by Iona Rose
I froze in place.
I knew exactly who it was. Again, it was the middle of the day and no one would expect me to be at home except the one person who would be able to find out that I was.
I looked towards my bedroom door, thinking that perhaps I should escape into it, and pretend I wasn’t home, but my car was right at the base of the building. However, he didn’t know what my car looked like right?
The doorbell rang again, and it felt like my head might just explode.
Then Carter called out to me, “Leah.”
I didn’t respond. I wanted to, but my mouth wouldn’t move. It was too soon. If it was just me, I would have headed over to the door to pull it open but I had more than myself to think of now. I couldn't head into the storm that was Carter Edwards without being prepared, and right now, I had run out of the strength at least for the day, to handle him. So as quietly as I could, I tiptoed into my bedroom, and shut the door quietly behind me.
Chapter 22
Leah
The next day, I went to work, prepared.
My outfit of a navy blue pant suit came straight from the dry cleaners and had received some additional ironing from me.
My hair was in a fancy chignon, that I had only ever been able to pull off at two other times in my lifetime, and my makeup although simple, was rosy and adequate enough to show I was back from the dead.
There wasn’t any doubt that I would meet him today, and when I did, I intended to be in the best possible state I could be in.
I had no clue how our conversation would go, but I did know the only question I had for him.
What was he doing here?
Later that morning however, I watched as Jeremy was called from his cubicle across from mine, and requested to go up to the executive floor.
He stared at me, now back to his usual casual attire of dark jeans and a dress shirt, his eyes widening with horror and disappointment. “I’m not ready,” he mouthed to me.
Neither was I, for whatever was happening right now. Why was I being passed over to head over to his office? We had history! It was the perfect opportunity for us to meet in private… to discuss what the situation was without drawing any attention whatsoever to ourselves. However, he had chosen instead to call Jeremy, and I was perplexed.
About half an hour later, he returned and I tried my best not to run over to him to ask what had happened. I focused on the market research I was doing on Red Bull, and soon enough the text came to my phone.
“Break room now!”
Jeremy didn’t have to text me twice.
I found him compulsively chugging down a bottle of juice from the refrigerator. I
leaned against the counter to watch him, somewhat amused. “How was it?” I asked.
He blew his hand in front of his face. “Hot.”
“What?” I laughed. “Hot?”
“Not me, him. His eyes are like emerald green. Not the subtle, barely there green, but the entrancing, I am going to steal your soul kind of green. I almost passed out.”
I knew the feeling and for a moment, I sympathized with him. “What did he say?”
He sighed. “He asked me about my satisfaction with the company, and my growth thus far but…” He came closer to me. “I think I said too much. I got nervous and just started rambling. You know what I think, he was the one that did that to me. As I rambled on, he would pick out the things I said and then ask about it, and of course I didn’t want to get fired, so I just kept talking.”
“Um… I think that’s just him being a good listener.”
“He is,” he said and emptied the plastic bottle. “He really is.”
I wanted to hear more. “So what did you tell him?”
“Basically? That the agency is shit.”
My eyes widened slightly.
“Well, not in those exact terms. When he asked about growth I just mentioned how it would be nice for us to be able to learn from the other teams, and perhaps be rotated a bit more for projects, rather than being in the same team and working with the same people for too long. For instance, McCarthy is one of the greatest illustrators I’ve personally ever known, but guess who still hasn’t had the chance to work with him in the two years I’ve been here? Basically, I advocated for a more lax management, and it's either going to get me fired, or have all the executives frustrate me enough to quit on my own for being too talkative.”
“Oh, come on,” I said. “What you said wasn’t that bad, plus a serious review of the entire system is exactly what we need. I basically do Aarif’s job and he gets paid more than I do, simply because of his damn title.” I patted him on the back, somewhat disappointed and not exactly sure why. “You’ll be fine.”
“I thought he’d call you,” he said.
“I thought so too.”
“And you look stunning today. What a contrast from yesterday.”
“Thank you,” I said, and joined him as we began to head back to our seats.
“I still think I may have a shot with him,” he said. “He was especially attentive to me.”
“Sweetie, that’s his job,” I said smartly.
He gave me a sour look.
More than a week passed by, and our new, highly esteemed CEO did not seek me out.
I barely even saw him, his occasional visits and meetings on our floor, brief and scrupulous, and then his return to his throne, immediate.
It was like I didn’t exist, and that was especially difficult to accept, given that his child was growing inside of me. I didn’t even have his phone number any longer, every trace of him deleted from my phone and computer in my desperate attempt to move on with my life after Alanya.
Now he was back here again, and everything seemed to be tilted on its axis. I didn’t know how much longer I would be able to remain patient.
Anne tried to drive some sense into me when she texted, ‘Are you going to wait until you’re already showing before you speak to him, or have you decided to get rid of the baby? You’re already five weeks in.’
‘She’s right Leah,’ Tracy texted into our group chat. ‘You both can’t keep ignoring each other any longer.’
I put my phone down and despite my trembling hands, I forced myself to get back to work.
Soon, I received the alert that Jeremy could never resist sending whenever Carter was on our floor. ‘He’s here.’
I never dared look, for the fear that somehow our gazes would meet. So I waited until he got into the meeting room with some of the executives, before summoning up the courage to take a look through the corner of my cubicle into the glassed meeting room. He was seated at the head of the long table, leaning backwards, with one elbow rested on the arm of the swivel chair.
I’d noticed so far that he dressed most often in a two piece set, the matching waistcoat and pants molded and fitted to his body like a spell. I tried not to think of the parts of him I had seen and tasted, but given that I'd never thought I would see him again in this lifetime, this was a treat I couldn’t deny myself.
Until today.
He suddenly turned, and caught my gaze.
I turned away, my jittery motion over turning my mug of lukewarm coffee. “Shit!” I rose to my feet, beyond embarrassed. I quickly moved my papers and documents out of the way, and hurried towards the bathroom to grab some paper towels. By the time I returned, I stole another glance at the conference room, and saw that he and his party had vacated it.
Once again, I felt hurt and couldn’t understand why I was letting this go on when I could just talk to him. Perhaps he had even come all the way here for me. But even if his being here was all a fat coincidence, none of it mattered because until I apologized for shunning him, I doubted that any peace would come to the both of us.
“There’s good news!” Juhyeon, the Creative Director for marketing team three suddenly announced, “Tsuki’s campaign, the limited edition eyewear we handled last month, launched three days ago and every single piece has been sold out.”
A round of app
lause erupted across the floor for those who cared, but when she went further on to announce that there would be a little celebration in the event room on the floor below, the applauses tripled in size.
“That’s more like it, you hungry bastards,” she said, and the floor erupted into laughter.
Suddenly, our manager Henry, came out of his office. “Marketing team two, you’re forbidden to attend this gathering. Your account is still a fucking, bloody mess.”
The groans were deafening, and it made me look around to see if we had suddenly gotten more members than I was aware of. I realized then, that other employees were also grumbling on our behalf.
“Just for tonight, boss,” Aarif called out.
Henry was already heading back to his office.
“Just for tonight, Henry,” Juhyeon pleaded. “There’s pizza, and tacos, and a barrel of red wine.”
The floor erupted into excitement again, but Henry slammed his door shut behind him to the amusement of many. Soon, the chatter died down, and we got back to work.
Later that evening, at just after 7:30, I headed down to the floor with Jeremy and found it nearly half filled with the employees. There was laughter and clusters of teams acquainted with each other hanging out. And, of course, the expansive table of food by the corner. I immediately went over to it, and grabbed a plate of pepperoni pizza for myself, and Jeremy but then he came over and handed me a plastic red cup of wine. I accepted it, not wanting to draw any attention to the new restrictions in my beverage consumption, but then placed it aside as we faced the crowd and ate our pizza.
We talked about some of the staff we had never met before, and then Jeremy grabbed onto my arm. “He’s here!”
My heart lurched into my throat too, but I felt sure I wasn’t as obvious about it as he was. “You’re hurting me,” I told him as his grip tightened around my fragile wrist.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and turned around to put his clothes in order.
I watched Carter as he strolled in with the CMO and our VP, and felt the air thicken with a sweet tension. I had learned that he actually wasn’t an employee of our now parent agency in Minnesota, like he had led me to believe back in Alanya. Instead, he actually owned the company and had been building it for the last five years, along with his former boss from his previous company. He’d gotten fired due to some backlash from a risky campaign, and his boss had left with him at the unfairness of the decision.
He’d left with his head high, and two years later, he’d launched his own agency with the guidance of his former boss.
And now here he was, wildly successful and decorated with accolades. He had never seemed more attractive to me.
Here, I was allowed to out rightly watch him, because every other staff, especially the women also had their eyes on him. I even watched as some of them went over to him to say hello, and he received them with warmth in his eyes.
Warmth that had just a few weeks earlier, been solely showered on me. I felt jealous, as though I had some claim to him that no one else in the room had.
All these thoughts quickly disappeared when Jeremy took my plate from me, and set it down on one of the standing tables. “We’re going to say hello,” he said.
For a moment, my vision blurred. When I was able to recover, I gave him a stern look, and shook my head. “No!”
“C’mon,” he pleaded. “Just a hello will do. He probably remembers me from our little chat.”
I shook my head again, but then Anne and Tracy’s words came to me.
Why was I hesitating and so afraid when it came to him?
I didn’t know when Jeremy began to pull me along, but my legs went with him.
Carter was speaking to a group of employees, so we waited by the corner for a little bit for them to move along.
The moment they did, Jeremy walked into his midst, filled with confidence. “Hello, Mr. Edwards.”
“Jeremy Atkins,” he replied.
My knees were wobbly as I tried my best to hide behind him, but somehow make it seem as though I wasn’t.
“You remember by name,” Jeremy flushed.
“Of course I do.”
“Well, thank you. Uh… this is my colleague, Leah Peters.”
I didn’t know what to do. All I could do was stare into his eyes, frozen in place as he held my gaze. He didn’t bring out his hand either for a hand shake, so I remained as I was.
“Leah,” Jeremy called.
“Cart— ”I started to say automatically, but then I corrected myself. “Mr. um…?”
“Edwards,” Jeremy supplied.
"Mr. Edwards.”
His stare on me was hard and long, and then he was called over by the CMO. “Excuse me,” he said with a tight smile, and went on his way.
We both stood, entranced as he walked away, dripping with swagger and affluence.
“Isn’t that the most fuck-able man you’ve ever seen?” Jeremy asked.
I knew he was, so I reached then for his cup of wine. Luckily, I caught myself just as his grip loosened around it, before I could lift it to my lips.
Carter would be the death of me.
Jeremy however could not notice my distress. “So,” he said. “That’s the Godfather, and over there…” We turned to search out the VP in the opposite corner of the room with my boss, Henry. “That’s the grandfather. Who’d you rather?”
I returned his cup back to him. “I'm going home.”
Chapter 23
Leah
The next afternoon, just before lunch break, I headed up the elevator towards the executive floor. I was dressed appropriately in a mauve, gingham blazer, a sheer, black turtleneck and a fitted pencil skirt that went past my knee.
I felt confident, and presentable, but no amount of prep talk I gave to myself stopped the knots from forming in the pit of my stomach.
The elevator dinged its arrival on his floor, and I felt like I might just pass out. I managed to find my way to his office.
His secretary, Joseph, greeted me with a smile. “Hello Miss Peters.”
“Hello. Can I see Mr. Edwards very briefly?” I asked. “Just before he heads out for lunch.”
“His lunch appointment is already here,” he said. “He’s in the office with him right now and they should be out any moment.”
As though controlled by a remote, I quickly turned around and escaped from the reception. I was waiting by the goddamn slow elevator, when I heard footsteps approaching. I glanced back with the prayer that it wasn’t him and to my relief, I saw a heavy set man with a thick mustache. I had never seen him in the building before. Perhaps he was the one that Carter was going to lunch with.
He smiled at me, and I returned the gesture. We both stood side by side to wait for the elevator, but then he kept glancing at me until finally, I met his gaze.
“I apologize,” he said. “But I have a question for you.”
“Sure.”
“Were you by any chance in Turkey about a month ago? For any reason at all?”
My heart screeched to a halt. For a moment, I just stared at him, and then I looked around me, not exactly sure what I was checking for. “Uh...” I didn’t know how to respond to that.
From my bafflement, he nodded. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He then held out his hand. “I'm Mark Garrity. Chief Financial Officer of Suibian Group.”
This was too much information all at once, none of which I could process, so I just accepted his handshake. “I’m Leah Peters. H-how did you know that I was in Turkey?” I asked.
“You delayed the boss’s return back to work,” he said lightly.
I didn’t take any of his words lightly. The elevator car announced its arrival with a ding, and he got on but I didn’t. “What do you mean?”
“I have to go Miss Peters, but I have to say after seeing you I don’t blame him for um… losing his mind. Have a great day.”
The car closed shut and I was left staring at my fuzzy reflection on the steel doors.
&nb
sp; It was then when I heard the secretary’s voice. I turned around.
Carter was addressing him, his jacket slung across his hand. When he was done, he headed towards me, his gaze unapologetically holding mine.
I didn’t know what to do. My whole body was screaming for me to run, but where to and in what way that wouldn’t drive me to literally bury my head in the sand afterwards. So I stood my ground, and turned just as he arrived by my side to wait for the elevator.
Neither of us said a word to the other.
I opened my mouth to speak, but it seemed as though the words were stuck in my throat. I looked up at the display above the steel doors, and at the approaching car, then turned to him. “I-I came here to speak to you.”
He didn’t even bother looking at me. “Go ahead.” The elevator door dinged open, and he got in.
I didn’t move.
“Aren’t you getting in?” He asked.
I released a heavy breath. “Carter,” I called, and the elevator doors began to close.
His gaze was on me, and I thought that he would reach out to stop it, but instead he remained in the same position, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pocket.
The elevator closed, and I blinked.
It took me a few seconds to process what had just happened, and then I realized he was leaving. I couldn’t believe it.
“Dick!” I swore, as a surge of anger shot through me. I pounded on the downward button, intending to go after him. Finally, it arrived.
I hopped on, but as I arrived on my floor, I stopped it and got off. “Fuck him,” I said, as my eyes misted at his cool dismissal. I returned to my desk, and took my seat to calm down but it was as though my entire body had boiled over… now steam was being emitted from every pore.
“Leah, do you have any lunch plans?” Jeremy asked.
I lifted my gaze to his approaching figure, but stared right past him. I could see nothing beyond the man who’d just walked out on me. This was going to end, today. So I grabbed my purse and rose from my chair. “Sorry, Jeremy,” I called as I hurried away. “I do have plans.”