But how did someone repay a debt so grand? What could she possibly have to offer him other than her friendship? With the way Moinie watched over them, it would be next to impossible to find time with him, even as friendly acquaintances. Since Edric’s arrival, she’d grown to trust him more than anyone. With him, she was safe. He wouldn’t let anything happen to her. It was helpful that he was so skilled at the art of combat. She’d never seen him fight before the incident with the Ythes but his technique was flawless. Worthy of her favor.
Moinie would argue. She would claim that Edric wouldn’t have had need to save her from the Ythes if Neomi had just done as Moinie wanted and stayed still. Her distraction in chasing after him left her vulnerable to the attack. Still, she couldn’t help thinking he would have done the same for her.
Oh, it was so confusing! Before the Vor’shai came, she had everything all figured out. Edric somehow made her question every detail of her life and the customs of her people. He was so passionate. It was a drastic change from the methodology which the Ovatai men lived by. Emotionless and cold. Unlike Mevuk, when Edric held her, she felt something. She wasn’t sure what, but there was a sensation she couldn’t deny which came over her, drawing her to him, making her not want to pull away.
Shaking her head she tried to clear the thoughts from her mind. This infatuation was getting out of control. Indebted to him or not, she had to be careful. A relationship between them would never be allowed. Maybe that is why I am so drawn to him. It made sense. To want what she couldn’t have. An emotion more common in humans, but not unheard of among the Ovatai. They were too proud to accept that something was out of their reach. Moinie’s urges for her to stay away only made her want to go to him more.
That was just it. The infatuation wasn’t going to go away until she’d found a means of sating it. But how? She paused, staring into the distance, her eyes no longer focused on anything around her. There was a way. It was simple, really – but foolish. Dangerous. No. Vehemently she shook her head, a rush of panic coming over her. She couldn’t consider it. So why couldn’t she get the thought out of her mind?
Go to him. No one had to know. If she waited until he was alone and everyone else was asleep, they would have time to get this ridiculous obsession out of their system. Then maybe they would be able to focus again. He wouldn’t refuse her. She could be convincing when she wanted, though she had never attempted such a feat on a Vor’shai before. What if they were different? What if she lacked the seductive qualities necessary to draw him in?
Inhaling sharply she closed her eyes, chiding herself for the absurdity of her idea. She was planning to do exactly what Sahra told him she would. The only difference was the reason. Neomi had no reason to seduce him for strategy. Sahra’s claim was misplaced and uncalled for. In a way Neomi found herself desiring to go after Edric even more, just to spite that wretched woman. But it would only be for one night. Edric would never have to know the real reason behind her seeking him out. She could present herself as a show of gratitude for saving her life. There was no need to mention her feelings. If the Vor’shai men were anything like Onuric said they were, Edric would accept her offer without argument.
What she was considering was absolute madness. If anyone found out – if her father or brother learned of her misdeeds – Edric would be killed. She would be disgraced. While it was unlikely for another match to be made for her in marriage, to be discovered as having slept with a Vor’shai would deter all prospects. She would be tainted. Yet she found the decision set in her mind. Part of her was curious. Enough so that she was willing to take the risk.
The wait was torture. There was still business to take care of before she could order everyone to their beds. Final preparations for their departure in the morning. They wouldn’t find anything of use in Isavo. Once she told her father of their discovery regarding the Ythes, search teams could be deployed to find and capture their enemies and force the information from them. Anything they could get which might tell the truth about the Avaern.
By the time everyone was ready to retire for the night, it was easy to find excuses to separate from the others. It had been a tiring day. She was exhausted. Everyone should make their way to bed so they would be rested in the morning. Other than a few concerned glances, Moinie said nothing about Neomi’s sudden desire to be away from the group. From inside her hut she was able to watch the rest of the group slowly make their way to their private quarters. Edric and Callum lingered near the village center. Oh, how she wished she could hear what they were saying! It had to be about her. A warning for Edric to stay away. Throughout the conversation Edric’s eyes strayed across the village, as if looking for something, or someone, disappointed to find the area empty. Sahra was escorted to her quarters by Gadiel to make sure the dressings on her wound were clean and fresh. Begrudgingly Moinie had found her way to bed, followed by the remaining warriors who survived the attack during the day. If only Callum would leave Edric alone. He was the last person standing in her way.
When the men finally parted she felt a flutter begin inside her chest. Nerves. She wasn’t accustomed to the sensation. Almost giddy at the thought of what she intended to do. It wasn’t like her to behave in this fashion. Intimacy wasn’t something the Ovatai did for pleasure. And it certainly wasn’t something their women did with just anyone. But Edric wasn’t just anyone.
Time passed by at a crawl waiting for the others to close their eyes. She couldn’t move too soon. The slightest noise might spark Moinie or Callum from their slumber and alert them to her escapade. That couldn’t be allowed to happen.
Her heart felt about to burst from her chest by the time she slipped through the door, sniffing the air for any sign that someone else might be near. It was fresh. Clear. Carefully she moved along the snow, light on her feet, barely leaving a trace of her footprints. Directing the wind behind her, she let the fresh snow blow across her tracks, concealing them from view, even by the most scrutinizing eye. If Moinie came looking for her, she couldn’t leave any clues to her whereabouts.
Outside Edric’s hut she began to falter in her confidence. What was she doing? It was imprudent. Careless. Possibly the most foolish thing she’d ever done in her life. Yet for some reason she watched her hands move as if guided by strings, pushing aside the heavy curtain at Edric’s door to make her way inside. To her relief he was alone, standing near the back of the room, facing away from her, his head bowed in contemplation. At the sound of her entrance he turned, bewildered at the sight of her, the expression on his face shifting from surprise to horror. “Neomi,” he gasped, stumbling backward over the makeshift bed. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“I know,” she replied simply, moving forward to let the curtain fall closed behind her. “Which is why you should be quiet. We cannot let the others know I have come.”
“Why are you here?”
With deliberate motions she brought her hands up to her shoulders, untying the laces which secured the coat she wore, letting the fabric fall to the ground at her feet. “I have come to repay you for your kindness this afternoon.”
“Repay me?” he peered at her, clearly confused. “I don’t understand. You owe me nothing, Neomi. If anything, I’m the reason you were in that predicament in the first place. You have every right to be angry with me for my behavior. It was uncalled for. I promise I will keep my hands to myself from now on.”
“I did not come here for you to keep your hands to yourself. Quite the contrary, I am offering myself to you in my gratitude.”
Edric’s expression fell at her words. He looked absolutely mortified at the thought. Struggling with his conscience for what to say. “You… no,” he shook his head vehemently. “You should go. I am not going to let this continue.”
“No?” What was he saying? Onuric made it sound as if Vor’shai men couldn’t say no to such offers from women. Why would he deny her? “Am I not good enough?” she demanded, stepping further into the room. “You insult me with your rejection. Do
you not find me attractive?”
“That is not the case. It is the fact that I do find you attractive which makes it imperative that you leave me.”
“I do not accept rejection. Surely you realize that by now.”
“Then you are going to have to learn to accept it because I cannot allow you to do this.”
She paused, unsure of how to respond. This was supposed to be simple. Why was he being so difficult? She wasn’t skilled enough at this game to keep it up much longer. “Is it because of who I am?” she asked. “Do you turn me away because I am the daughter of the Chief, or is it simply because I am Ovatai? Am I not as desirable as your Vor’shai women? Would you prefer the likes of Sahra to visit your door?”
“What kind of man do you take me for?” He sounded hurt. Offended by her advances. “I don’t know what you’ve heard about my people, but I am not going to take advantage of you.”
“How is it taking advantage when I am willingly presenting myself to you?”
“Because you have no idea what you are doing.”
Struck by the accusation she took a step back, staring at him in disbelief. No idea what she was doing? She knew exactly what she was there for. Did he think her a simpleton? Too innocent to grasp the concept of what she offered? “I know what I am doing, Edric. I have seen the way you look at me. The way your eyes linger. I felt your desire when you placed your arms around me this afternoon. I am offering you the chance to have me. Maybe then this ridiculous obsession will pass and we can focus on more important things.”
She needed to do something to make him see that she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Ovatai men preferred boldness but she’d seen the way Sahra behaved. The little tricks she played to twist the men around her finger. Seduction of a Vor’shai was more intricate than she thought. Unless Sahra had never considered a more straightforward approach. Their women had to worry about a pretense of modesty. Neomi had no such concerns. Removing the gloves from her hands she threw them down, reaching for her shirt to pull it over her head. In an instant Edric was in front of her, frantic, his fingers grasping desperately to prevent her from removing the garment. To her satisfaction he was unable to stop her, diverting his gaze to the floor to avoid looking at her exposed figure.
Quickly he rushed toward her discarded coat, snatching it from the ground as he made his way to stand in front of her, wrapping it around her shoulders in an attempt to cover her. “You are going to freeze to death,” he murmured. His voice trembled. She couldn’t be sure if she was making progress, but he was certainly uneasy. “If you want to stay and talk, I am not opposed to your company, but I must insist that you remain clothed. I considered trying to get you alone earlier so we could discuss matters and unfortunately things didn’t work the way I hoped.”
As his head turned away again Neomi noticed the pink hue to his cheeks, the tips of his ears turning a bright crimson. He was embarrassed. She couldn’t help smiling at the realization. Perhaps the brief glimpse he saw of her would be enough to help sway him into accepting her offer. “What was it you wanted to discuss?” she inquired, grabbing onto his chin with her fingers to direct his gaze back to her. He looked wretched. Torn. Whatever was going through his mind, he was struggling against it.
“I wanted to talk to you about us, but not like this,” he whispered. “The actions you insist upon are not something I take lightly. There are boundaries I am not willing to cross.”
“Boundaries? What sort of boundaries?”
He exhaled, his breath ragged. “I don’t know how your people are in regards to intimacy but I know the lines I draw prevent me from taking advantage of a woman who does not feel something for me in return,” he sighed. “It is an act of love between two people. Not a gift of gratitude, as you call it.”
Love. There was that word again. “You speak of an emotion I have already explained does not exist among my people. There is no emotion behind the act. It is our duty for the sake of procreation. Nothing more.”
“Which is probably the best reason why you and I cannot do this,” he replied, the blood rising to his cheeks, darkening the pink hue to a bright scarlet.
She felt her own heart skip a beat at the realization of what he was saying. It hadn’t crossed her mind to consider it a concern. She didn’t want to think about it now. “You said you wanted to talk about us. If intimacy was not what you had in mind, what exactly did you hope to get out of a private meeting with me?”
“Answers,” he said simply. “You claim your people do not believe in love. That doesn’t mean you are not capable of it.”
“You think I love you?”
“I think you could be fond of me.”
“Do you love me?”
Edric chuckled to himself. “I find myself to care about you a great deal. We haven’t known one another long enough to know if it is love or mere infatuation. I consider you a dear friend. One I certainly wouldn’t mind getting to know a bit better.”
“Time is not a luxury we have, Edric,” Neomi stated matter-of-factly. “Our friends will never grant us the opportunity you desire. We have tonight. Beyond this, I make no guarantees that you and I will find ourselves in a position to speak openly again. When we return to Nahedu, Moinie insists you be separated from me for the duration of your stay in Ethrysta. If you insist on understanding my emotions in the terms of your people, I am not capable of explaining them, therefore I cannot tell you anything. You ask an impossible question.”
“Try,” he said softly. “Did Moinie tell you that she intended to separate us?”
“Yes.”
“How did you feel when faced with the idea of never seeing me again?”
Squinting at him she tried to grasp what he was asking. How was she supposed to know what he wanted to hear? How was she supposed to feel? “I do not know.”
“Were you happy?”
“What does happy feel like?” It was a strange question. Until then, she’d never realized how uncommon it was for emotions to be discussed, if they ever were at all. She wasn’t sure how to describe them. When she felt something it simply… was. She never stopped to consider the exact sensation it created in her mind.
He seemed surprised by the question. His people were more attuned to their feelings. It should be easy for him to find words with which to describe the emotions he expected her to understand. “Well…” he pondered. “It is my hope that you were not happy with the prospect, so let’s start somewhere else. I will describe to you how I feel at the thought of being separated from you, and you tell me if you felt something similar.” Clearing his throat Edric tightened his grip on the coat he held around Neomi’s shoulders. “I feel a pain in my chest. As if someone has my heart in their hand, squeezing it, until I think I might scream. The only time that pain goes away is when I see your face and when you leave again, it returns, bringing with it an emptiness, as if a part of me is missing. Does that sound familiar at all?”
She stared in awe, speechless. It did sound familiar. Frighteningly so. The same pain afflicted her all afternoon while he was away from her side. She hated it. Here with him now it was gone but somehow she knew if she walked out the door it would return, worse than before, haunting her in her sleep. “What emotion is it which you describe?”
“Let me continue,” he nodded. “When I am in your presence I feel a flutter in my chest. It’s like my heart skips, my stomach churns, uncomfortable yet oddly pleasant at the same time. The sensation grows until I feel my heart might leap from my body. I can barely stand not to be near you, holding you in my arms, and when I touch you…everything feels – right – even though I know it’s wrong.”
“You describe the torture I have experienced. Now tell me what it is. What is wrong with me?” She had to know. It was awful. Intolerable. If he didn’t tell her, she would find a way to force the answer from his lips.
His lips. They were so close. Their perfect, sculpted shape poised in front of her, the elegant movement of his mouth hypnotic, the sound
of his voice like music to her ears. “Some would consider it love,” he said quietly, closing his eyes to avoid her inquisitive stare. “Others might argue it to be nothing more than lust.”
“What is the difference?”
“Depth.”
Such a strange response. Depth. What was it supposed to mean? “You imply the two emotions are not the same?”
“While they are similar in sensation, they are immensely different in every other aspect,” he explained. “Love is far deeper. More personal. Long-lasting. Lust is fleeting. A physical desire that most times dissolves once two people have acted upon the urges in brings.”
“Then how can we know which one we feel?”
“There are a few ways. Most of them involve time.”
“Most, but not all?”
“There is one way that can be more immediate, but I will not do it.” Distracted by his own thoughts Edric pulled away, the fabric of her coat falling to the floor once again. She paid it no mind, captivated by what he spoke of, her curiosity building for what the final option could be.
“What is it, Edric?” she asked, surprised by the mild desperation in her tone. “I need to know what this feeling is.”
Turning to face her again Edric’s mouth fell open, covering his eyes with his hands. “Neomi, please. Cover yourself. I should not see you in such a state of undress.”
The Myatheira Chronicles: Volume Three: Crown of Ice Page 43