She had hoped her conversation with Edric would be easier. After being away from him for so long it only made sense that she would be able to face him without the interference of whatever emotions he stirred in her during their time in Isavo. Instead it had somehow been worse. When she saw his face she wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and kiss him and tell him everything was going to be okay. Why did he have to demand she say such terrible things to him? It was never her intent to claim no feelings toward him. To lie, bold-faced, while looking him in the eye. It made her feel criminal.
But it was done. He would be safe. Her father would have no reason to punish him now, even if his identity as her lover came to his attention. Okivra had promised to let the insult slide. If he gave indication of changing his mind, she would be sure to remind him of his word. He was a man of honor. The gods knew she had suffered enough to make sure he had no reason to go against it. And to claim a betrothal to Enapo! The union was not agreed upon yet. In her panic she was left with little to use in her defense. To speak of an engagement between her and another seemed the best course of action, but the look on Edric’s face had only made her heart ache worse. He must think her so cold. Incapable of emotion or compassion. She deserved his hatred. If he cursed her name for the rest of his life, she would understand his reasons. She only hoped that one day he might realize the truth behind why she said the things she did. There was no other choice. If they continued to fool themselves into thinking their love was possible, it would have only ended in their deaths.
Safely in the corridor leading to her chambers she let her hand rise to her cheek, wiping away the moisture which had slid over the skin from her eye. Was she weeping? Is this what it was like to cry? Her throat felt tight, breath coming in short gasps, clutching at her chest to try and calm herself. It was an uncomfortable feeling. Every muscle in her body trembled from the strain it took to stay on her feet, bursting through the curtain into her room just as her legs gave out from underneath her.
From the floor she gave in to the awful sensation, doubled forward, tears streaming from her eyes faster than she thought was possible. Racked with sobs, she coughed in her attempts to intake air. What had this man done to her? Reduced her to tears. Her! A woman known for her impenetrable strength amongst her people and here she lay, weeping like a human child. She had shed no tears over the death of her husband yet for some reason the mere thought of hurting Edric pained her beyond the physical. It tore at her insides, recalling the expression on his face when she told him she didn’t love him. He looked like a man who had just been run through by a blade. And she had held the invisible sword which pierced him. She had the power to save him from the anguish and she had just stood there and watched him suffer. If only he knew that she suffered the same!
Through her sobbing she failed to hear the sound of footsteps hurrying down the hall, coming to stop outside her door. Suddenly she felt hands on her shoulders, lifting her from the ground to rest against a slender shoulder, the familiar scent of Moinie filling her nostrils. To feel her friend there with her only added to the intensity of her tears.
“Neomi,” she whispered, concern evident in her tone. “Is something wrong? Are you in pain? We should get you to the infirmary so your father can check your injuries. You should not be on your feet.”
“I do not wish to see my father,” Neomi coughed. He was the last person she wanted to see when it was his orders which led to her suffering. “I am not injured. I… I cannot explain.”
Gently grasping Neomi’s shoulders Moinie moved her away, holding her steady to stare into her tear-filled eyes. Neomi made no effort to conceal her turmoil. She was tired of hiding her feelings. It had taken far too much work to maintain her calm while in Edric’s company. There was no reason to conceal it from her friend. Moinie wouldn’t judge her. “Has something happened, Neomi? It is not like you to be so overcome with emotion. Did the Vor’shai Prince find you? Has he done something to you? Tell me and I will have him dealt with.”
“No,” she sobbed, shaking her head miserably. “It is I who found him. I had no choice, Moinie. My father was going to kill him if I did not. I… he made me lie to him. He made me tell him that I do not love him.”
“This is a blessing in disguise. You were supposed to tell him those very words before you left Isavo.”
“But Moinie –” She wasn’t sure what to say. How could Moinie ever possibly understand? The truth was that she did love Edric. It had to be so. Regardless of her experience with the emotion, there was no other explanation for the way she felt. When he was gone she longed for his presence and the thought of him filled her every waking moment. Such things weren’t normal. She had never obsessed so much about Mevuk – or any other man she had known throughout her life.
Without saying anything more, Moinie seemed to pull Neomi’s thoughts from her mind. She stared down at her, confused, shaking her head in disbelief. “You love this man?” she breathed. “I have always believed it to be nothing more than jest. Curiosity, perhaps, but never did I think you truly cared with any depth for him. So why do you weep now?”
“Because I would rather leave this place with him and never come back. Instead I have hurt him beyond repair. He will never look upon me the same again.”
“Why would you say this? What did you tell him?”
“I told him that I felt nothing for him. That I am to be betrothed to Enapo…”
“Neomi, you know there is a chance Enapo will not accept the offer your father may make to him,” Moinie interrupted, the frown on her face deepening at the thought. “He is a young man. Worthy of your hand, perhaps, but he will have the same thought about marrying you that any other man would. You were married to his brother and failed to produce an heir. With his brother dead, the Onepa’i family will be actively seeking a child to maintain their heritage. You are a risk if he takes you as a wife.”
“What else would you have me tell him? Anything less than a confession of marriage would have led to Edric convincing me not to turn him away. He has a strange power over me. It is impossible to think when I am with him.”
Careful of Neomi’s trembling form Moinie drew her in once again, lightly patting her back in attempts to console her. It was humorous, in a way. Their people were unfamiliar with such acts. She could only imagine how odd it must be for her friend to be in the position she was, lacking the knowledge of how to ease the unquiet mind of an emotional woman. “It will be difficult for you while the Vor’shai men remain in Ethrysta but I assure you, once they have returned home, your pain will ease. Over time you will no doubt forget about that man and return your focus to your people once again.”
Forget him? No, she would never do that. She couldn’t convince herself that the pain would ever cease. The only thing that made life seem bearable was knowing that she would still see him, even if he detested her. Once he returned to Tanispa that mild consolation would be gone and she would be forced to live out her days, reminded of what she had done, wondering if he still thought of her, or if he had found someone else. But there was no point in arguing with Moinie. The pain was her own to deal with. She had made her mistakes and she had no one to blame but herself. From this point on she would have to learn to live with it and find a way to get through on her own.
Standing in the spacious meeting room Neomi remained perfectly still, thankful for Moinie’s company. She had been dreading this day. Prior to her waking Enapo had been sent with a small group of men to Ilaka in hopes of arranging peaceful talks between the Komoa and the Ythes. There were still so many questions left unanswered after their discovery in Isavo. Details of the past which had been left undocumented in the journals regarding the Avaern. Onuric and the Chief shared in the opinion that the Ythes must know something about what happened to lead the Avaern into its centuries long slumber underground. Given the tenuous relationship between them and the Ythes, it was unlikely they would be willing to divulge much.
Her father had been straightf
orward in regards to the meetings she would attend this day. Upon Enapo’s initial return, he was to be confronted with the proposition of marriage. Okivra was insistent that the arrangements be set into motion with haste. After hearing Enapo’s decision, the Vor’shai men were to be brought forward to join in the discussion of details uncovered by the Ythes. She hoped Edric would avoid the meeting. The tension between them would be impossible to conceal from the others, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to face her father and brother about the truth of the rumors. It would become obvious in an instant which of the Vor’shai men was to blame if they could not keep their anxiety under control.
The sound of her father’s footsteps entering the room set her nerves on edge. Was it time already?
“Enapo, come forward,” Okivra announced, taking his place at the head of the room. Hesitantly Neomi let her gaze sweep over the faces around her, relieved to find their number small. Onuric stood off to the side, watching the meeting from a distance. Detached. He had no say in the matter of Neomi’s engagement though she assumed he had a strong opinion about who her father would choose. Enapo was a strong warrior but when compared to Mevuk, Onuric would never approve. In her brother’s eyes no one would ever be good enough for her. At her side Moinie remained stoic and rigid, meeting Neomi’s eyes briefly before turning to face Okivra once again.
At the Chief ’s command Enapo stepped into the room, confident strides leading him to stand at Neomi’s opposite side, shoulders back, head held high, prepared for whatever questions Okivra would present. With sharp and precise movements he bowed to Okivra, straightening his posture once again, saying nothing.
Returning the gesture of greeting Okivra gave a slight bow, little more than a bob of his head in acknowledgment. “Before I call the others, there is a matter of business which needs to be discussed.” Enapo’s chin lifted, the small motion the only indication he gave for having heard what Okivra said. Not requiring further comment from Enapo, her father pressed onward. “As you know, the death of Mevuk has returned Neomi to my care. I sympathize for your loss in your brother, but it is my hope that an arrangement can be made with the Onepa’i family. Where my daughter once was accepted as one of your own, I would like to extend an offer of seeing her returned to your family. As a wife to you.”
“That is a gracious offer, Sir,” Enapo replied, letting his body twist to look Neomi over carefully. She remained perfectly still. The feeling of being an object on display was one she disliked when her father had presented her to Mevuk in the past. Now she held even less patience, wanting nothing more than to scream out in protest and let her true feelings toward Edric be known. But that couldn’t be permitted. This was the perfect punishment after what she had done.
The soft click of Enapo’s boots could be heard against the floor, slowly circling her, like a vulture circling the corpse of some pitiful animal. A noticeable snort sounded from Onuric’s direction. “Father, you cannot be serious.”
Okivra shot his son a disapproving glance. “Silence yourself, Onuric. This discussion is between myself and Enapo.”
Swallowing hard Neomi stiffened to feel Enapo’s fingers grab at her chin, lifting her head to examine her face more closely. He seemed satisfied with whatever he was looking for, nodding to Okivra with a half-smile. “She is pleasing to the eye. No man would argue that. My concern is her ability to provide an heir. You are aware of the need placed upon the Onepa’i family after my brother’s death. Whoever I choose as a wife must be able to guarantee a child, and swiftly. I am not convinced your daughter is capable of producing such.”
“There is no guarantee attached to a woman. You will enter any union with the same risk.”
“Not the same,” Enapo shook his head. “Your daughter was married to my brother beyond five years time. Never once did she give sign of fertility to the degree I require. This makes her less desirable.”
“Your brother was a busy man, Enapo. How can we be certain it was a failure on my daughter’s part and not simply a lack of time spent with his wife?”
“We cannot be certain. But I require more than a promise you are not able to give. I need proof that she can perform the duties necessary in a wife before I will agree to a union. This, however, creates another dilemma entirely.”
The men locked eyes, Enapo’s confidence surprising Neomi while frightening her at the same time. How could they possibly provide proof? There was no means of guaranteeing her ability to conceive a child. Enapo asked the impossible of her father. And with good reason. A glimmer of hope flashed at the back of her mind. Maybe his request would be the deciding factor in her father giving up his ridiculous idea of marrying her off to avoid scandal. The hasty marriage would only serve to heighten the curiosity of the others.
“Such proof cannot be provided,” Onuric interjected, stepping forward to stand at his father’s side. Enapo brought his hand up, quickly returning Onuric to silence.
“I am within my rights to propose the request. You are both aware of this. Most men would consider it an insult to be offered the hand of a woman who has failed in a previous marriage. Under any other circumstance, were she the daughter of any other man, she would be left to live out her days as an old maid. Do you still consider me unreasonable for requiring more than just your otherwise empty promise?”
“You are not unreasonable, Enapo,” Okivra moved in front of Onuric. “Tell me what you require me to provide and we will see if an arrangement cannot be met.”
“It is simple.” Enapo let his eyes trail back to Neomi, the flash she saw in them leaving her feeling somehow exposed. “If I bed your daughter and she proves capable of providing a child, then I would immediately agree to the union. Upon confirmation of conception we could see the nuptials performed and no one would have to know the circumstances leading to the marriage.”
Neomi’s jaw dropped, horrified by what Enapo was suggesting. She refused to stand by idly and let these men discuss her in this manner. She was not some object to be passed around. “You wish to make a whore of me?” she gasped.
“You have already given yourself that reputation, Neomi. We are trying to find a way to mend that,” Okivra snapped. Despite the firmness of his tone, she could see the uncertainty in his gaze as he turned his eyes on Enapo. “I cannot simply let any random man sleep with my daughter and marry her to the first one she births the child of.”
“I am not a random man, Sir. You have chosen me as her mate. Such actions would take place between your daughter and I if I were to accept her hand in marriage. This way at least provides a less prominent break of the agreement if she is unable to provide an heir, in which case no one would be aware of what transpired and it saves you the humiliation of an annulment. If you will not meet my terms then I must respectfully decline and offer my best in your search to find another match for your daughter.”
“This is not something which I can make a decision on at this time,” Okivra shook his head, jaw set, his frustration evident. It stung Neomi to realize that he might be considering the offer. His inability to simply tell Enapo no was unsettling. “The Vor’shai Captain is waiting for our meeting. Enapo, return to the foyer and see him and the others here. We will conclude our business at a later time.”
“As you wish,” Enapo bowed, turning on his heel to make his way out of the room. He had barely rounded the corner when Onuric’s voice cut through the silence, speaking the words that were hanging on Neomi’s lips.
“Father, this is ludicrous. I will not let you consider doing such a thing to my sister.”
“And what would you have me do?” Okivra shouted. “It is gracious of him to even provide this option, no matter how much I detest the thought. We are limited and must do something.”
“Gracious of him? You consider it gracious that he looks you in the eye while asking to sleep with your daughter without a guarantee of marriage?”
“There is a guarantee if she provides a child.”
“And if she does not then she is to
be nothing more than his whore? If word of this arrangement reached the ears of our people it would destroy the reputation of our family more than these ridiculous rumors. At least with rumors there is a chance they are false. The extreme you seek in order to quell the whispers will only lend to their credibility while in turn destroying any respect Neomi might possibly have rebuilt among our people. How am I to command these men when they would consider you and me to be nothing more than panderers?”
“Hold your tongue, Onuric.”
Everything was falling apart. Neomi found herself wishing desperately that the gods would have taken her away from this place. Had she known what the future was to bring, she would have willingly given up her life to the veswar in order to escape the torture she endured now. What made things worse was that she understood her father’s predicament though at the same time she could see Onuric’s point. Both of them wanted what was best for the family yet they shared different views on how to accomplish their goal. Although Onuric tended toward the more rash decisions, she prayed her father could be convinced to see Onuric’s view.
But it wasn’t entirely up to her family. Even if Enapo was granted his wish, it inevitably would come down to her. She could still deny him her bed. It would create further strife between her and her family – or at least her father. Onuric would understand. She believed he would urge her to deny Enapo. Not that she held anything against him. Enapo was respectable. He had good reason for not accepting the marriage at face value. She saw no ill-intentions in his eyes when he set his terms and she doubted him to be less than sincere in his promise of marriage upon her conceiving a child, but it did nothing to change the way it made her feel. She would rather die than lay with that man. She never wanted another man to touch her again.
By the time Enapo returned with the others Neomi feared she would faint from the anxiety. Facing Enapo in the presence of the Vor’shai would be difficult enough after the proposition which was just voiced between him and her father. And now to stand in his company with Edric? Did the gods truly despise her so much?
The Myatheira Chronicles: Volume Three: Crown of Ice Page 72