“You did?” she asked curiously.
“Yeah. It was always part of my greater plan. It just took you a while to get to us.”
Her heart fluttered in a new way. A way she didn’t know it could. She’d never had a big family. She had Lo and Spencer and that had been good enough for her.
But now?
She wasn’t even sure how many came with the Soaring Bird crest.
Steve’s phone rang and he answered immediately.
“Hello?”
He hung up and rolled her off him so he could get to his feet.
“Time to go. Lo’s awake.”
Oh. Yes.
Some good news.
CHAPTER 19
TESSA
“You’ll call me,” Tessa said again, pointing a finger at Lo. She swerved her finger to include Brady. “You make her call me.”
“Go!” Lo threw an empty plastic cup at her. “You’re going to miss your flight.”
Steve hooked her elbow with his hand and hauled her out of the hospital room. Tessa grabbed the doorframe with both hands and tried to hang on.
“I love you!” she yelled dramatically.
“I love you, too!” Lo called back.
“Aw,” Steve said, still pulling her down the hall. “You guys are adorable.”
He didn’t sound like he meant it though.
Whatever. Tessa didn’t care. He could mock them all he wanted.
Lo was going to be okay. Eventually.
The recovery period would take a while, and she would probably have several more surgeries. But she was okay. Her brain was intact and she was cleared to come home in less than a week.
Tessa had spent the past five days by her friend’s side, making sure the nurses were nice and the doctors were thorough. She knew she was driving them all crazy.
But it’s who she was.
Not to mention, it helped to be busy.
Kip had never called.
The truth of that hurt in every place inside her.
He’d also deleted his alias account.
She wasn’t sure which part broke her heart more. Probably him taking away his words. They’d always been there for her, even before she knew it was him. And now, she had nothing.
Steve did his best to comfort her but that mostly involved food.
What she wanted was Kip.
She missed him and his calm presence. The way he held her hand against his heart when he knew she was freaking out. The way he laughed at her outrageous threats to those who dared betray her people. The way he listened to her like she had something to say.
Plus, there was the disquiet in her heart with how things ended.
Because they hadn’t broken up or made statements that would signal breaking up. It was just…done.
She had cried, and he had walked away.
The simplicity of their ending shattered her more than she thought possible.
She had always assumed that if she’d lost her one great love, it would tear the world in two. She thought she’d have time to yell at him, or beg him to stay, or something equally dramatic.
But the silence of their ending—no, she hadn’t expected that.
And now it was time to return to the continent where she’d left him. Return to her job and to Spencer, and her hopeless little life filled with wine during The Bachelor and coming up with creative names for Wendy.
She sighed to herself as the empty holes in her chest made themselves known again.
One thing had become clear during all of this. Tessa couldn’t do this again.
One great love was it for her.
She wasn’t strong enough to hope for another one.
And she had been right all those years ago… love could be a lie.
***
KIP
The door to the house opened and closed and Kip listened for the sound of voices.
Bo had mentioned he was picking Steve and Tessa up from LAX a few hours ago.
It was unreasonable to think he’d bring Tessa back to the beach house. She would probably go to her apartment—a place he was definitely not welcome.
The voices downstairs were exclusively male and Kip’s stomach tightened.
He hadn’t realized how much he wanted to see her until he found out he couldn’t.
His week had been…eventful.
Okay, that was putting it mildly.
His week had been horrific.
Again, and again, he had gone over the things he’d said to her. He’d only ever wanted his words to her to give her life and love. But he’d used his words to bring her harm and he couldn’t take it back.
He’d deleted his account, unable to justify having his assertions of love out there in the world when he felt like such a phony.
He’d gone to therapy and it had been hard to be honest about his feelings. Some of his deepest fears that had come out and attacked Tessa, he’d been keeping locked away from Dr. Harris. Like a secret pet that he had kept fed and watered.
He’d created a monster.
But it wasn’t separate from him. And it wasn’t his parents.
It was him.
He didn’t want it anymore. He wanted to do the work to make it gone, and there was no way of knowing how long that would take. Or if Tessa would stick around as he tried to be better.
He waited a beat and opened his bedroom door.
When he hit the living room, the conversation stopped.
Steve crossed his arms over his chest and squared his hips to face Kip.
“Did,” Kip cleared his throat. “Did she get home safe?”
Steve’s eyebrows twitched with the threat of a frown, but otherwise he maintained a blank face. “She did.”
Kip licked his lips and tried to work moisture back into his mouth. “Did she tell you…anything?”
“You mean about the cancer?” Steve asked bluntly.
Kip rolled his eyes to the ceiling, as he grimaced. “No. I don’t care about that.” That secret had made its way through his friends like a California wildfire. He took a breath, trying to beat back the emotion rising in his chest. “Did she—do you know if she wants to talk to me?”
“Why didn’t you call her?” Steve asked in a snarl. “You could have found out that way.”
Kip shook his head and cursed.
“Spencer beat him up,” Bo supplied.
Steve’s eyebrows raised, looking impressed. “Is that so?”
“Is she okay?” Kip asked, tired of not knowing. Of not being able to look in her eyes and take her pulse for himself.
Steve grew somber. “No, man. She’s not okay. She’s got one hell of a broken heart.”
Kip closed his eyes as pain lanced through him. The sound of her crying echoed in his mind, the sight of her deep blue eyes filled with tears haunted him.
That was not the last image he wanted to have of her.
“You think she’d talk to me?” Kip asked again.
“You’ll have to make it past the sea monster.” Bo thought helpful to point out. He tilted his head to the side and sniffed. “I can probably help with that.”
“Yeah?” Kip asked, thinking maybe, maybe, he could at least ask for her forgiveness. Maybe a second chance was asking for too much. He would never blame her for not wanting to take another risk with him.
He’d promised she was safe with him. And then proved himself a liar.
***
“Do you know what you’re going to say?” Bo broke the silence.
Kip swallowed and shook his head.
Because no. He had no idea what he was going to say.
He just knew he needed to speak to her. But he didn’t want to call. That seemed too impersonal for them.
They’d been parked outside of Tessa and Spencer’s apartment for almost an hour. Steve had stayed home to catch up on some sleep. And maybe that’s what Tessa was doing right now too. Maybe Kip should have waited a few more days. No. He’d already waited too long.
He inhale
d deeply and opened the door of the bus.
“Are we doing this?” Bo asked.
“Yep.”
They made their way up the stairs and down the breezeway to the door. Kip stood a little off to the side so Spencer wouldn’t see him through the peep hole.
Bo nodded once and a muscle in his cheek jumped. “Release the Kraken,” he murmured right before knocking.
The door swung open and Bo’s cockiest grin lit up his face. “Clementine,” he greeted. “How the hell are ya?”
Kip wanted to slap his forehead with the palm of his hand. This was Bo’s big plan? Lord help them.
Bo put a hand on Spencer’s belly and backed her into her apartment. She squeaked as she went and Kip followed. He wanted to remark that he’d never heard Spencer squeak before, but it really wasn’t the time.
The door closed behind them and Kip stopped short.
Tessa stood in the hallway, a half step already taken back the way she’d come.
“Please stay,” he asked.
Her eyes bounced uneasily from Spencer and Bo and back to Kip.
“I thought I was very clear about you coming back around here—”
Bo stopped Spencer’s threat and forward momentum with an arm around her middle. He pulled her back to his chest.
“We’ll leave in a minute. The kid needs to apologize.”
Spencer seemed to consider the request before she nodded and Bo released her.
“What do you mean about coming back around here?” Tessa asked, narrowing her eyes at her friend.
Kip licked his lips and it was his turn to look back and forth between them. Spencer hadn’t told her he’d been by?
Spencer averted her gaze. “He came by, right after you called me from the airport.”
“What?” Tessa asked, taking a step forward and stopping. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Spencer pressed her lips together and crossed her arms over her chest. But she didn’t answer.
Bo nudged her with his elbow.
Spencer huffed and her face turned red. “Because he made you cry.” She shot daggers at Kip with those electric blue eyes. “And that’s not okay.”
“Spencer,” Tessa said softly with heavy disappointment. “You should have told me.”
“It’s okay,” Kip defended Spencer. “She did what she felt was right and I don’t blame her for it.”
That’s when Tessa turned the full power of her gaze on him and it broke something inside.
Something that needed to be broken.
“I needed to see you,” he confessed.
“Why?” she asked gently, like she was afraid of the answer.
“Because I needed to tell you I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath. This was the hard part—opening up and allowing her to know the truth. Because there was no one else in his life he trusted more.
“You had every right to ask the questions you did that night. I never want you to be afraid to ask me anything. What happened wasn’t because of anything you did.”
He was speaking too fast and it was out of order. But he needed to get it all out there, and maybe it would just have to be messy for a minute.
“This is my problem.” He placed a hand on his chest to help make his point. “This is something in me that I haven’t dealt with. I have this… irrational fear inside me. And I just set it aside and pretended like it wasn’t there. But it’s always there…” His voice cracked and he swallowed the emotion back down.
“Fear of what?” she asked, taking a step towards him, concern swimming in her eyes.
But he didn’t want her to pity him. He wanted her to understand.
“Fear of having no value of my own choosing.” He shook his head in shame. “My parents had me to check a box. And the only time they gave me a break was when we thought I was dying. And by then, choosing a future seemed like a pretty stupid idea.” He rolled his eyes and noticed his vision was blurry with tears. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he repeated.
She had asked about his future, wanting the best for him, and he’d interpreted it as an attack. He was so messed up it wasn’t even funny.
“I’m not going to ignore that part of me anymore. I’m going to do the work to get healthy. I work so hard at staying physically healthy, I don’t know why I waited to take care of the beast in the corner of my mind.”
Her hand rose and covered her heart.
“I’m so sorry, Tessa,” he said, finally creaking fully. A tear escaped and he looked away. “This was my issue and I hurt you with it.”
He swallowed hard and looked her in the eye. “You’re the most incredible person I have ever known. And I can’t believe how much I love you. I didn’t know I was capable of love like this.” He pressed his lips together and then sucked in a sharp breath. “I just needed you to know all that.”
They stood silent for a beat, just staring at each other.
He knew he should probably leave, but he wanted one more second in her presence. Especially since he was pretty sure it would be one of his last.
Which was fine.
It was what he’d earned.
He hadn’t taken care of a problem he knew he had and it had ruined the best thing he’d ever known.
“But you’re taking care of it now?” she asked.
He hesitated, wondering it were possible for her to read his mind. He nodded slowly. “Yeah. I’ve already been to see Dr. Harris and told him everything. I’m not going to let my fear ruin…” He wanted to say his life, but without Tessa, how much of a life was left?
It didn’t matter.
He could honor her and how she had loved him by doing the hard work and trying to be a better man.
“I don’t want you to think I came with expectations; I didn’t,” he said, taking a step back and towards the door. “But I’m really glad I was able to tell you…” He struggled keeping his voice even. “To tell you those things.”
Maybe someday he’d ask for her forgiveness.
He turned around and Bo met him at the door. His friend went out into the hallway and Kip hesitated for just a second before following him.
“Oof!”
Kip was tackled from behind.
His knees buckled and he went down like a sack of potatoes. Two feminine arms wrapped around his neck, pressing on his windpipe and he coughed.
Shit.
Spencer was going to finish the job.
The pressure released, and he scrambled to spin around. The female on top of him helping, so that she was straddled over his hips with her hands on his shoulders, pinning him to the floor.
It was Tessa.
He stopped struggling.
“I have things to say, too,” she said, tears running down her cheeks. She pushed her hair out of her face. “I love you. I love you so much.” She pressed a fist to her chest. “It hurts right here to think of you not being with me. I was so mad at you for not calling. And I was so sad because I thought we were done and I had no idea how I was going to be okay with that.”
She sniffed and a tear dropped from her eyes to stain his shirt. The warmth and wetness soaked through to his skin.
“Please,” she said, wiping her cheeks with one hand. “Please can I be a part of it? Can I be with you as you work through this?”
Kip’s heart turned over and he grabbed her hand and pressed it to the thundering in his chest. “I’m a mess.”
“I am too! Look at me! I literally threw myself at you!” she exclaimed.
He let out a relieved laugh and she joined him. They smiled at one another for the first time in too long and something inside Kip mended.
“I’m a mess too, Kip,” she said soberly. “And I know you have a lot to work on. But that’s not a deal breaker for me.”
Hope blossomed inside him and he wasn’t sure what to do with the fullness it created. “Really?” he asked.
“There’s no one in the world I’d want to be messy with. I’ll give you my best. Will you promise to do the same?�
�
“Count on it, Peaches.”
Epilogue
ONE YEAR LATER
“This song will always be us to me.”
Tessa smiled and rested her forehead on Kip’s shoulder as he slowly moved them around the dancefloor to the acoustic version of “State of Grace” by Taylor Swift.
It made sense. It was if the song had been written for them specifically.
She let herself enjoy the feel of being in his arms. It had been far too long since they’d had a quiet moment together.
The past few weeks had been filled with planning Brady and Lo’s wedding and Kip had been busy at work.
But she had kept going knowing she’d get this. A slow dance at sunset on the beach with the greatest man she’d ever known.
“Hey, so did you know that there is in fact a limit on how many pieces of wedding cake you’re allowed to have.” Steve licked pink frosting off his fingers loudly.
Tessa sighed and closed her eyes.
“We’re trying to have a moment here,” Kip reprimanded Steve gently, but Tessa could hear the amusement in his voice.
She would be amused with Steve later.
They’d had to spend a lot time together planning the wedding. And while Tessa appreciated his help and money, she needed a small break from… well, Steve. All of him. His voice, his jokes, his appetite, his face.
“Right,” Steve said like he’d forgotten. “I thought I’d let you know that the bus is ready to go when you are.”
Tessa stopped and turned to look at the blond surfer.
He gave her a cheeky grin, coupled with a wink and tossed the keys to Kip.
Okay. Maybe he wasn’t so bad.
She thought they’d be the last ones to leave since the bus had broken down again and her car was parked a mile and a half away (Steve’s fault).
Kip took her hand and led her off the dancefloor and away from the lights and revelry.
“I have something for you when we get home,” he said mysteriously when they had both latched their seat belts.
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