“No, I don’t have any allergies.” She smacks the back of my head.
“Not you, Matty.” I shrug. I’m thinking Paige would have told me, right? She’s way too responsible not to.
“Matty, do you know if there are any foods you can and can’t have?” Matty squints up to me and his eyes light up.
“No. Not like Brendan at school. He can’t have peanut butter.”
“But you can?” she asks, and since when is it twenty-questions before you give a kid something to eat?
“Yep.”
“Good, here’s a granola bar.” She places it in front of him and he opens it by himself, gobbling it down.
“Thanks.” She smiles. “Like I said, this mother role suits you.”
She rubs her belly. “I hope so, because number two is on the way.”
“Seriously?” Just the thought of two kids back-to-back nauseates me. “You need to tell him to get the—” She cocks her head at me, smiling. “Give you some space.” I change my wording. Damn, two kids already.
“Nah, I don’t.” She smiles and stares over at her baby. Joyfulness pours out of her and it makes me happy that I’m the asshole I am. It confirms that good can come from me being a prick.
“THANK YOU SO much, Kailey.” We walk over to her car and she unlocks it for me. It’s a sporty two door and for some reason I’m surprised by it.
“Nice car,” I comment and she waves me off.
“It’s Trey’s. Since he was home today, he gets the minivan. But usually the soccer mobile is mine.”
We both climb in and the leather is so soft and nice. She runs her hands over the steering wheel. “I do have to say, it’s nice to actually feel my age while driving this car.” She inserts the key into the ignition and starts the car.
“So, where are you parked?” She glances at me as we pull out of the parking lot. She found a premium spot before class and I caught up to her outside the building.
“All the way in lot F. I can’t thank you enough.”
“No problem. Trey’s got the kids, so I’m free for a little while.” She laughs and it’s so cute how they made this unexpected life work for them.
“Well, then you want to stop by the Loft?” I joke, but Kailey’s silence says maybe she’s considering it.
“You know what, we should plan a day for all of us girls to get out. With Jessa just having the baby, Sadie all wrapped around her wedding and me, I can’t even tell you how much I need time off.” She drives over and her phone dings in her purse.
“Maybe a spa day?” I raise my eyebrows a few times. I’ve never had very many girlfriends. Consider it Daddy’s occupational hazard. I would just be getting into a friendship with a girl, and then they’d find out who my dad was and they became obsessed. Then their parents would constantly ask about it. There was Clare, but she moved last year and I just never tried much. Until Chrissy.
She stops at a red light and the car jerks forward. Her eyes light up. “Perfect. Yes! Let’s plan it.” She does a little dance in her seat and I laugh.
“You are so fun. You must make a great aunt.” I compliment her and she waves her hand.
“There was a time, I wasn’t so much fun. A time when I took life way too serious. I had to learn the hard way, it’s short and honestly, I can thank Trey. He’s just . . . the one for me.” My heart sinks watching her talk about her husband. That seed of hope that I find the same thing one day. The one who pulls the best out of me and loves me for the crap part, too.
She reaches over and pats my knee. “You’ll find it.”
“Are you psychic, too?” She laughs, flooring the gas and my back presses to the back of my seat.
“Nah, I just see it on your face. You remind me of myself.”
“How is that?” I ask, shooting a text to Rob about Matty.
“Scared.” She turns into parking lot F and I stare at her in awe. She nailed it; I’m scared shitless of finding someone that loves me with no strings. I have no role models on how to make a relationship work, and I fear there will always be that issue of my trust fund, who my dad is, or anything else that goes along with my past.
Rob: I’m over at Trey’s. I can shoot home now.
“Oh.” I murmur and Kailey stops in front of my car and gives me her attention.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
“Rob’s at your house with my brother.” My thumbs move over the screen.
“They’re still there? Perfect.” She drives away from my car and my palm presses against the window, watching my car pass by.
“Kailey?” I ask and she waves her hand at me. A signature move I’m figuring out.
“You can get your car later. Come on over and we’ll order pizza for the kids. Trey called earlier and said how much fun the girls were having with Matty.”
“Are you sure? If they’ve been there all day; we should give you guys time by yourselves.” I fight it, but she continues driving.
“No. No. When you get to know Trey, you’ll figure out, he prefers the company of a lot of people.”
“Okay,” I meekly agree, sinking down in my seat a little. It’s happening a little too fast. I like Rob’s friends from what I know of them, but it makes Rob, Matty and I like a package deal. Then a small piece of me whispers to ignore those fears and have fun.
Shooting a text to Rob, I tell him to sit tight because Kailey’s driving me over. He never responds and I figure he’s busy.
We park in the driveway, next to the minivan. I spot Rob’s Mustang on the street, along with another car I don’t recognize. When we step inside, it’s not children’s laughter, but adults from the entryway. Kailey drops her back-pack on the bench by the door and I do the same, slipping from my Tom’s.
Following Kailey, I don’t realize it until I see her myself. I’ve heard enough stories from Chrissy to know who’s sitting next to Rob. She’s gorgeous with her short bob haircut and tiny frame. Straightening my T-shirt down over my skinny jeans, I somehow wish I could shrink myself to her size. Rob has the baby in his arms, feeding the baby a bottle. He looks comfortable, but awkward all at the same time. His hand keeps moving to position the bottle in different ways.
“Man, a few hours and even Rob turns parental in this house,” Kailey jokes, wrapping her arms around Trey’s middle, lying her head on his back. He’s on the phone and hangs up at the same moment she kisses his shoulder blade. Twisting around, he pulls his wife in his arms.
“What can I say, I have that effect on him,” he winks, placing both his hands on the side of Kailey’s face, bringing his lips to hers.
Jessa’s eyes peer up and find me in the doorway. Quickly, she stands up and comes over to me. “You must be Paige. I’m Jessa.” She smiles and appears friendly enough. She’s Rob’s ex though, and it’s like she’s checking me out with a fine toothcomb.
“Yeah. Nice to meet you.” I shake her hand and smile back. Pleasantries I tell myself.
“Jessa, is Grant coming over?” Trey hollers over.
“Yeah, I think so. Let me text him again. I swear he’s at work more than home lately.” Oh great, her husband’s never home, somehow her and Rob have become all chummy. Why do I even care? I shouldn’t care.
“If so, I’ll have to order another pizza for his lard ass.” Trey kids and Kailey sweeps in, taking the baby from Rob’s arms.
“I’ll take her.” She goes over to the window and peers out, a smile quick to form on her face. “They are having so much fun.” Then she twists toward me. “Although, you might want to warn your mom, Paige. They’ve turned him into the prince. Foil sword and all.”
“Don’t knock the sword. I worked hard on that.” Rob stands up and ventures to the window, watching Matty hold the handmade sword from cardboard and foil in the air. “They were dressing him up as a princess; I had to put a stop to that shit.”
“Shit,” Drew mimics and Kailey’s head flips over to him sitting on the floor playing with some cars.
Her hand flies up in the air, Trey laughs an
d I bite my lip. “One day and you’ve already ruined my precious nephew.”
Rob backs up, holding his hands up. “I’m sorry, Kailey.” He truly appears to mean it, but Trey laughs harder and Kailey does, too.
“Please, Rob, let’s remember who lives in this house. He learned it from Trey about a month ago and it’s his favorite word lately.”
Rob’s hand covers his heart. “Thank the lord.” It’s nice to see him show his caring and considerate side. Not plaster on the usual asshole one.
“Grant’s in. He’s leaving now,” Jessa tells Trey and he nods. Jessa and Rob share a look and immediately Rob goes outside.
She goes to follow, but Kailey glances over to me. “Paige, you should see Matty out here.” Jessa stops and peers over to me.
I meet her by the window and find a happy Matty. It doesn’t happen nearly enough and it pulls a smile from my face. Then they veer to Rob and he’s sitting on the table, his fingers tapping along it. “Go talk to him.” Kailey nudges me with her shoulder.
Following her directions, I slide through the doors and sit down next to him. “I hope Matty wasn’t too much trouble today. Thank you again.” I cross my legs and Rob’s eyes watch them the whole way. A shot of electricity shoots through my veins.
“The kid is cool as shit. He opened up as soon as we walked through the door.” He watches Matty, raising his sword and the girl’s bow down to him. “He’s got game already. You had better watch out.”
I laugh and swivel my chair for a better view. “Don’t teach him too much now.”
“It’s not me. The kid’s a natural.” His fingers continue to tap in an uncomfortable drum.
Swiveling back around, his eyes are so lost, I’m not sure he’s entirely with me. “We can go. You can drop me off at my car, I’ll grab Matty. Then you’re free.”
His head tilts and his eyes dig into mine hard. “No. Matty’s having fun.”
“But you aren’t. I get it, so let’s just go.” I’m trying my best not to outwardly call him out on the yearning for his ex-girlfriend.
“What do you get?”
“That Grant’s coming. You know.” I fidget my hands in my lap. “That you probably don’t want to be around him, with Jessa being your ex.” Stashing all the insecurities that she’s everything I’m not. She’s got that whole punk girl image with her short hair, tattoos, and vintage clothes. I’m sitting here with unruly curly hair, lanky body and head-to-toe Express.
His lips drop a little and he licks his lips. “Paige? You think I want Jessa?” His condescending grin has me second-guessing my assumption.
“Sometimes it’s hard to let go.”
“Not in this case. We just had to clear the air. But I like it.”
“Like what?” I swivel my chair to check on Matty again, but Rob swivels me back around.
“I like it that you’re all, jealous and insecure.” I chew on the inside of my cheek. I wish my attraction for Rob would disappear. That I could believe he’s the scumbag he comes off to people. I’ve seen too many good things he’s done to lie to myself. The developing desire for him will only hurt me regardless of now or later.
“I’m not insecure.” I narrow my eyes and my head shakes a little, fighting his words.
He closes my hand in his and his thumb glides over the top of my knuckles. Goose bumps spread up my arm. “Good. Because you don’t even come close to her.” My mouth opens and I’m in awe of his asshole remark. “You’re so far ahead of her, your taillights are hardly visible.” I hate that I’m enlightened that he knocked Jessa down in order to boost me up, but I can’t lie. His admission is nice to hear. Especially since I feel exactly the same way about him.
“Rob?” I question and he doesn’t move his hand from mine. “What are we doing?” I whisper and he retracts his hand.
“Flirting.” He goes back to tapping the table and my stomach drops at his confession.
Standing up, I look down at him, but his eyes focus on the table in front of him. “If that’s all you’re doing, stop it.”
When my hand is on the knob of the screen door, he draws my attention. “Paige?”
I wait for him to finish the sentence. “I’m just being a good friend. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“I’m not sure what I want,” I admit and escape inside the house.
THE NIGHT CARRIES on with a lot of inside jokes between Trey and Rob. Razzing each other about stories from their years before any of us. How the band started and their first gigs. I purposely sit on the opposite side of the table from Rob. I’m growing old from his hot and cold actions. I get the past and the hurt, but you can’t continue to fuck with people’s emotions and assume they’ll still be there.
“So Paige, what are you majoring in?” Grant leans across his wife to ask me.
“Hospitality.”
“Oh, that’s awesome. Like work for a hotel or restaurant?” Jessa sits up straighter and I watch Grant place his hand on her thigh. I crave to have someone that makes such simple movements of affection. As though Grant doesn’t consciously even know he’s doing it, he just loves her.
“Yeah, maybe I’ll be able to score you guys some killer rooms at a five-star hotel someday.”
“Could you imagine, babe?” Jessa shoots Grant a look. “Plush robes, deep tubs for soaking, five-star room service.” She leans back in her chair, her arms falling to her sides. “I’m there.” She closes her eyes and Trey throws a piece of crust, hitting her square in the chest.
“Wake up into mommy mode.” He points to her baby, wiggling in his arms.
She laughs and then pins Grant with her eyes. “Oh, no, it’s daddy time now.” Grant doesn’t skip a beat, swerving around the table and picking up his daughter. He cradles her in his all-American muscled arms and rocks back and forth.
“You know when baby number two comes, there isn’t going to be a ‘your turn-my turn’ debate, right?” Trey points to her stomach and I follow his finger in awe.
Jessa must notice my agape mouth. “Yes, he knocked me up again,” she jokes, massaging her nonexistent belly.
When I look at Grant, he just mouths love you to her and she shakes her head, clearly happy to be carrying his second child.
“Whoa, I suddenly feel like an underachiever around here.” Rob speaks up.
“You have a pseudo,” Kailey offers pointing to a passed out Matty on the couch.
I stand up to retrieve him. “He’s my pseudo. Rob’s just the babysitter.” I scoff and he follows me over to Matty. “I think it’s time I get him to bed.” I struggle to get my arms under his and he fights me in his asleep.
“I’ll carry him.” Rob’s hand brushes against my stomach, scooting me out of the way. With ease he hoists Matty up in his arms and begins walking to the door. “Thanks guys, it’s been fun.”
“I’ll walk you out.” Trey stands up and Kailey waves.
“Bye, you two. Hey, Rob, we’re always searching for great babysitters. So, if Paige ever frees you, come on over.” The whole table laughs and Rob stops and I bump into his back.
“If I’m lucky, Paige and I can act out seducing the babysitter when we get home.” My voice gets caught in my throat and everyone laughs harder.
Pushing him with my hands on his back, he steps forward. “Would you accept that as form of payment?”
He spins around to face me, luckily Matty separates us. “I accept many forms of payment, and you can pay in advance if you’d like.” With a wink of his eye, I literally become wet. Where is that stand-up girl from only hours before?
“Let’s just go home.” After the phrase leaves my lips, the words resonate in me. Trey smirks and I assume he’s thinking the same thing I am.
A few minutes later, Matty’s strapped in the back and we’re weaving through the dark streets of their neighborhood. “You can just drop me off at my car. I’ll take Matty,” I comment, my whole body facing the door.
“That’s ridiculous. I’ll drop you off in the morning before work
.”
“No, you get up early. God knows when my mom will return.” I fight him, trying to somehow act like an independent woman that needs nothing from him.
“It’s fine. We’ll handle it. I’m not sure what’s wrong with you.” My head whips around and I glare at the side of his face.
“What exactly are you looking for from me?” I’m exhausted with his flirtatious acts to only drawback when I advance.
“Isn’t it friendship?” He lets out an empty laugh. Throwing my own words back to me.
“Listen.” I check on Matty in the backseat to assure he’s still asleep. “I’m not going to be your fuck buddy, so let it go. I want to be here as a friend to you, but maybe . . .” I trail off, embarrassed to convey the sparks between us. That maybe there’s something more, something long lasting.
He allows my words to disappear, not asking questions or adding another. Nonverbally giving me his answer that he’s not on the same wavelength as me. “Paige.” My name sounds so good coming from his mouth, but the rejection is clear before he responds. He drives up the driveway, never going back to grab my car.
He parks his car outside the garage and keeps it running, signaling he’ll be leaving Matty and me here. Twisting in his seat, his hand reaches for mine and I don’t pull away. Welcoming the warmth of his hands. “I wish I was different. That I was like my friends who believe in the fairytale, but I’m not. As much as I do want you, I’m not going to jeopardize someone else’s happiness for my own.”
“Rob,” I begin to speak and his finger lands on my lips to silence me.
His eyes are dark and intense as they swim with mine. “I’m sorry for the mixed signals and I’m going to be honest with you. I want to grab you, throw you over my shoulder and carry you up to my room. I want those long legs wrapped around me for hours while I cherish every inch of your body over and over again. Making you gasp for air as you scream my name. But, I won’t because you’re already too invested. So, I’m going to be the best God damn friend you’ve ever had and let you go.”
The truthful words mute me and I sit there, with closed eyes wondering how in such a short time it got here. That our non-existent relationship has already been doused in water before it ever ignited. It all makes me rethink that the whole friends with benefits option I declined weeks ago.
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