I bit back the depressing thought of that day. After four days in Fiji, it will be time to fly home, and my adventure will come to an end. I’d have to go home, rejoin the real world, grow up and find a career I could tolerate and someone to love.
Unless I win the Awesome Adventures competition.
Again, that paradoxical fear returned: what if I did win? The girls were heading home — could I travel by myself? This trip had been a big step for me, but the fear of traveling alone was paralyzing. If I scored the opportunity to join their photography team, I wouldn’t have to worry about traveling alone. But that was a big if.
***
Date: May 10, 2010
Wellington, New Zealand
On our last day in Wellington, we bought wraps from a food truck and ate them on the seawall at the edge of the harbour.
“So we’ll pick up the car tomorrow and get moving?” Jade said before taking a bite of her falafel wrap.
“Fine, but can we please go out tonight?” Lana pouted as we dangled our legs above the water. “If I stay in one more night, I’ll go crazy. Leo arrived today, and he said he’s going out to this bar. It’s not far from the apartment.”
Jade stared at her feet. She hated going out. I joined her watching the waves off the seawall.
“Harper, you’re really letting Xavier’s age get in the way?” Jade said. I shrugged. “The least you can do is tell him to his face that you don’t want anything to do with him. It’s not just girls who get hurt if you sleep with them and don’t talk to them after.”
Guilt twisted in my gut. I had acted towards Xavier how Miles had acted to me after we slept together — unforgivably selfish. As I chewed my falafel and stared across the shimmering water, I decided that if I was going to end things because of his young age the least I could do was act like the adult I thought I was.
***
That night as Lana and I navigated the streets through the quaint and quiet city, my drumming heart woke the butterflies in my stomach. The coward in me wanted to run home and send him a Facebook message that I wanted to end things. I wasn’t sure if I could trust myself to say what I needed to say. I couldn’t understand why, but every time I was in his presence, it felt as if a string was tied between us that tightened and tightened, pulling us closer. And once that string became taught, I lost control of myself. And losing control was my greatest fear.
We reached a road where revelers spilled form the bars’ patios onto the sidewalks. Across the street, a large red “X” was splattered on the wall of a tall cream-coloured building. It was the hostel that the Kiwi Experience bus would take their passengers.
“This is the place,” Lana said, pulling me through an open door.
The bar was dark and full of bodies writhing to house beats. The front wall was paneled with windows and all others with dark wood. We pushed through the crowd and made our way to the solid wood bar counter. Behind the three bartenders more bottles I could count were stacked against an aged mirror that took up half the wall.
“Hey,” I heard a voice next to me say. I turned to see a cute guy wearing a business suit standing next to me. The two top buttons of his crisp light blue shirt had been undone, and the knot of his silver and navy tie hung just below the second button. He looked like he had just come from a long day at the office. His aura screamed, “responsible adult.” He looked like the kind of guy I believed I was supposed to end up with. “I’m Greg,” he said with his hand outstretched.
“Harper,” I replied.
But before I could take his hand, another landed on my shoulder. I spun around and met the tempest building in Xavier’s stormy eyes. “Why have you been ignoring me?”
I paused, fighting the urge to kiss him.
“Let’s talk,” I said, brushing past him and following the dark paneling to the quiet hallway near the bathrooms. As I leaned against the wall, his lips pressed into a thin line. “What happened in Queenstown was…fun…but we have to leave it at that.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re too young for me.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’m twenty-five, you’re nineteen.”
“Who says I’m too young?” I didn’t answer. “All this time I believed that you were this amazing girl who knew what she wanted from life and made no apologies for it.”
I bit my lip, realizing that he saw me for who I wanted to be. He saw me for my best self, despite all of my insecurities and flaws.
If only he were older.
“You’re nineteen,” I pleaded with him to understand. Understand that I found emotional security in my five-year plan. Understand that he was too young to be a part of it. Understand that I was scared that he would hurt me. Understand that I was afraid that, like Miles, he too was using me. Girls threw themselves at him every time he stepped off stage, and what if one day he might decide that he had what he wanted from me and was ready to move onto the next girl.
“It’s just a number.”
“You’re a boy.”
He lunged forward, pinning me to the wall with his strong body. “I am a man,” he growled in my ear.
I moaned at the hot feel of his tongue pushing my lips apart. A rush of sensations knifed at me as my body begged for him to finish what we had started in Queenstown. I whimpered as his lips released mine. He grazed my neck with his callused fingertips, igniting a trail of sparks.
“My hostel is across the street,” he said, his hot breath ragged in my ear. “Let me prove to you that I am a man.”
Chapter 28
My heartbeat deafened me as he pulled my top over my head in the empty hostel room. With each kiss, deeper and more frenetic, I wanted more. I needed more. Each time he removed his hands from my skin, I was left wanton and wanting. With each breath, I inhaled his scent. Like an addict, as I received each dose of him, I craved him more.
Bathed in the orange glow of a lamppost filtered through a sheer curtain at the back wall I fell backwards into the soft mattress of his bottom bunk. Sitting up, I reached for his belt buckle and desperately fiddled with it, and his jeans, until both were lying on the floor. He dropped to his knees, and with his lips grazing my neck, he unhooked my bra. I lay back and pulled him into the bed, his broad shoulders bearing down on me as his hips pinned me down. A dull ache between my legs became unbearable as I pushed against him, torturing myself with the friction. He pressed his lips to mine as he dominated me. My hands swept over his back, my nails digging into his flesh.
Releasing me, he pushed himself back so he was kneeling between my thighs and hooked his fingers under the elastic of my panties and tugged them. Meeting his gaze, I raised my hips slowly. Once he had pulled them past my feet, As I rested my ankles on his shoulders and watched his face as he let his eyes rake over my naked body. Adulation burned in his darkening gaze.
My breath caught in my throat as he began trailing kissing from my ankles, down my calves, past my knees, torturing the sensitive skin of my inner thighs. And when his lips descended upon my demanding flesh, my hips rocked and I whimpered, clutching at the sheets as waves of pleasure pulsed through me.
“I need you, now,” I choked out when the feeling became almost too intense. As much as I wanted more of what he was doing, we didn’t have much time.
Keeping his thumb on me, he reached into his bag under the bed, and I heard the distinct crinkle of a foil wrapper. For an excruciating second, his skin left mine, and then the air left my lungs when his lips were on mine, his body pressing me into the bed. He hissed in my ear, and I covered my mouth to stifle a moan as I pulled his hips to mine.
“You are amazing,” he said, stilling for a moment, his voice running like a feather down my spine, and in that moment I felt cherished, treasured, adored, and I had never before felt so connected to another person.
As he thrust slowly, I could feel him in each atom of my body, from my marrow to my fingertips. Feeling him deeper and deeper, every fiber of my being hummed with pleasure. My body begg
ed for more of the delicious assault of sensations, and at the same time, release from them.
I hooked my leg around the top of his ass and pushed his shoulders until he turned to his back. Though it was a position I never thought I liked before, with Xavier, I instinctively transitioned into it. We kept eye contact, and the intensity made me feel so vulnerable, and I loved it with him. With the callused tips of his dexterous fingers finding my needy knot of flesh, years of pent up frustration built, begging for liberation. I melted into him as I rocked harder, deeper, and as I cried his name we both found release. Trembling as the aftershocks vibrated again and again, I collapsed onto him. His arms folded around me, and as we lay in silence, his heart pounding against mine.
As my breath returned to me, I realized that I had allowed myself to completely lose control. I dropped the guard I had put up since my night with Miles all those years ago, and facing my fears, I laid myself bare to Xavier in more ways than one. And as vulnerable as I felt, I loved every second of it.
In that moment, that was more important than worrying about the future.
“We’re renting a car and driving to Taupo tomorrow. Come with me,” I said, returning back to Earth, rolling onto the bed.
He kissed me once more. “Of course.”
Though I felt more reassured of his affections, there was something I needed to do. Maybe had I employed better communications skills with Miles in Southeast Asia I would have known his intentions.
“Xavier,” I said, sitting up, pulling the sheet to cover my bare chest. “I need to get something clear: I like you.”
“I was hoping you did.”
I smiled and pinched his arm. “Whatever it is that we are, I need to be the only girl in your life. If this is about sex and you have girls on the bus waiting for you, then that’s fine. But you need to tell me, and this ends now.”
He sat up, gently clasping my chin between his thumb and forefinger and ghosted his soft lips against mine. “There is only you. Ever since that day in the coconut grove in Goa there has only been you.”
Then I lay back, sinking into the mattress, and let him prove again that not only he was a man, he was a man who adored me.
Chapter 29
Date: May 11, 2010
Lake Taupo, New Zealand
Of all the ways to pass the time during love drives, kissing was definitely my favourite. Once Xavier’s first roommate returned and got over his shock at finding us in bed together, I took a cab back to my apartment to find Leo and Lana asleep on the couch. After a few hours of sleep, Jade woke me so we could get to the car rental place. When Leo was in the bathroom, I sat down on the couch next to Lana, who made no attempts at covering her nudity.
Stretching her arms above her head she asked, “So what did you tell Xavier in the end?”
“Prove to me that you’re a man.”
Her eyes flashed. “And?”
I bit my lip and glowed pink at the memory. “He’s pretty damn manly.” She threw her arms around my neck and giggled. “I invited him to Taupo. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Of course not, and I don’t think Jade will object, either,” she said, releasing me from her breasts.
“What if we can’t fit both the boys in the car?” Money was tight, and we had no choice but to rent the cheapest car available, which meant it was going to be small. I wanted Xavier there, but I didn’t want to stand in the way of Lana and Leo.
She sighed and clasped my hands between hers.
“Honey, I have seen you in such a deep depression I went to bed every night praying that you would be around when I called you the next day. And you know I’m not the praying type.”
I never told her that that day almost came once.
“I have never seen you so happy, and so if the car can’t fit both of them, I want Xavier to be there instead of Leo. You deserve happiness more than anyone I know.”
“Thank you.”
Jade’s voice began in the hallway and joined her when she rounded the corner into the living room. “So let’s get packing and…Dammit, Lana, can you put some clothes on, please?”
“Morning ladies.” Leo stood behind Jade in nothing but boxer shorts, giving her another fright.
After breaking the news to Leo that he might not be able to come with us, Lana gave him a kiss to tie them over until the Kiwi Experience bus arrived in Taupo the following day. With our backpacks on our backs, we bid our apartment farewell and took a cab to the car rental place where we were given a beat-up Nissan sedan probably older than we were. Our three backpacks filled the trunk, leaving room for only one more person and their backpack in the backseat.
After picking Xavier up from the hostel we set off, leaving the city behind, driving the empty country roads through vineyards and farm fields full of sheep. We put his backpack behind the driver’s seat and cuddled on the seat behind Jade, who sat shotgun. We were drunk on each other, leaving inhibitions and common decency in Wellington. Halfway through the trip, however, the girls broke us up by moving his backpack into the middle of the seat. The separation was delicious torture, and we promised to make up for the kissing we lost in those hours when we arrived in Taupo.
But we would only have two nights together. After Taupo, Jade, Lana and I would head on to Rotorua, and he would board the Kiwi Bus to Auckland where he would fly to Fiji. And I missed him terribly already.
Arriving at dusk, we settled into the Nomads hostel in a six-bed dorm with two guys from Israel. Though we had paid for two beds, Xavier and I nestled into the bottom bunk next to the window together. After eating dinner in a burger joint around the corner with Jade and Lana, the Israeli boys joined our group for a drink at a bar across the street from the hostel.
“Lana, do you have the car keys?” I asked once I had knocked back my glass of water.
She reached into her pocket and held them up. Batting her lashes and feigning ignorance, she asked, “Where are you guys going?”
“To go watch for shooting stars,” he said, giving me a cheeky wink. “Completely innocent intentions, of course.”
Lana dropped them into my outstretched palm. “Have fun.”
***
After leaving the small town, we found a secluded spot on the shores of the nearby lake. In a forest clearing, the moonlight danced on the water as Xavier played his guitar, singing an original song I had never heard before. When his fingers turned their attention to my body, we watched the stars fall until the sun rose.
***
The next morning, I woke up in my hostel bunk, cuddling face to face with Xavier, who was still fast asleep. I nuzzled into his warm chest as the cold morning air that penetrated the windowpane nipped at me. I thought of today’s date and a restless energy pulsed through me. I would hear from Awesome Adventures about the competition results any day now. Careful not to wake him, I untangled our limbs and rolled over to face the room. Everyone was still sleeping. I reached to the floor and grabbed Xavier’s hoodie and my laptop. Sitting up, I pushed my arms through the sleeves, opened my computer, and refreshed the email browser. There was nothing from Awesome Adventures, but one from my father:
Hello Darling,
Your mother has advised me that the money in your account will barely last you through the next two weeks. I have taken the liberty of speaking with an old friend who has agreed to give you an internship at his advertising agency, Excel Advertising. You can start the week you return. I know it’s not photography, but you can at least be creative.
You’re welcome.
Love,
Dad.
I closed the laptop, hoping it would erase the email and the truth within. Leaning over, I placed my laptop under the bed. I was grateful that my father cared so much to help me out, months ago it would have been exactly what I wanted. It fit with my five-year plan perfectly — creative corporate career with room for growth. But now the thought of corporate life filled me with anxiety.
“Morning, mon étoile,” Xavier’s voice rasped.
I looked down and met those beautiful eyes peering out from a thicket of sooty lashes, leaned over, and kissed him. He grabbed a fistful of hair and pulled me in closer. We then proceeded to kiss, cuddle, squeeze, repeat. God, I was going to miss those lips.
“Gross guys,” I heard Lana’s voice before being assaulted by a flying pillow.
I flipped her the bird and kept kissing.
“Alright, you two, it’s time to get up,” Jade said poking me in the back. “We don’t have much time here. Let’s get moving.”
It was then I realized how much time had passed. With him, it was like the world, and time itself, melted away.
“Can we get Burgerfuel burgers again?” he asked with a wide smile as he sat up.
“Okay sweetie, but I don’t think they do kid’s meals.”
His eyes widened, and he launched a tickle attack. “Perhaps they’ll accept your senior citizen’s discount.”
I squealed like a tied hog and wriggled trying to get my arms free to slap him. Once I accepted that our age difference was nothing but a number, it turned out to be wonderful for banter. As he hovered over me we locked eyes, and the energy shifted. Everything other than him, the room, the sounds of shuffling roommates, melted away. Nothing else existed but him. And given the dreamy look in those stormy eyes, I knew he was with me, wherever we were. It was a bittersweet moment where we realized that we were hopelessly infatuated with each other, and if only things had been just a little different, this could be every morning.
“How about I make you dinner tonight?” he said kissing my knuckles and pulling me out of bed. Desire pooled in my stomach as I thought of a second meaning for his words.
“I’d like that,” I replied patting him on the ass.
After showering together in the large single shower/bathroom across the hallway, we dressed for the day, then grabbed Burgerfuel burgers with Jade and Lana before taking the car to Huka Falls. I fought my smile as Xavier interlaced our fingers as we followed the girls down the parking lot. Lana’s pace picked up once we noticed the Kiwi Experience bus. Signs led to a narrow path, and the narrow path led to a pedestrian bridge perched between the forested banks of a canyon fifty feet wide with swirling white and blue torrents. I stopped to frame images of the rolling river narrowing to mist above the waterfall in the distance. As I leaned against the black metal railing on the opposite side of the canyon, a rambunctious group of boys headed our way from the direction of the falls.
Runaways Page 27