“Londynn, I wish I could believe that, but I can’t. You don’t either but it’s okay you’re not ready to talk but when you are I’ll be here. And trust me you’re going to need to talk at someone point. There’s no way you can live in that house and keep company with people like Ryce and not need it. Promise me that when you do you’ll call me.” Tears threaten to escape, but somehow, I manage to hold them back. I just nod in agreement as Sadie steps forward and pulls me into her arms.
As I watch her walk away and drive off I can’t help but feel like she might be right. I’m going to need her someday.
****
Alivia pulled up a little while later, once we got our frozen yogurt and took a seat that looked out onto the street. “So, what’s new with you?” Alivia asked.
I shrug and slowly let the frozen yogurt melt in my mouth while I decipher what her question means. I can tell but the look on her face that she knows something, probably from Creed. “Not much and you?”
She matches my shrug and stares before saying “Not much.”
I shake my head and roll my eyes “What do you know Alivia?”
She laughs “Okay, so Creed told me all about your bad boy in shining armor coming to you rescue at the races! Jagger James on top of that! I mean I’d take any of those ridiculously hot James boys coming to my defense but Jagger, he’s got that mysterious thing going for him but doesn’t seem like an ass like Ace.”
“It was nothing. You know Sadie was my nurse while I was in treatment and she is engaged to Axell and according to her that’s just how they were raised. They may be bad boys, but they stand up for women," I say staring down on my frozen yogurt because if I meet Alivia’s eyes she’ll know I’m lying and then she’ll never let this go. Of course, it was a big deal to me. No one besides Farrah and Vivienne has ever come to my defense before. The fact that a guy who is basically a stranger did for me is confusing enough. Add on the fact that he is Jagger James, who is gorgeous with his perfectly messy hair, tattoos and muscled up body that I seem to have some weird vibe going on with just makes it impossible to figure out. How am I supposed to explain this to my best friend if I can’t even make sense of it?
“Girl, that was not nothing! I wish I could have been there to see the look on Ryce’s face. I bet it was priceless. I heard he even cheated to get a head start and still lost the damn race," she says laughing loudly. I just nod my head in agreement, but I stay quiet, once her laughing dies down she gets a serious look on her face. “So, if Jagger was nothing then what’s going on with you and Ryce?”
I shake my head and whine “I don’t know! I know that Ryce and I make sense and our families expect us to get married and what not, but I don’t feel that excitement with him anymore. I used to get so excited at the thought of a date or kissing him and now I just cringe.”
“You cringe?” Alivia asks clearly shocked. I just shake my head in agreement with her. “I knew you weren’t happy, but I didn’t know you cringed. Why?”
“Because of all the pressure to be the Londynn he wants me to be. The Londynn my parents want me to be. I’m not free to just be me and I know that makes no sense to you because your family isn’t like that but I just dread playing the part anymore," I say sighing heavily and feeling defeated.
“I have a crush on Creed!” Alivia just blurts out of nowhere then quickly clamps her hand over her mouth while her brown eyes go huge.
I laugh because I knew this a year ago even if they hadn’t figured it out yet. “Alivia, I knew that so stop being so dramatic.”
“You knew that?”
“Yes, and I’m pretty sure Creed has a crush on you," I tell her.
“How did you know?” She asks.
I giggle “The way you two act, it’s been obvious to everyone but the two of you.”
She runs her fingers through her hair and sighs loudly “What do I do Londynn?”
I shake my head at the irony of the situation. My love life is in shambles yet she’s asking me for love advice. I may or may not have a boyfriend that I don’t want to be with and that has already proven I’m nothing more than a trophy to keep his place in the society pages. Then there’s this thing with Jagger. I feel different when I’m with him, like I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not. For those few fleeting moments I feel alive, I feel free. So, I tell Alivia the only advice I can give her, and I should probably take for myself as well “Tell him, life’s short you know?”
****
Jagger
My emotions are a little all over the place after leaving the cemetery, between seeing Harlyn’s grave for the first time and that odd encounter with Londynn, I’m not sure what to think. Londynn makes me feel something I haven’t felt since that night I lost Harlyn. Londynn makes me feel hopeful but hope is a dangerous emotion especially for a guy like me. I learned a long time ago that since I grew up on the tough side of town then I needed to be tough in order to survive. I had never understood why my brothers got in so many fights until I finally figured out it was their way of protection. If they could show everyone else just how tough they were then no one would mess with them. So, that’s what I had done, followed in my brother’s footsteps and Ace had followed me. It’s how we got the reputation we have, that and the fact that were lethal behind the wheel of a car.
There’s nothing like getting behind the wheel of a car and pushing the pedal all the way down to the floorboard. Pedal to the metal was the biggest adrenaline rush you could ever get. Nothing comes close to that feeling of doing a 100+ mph and the wind whipping your face, the objects you pass just becoming blurs. Nothing could beat that feeling except one thing, love. Love was that same adrenaline rush because you’re giving someone the most breakable piece of yourself and trusting them with it. Giving them that is like pushing that pedal to the metal the adrenaline rush comes from wondering if they will protect it, kind of how you wonder if you’re going to survive your race.
For a guy like me though, hope is a fairy tale, something you’ll never actually get. Wrong side of town, wrong amount of money, wrong car, wrong house, the wrongs just continue to pile up. I’m no fairy tale prince and girls like Londynn have been raised inside a fairy tale. They dream of it and their prince charming. I could never give Londynn the life she’s expecting or has been raised in, not even close. Londynn is a fairy tale that could potentially send me running from L.A. again. I can’t afford to do that again and my brothers can’t afford that, they need me.
By the time I pull into the body shop my mood has plummeted and it must show because when I enter no one says anything to me and they all move to get out of my way. A pissed off James brother is the last thing you want to be on the bad side of and apparently the crew here knows that.
A few hours later Axell pulls me out from under a car. “You feeling any better?”
“Depends on your definition," I tell him.
He chuckles “What is with you, Bowie and Ace? You guys all have this sarcastic ass attitude, drives me insane.”
“Sorry to disappoint.”
“Hey, I’ve never said I was disappointed. I’m damn proud of all of you but you guys need to let the attitude go. Look, Ace has Kynlee who is great, but he’s acts like a jerk to her all the time and what for? Bowie and you both got your hearts broken but you know what the world is still turning. Y’all need to grow a pair and grow up, the world is tough but acting like this isn’t going to get you anywhere," he says giving me a hard glare.
“You done now?” I ask, and I know it’s rude, but truth be told Axell hit a nerve. I should tell him thank you or at least give him a smile but instead I just roll back under the car.
“You know seeing you with Londynn this past weekend gave Sadie and I hope for you. You’ve been alone for too long and she’s a great girl. I know I said to stay away but you protected her without hesitation. I guess I was just hoping that maybe I’d get my old brother back.” He says, and I can hear the hint of sadness in his tone.
“Well, do
n’t hope, it just causes you to dream up fantasies that will never happen," I say while getting back to work.
****
By the time I leave work it’s late, but I don’t want to go home so I decide to go for a drive. Once I’m in my car I turn up the radio and roll down the windows. I’m driving without paying attention before I finally realize where I’m heading. Lookout point as we always called it. In high school we all used to come up here and hang out rather it was after the races or just to make out with our girlfriends. It was like our little escape from the world. I continue the drive up but to my surprise it’s not empty. It’s pretty late on a Thursday night so I expected it to be empty but to my surprise I see a red Audi R8 parked up ahead. As my headlights light up the area a head full of honey colored hair shines back at me. Londynn.
To say I’m shocked to see Londynn here is an understatement. The rich girl from the rich part of town has no business being up here at lookout point late at night by herself in an overpriced car. I park next to Londynn and get out of my car, slowly I walk towards her. I stop beside her car. The Audi is in perfect shape I’m afraid to touch it let alone sit on it but Londynn scoots over. When I don’t move she tells me in a whisper “sit…please.” I don’t say anything because she looks like something is on her mind. I study her profile her mouth is in a straight line not even a hint of smile playing on her lips. Her eyes stay focused on the city lights in front of us, but I was right about that light being gone from them. Something about her seems so sad and lost.
We sit in silence until I can’t take it anymore. “I didn’t know you rich kids knew about lookout point.”
“We know about it but not too many will come to it. I’ve always been intrigued by it," she says still not looking at me.
I shake my head because I’m not sure who would be intrigued by this place, but I’ll admit that the view is killer. “You know it could be dangerous for you out here all by yourself.”
“It could be, but I’ve been out here every night this week and you’re the first person I’ve seen, and I don’t think you’re a threat.”
I chuckle because a lot of people would have a different opinion. “You know a lot of people would disagree with you on that.”
She shakes her head and finally turns those dark hazel eyes on me “They’d be wrong. You have a reputation and an image just like the rest of us, but those things don’t make you who you are.”
Something about how she says those words makes me feel like she knows a lot more about reputations and images than she’d like. “Now what would you know about a reputation and image princess.”
“More than you know," she says coldly before turning to face the city again.
We sit in an awkward silence for some time before I finally apologize which causes her to laugh but it’s still a little forced. “So why do you come up here?” I ask her.
“I’ve always liked the city lights. I think they remind me that were not alone even in those moments that we feel so hopeless and alone if you come up here and see all those lights, from homes and cars and businesses it reminds you that this world is a big place, full of people. No matter what I’m going through someone else is probably going through something worse and someone might feel exactly like me. Alone and lost and pressured. Each one of those lights represents a person who might just feel like I do.” She falls quiet after that while her words sink into my brain. Londynn Parrish feels alone and lost and pressured. Who would have thought that the girl, who seemed perfect, wasn’t? After a while Londynn slides from the hood of her car and tells me it’s getting late and she should be getting home.
I open her car door for her but before she climbs inside she turns back to me, those eyes are searching my face and I know she’s worried I’ll tell everyone about what she said up here tonight but I’d never do that. “Don’t worry it’ll be our little secret," I tell her. I see the relief flood her face then she tip-toes and kisses my cheek. The fresh scent of daisies engulfs me for a moment before she slides into her driver seat. I’m so stunned by the kiss that I barely remember shutting her door. I lay back on the hood of my car while the day replays in my mind.
Chapter 7
Londynn
It’s been two days since I’ve seen Jagger at lookout point and let a part of my guard down. Now looking back on it I’m not sure why I even told him everything I did that night. I wish I could understand what came over me. And the kiss! Why had I kissed his cheek? Tonight is Friday night, and of course there are street races but I’m refusing to go. Instead, I’m staying in with a bowl of popcorn and a soda while I watch 80s teen movies.
I had just got comfortable on my bed with The Breakfast Club playing when it occurred to me that the rebel from the film reminded me a little of Jagger and it was an 80s movie, kind of like Jagger’s choice of music and his given name. Shaking my head, I pause the movie, maybe I should grab a book instead. I’m about to get up when Farrah, Connor, Creed, Alivia and Jagger walk into my bedroom. I want to bury my head in the pillows and scream at this unannounced visit.
“Okay doll face! You are going to get up and get dressed because we are going to the races!” Farrah exclaims while Alivia is already in my closet pulling things for me to wear.
I sigh and roll my eyes “I told you earlier when you asked I wasn’t feeling up to it tonight, so why are we you here?”
“Because you need to get out of the house” Creed says while stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans.
I shake my head but take in the group in my room. Jagger James is standing in my pale pink, princess like room. It must look so predictable to him, little does he know that my favorite color is red and that I want a black, white and red bedroom but I’ll have one someday. Then another thought occurs to me my hair is a mess, I have no makeup on and I’m wearing Hello Kitty pj's. Now I really want to scream, this is not how I ever wanted Jagger to see me. Especially when he’s leaning against my door frame looking like some kind of sex God. It should seriously be illegal for anyone to be as good looking as he is.
He has on dark denim jeans that hang off his hips in just the right way with a simple white t-shirt. I can see the chain and outline of a necklace that is under his shirt and it makes me curious what it is. His eyes never leave mine and I’m feeling flushed and breathless for no reason what so ever. Finally, I shake my head in an attempt to clear it and turn my head back to Farrah “I don’t want to go. I don’t want to fight with Ryce again. It’s useless and stressful.”
“Technically you didn’t fight with him, Jagger almost did but then he just beat Ryce which is why I’m going to the races tonight. So, come on! Let’s go!” Alivia says.
I shake my head but before I can say anything Farrah sits next to me on my bed. “Don’t! Don’t go there in that head of yours. You need to go out, you need to take time away from this life and figure things out for yourself. As far as Ryce is concerned he’s just another douchebag dumbass that didn’t realize what he had when he had it. Any guy who could cheat on you doesn’t deserve you! So, let’s make you look super-hot, well hotter than your normal and you can prance those long legs past him and make him realize what he lost.”
I laugh and let her pull me from the bed. As she’s ushering me into the bathroom she tells the boy to have a seat on the bed and watch the movie while we get ready. Once the door is shut and I’m looking at the outfit I ask Farrah and Alivia “What is Jagger doing here with you guys?”
“Well, he was hanging out at JamesTown and I had just tried calling you for like the thousandth time when Connor came in followed shortly after by Creed and Alivia. I told them I coming here to check on you and they all just followed," Farrah says with a shrug making her blonde curls bounce.
“And Jagger just came?” I ask hearing the shock in my voice.
“Jagger just came," she clarifies. While I absentmindedly put on the clothes they’ve brought I try to figure out why he came with them. Maybe when I leaned in to kiss his cheek he thought it m
eant more than it did. I’ve been over that decision multiple times and every time I try to tell myself it was just because he had been nice and listened to me but in reality, there was more to it. There was some odd connection I had with that bad boy racer sitting on my fluffy pink bed on the other side of the door. While Farrah and Alivia went to work on my hair and makeup I tried to make sense of everything else.
****
Jagger
In the car on the way to Londynn’s house I try to figure out why I had come. I really had no reason to be here other than I was curious. I was curious about where Londynn came from and what she was used to. As we pull up to the obscenely large white mansion I get a sickening feeling. The place is huge, way bigger than I had imagined. There was no way Londynn’s family had needed a house this big. Once we stepped into the foyer I realized that the outside seemed small compared to the inside. Seeing the inside only confirmed my idea that there was no way Londynn’s family needed a house this size. Hell, my family didn’t even need a house this size.
Farrah leads us up the grand stair case to what I assume is Londynn's room but along the way it dawns on me that I haven’t seen one personal thing in the house so far. No family photos or any reference to the people that live here. It’s so clean and white that it almost reminds me of a hospital. It’s so sterile feeling that it almost seems cold. I search for family photos as we continue down the hall but there is nothing besides art that I’m sure was overpriced and some mirrors. Seeing this place almost makes me feel sad for Londynn having to grow up here.
When Farrah stops in front of a door I’m not sure what I was expecting but I was not expecting Londynn’s bedroom to be the size of the entire house I grew up in. With every step I’ve taken through this house tonight it’s made clearer and clearer that we come from two completely different worlds. Of course, I already knew that, but I don’t think I realized just how different until now. Londynn’s room is all pale pink and white, it’s something that I’d expect for a child that loved to play princess but not the nineteen-year-old girl she is now.
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