to see if I could figure out what had spooked Devin. All I could see was a man pressing a woman against the wall as he groped her. They needed a room more than we did and were the ones who should’ve been running back towards the hotel. Then the man turned his head in my direction and I realized he was no man. He was a demon— his eyes gave him away. Something dark rolled off him like an invisible wave of evil that shook my insides. The woman he was with seemed perfectly human, though. For a moment, I was tempted to tell her to run, but Devin yanked my hand.
“What are you doing?” he whispered. “Let’s go.”
Back in our room, Devin made a point of double-checking that he’d locked the door behind us before stuffing clothes into our bags.
“This place is rife with demons,” he said. “The air is heavy with their sick smell of ash and rotting flesh. I should’ve known. They’re attracted to vice and I’ve heard that human cities are full of it.”
“San Diego is a bigger city than this one, and you never complained about demons there,” I protested.
Devin stopped what he was doing and just stood there as if he was contemplating what I’d just said. “Maybe it’s the time of day. Still, I don’t want to take any chances, we should go.”
“We just got here.”
“I don’t care.” He raked a hand through his hair.
“You’re overreacting,” I said. I could tell the stress of the past week was getting to him, but there was no way I was getting back in the car again. Not without dinner and not until we’d had at least a full day without driving. “There’s bound to be demons anywhere else we go, too. Besides, lover boy downstairs was obviously not here looking for us.”
“He might not have been here on Zoran’s order, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a danger to us,” Devin muttered.
“I don’t even think he saw us.” The demon had only glanced at us briefly, and he’d obviously had his hands full at the time.
I took Devin’s hand. “We don’t need to leave this room. We can order room service, and if by morning you sense trouble, we’ll leave, no questions asked.”
Devin hesitated before nodding his head in agreement. He pulled me into his arms and planted a kiss on the top of my head.
To my relief, by the next afternoon, Devin admitted he was glad he’d listened to me. We stayed in San Antonio for another two days, but spent most of it inside in our small hotel room. I was starting to get a serious case of cabin fever, and my agitation did nothing to help with the focus I so desperately needed to reach out to my mother.
Our next stop was Kansas City, which turned out to be nothing like I’d imagined. For some reason I pictured The Wizard of Oz in my mind as we drove there, but Kansas City was a big city, too, and not actually in the state of Kansas, at least not the part we went to; it was in Missouri.
We could have been anywhere, though; truthfully, the weight of life on the run was beginning to wear on us both. Every day, Devin seemed more and more on edge. I felt like I had to beg him to get into bed next to me at night. He claimed he wasn’t tired, but I knew from the look on his face that the real reason he wasn’t sleeping was because he was trying to figure out what we should do next. It was starting to become clear that Devin’s plan to get in contact with my mother wasn’t going to work.
After two uneventful days in Kansas City, it was time to get moving again. Devin wanted to remain a step ahead of Zoran, which meant he didn’t want to stay in any place longer than a few days at a time, hoping that that would make it impossible to find us even with a locator spell.
I woke up early the day we were supposed to leave to find Devin already dressed.
“So where to today?” I asked.
“I thought you said you’d rather not know.”
“I changed my mind.” Yesterday, in a burst of frustration, I’d told Devin not to tell me where we were going next. If we were stuck in a hotel room practically the entire time, it hardly mattered if we were in Miami or Washington, DC.
“Chicago. It’s a shorter drive and a big enough city that we can easily get lost in the crowd.” Devin walked over to me, snaked his arms around my waist and showered me with soft kisses, first on my forehead, then my cheeks and then the tip of my nose. “We’re not leaving until after we eat breakfast.”
My phone rang and Devin reached behind me to grab it from the dresser.
I took the phone from him. “It’s Katy. I’ll call her back later. I’m not really in the mood for talking right now,” I said as I pressed the silence button.
“And I’ll be back as quickly as I can with some breakfast.” Devin picked up his key card, and stuffed it into his back pocket before leaving.
A few minutes later, Katy called again.
It was strange for her to call back to back like that. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Trying to keep my hand steady, I put the phone to my ear.
“Lilli.” Katy’s voice trembled. “Where are you?”
I froze with fear. Something was definitely wrong.
“I told you, I’m in Portland.” I made my voice as convincingly cheery and confident as I could, even though I knew it was a wasted effort.
She whispered to someone. “Lilli’s in Portland, just like I told you she was.”
The next voice I heard on the phone wasn’t hers. “I know you’re not in Portland.” The man’s gravelly voice was laced with poorly hidden impatience. “But you’re going to tell me where you are, aren’t you?”
“Who is this?” I asked, my voice quivering with fear.
The man on the other end of the phone laughed. “I’m a friend of your mother’s.” His tone grew more serious. “I asked you to tell me where you are, and you will tell me, now.” In the background I heard my aunt cry out.
“What are you doing to her?”
“Tell me where you are and I’ll stop.”
“Please don’t hurt her,” I pleaded.
“I will ask one last time. Tell me where you are or your aunt’s screams will only get louder.”
“What do you want with me anyway?”
“I have been tasked to find you. There is someone who wants very much to meet you and see you with his own eyes.”
“You mean Zoran?” I asked.
I could almost picture the smirk on his face as he said, “Smart girl. Now my patience is nearing its end. It’s such a shame that your aunt has to b
e involved in any of this. She really is very beautiful.” The lurid insinuation made my skin crawl. “Is it really worth it, getting your aunt mixed up in this when all Zoran wants is to talk to you?”
Talk? That was all Zoran wanted to do? Or at least that’s what this creep he sent to look for me claimed. And even if it wasn’t true, what choice did I have? I refused to let anything happen to Katy, and I was tired of hiding, tired of driving for hours on end every few days, and tired of ruining Devin’s life. He’d given up so much for me, and although he never complained, I could see the toll it was taking on him. The time had come for me to end this chase.
“Fine. I’ll tell you where I am, as long as you promise to leave my aunt alone.” I had no real leverage, but I felt compelled to at least try to ensure that Katy would be okay. “And you need to use your magic to smooth things over with her. I don’t want her remembering whatever it is you did to get her to call me. Make her think you’re the cable guy or something.”
“No tricks,” he warned. “If you lead me in the wrong direction, I’ll turn right back around to your aunt’s house and start again where I left off.”
“I’m in Kansas City, Missouri.” I gave him the name of the hotel and the room number. He asked what street the hotel was on and I told him.
Then I heard whispers in the background. It was the man’s voice and Katy’s, but I couldn’t make out their words. A minute later, Katy came back on the line. “Lilli!” She sounded as if she didn’t expect to hear my voice on the other end of the phone. “Are you and Devin back from your trip yet?”
The fear in her was voice gone, which was all I needed to hear.
No matter what wound up happening to me, it was worth it, because Katy was going to be fine. “No Katy, not yet. I just called to say hi and see how you were doing. But I really need to get going. I’ll call you in a few days, okay.”
“Sure, of course, that sounds perfect.”
The instant I hung up, I thought of Devin, who was probably on his way back with breakfast. When he returned, I’d be gone, and he’d be left wondering what had happened to me. He deserved to know. I rummaged through the bedside table in search of a pen and some paper.