The weekend passed quickly and Bebe enjoyed spending time with Dylan whenever she could. He said he was starting a new job as a bagger in a grocery store when he returned to school. Bebe encouraged him to check at the student union to find on-campus Bible studies and Christian groups to plug into, and he said that he would.
They went their separate ways on Monday; Neil and Bebe to her mom’s and Dylan to his friend’s pool party. She made him promise that he would come home long enough to say good-bye before he drove back on Monday night. Bebe breathed a sigh of relief when her mother said that her brother Bobby had left town for the weekend and wouldn’t be there. Everyone wanted to know if she’d heard how Scott was doing. She and Neil left the cookout early so they could be home when Dylan came by to pack up his clothes and go back to school. It was still hard to say good-bye to him, and she made him promise to request time off for Scott’s graduation in October. Dylan said that he had made that stipulation when they hired him, and the store was willing to let him have the time off to support his brother.
After he drove away, she straightened his room, which left her missing him more. She’d made him promise to call when he arrived, since he’d gotten a late start, and the phone startled her awake two hours later. He was safe and sound, and said he’d had a fun weekend at home. He even said, “Love you, Mom.”
Later in the week, there was another brief letter from Scott, and while Bebe was happy to get it, she again sensed that he was distant. Different. He mentioned that Rain had written, and that he’d heard from Uncle Bobby again.
Bebe sank into a chair at the kitchen table with the letter in her hand and stared at the words. There were several reasons why Bobby would write to Scott, and not all of them were for encouragement and support. Some reasons were bitter and selfish. He still had ghosts following him from his tour of duty, and from his homecoming, and a grudge that he continued to nurse. Perhaps he was entitled, if it brought him some comfort. But her part in it was exaggerated, and he wouldn’t let it go. It overshadowed every family gathering, whether Bobby was there or not. She wondered if he realized that his bitterness could affect Scott’s morale.
Bebe had ghosts, too. Some that he and the family knew nothing about and never would. But she owed it to her son to try to exorcise this one.
She picked up her stationery and addressed the letter to Scott. She began, “I don’t know if you’re aware that your Uncle Bobby has suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder and that he has a problem with substance abuse. He was drafted into the army at a very difficult time in America. Please share with me what he wrote.”
Rain spent Saturday afternoon with Jude. She brought Thai takeout for their lunch, but the strong flavors proved to be too much for Jude’s queasy stomach. It had never occurred to Rain that her mother might have a problem with her once-favorite food, and she felt like a bad daughter. She offered to pick up something else, but Jude said that she wasn’t hungry.
Jude gave some vague reason for William’s absence, giving Rain the impression that she either didn’t believe him or was angry. She was up and around, looking thin and wan, wearing a stylish velour pantsuit, with her thinning hair tucked under a soft turban.
They watched a documentary about the effects of global warming on the penguin population and surfed the channels for news. They made small talk, and finally Rain asked her mother how she was doing. Jude settled back into the corner of the couch and dismissed the topic of her health as hardly worth mentioning.
“So,” she asked Rain, “what news on the dating front?”
Rain swirled her iced tea. “Not much. I went to a concert with a coworker.” She shrugged. “It was nice, but there’s nothing there. We probably won’t go out again.”
Jude chuckled. “Since when does there have to be ‘something there’ to go out with a man? I certainly never made that part of the criteria.”
Rain lowered her eyes and answered, “That was you, Mother. I’m more . . . discerning.”
“Discerning? Why, are you looking for a husband?” Jude had obviously meant it as a joke, but it fell flat, and she said, “You are looking for a husband.”
“No,” Rain said. “I am not looking for a husband. I just meant that I don’t enjoy going out with someone just to . . . to . . . ” Rain realized she had to tread carefully here. “If it’s not someone I really enjoy being with, I’d rather be home.”
“Home with Moses, or Elijah, or whatever that vicious cat’s name is.”
“Noah.”
“How did you ever let Bebe talk you into naming him after some dusty Bible character?”
“He came with the name. He was rescued from a drainage ditch—”
“Yes, yes, I remember. The point is, you’re a beautiful, capable woman and you shouldn’t be sitting at home with the cat. You should be out spreading your wings, so to speak. Taking charge of your sexuality.”
“Mother.” Rain looked at Jude, exasperated. “Can we change the subject, please?”
“All right, how is Hayden?”
Rain narrowed her eyes at Jude.
“Well, if you’re not going to tell me anything, I have to ask.” Jude ran her finger around the rim of her glass. “I’ll bet Bebe knows everything.”
Rain stood and held out her hand for Jude’s empty glass. “No, she doesn’t.” It was true—she hadn’t seen Bebe in days. Jude handed over the glass and she refilled it in the kitchen.
She didn’t want her mother to feel slighted, so when she returned with the freshened drink, she added, “Hayden and I had a disagreement, and it’s something neither one of us will give in about. And that’s all I’m going to say.”
Jude lifted a hand of dismissal while she took a sip. “How’s your job going? This seems like the perfect time to go back to law school. You have plenty of time on your hands.”
Rain shook her head and laughed. “I am perfectly satisfied being a paralegal. I have no interest in going to law school, and you know it.” Rain suddenly wondered whether she had avoided law school to consciously confound her mother’s plans for her, or whether she sensed that it was as close as she’d wanted to come to being like her.
“But you shouldn’t settle when you have so much potential. You owe it to—”
“Don’t give me your second wave feminist guilt about not reaching my potential—”
“And don’t give me your third wave excuses for not properly shouldering your responsibility to society.”
Rain’s voice rose in frustration. “So how does it help society when you win a case for Billings & Coombe that saves pharmaceutical companies from having to pay settlements to victims who are entitled to it?”
Jude looked momentarily stunned, but quickly recovered. “Well, touché. Just don’t let your employers take advantage of you, or pass you over for a promotion because you’re a woman.”
“Mom, gender discrimination’s not legal anymore.”
Jude punctuated her response with a pointed finger. “It’s not legal because women fought for the passage of Title VII. You’ve never worked in a world where your right to equal pay for equal jobs wasn’t a given.”
“Yes, Mom, thank you. And I’ll pass my appreciation along to Toni, Mare, and Bebe when I see them. I didn’t come over here to argue, you know.”
“Who’s arguing?”
At that moment, the front door opened and William came in with grocery sacks.
“What’s all the shouting about? Can’t I leave you two alone for an hour without finding World War III going on?”
He passed by the couch and gently tapped Rain on the top of the head on his way to the kitchen.
“I was just about to tell Rain that it wasn’t arguing. It was stimulating banter,” Jude told him.
“Stimulating banter,” he repeated dryly. He pulled cereal boxes and cans from the bag.
“Can I give you a hand?” Rain offered.
“I’ve got it. Thanks,” he said, giving her a wink on the sly.
“I
can’t stay long. Mom, are you still planning to meet us two weeks from today at Dulcinea’s?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t miss planning my own funeral.”
Rain scowled. “I wish you wouldn’t talk like that.”
“I’m sorry. Celebration, then. I wouldn’t miss planning my own celebration.”
Jude glanced over to where William was methodically filling cupboards with his purchases. “William has no objections to discussing my funeral.”
Rain looked over at William. He paused momentarily with his hand on the knob of a cabinet with his back to them. “Whatever makes you happy.” He pulled it open and placed a can on the shelf, label front, next to another can of the same height and straightened them both.
Jude continued to watch him with veiled eyes. She started to comment, but Rain interrupted.
“I need to be getting back,” Rain said, sliding her arms into her jacket and tugging her sleeves down.
“Oh, by all means, hurry back to Noah. He’s probably wondering where you are.”
Rain flipped her hair out of her collar and reached down to give Jude a peck on the cheek. “I’m ignoring that. Remember, two weeks from today at Dulcinea’s.” Rain looked over at William.
“I’ll make sure she’s there,” he said.
“I can get there myself, thank you,” Jude said, rising unsteadily from the couch. She stood tall and braced herself on the back of the chair beside her.
Rain glanced back to wave at William. He gave her a sweet smile as she left.
Janice—Dr. Owens—called in sick at the veterinary clinic on Tuesday, which was, unfortunately, her day for surgery, and Bebe switched days with her. It meant sandwiching in her own appointments that she couldn’t reschedule, and she felt under the gun. She spent time briefly familiarizing herself with the files of Janice’s patients before scrubbing for surgery.
Her last surgery of the day was for Dinah, a feral cat who had just weaned a litter of kittens the month before. The adoptive owners wanted to ensure she didn’t have another litter, so it was imperative that the cat be spayed as soon as possible. Although they assured the staff that the cat had not been around any males and could not possibly be pregnant, they expressed a desire that any pregnancy be terminated, if found. Bebe proceeded with the surgery, only to find that the cat was, indeed, pregnant with two-week-old fetuses. Bebe paused and considered her options. She could refuse to continue the procedure, but she knew it was very possible that the owners may simply abandon Dinah and the kittens if Bebe were to leave the pregnancy intact. She proceeded with the surgery, even though she wasn’t comfortable with their decision.
Bebe informed Dinah’s owners that she was, indeed, pregnant at the time and that she had followed their wishes. Dinah appeared to be recovering well, but needed to stay the night. She made a note on the chart to inform Janice so she could follow up the next day.
Bebe closed down her computer and drove home, feeling angry with Dinah’s owners for putting her in the position of playing God. They were adamant that Dinah hadn’t been exposed to males. Bebe wondered if they had been fully aware of the possibility of her pregnancy, but didn’t voice their suspicions, in case the doctor refused to perform the procedure.
Bebe shared her frustration with Neil that evening, and he sympathized because he’d been placed in a similar situation in the past. Bebe made a mental note to inform the staff in the morning of her decision to test each female prior to spaying. There were other doctors at the clinic who would oblige owners if the tests came back positive, but she would not be terminating pregnancies anymore.
Sleep eluded Bebe that night. She carried her pillow to the couch and sat in the dark, wrapped in the afghan Neil’s mother had crocheted before she died.
There had been four tiny fetuses, perhaps an eighth of an inch long, but kittens, nonetheless. Evidence of life. Babies. She rubbed her eyes and tried to erase the picture from her mind. It shouldn’t have been her patient at all.
The truth was that this wasn’t the first time this situation had come up. She had faced it several times since she’d been in practice. Perhaps back in the early days she had been so focused on being successful as one of the few women in the field, that she’d pushed aside the question of ethics to prove that she was capable of dealing with any situation. She couldn’t afford to be squeamish. She’d had to prove herself. And perhaps she was just a bit in denial of what had been required at that moment in time.
She saw it differently now, after giving birth to two sons and seeing them grow to adulthood. She now had an intimate knowledge of the God from whom she had distanced herself in her college years. Life was life.
Her guilt was ever present like the scratchy white noise of an old recording.
Toni fluttered to their table at Dulcinea’s where Mare, Rain, and Bebe waited for her and for Jude to arrive.
“Buon giorno!” Toni dramatically threw kisses and settled into a rattan chair. She reached over to pat Rain’s cheek.
“You obviously had fun in Tuscany,” Mare said with a note of sarcasm.
Toni closed her eyes, breathing deeply. She opened her eyes wide. “Everyone should spend a month every year in Tuscany. The world would be a much better place.”
“And look at this.” Toni took off her shoe and passed it around the table. “Isn’t it adorable? I picked them up in one of the little shops in Cinque Terra.”
“Is it leather? You should really try animal alternative shoes, Toni,” Mare chided.
Toni took the shoe out of her hand. “Yes, Mare, they’re leather. I gave up cardboard shoes when my family left the old country.”
“Girls,” Bebe warned.
Rain gestured toward the entrance. “Here come Mom and William.”
They waved them over to the table and began shifting their chairs.
“We’ll make room for you, William,” Bebe said, moving the place settings over.
Mare’s chair scraped the floor as she scooted it on the tiles. “You have to join us today, William.”
“No, no, ladies. I’m not staying.”
They protested, but he begged off. He said he had an appointment and that Jude would call him when she was ready to leave. He gave Rain a kiss on the cheek and they watched him go while Jude scanned her menu.
“He’s such a sweet man, Jude. Tell me again how you met,” Mare asked.
Jude glanced briefly over the top of her menu. “In a book club. When it was his turn to choose the next book, he chose a play—The Women. I was impressed initially, but then I realized that he didn’t choose it for the subject matter. He chose it because it was only a hundred pages long.”
“Oh, Jude, I think it’s great anyway. Arnie would never have chosen that,” Mare said. “I think you’re perfect for each other.”
“He’s a quivering bundle of neuroses, and I don’t resemble him in any way, shape, or form.”
“Mom!” Rain demanded. “Don’t talk about William like that.”
Silence reigned at the table as Jude appeared to be uncharacteristically at a loss for words.
“Speaking of book clubs,” Toni added, diverting attention from them, “has anyone read a good book lately?”
“I fall asleep reading veterinary journals,” Bebe said, scanning the menu. “Rain, how was the tilapia last time?”
“It was good, but it was a lot of food. I think I’ll try the Asian Pear Salad this time.”
Toni was disappointed when their server was female and that it was Rolf ’s day off. She waited until Mare had picked apart every entrée and settled on a grilled portobello mushroom on foccacia without cheese. Toni ordered a hamburger, medium rare, with avocado and bacon, with sweet potato fries.
She held her hand up to Mare, who had opened her mouth to speak. “Don’t even say it. I knew you when you ate icing by the spoonful.”
Mare swallowed her comments. She changed the subject by inviting them all to check out her website to see the textile exhibit she’d put together for
the trade show. She made a point of telling Toni not to miss her line of organic shoes that were not made out of cardboard, by the way.
They all asked about Scott, and Bebe was guarded in her sharing, making sure to sound positive—perhaps, more positive than she felt. Rain said she’d gotten a letter back from him and that he sounded great. Bebe deliberately avoided eye contact with Jude. She had remembered not to wear any shades of purple whatsoever to spare herself unnecessary grief, and realized then just how secure and empowered the color made her feel.
After everyone had ordered and the drinks had arrived, Bebe could see that Jude was fading, and she took it upon herself to initiate their planning. Mare asked if they could wait until after they’d eaten to discuss it, which drew a sour look from Jude.
“I think we should get started.” Bebe looked over at Toni. “You said we have a place to stay in Monterey, right?”
“Yes, I’ve never been there, but judging by what I know of Marshall Davis, it should be fabulous.”
Rain said, “I think we should make menus and divide up the shopping. Maybe everyone should take a meal.”
Toni tapped her finger on the glass tabletop. “There are so many wonderful restaurants. Wouldn’t it be easier to just dine out?”
“Toni, maybe you can afford to eat out every meal, but some of us aren’t so fortunate,” Mare said.
“It was just a suggestion.” Toni sipped her mimosa. “I already have a meal in mind, actually.”
Mare studied her. “I’ll bring along some miso, just in case.”
Toni frowned and waggled her head. “And I’ll bring along a nice juicy steak, just in case.”
Bebe saw Jude sigh heavily and the energy seemed to drain out of her. Bebe chided them, “This is not productive, girls. We need to move along.”
They each threw her a penitent look.
“Now, assuming that we arrive on Friday afternoon and return on Monday morning, we have eight meals to plan.”
“Well,” Toni said, glancing over at Mare, “if no one objects, I’ll pick up the tab for one of the meals. We can dine out or have it delivered—whatever everyone wants to do.”
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