I shake my head as if it will shake the thoughts away because there is no way that kissing or being with Jagger is right. We come from two different worlds and he’ll get bored with me quickly. I’ll end up with my heart broken just like it was with Ryce. If I couldn’t keep Ryce happy then how could I possibly think I’d keep Jagger happy? It was clear he had way more experience than me.
Laying on my bed staring at this ridiculous room I feel that dread wash over me. Before I can even take a breath, it’s growing, drowning me, suffocating me, and wrapping me up tightly in a blanket. A thought occurs to me, maybe I can go stay with Farrah for a few days. On her first visit she told me I was more than welcome to stay at her place anytime. Well, were about to find out just how much she meant that. I get up quickly and grab an overnight bag. I dump all my necessities in the bottom and toss some clothes on top. Getting into my car I tell myself that I just need to escape for a few days.
When I pull into Farrah’s little driveway I see Connor’s car is still here. I grab my bag and march up to her front door before I can back out. I ring the doorbell and wait for Farrah. When she answers I can tell she’s been asleep her eyes are puffy, her hairs a mess and I bet her robe is the only thing she has on. She looks alarmed to see me standing at her front door in the middle of the night with a bag in my hand. “On your first visit you told me I could stay with you anytime; did you mean that?”
“Of course, I did!” She exclaims and steps back, so I can come in. “But is everything okay?”
The minute she asks I feel something in me break and the tears fall freely I shake my head “No, I don’t think so.” Farrah pulls me into her arms and rubs my back. She tells me we’ll figure it out and she’s right we will, but I don’t know how.
Chapter 9
Jagger
It’s been four days since I kissed Londynn and I still don’t know what the hell I was thinking. Kissing Londynn hadn’t been my best decision, I knew better, tasting her was like taking an exotic trip but knowing it’s going to end you’re going to come back home to your small house and your normal life. Right now, I needed something to distract my mind from Londynn. I’ve worked at the body shop all day but decide to hit the gym with Ace anyways.
I spot Ace the minute I pull into the parking lot. Were half ways through our workout when these two girls who have been checking us out finally make their way over. Both are your typical blonde California girl. Nothing that I’m interested in, but they could distract me from Londynn. I’m not sure what is going on between Ace and Kynlee but I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t be okay with the way he’s flirting right now. Ace eventually tells the girls to meet us at JamesTown in an hour.
An hour later I’m parking in front of the body shop before using the shortcut through the buildings. I spot my brother, “Ace!”
Ace turns around and flashes me his cocky grin “So you decided to show up after all.”
“Yeah, I had nothing else to do," I reply with a shrug.
He laughs “Really? No Londynn Parrish to make out with?” He asks taunting me with his tone and knowing eye.
I sneer at him “What the hell do you know about it?”
He leans against the door blocking my way. “I know enough. I know that Londynn and you have some kind of thing going on and I know the girl can kiss.” Then he winks before opening the door and disappearing through it.
How the hell did he know she could kiss? Had Ace kissed Londynn? Or was he just trying to get under my skin? Whatever, the reason it was working. I catch up and grab his shoulder. “How would you know Londynn can kiss?”
Ace raises his eyebrow before that cocky grin returns. “Well, let’s think about that, shall we?” He gets quiet and rubs his chin “Oh! That’s right, I kissed her that’s how I know.”
“Why?”
“Because her boyfriend was a douche and she needed some attention and I’m never one to abandon a damsel in distress," Ace answers with a shrug.
I shake my head because I can’t picture Londynn as a damsel in distress the girl had too many damn walls built around herself to be in distress. Besides Ace is nothing but a womanizer for whatever reason. He knows he’s gotten under my skin, but he forgot I can play that game too. “So, what’s going on with you and Kynlee? Trouble in paradise?”
“Mind your own damn business," Ace says before shoving past me.
I follow right on his heels “What I’d say man? I’m just asking where Kynlee is, that girl sure is a looker.”
“Will you shut the hell up already?” Ace bellows in the empty hallway.
I chuckle “Touchy, touchy. Looks like I hit a nerve but a word of advice little brother. Go home to Kynlee. Those two fake blondes waiting on us in there don’t even hold a candle. If you keep pushing Kynlee away eventually she’ll leave and not come back. Girls like her don’t come around all the time, especially for guys like us. So, go home Ace.”
He shakes his head and stands there thinking over my words. Eventually he turns around and heads back the way we came but before he reaches the door he turns back to me “Girls like Londynn don’t either. Go home Jagger.”
I stand there letting Ace’s words sink in. He’s right girls like Londynn don’t come around all the time either and especially for a guy like me but things between us can never be. Londynn is like champagne and I’m beer. You can’t drink the champagne on beer money. All I have is beer money. I could never give Londynn the life she’s used to or deserves. That kiss has really messed with me, mainly because I hadn’t had a kiss feel like that since Harlyn. I thought I’d never feel like that again and even if I could I won’t let myself. I don’t deserve to move on and even if Harlyn’s death wasn’t my fault I couldn’t handle any more pain like that. I barely survived the pain from losing her and Harper.
I shake my head trying to knock the images of Harlyn and Londynn from my head as I head for the bar. Once I step inside I see Farrah fixing two fruity looking drinks for our two fake blondes. I walk over to them “Hello ladies," I say as I drape my arms around their shoulders while Farrah glares at me. She doesn’t even ask if I want a drink she just walks off.
****
A few hours later and one of the blondes who I can’t remember her name is in my car. I should be into this but instead I keep thinking about all the differences between her and Londynn. This girl with her fake hair and fake boobs with her barely there clothing is nothing like Londynn. This girl’s scent burns my nose because of her fake designer perfume and it’s like she’s bathed in it. Her body doesn’t mold into mine the way Londynn’s does. I don’t feel like it’s just us in the world and she tastes of alcohol and lipstick. I miss that coconut taste that Londynn had.
The blonde is trying really hard but eventually I have to stop her. I face my steering wheel “Listen I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought you out here. I can’t do this.”
“Seriously?” The girl snaps back at me and who can blame her. I’ve been a total ass to her basically. I’ve led her on and I don’t even know her name. I reach over and grab her shirt lying in the floor board and apologize again. Before I know it she’s out of the car and I’m sitting alone with my mind back on Londynn. I slam my hand against the steering wheel before rolling down the windows to get rid of her smell that now consumes my car.
I start the car and peel out of the lot, my tires screeching as I pull out onto the street. It’s late so there’s hardly any traffic thankfully. Before I know it I’m close to 90 mph and moving along without a care in the world.
****
Londynn
I’ve been staying with Farrah almost an entire week and have yet to hear from my parents. Clearly, they aren’t concerned with my wellbeing. I have my doubts that they’ve even noticed that I was gone. In my last therapy session, Dr. Thorton encouraged me to consider dancing again. A part of me still yearns for the feeling I got every time a song would start up and my body began to move with it. Maybe, that’s why I called around until I found a place to dance
today. This little gym on Jagger’s side of town has an empty room that is usually used for Zumba but it’s free today and it’s all mine.
When I first arrived this morning, I had seen Jagger and Ace’s cars parked in the lot. They would be hard to miss I braced myself for possibly seeing Jagger, but nothing could have prepared me for seeing him. I had been trying to make decisions where he was concerned. Dr. Thorton had also encouraged that I tell Jagger the truth about myself and how I had spent those three months. He believed that if he handled it well then, I should give him a chance. I wonder what he’d say right now if he saw Jagger shamelessly flirting with some fake blonde.
Luckily, I managed to sneak past them and get to the little room at the end of the hall. Once inside I shut the door and plug my iPod into the stereo system that’s already hooked up in the room. I stretch out and try to get rid of the mental image of Jagger with that blonde girl but I’m not really having any luck. I look down at my new dance practice outfit I ran out and bought this morning once I had found a place to practice. Black legging shorts with red sparkles and a sports bra that matches. Once I’m stretched out and feel limber I walk over and switch the song and before I know it I’m moving like I’ve never missed a day of dance.
I get that same feeling of freedom I use to get. I breathe deeply as I move through song after song. I’ve lost track of time, but I know I’ve been here almost all day. I notice someone in the mirror that lines the wall. Turning around I see, Jayson the guy that worked in the gym. He told me that technically the gym was closed but he was going to get a work out in so I was welcome to stay until he finishes up. I tell him thank you and return back to dancing.
Eight songs later I get the sense of being watched. When I stop and look at the mirrors I see Jagger leaning against the door frame. His eyes lock on mine and I can’t make out the emotion in them. He looks so good that I’m pretty sure if I wasn’t already out of breath from all the dancing that I’d be short on breath. His hair is perfectly fixed, and he has on one of his signature t-shrits, this one is olive green with a pair of light wash denim jeans and pair of white sneakers. The green makes his skin look tanner and his eyes really pop.
He pushes off from the doorframe stopping to bend over and grab my water bottle as he makes his way to me in the middle of the room. “You’re beautiful when you dance," he says to me as he holds out my bottle to me. I take it and give him a questioning look because I’m not sure about his statement. He clears his throat like he’s nervous. “I mean you’re always beautiful but when you’re dancing there’s something unguarded and freeing about you. I’ve never seen that side of you.”
“Well, thanks," I say a little breathlessly.
We stand in the room with the music playing around us in an awkward silence. “I saw your car it’s why I stopped. I was a little shocked to see you on my side of town when there’s no race.”
I shrug “I’ve been staying with Farrah. So, I guess your side is now my side. Besides, this was the only place that had an empty room today for me to dance in.”
“Well that’s good," he says like he’s unsure what to say.
“Answer” by Phantogram comes on my iPod and before I know what he’s doing he grabs my hands, tossing the water bottle aside and pulls me into him. We start dancing around the room and it just feels right. I look into his eyes and I know if I let my guard down that I’ll fall but I don’t know if I can do that. Instead, I decide to just get lost in this moment and enjoy it. The song ends too soon. I step back out of his arms. “You dance pretty well for someone who insisted he couldn’t.”
“That’s all you Londynn. I don’t move like that with anyone else," he admits. “Can I walk you to your car? This isn’t the safest part of town.”
“Sure. Let me get myself together and let Jayson know I’m done," I tell him because I can’t help but feel special that he wants to walk me to my car.
He nods then tells me “I’ll go tell Jayson. I’ll meet you out there," he says motioning towards the gym.
Once Jagger is out of the room I take a minute to catch my breath before collecting my things. Jagger is leaning against the wall in the hall when I step out of the practice room. His head snaps up in my direction when he hears the door shut, he leads me through the gym with his hand on the small of my back. Even though I slipped on a light jacket I can feel the heat coming from his hand. When we reach my car, he takes my bag and tosses it into my trunk then opens my car door. “I’m going to follow you home just to make sure you make it safely. Drive carefully Londynn.”
My heart is beating wildly for some reason. I don’t know if it’s because he’s willing to go out of his way to make sure I make it home okay or because of that look in his eyes that I can’t decipher. “Thank you, Jagger. Drive carefully too.”
“Pedal to the metal remember?” He says with a smile crossing his face.
I laugh “Oh yeah, I forgot. But still be safe.”
He nods and leans down and kisses my cheek “Good night Londynn.” Before I can reply he’s shut my door and is heading to his car. I watch as he walks away and let the blush take over my face. Once he’s in his car I back out from my parking spot.
Chapter 10
Londynn
I haven’t seen Jagger since the night he showed up at the gym while I was dancing. Then again, I guess you could say I’m still avoiding him to some extent. I’m just not sure what to do with him or myself or us. I want to do what Dr. Thorton tells me and open up to Jagger but then what if he looks at me like I’m crazy? Or worse what if he starts treating me differently? I don’t think I could handle any more sympathy and I don’t want anyone thinking that I’m not…all there. I’m terrified to get to close to him because I couldn’t handle his rejection.
I also worry that I’m just not good enough for Jagger. I mean I’m nothing like the girls he’s use to. I’m not even close so really why would he even be interested? I mean sure he’s flirted with me but I think that’s just Jagger’s personality by nature. So, I figured until I decided what I’m going to do with the situation that it was probably best to avoid him. I have decided to tell Dr. Thorton about my fears of telling Jagger. Maybe he can come up some reasonable explanation as to why I feel all these things. Maybe he can make me feel better.
As I pull into the parking lot for my therapy session my phone starts to ring. Looking at the screen I see it’s my mom. I haven’t been home in a week and she’s just now calling to check on me. Yeah, she’s not winning any mother of the year awards. I almost don’t answer but then I do right before it sends her to voicemail.
“Hello," I say into the phone.
“Londynn. I just spoke with your sister. You are both expected to be at dinner tonight. Your brother will be arriving back in town this afternoon for a short visit. We’re doing family dinner with the Whitten’s and Lawson’s. Make sure you dress appropriately," she tells me.
“Mom we had plans tonight.” I tell her sighing into her phone.
My mother huffs on the other end “Really Londynn Faith? You hardly ever see your brother. You will both be here besides Ryce will be here. Your sister insisted on bringing some criminal so I’m expecting you and Duke to keep all the eyes of them. See you at eight.”
Before I can say anything else my mom has ended the call. I shake my head while I stare at the phone in my hand. We didn’t even get asked, we had been told we’d be there. She hadn’t asked if I was okay or where I had been for the past week. Hell, I doubt she’d even noticed I hadn’t been home all week. Tonight was all about appearances for them and I would be expected to play the perfect daughter for them and the prefect girlfriend to Ryce who I wasn’t even dating anymore. However, I didn’t even get to tell my mother that because she had cut me off so quickly. I couldn’t figure out why Farrah would even want to subject Connor to our family and this dinner tonight.
****
By the end of the session I could tell that Dr. Thorton was worried about me and my wellbeing, he had m
ade that much clear more than once. Sadie had insisted on walking me out to my car but by the time we had reached it I could tell she was concerned too. Sadie could read people well especially since she didn’t know anything I had just confessed to Dr. Thorton.
When I got back to Farrah’s she was stomping around and throwing clothes around her room. “Wow did a tornado hit while I was at therapy?” I ask, joking with her might lighten her mood.
“No! Our mother called and is insisting on us being at dinner tonight for our brother," she whines.
“I know, she called me too.”
She snorts “Seriously? She doesn’t call all week when you don’t come home but Duke returns and suddenly you’re worth calling. I swear our family is the definition of dysfunctional.”
I just shrug. “So, you’re really going to take Connor there?”
“Yes, he was with me when she called, and he offered, and I don’t know I thought maybe it would make them avoid trying to talk to me.”
“Maybe.” Connor is either brave, stupid or just really into my sister because no one is willing to sit through a dinner with my family unless it’s one of those three. I’m sure it will turn into a nightmare and that my parents will treat Farrah and Connor like they are below them. It makes me sick how they think but I can’t change their minds. “So, what are you wearing? Mom said to dress appropriate.”
Farrah gets this evil looking grin on her face and walks over to her closet. She pulls out a super short, super tight black dress that has a crisscross design down the entire arm as well as cut outs on either side of her abdomen that showcase the same crisscross design. All that is enough to make my mom cringe, but the neckline is cut down into a V that stops right above her belly button and again the crisscross design will be the only thing holding my sister in the dress. She holds up a finger to tell me to hold on and bends down to pull out a pair of black heels with at least a five-inch sparkly heel and matching sparkly ankle strap. Hooker heels comes to mind, that’s what my mom is going to think when she sees them.
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