by Lynn, Davida
I turned, ready to cross the empty street, and he followed me. “If my mom catches me talking to a boy, I’ll suffer for weeks. You gotta get moving.” I lowered my voice as if my mother wasn’t inside the building.
“What’s your phone number?” His smile was as toothy as ever. He wasn’t the one that was going to get in trouble.
“Go.” I tried to shoo him away as I passed.
He wouldn’t let up. We were getting closer to the storefront. “What’s your address?” I admired his persistence, but he was going to get me in trouble.
“Go!” I whispered harshly. I gave him a shove, realizing again that his strong body wasn’t going to budge against my slender frame.
“What church do you go to?” As he asked, I sped up, trying to get to the front door of the bookstore before he could follow me inside. If he did, my mother would have a total meltdown.
I knew that the only way he’d relent was if I gave him something. I figured he’d never come to my church, so it sounded like the safest bet. Besides, I looked inside to see my mother paying. Time was of the essence.
I turned to him and stopped. He was following closely, and he actually had to grab my shoulders to stop us colliding. I wanted to feel his fingertips on my skin, but the modest dress prevented him from actually touching my flesh. I’d dream about it for weeks.
“We go to Austin Bluffs. Now go!” I spun around, cursing my heart for beating so hard for the handsome stranger.
I heard him walking down the street, and before the door closed all the way, I heard him call back to me, “The name’s Eddie!”
When the door closed, the bells alerted everyone inside the bookstore of my presence. The cashier and my mother turned to me. She smiled at me, her large pile of books on the countertop.
“What did you say, dear?” She seemed oblivious that I had even been gone, which wasn't out of the ordinary.
I snapped myself out of the blank stare, finally finding an out. “Hmm? Oh, I said, ‘You ready?’ ”
She looked down at the pile of books. “Just about. Would you be a sweetheart and give your mother a hand?”
My heart eased a bit knowing that I’d gotten away with my daring escape. Daring escape. To think that walking down the street and talking with a boy my age was “daring” made my soul sink. Mother had tried to set me up with boys from respected families in the church, and I could already envision myself being pushed toward marriage.
That thought was the most awful thing that had ever come into my head. I wanted to escape, not just the church or my home, but Colorado Springs entirely. I wanted to see the world and experience things instead of reading about them or hearing everything I was missing out on from my sister and brother-in-law.
I smiled and tried to cover up my feelings. After three years of feeling distant and alienated, I had gotten pretty good at keeping up the façade.
Picking up the books, I headed back toward the door, ready to climb into the old ’80 Jeep Wagoneer. After dropping the books into the back seat, I pulled myself up into the passenger’s side. My mother was already buckling herself in, and as she turned the key to start the engine, she looked over at me.
“So, you want to tell me about the boy I saw you with?”
The ride back to our house somehow turned into the longest four miles of my life. My mother grilled me on every second I’d spent from the time I left the bookstore until the time I returned. She wanted to know everything there was to know about Eddie.
“Mother, I was just talking to him. I don’t know anything about him.” I did my best to stay calm about the whole ordeal.
“You just met some boy on the street? Faith, there’s too many people in this city to be talking to strangers.” I’d heard the lecture so many times before. The words were different, but it was that isolationist tone that was always the same.
My parents regulated everything about my life, and at eighteen, I was done with it.
“We just talked.” Then, I remembered something that she would bite like a hungry catfish. “He asked what church I go to.” The tone was hopeful, and I knew the bait was too tempting.
In an instant, her mood changed. That sparkle of the Lord’s holy light was in her eye. Her perception went from sinner and atheist to a lost sheep looking for his flock and protective shepherd. She turned to me with a smile.
“Is he new in Colorado Springs, or just unhappy at his current church?” Her voice changed in pitch, as well. It was higher, hopping along from C word to C word.
I shook my head. “I’m not sure, Mother, but I told him where we went.” Up to that point, I hadn’t told a single lie. I twisted the truth into something unrecognizable, but I hadn’t lied. That was about to change.
“He was very interested in The Navigators.” I was laying it on thick, but I wanted to swing the conversation anywhere but on Eddie.
The Navigators were a group that trained Christians on better spreading the Word of God to others. My parents had been members for as long as I could remember. Not only did we attend regular church services, but we also sat through classes and lectures on better spreading the Word. I found it ironic that even though my parents were trained better than most missionaries, they’d still never left the state of Colorado to do any Word spreading.
“Did you invite him to Wednesday service?” She almost sang each new question, excited by the possibility of a new member of the church.
No, no I did not, Mother. “Of course I did, Mother. He sounded very excited. I hope I gave him a good impression of our church.”
“I hope so, too, sweetheart. Did he say where he used to worship?”
I wanted the ride home to be over, but it felt like every stoplight was against me.
“I didn’t recognize the name. He said they were more into the social aspect rather than the actual worshipping.” It was a subject that always got my mother riled up.
The rest of the car ride, she went on and on about how churches are just an excuse to see each other once a week. Pot lucks and community meetings have no place in the house of the Lord, etcetera, etcetera. I tuned out.
Eddie occupied my mind, instead. I’d seen other boys besides the ones in church. I saw them at the grocery store, rare trips to the movies, and at the doctor’s office. Never had any of them talked to me, let alone talked to me the way that Eddie did.
The way he told me what I was thinking. Not like an order, but like solid knowledge that he had picked up just by reading my body language. It was…I don’t know. It was exhilarating. It reminded me of the heroes in the books I read. Not the ones my family knew about, but the ones I hid. He was a real man. And that whistle. It was the complete opposite of how I’d been treated since becoming a woman. The boys in church were afraid to even look at me wrong.
They were polite. I was so tired of polite. I was ready for more than a soft and tentative kiss on the lips. I wanted strong, manly hands on my body.
After that thought, I couldn't get the image of Eddie’s hands on my shoulders out of my head. I gave my mother the occasional “mmhm” or “totally,” but my mind was somewhere else completely.
When we pulled in, I snapped out of the fantasy that had a sinful heat rising from between my legs. My mother turned to me.
“I really hope we see this Eddie at church on Wednesday.”
I hated to agree with her on anything, but I was hoping he would show his face, too.
My days were mostly spent prepping for my high school degree exam. I was planning on graduating that fall and convincing my parents to let me visit Esther in California. I hadn’t started that conversation, but I knew it would be tough.
Eddie was on my mind often. I had grown up as a quiet child, so I often spent time inside my own head. My parents thought that it was my time with Jesus, but it was usually spent daydreaming about travel or whatever new adventure book I was reading in secret.
From Sunday until Wednesday, thoughts of Eddie were taking up most of my time. I thought about
that first whistle that had come from between his lips. I thought about his attitude. He was so sure in every word he said, but it was more than that. Eddie was sure in every movement he made. When he stared through the glass at the generic art, there was a calmness in his eyes that I could drown in.
I did everything but pray that he would come on Wednesday. It was obvious that Eddie wasn’t the religious type, and I figured that if he dragged himself to Austin Bluffs, he really did want to see me. It was a longshot, and it was a long few days.
Wednesday came, and even my mother noticed an excitement about me.
“Faith, why are you so chipper today?” She brushed the long, blonde hair from my face as I dug through my jewelry box for matching earrings.
I decided to go with the twisted truth again. “I’m just hoping that boy comes. He seemed lost.” I knew my mother loved that word. I could almost see the tear in her eye when I said it. She loved shepherding new lambs into the flock.
“What was his name? Eddie?” I nodded, managing to find a pair of earrings that actually matched. My mother gave a loving look in the mirror. “I hope he comes, too.”
The drive to our church was the perfect opportunity for my father to embark on another one of his lectures about boys.
“You know men are the true sinners, don’t you, Faith?”
He looked into the rearview mirror as he drove, reciting a sermon that I could almost mouth along with him. “Yes, Eve ate the apple, and birthed original sin. She disobeyed a direct command by our Lord, but do you know the first sin as defined by the Ten Commandments was Cain slaying Abel?”
“Yes, Dad. I know.”
“And you know that the motivation was jealousy and anger. Cain killed his brother because he was jealous. Sounds like just about every teenage boy I know. If you talk to one, inevitably, the others will see, and the seed of hatred will be planted. Your mother is far more keen on your finding a partner than I, but you know that.
“I want you to find a man in your own time who believes as you do. I know Jacob has been spending time with you at study. Is that right?”
Jacob was one of the limp boys who sat beside me during Bible study. He’d spend an entire hour leaning toward me and nothing more. If we spoke, it was only about the Bible. I found him to be the most bland, gray, trite human being I’d ever met. If he never came back to study and I never saw him again, I wouldn’t spare him a single thought.
My mother, on the other hand—she thought he was handsome and sweet.
“Jacob is nice, Dad. He has offered to study with me personally.”
“You know what he wants, don’t you, Faith?”
“Daddy, I think he is a nice boy. I don’t think he is interested in me that way.” In fact, I was pretty sure he was gay. He was the type that would be the last to know, probably a few years after getting married and having kids.
At a red light, my father had the opportunity to turn around and spew his propaganda at me face-first. “All boys want it, Faith. All of them. I see the way Jacob looks at you.”
“Garrett, dear. The light.”
I owed my mother so much for saving me from that awkward stare down from my father. He turned his attention back to the road.
“Faith, I think it would be best if you didn’t sit near Jacob during study this evening. I don’t feel right about him. I’ve prayed on this so many nights for the strength to impart my and the Lord’s wisdom to you. Your mother and I just want the purity of the Lord to shine through you.” He was speaking with more intensity by the second.
By the time we pulled into the parking lot, my father was beating on the steering wheel of the Wagoneer.
“And I get down on my knees, oh Lord, begging you keep my daughter safe from impure thoughts and the impure thoughts of others.” He reached out and grabbed my mother’s hand. “Hear us, O Lord, for without you, our daughter will turn to the ways of sin and debauchery. Help to heal her from what she has yet to do.”
The lecture-turned-prayer halted as soon as he shut the engine off, as if the Jeep’s motor was a link to the Lord above. I rolled my eyes but kept my head down.
As we filed in with the rest of the weekday congregation, I scanned the crowd for those confident eyes. I didn’t spot Eddie before it was time to head inside, but I didn’t stop searching for him once we sat down.
Part of me expected him to take the preacher’s place. I felt like Eddie could command any room he wanted. I could see him up there, faking his way through a sermon with everyone on the edge of their seats waiting for his next words.
Instead, Pastor Hodges brought his large body up to the pulpit to begin his speech. After about three words, I was daydreaming again: Eddie leaning against the fence like Tom Sawyer; his hands in his pockets dressed like James Dean; the bold demand of a kiss.
It was like the regency novels I had dragged myself through. A gentleman always knows when he can push the boundaries. I didn’t know if Eddie was a gentleman, but he was definitely into pushing the boundary. I was into the way he made my heart race, so I was filled with disappointment when I couldn’t spot him among the congregation.
After an hour and a half of hellfire and brimstone, it was time for Bible study. With Eddie nowhere in sight, I settled in for what would be another dull night wasted with a group of people I considered to be sheep, and not in the “Jesus’s flock” kind of way.
In the basement with the “Young Adults” class, I grabbed a folding chair and prepared for another hour of slogging through the scripture. It was drivel. All the questions were the same, and all the answers were even worse. I sighed and sat down as far from our leader as possible.
Carly Simmons was a stuck up, prissy know-it-all, but in a way that you almost had to admire. She knew more Bible trivia than anyone else, and she loved to show it off. When the opportunity came up to run our age group’s discussion, her hand shot up like a rocket.
So I sat opposite her. Closer to one side might have been better for someone else, but I knew Carly was nearsighted and often forgot her glasses. That gave me the advantage of turning into a literal blur outside of her vision.
As I prepared for another hour of fighting to stay conscious, a knock made me look to the basement stairs. Then my heart went into overdrive.
“Terribly sorry if I’m late. I didn’t realize the service started this early.” It was just like Sunday, when I saw him leaning up against the fence, except he was leaning against the drywall at the bottom of the carpeted stairs. It sounded like he was addressing the room, but Eddie stared only at me.
His smile was still there despite him being in an environment I knew he was unfamiliar with. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, even as Carly spoke.
“That’s all right. We’re just getting seated. Come on in.”
He didn’t move into the room. He moved toward me. I shook my head and grinned. I hoped no one could see. He wasn’t carrying the Good Book, and he was dressed in jeans and an open button-up shirt with the white t-shirt beneath.
He grabbed a folding chair from the stack propped against the wall on his way to me. Jacob was already sitting next to me on my right, and another of my shy admirers, Davis, was working his way to my left. Eddie wasn’t having any of it. He stepped right in front of Davis, putting himself between us. Davis opened his mouth to say something, but Eddie simply shook his head back and forth, the smile saying everything for him.
He turned and looked down at me. “This seat taken?”
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that he came, and I couldn't believe that he was going through the pain and misery of Bible study to sit right beside me. As Davis moved away from me entirely, Eddie unfolded his chair and placed it beside me.