Broken Love

by Ghiselle St. James

  “Why the fuck did you leave, Delilah?” I yell at her.

  She scoffs and tries to slam to door in my face but I block her attempt and shove it open, knocking her back a little. When I get in, I slam the door. Rachel comes out to protest but I stop her with a raised hand.

  “Butt the fuck out, Rae.” That’s the first time I’ve ever called her that…or even dared talked to her like that.

  “How dare you talk to her that way, you fucking asshole!” Delilah lunges at me and I grab her wrists.

  She growls and I swear it’s the cutest and scariest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. I feel her relax her fight and I loosen my fingers from her wrists. Maybe she’s ready to have a nice, reasonable conver–

  “You stupid, son-of-a-bitch!” Delilah shrieks as she slaps me in the face and storms off to her bedroom.

  Okay, I never saw that coming. Never assume peace and safety, I guess. I’m experiencing that Jamaican spitfire in waves tonight. My pants grow tight in the front as my dick hardens.

  Fuck me.

  “Don’t you walk away from me, Delilah!” I demand.

  “I just did!” she yells and slams the door. Before she can secure the lock, I twist the knob and shove her out of the way, slamming the door behind me.

  She growls yet again and stomps like a five-year old. She reaches for me again, but this time I’m prepared. I grab her hands and bring them behind her, restraining her.

  “Now, listen, we’re going to talk about this,” I insist.

  “So, now you wanna talk?” She is squirming in my grasp.

  “Stop moving, you’ll hurt yourself,” I warn, softening my hold but still having a firm grip.

  “You wanna talk?” she continues, ignoring my directive and still struggling. “Now? After you called me a slut? After you ruined my birthday party? A party that I didn’t even want, but appreciated because you did it, because you made me feel more special and cherished than I’ve ever felt in my entire life?” She’s tearing up now and I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet.

  She’s not done.

  “Yeah, go ahead, Ben. Because whether or not I wanna talk? You’re still going to. You’re gonna bulldoze your way until I cave, until I admit that I messed up, me not you. But you know what? You don’t even have to do it,” a sob rips from her throat, each word she says puncturing my heart.

  “I know I messed up…I’m messed up. And I warned you. I told you I was fucked up, even before we started dating.

  “And it’s not like you didn’t know I’d slept with someone after you. How the fuck was I supposed to know that that douche was your best friend? So, I’m sorry, alright? I’m a slut. You don’t deserve any of my shit. You don’t need to put up with my screwed up past or my stupid antics, so let’s just call it a day. Less drama.” She inhales a shaky, tear-jerked breath.

  She’s breaking up with me. My heart has dropped to my stomach and my stomach to my toes. Did I really mess up that bad?

  “No,” my voice is a whisper. My lips feel cold and I think I feel a panic attack coming on. Are those things contagious? I let go of her hands, shaking my head.

  “Please, Ben. Don’t make this harder than it has to be,” she implores turning to me.

  “No.” I take a tentative step toward her and frame her face in my hands. “Delilah, I’m sorry.” My voice is still soft, tender.

  “It’s too late, Ben. I’ve put you through so much. Too much. More than you had a right to put up with. It’s useless us being together. I don’t bring anything to the table but a dark, tattered, broken past, a sociopathic ex, a wild and shameful sexual history and, eventually, embarrassment.” Her voice is level, like she has given this thought, but she refuses to look at me. This is hard for her to do, dare I say, she doesn’t even want to do it. I have to use this knowledge wisely.

  “Baby, no.” I step to her again, framing her face so she can focus on the intensity of all I’m about to say to her. She just has to believe me.

  “Delilah, you’ve brought such joy, hope and love to my life. I never thought it possible. You came into my life and you flipped everything on its head. You’ve made me a better man, Delilah.” I stare in her eyes and I see them glaze.

  Yes!

  “That night at the Christmas party when I first met you, I hadn’t been so turned on in my life. I knew I was in trouble, but there was just something about you; I couldn’t get you out of my head. When I finally got a taste of you, it was like Heaven. There was nothing else I wanted to experience. There was no one else I wanted to be with.

  “But I screwed up; I kept screwing up, and I screwed up again tonight,” I admit. “I hated the fact that he had the same taste as I did. I hated the fact that he still wanted you. I was upset and I acted like a child. I don’t know how to do this, babe. I’ve never had to try to be a good boyfriend before, because I was never really a boyfriend.”

  As a dom, I never had to do much and even though most of these women wanted more, they knew the score. I wasn’t the boyfriend, I was Sir. I was only ever responsible for caring for sexual needs, nothing more. Molly and Janie were my only exceptions and those ended fast. Delilah is the only woman I have ever felt such a strong need to be a man for and not a dom.

  “Jeez,” I sigh, scrubbing a hand along my cheek and feeling the coarseness of the stubble lining it. “I wish I could be better at this – being the man you want – but I’ll spend an eternity trying to get it right because you deserve someone who will do right by you, who will take care of your every need.

  “That’s my deepest desire, Delilah, to do right by you. I lost you once…I refuse to lose you again. Please…please, Delilah,” I grovel.

  Yeah…grovel. I have no shame. This is not the time for pride. This is now or never and I’ll be damned if I never have her again. There comes a time where even a dom has to shed his dominance and give his woman vulnerability.

  “You’re my heart, Delilah. I’m not happy if I’m not with you. You’re like the sun; you shine so bright, leading me away from a darkness that was sure to consume me. I don’t need all of that darkness, I don’t need the Fulfillment Room.” For me, that’s a huge declaration, one I’ve made before, but mean now more than the last time.

  “All I want is you,” I continue. “I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. This is new for me, but hell if I don’t want to feel this way every day for the rest of my life. Please, Delilah. Give me your mess, give me your brokenness. I wanna make you whole again. Let me be your strength. I was an ass…a monumental ass and I’m sorry.”

  She’s still silent. I swallow hard, ready to do some more groveling. In my head, The Temptations are on repeat saying they’re not too proud to beg. Well, gentlemen, neither am I.

  “Delilah, I…” I don’t get to finish my statement.

  “Shh,” she quiets. Seeing the tears in her eyes, I study them, knowing they are there for an entirely different reason than the first time. Her eyes dance with lust and longing.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking, my sweet girl,” I cajole, snaking my arms around her waist and pulling her closer.

  “Ben, I–”

  Her heart rate is an erratic, pulsating rhythm. Her chest rising and falling, her breath hot, her body now flushed…with need. She needs me. Her eyes are dilated, but there is a tender air to them…tinged with…love?

  “Better yet,” I whisper. “Show me.”

  Delilah’s nostrils flare and her skin alights, goose flesh dotting her perfectly smooth outer layer. She stares at me as though I am her prey and my cock leaps to full wanting as she traces her tongue over her lush upper lip. Before I can take matters in my own hands, she crushes her lips to mine, desire exploding through both of us like a bomb.

  We kiss like we’ve been starved of each other. It’s lips, teeth, tongues, hands, bodies, all in a tangle of lust and…love. Every touch from her has a lasting imprint on my soul. Every touch from me elicits a small, almost pained whimper from her. Our movement
s are primal, visceral, worshipful.

  Roughly, I spin her around and crush her back to my front and grind against her round backside, so that she can feel what she does to me.

  “You feel that? Need you so bad, Delilah. Need you,” I rasp in her ear, only to have her whimper louder in response.

  Deftly, I strip her out of the fucking dress that has driven me and so many other men, including Bryce, crazy all night. Pushing back thoughts of that fucker, I kiss along her shoulder blades and relish the tiny shudders that rock her.

  Feeling the moment needs a little more intensity – plus she’s been a very bad girl – I grip her neck securely and angle her to the side. The thin scrap of a black lace thong disintegrates as I pull and rip. She cries out, more from the eroticism than the bite of the fabric. Firming my grasp of her neck, applying more pressure, I circle my palm over the plush curve of her backside. Delilah pushes back on my hand, but with a gruff admonishment from me, she stills.

  “You’ve been a bad girl, haven’t you, Delilah?” I ask, kneading her lovely apple-shaped ass. She is stacked just right in every way I never thought I’d love, but I do. I love her curvaceous body. What is it that Marcus used to say? More cushion (that sounded more like cushin’) for the pushin’? Yeah, more is definitely better. Fuck that less is more bullshit.

  “Yes, baby. I’ve been bad,” she answers breathlessly and it’s so fucking erotic that I feel like I’m about to blow in my pants.

  “Oh, baby, you want me to spank you?”

  Delilah moans. I squeeze her neck and ass a little tighter.

  “Let me hear you, my sweet girl,” I demand, my voice hoarse with barely contained need.

  “Yes, Ben. I want it hard,” she barely chokes out.

  Pulling my hand away from her rear, she mewls in protest. Swiftly, my hand comes down on her right ass cheek and she cries out from contact. In rapid succession, I smack the other, the loud ringing of flesh meeting flesh and her broken, lust-filled cries filling the room.

  With the on and off pressure of my hand around her neck and the repeated sting of my palm, Delilah goes limp. A few more slaps and she’s crying out in that too sexy, needy voice of hers. Through the corner of my eye, I see her shifting her hand, letting it rove over her body.

  “Are you touching yourself?” I ask through gritted teeth, my erection straining miserably against my pants. She nods. Oh, dear God.

  Delilah reaches between her thighs and begins a slow rubbing that has her writhing. I swallow past the lust-filled knot in my throat and lean into her, grazing the tent of my pants against her leg for some friction. Capturing her earlobe between my teeth, I suck gently as I apply more pressure to her neck and slap her ass swift and hard, repeatedly. Delilah is swaying. The pressure I know is there, building.

  “Tweak your nipple,” I order her, needing to see her come.

  An earth-shattering orgasm is in order and I can’t wait to see her beautiful face contort as she rides out her ecstasy. That’s the best part of making her climax, how beautifully sated she looks afterward.

  “You want me buried deep inside you, don’t you? You want to come all over my cock, and scream for more. God, I wanna bury my cock so deep inside that wet pussy of yours, Delilah,” I rasp in her ear, trying to hold on to any shred of control I can.

  Delilah whimpers and nods, writhing in my grasp and under the ministration of her deft little fingers.

  “Come for me, Delilah. Let me see you explode, baby.”

  She starts to rub her hypersensitive nub faster, squeezing hard on her hardened nipple as she rolls it. I smack her ass in rapid swats and within a few seconds, she is screaming through the peak of her pleasure.

  Beautiful.

  I release my grip from her neck and she sags against me, spent. Laying her gently, face down, on the bed, I start trailing kisses across her shoulders down to her…shit. Her ass is a lovely shade of pink.

  Wetting my lips, I place a wet kiss on each buttock, loving the way she shivers at contact. In record time, I am naked and lying on top of her with my engorged length throbbing thick and heavy in anticipation of losing myself inside her hot, moist depth.

  “Fucking exquisite.” I kiss her forehead as I drive into her with force. “So beautiful and fucking mine,” I growl as I pound into her mercilessly.

  “Ben! Fuck! Yes!” she cries out, sinking her fingers into my back.

  I groan at the feel of her nails digging into my flesh, picking up pace, making it as rough and fast as she loves it. I’m losing control, I know it. We both are.

  I am not in the least bit gentle with her, I’m insatiable, an animal claiming what is and will always be his, and she is putting it on me just as ferociously. It’s almost like we are two alphas fighting, scratching each other for dominance.

  My God!

  “Tell me to stop, Delilah,” I ground out, praying to God that she stops me and wishing to the devil that she doesn’t.

  Delilah wraps her legs around me, pulling me closer as I no more than batter her feminine parts. I smile as the devil wins out. We are lost in our passion, feels like we’re about to break each other. I will take joy in splintering with her, because we would rebuild each other.

  “Fucking shit!” she curses as she succumbs to the unbearable pleasure, tears springing from her eyes. “Oh, my God, Ben!” she screams as she comes apart under my unrelenting thrusts.

  “That’s it, baby,” I encourage her. “I’m right behind you. I’m gonna fill this tight little pussy with my come. You want that?”

  For a moment, she breaks out of her orgasmic haze and shakes her head at me. “No.”

  “Where do you want it, baby?”

  “Mouth,” she chokes out and I almost come with her suggestion.

  “Fuck, Delilah. You’re so fucking naughty, baby. Shit,” I breathe as I continue to drive into her.

  I barrel into her over and over with the force of a battering ram. Her pussy squishes as I hit her g-spot with precision. I want to stop because I feel like I may hurt her, but Christ…

  Her tight pussy clamps down on me and my knees buckle.

  “Yes, baby, goddamn it! That’s it. I’m coming!” I announce as I drag away from the best place in the world and force her down to her knees to receive my seed.

  Delilah wraps her lips around the head of my cock and takes me deep. When she pulls away she starts to pump me back and forth. With one hand gripping her hair tightly and the other tightly clutching the sheets and my toes curled rigidly, I spurt into her mouth hard, hot, and heavy; my body shaking with the intensity of my climax.

  Moisture gathers at the corner of my eyes and I feel so vulnerable as she licks me clean and sucks the sensitive glans. I shudder and gasp, pulling her away by the hair and hauling her into my arms as we fall onto the bed.

  “Delilah,” I try to speak, but I’m shaking so hard, trying to keep the emerging tears at bay.

  “Ben,” she whispers so softly that I barely hear her. She is stroking my back, soothing me.

  Tonight was beyond words.

  “Ben,” she says again, this time pulling away from me a fraction to look into my eyes.

  As I stare into her deep, fathomless, beautiful brown eyes, I realize that her tears are building again. Delilah brings her soft hand up to my cheek to caress it gently and I do the same to her.

  Her next few words knock the wind right out of me and, I swear, time freezes.

  “I love you, Ben.”

  For what seems like minutes, I am speechless and the tears I have been trying to hold back do a slow trickle down my cheeks.

  “Say it again,” I finally choke out, my voice hoarse with emotion.

  She exhales and laughs simultaneously as tears stream down her face. “I love you, Ben,” she repeats.

  “Fuck,” I say, kissing her passionately. “Fuck.” I am happy, don’t worry. I just can’t find anything to describe my elation at the moment. I am deliriously happy.

  Delilah Aphrodite Keyes…loves me
. Loves me!

  Fuck.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  Delilah

  Finally. I don’t know what took me so long. It’s not like I didn’t have these feelings for him for as long as we were together. I was scared back then, but Ben has showed me that there is no freedom in fear and that is exactly what I’m feeling at the moment. I feel…free. Happy.

  Ben is kissing me all over and chanting “fuck” like it’s the only word in his vocabulary. I know he’s speechless. I know he’s happy, so it’s pretty funny hearing him say “fuck” over and over and caressing my face like at any moment I will disappear.

  My doubts creep in, riding the coattails of my high. I should disappear. Ben is too good for me and I’m selfish in letting him fall in love with me. Even more selfish in loving him back when all I have to give him is a broken, tainted love. I should give someone else this amazing opportunity to be with a man as wonderful as he. All I’ll bring him is negative attention and embarrassment.

  My entire life has been a shit-storm of my own doing and the things that were done to me involuntarily are even more atrocious. Dr. Munroe is trying to get me to absolve myself of blame and I’m getting there, but self-shame is a motherfucker. I don’t want to taint his life with my murkiness. I should leave him to be loved by a blonde Barbie doll, his very own arm candy, because arm candy I am not. I’m more like arm – what’s the opposite of candy? I’m like arm onion soup or some horrible shit.

  I’m not trophy wife material and that’s what he needs. The more I think about someone else having him, though, the more upset I become. Call me selfish, because I know he’ll eventually get hurt, but I don’t want anyone else to have him, at least, not while I have him.

  Ben has been my tower, my refuge and strength in all of this. I could be vulnerable with him. I haven’t been like this with anyone else but Jared, my ex who Rick had killed. To be able to be like this with someone again is…liberating. Ben frees me in every way. His touch, his kisses, his words unlock something deep within me that has been buried under the rubble of my brokenness.