The Romantic Misadventures of a Modern Woman

by Jessica Brown

  As the music started, the four ladies faced front, as did the rest of the class, mirroring the trainers as they demonstrated the warm-up routine. Soon muffled giggles rippled throughout the room. The playlist consisted of inappropriate, raunchy love songs. Many in the class began to blush at the suggestive lyrics. The exercises were uncomfortably suggestive. A few people walked out of the class before the first routine ended. Others stayed to see just how much more hilarious this hook-up work-out would get.

  The class was a joke. The trainers were in a committed relationship of their own and it was very obvious they were together. Apparently, they had a poorly conceived notion that it was their mission to combine exercise class with matchmaking. They convinced the gym, where they worked, to let them give their idea a try. Gina fell for it and dragged her friends along for what was becoming an embarrassingly bizarre experience. While Gina remained fully committed to the class, the other three women exchanged smirks, muffled laughter and winks when the trainers weren't looking. They sat out the raunchier circuits. At one particularly uncomfortable moment, the trainers tried to pair-off the ever-dwindling crowd of same-sex strangers, now mostly female, with no concern for their actual sexual orientation.

  After 45 minutes of trying to keep a straight face, the class ended, mercifully. The women stepped out onto a sunny street and Hannah burst out laughing. "I can't believe they wanted us to do all of those exercises! I think those moves better suited for people who are already in a relationship. I would probably just do them with my husband, behind closed doors... after I get a husband, maybe not even then."

  Nita turned to Gina, "What did you think of the guy you were paired with?"

  "He has my number." Gina said in a musically high-pitched, confident tone.

  Chapter 9

  Thoughts and Emails

  Nita sat in her reading spot, waiting for the clock to tell her it was time for the Telephone Book Club. She had read ahead in the book and taken notes. While she waited, she re-read the note from her secret admirer and began composing a draft e-mail that she would send, maybe.

  She ripped a page from her notebook and began to write.

  "Dear Secret Admirer..." Nita shook her head.

  "Hi, there..." She scribbled over it and scratched it out.

  What's up, dude?" Balling up the paper, she tossed it into the trash.

  None of the greetings worked for her. She thought to herself, "I don't even know his name or what he looks like."

  She finally came up with something:

  "Hello,

  Thanks for the note you left for me at speed-dating.

  May I know your name?"

  It was short and sweet and was enough to get the conversation started. She typed the words into her phone, re-reading the text to be sure that auto-correct hadn't mangled her message (making her sound completely stupid), then clicked "send".

  Suddenly, she found herself cloaked with a feeling of dread. "What if the envelope wasn't meant for me? What if he put it on someone else's chair and it accidentally fell on the floor next to my chair, and someone walked by, and picked it up, thinking it was mine?"

  It was too late. The e-mail was sent. Nita would have to wait and see if the secret admirer replied.

  She tried to calm herself as she dialed Hannah's number.

  "Can I call you back?" Hannah spoke in a hurried tone. It sounded as though she was in her car with the window open.

  "Sure."

  "OK, I'm almost home. I need, maybe half an hour, at least to get settled. I'll call you."

  "OK, talk to you later."

  Nita put her paperback and her notebook aside and looked at her phone. A new e-mail had arrived while she was talking to Hannah.

  She fumbled with the phone, then tapped on the e-mail icon.

  The subject header read, "Your Speed-Dating Match Message from KISS-LOVE 91".

  Nita slid her finger across her phone to reveal the body of the e-mail message.

  "Dear Dater 45,

  Thanks for participating in the KISS-LOVE 91 speed-dating event.

  Congratulations! We are excited to inform you that you were chosen by the dater(s) listed below.

  If you are still interested in meeting any of them, we have arranged a mixer for those, like you, who made connections. The details are below. Please reply if you plan to attend...."

  Nita looked at the names. All three men, Wes, Caleb and Nathaniel, requested to meet her. She was so excited, she couldn't stop smiling. She thought, if only one of the men picked her, she would be more confident that he was her secret admirer. Either way, she figured she would learn his identity sooner or later.

  E-mail addresses for each of the men were listed next to their names. Nita compared them to what was at the bottom of the mysterious note ...no match found. Next, she thought about how she might discover who he was or get him to reveal his identity at the mixer. She was not going to miss this.

  Hannah seemed to be taking too long to call back. While she continued to wait, Nita got out her notebook again and looked through her notes.

  "Men are on a hunt. Let them come to you." She had written this in large letters on one of the pages. The advice in the book seemed a bit old-fashioned. But, this author also referenced the Bible, and that made the advice ancient. She wondered "Why do people still listen to advice from so long ago. So much has changed since back then" she thought.

  "When you understand how valuable you are, others will see it and treat you accordingly." She copied this sentence, almost verbatim, from the book, which was becoming a bit worn and dog-eared. She transcribed questions in that section of the chapter into her notes, asking herself: "How valuable do I think I am?" and "What makes me valuable?" Although she wrote the chapter and verse for supporting scripture references, she hadn't answered those questions yet. The author insisted, "If you are valuable enough for God to send His Son to die for you, you're pretty valuable. Treat yourself with value and others will understand that they must do the same."

  Nita wrote another question to herself, "How do I treat myself with value?" That was something she would have to give much thought.

  Chapter 10

  Mrs. Foster's Garden

  As the afternoon progressed toward evening, the temperature began to drop. Nita took her over-sized cape to go over her sweater, and walked outside as sunset ushered in the cool night. She found herself enjoying her long walks more than ever with the changing leaves falling around her.

  Her path took her past the Foster house. Mrs. Foster was a retired widow who did photography and worked in her garden during the day. At night, she would edit her photos and post them on-line. Since Nita lived in an apartment, she couldn't have a garden. She admired those who did.

  After complimenting Mrs. Foster on her hydrangea plants, one spring, she invited Nita in to see her whole garden, up close. At the end of the tour, Nita asked if she could come garden with her sometime and a friendship was born. Nita would stop by a few times each month to pull weeds, make flower arrangements or harvest vegetables. Often Mrs. Foster would send her home with everything she picked.

  When Henry and Nita started dating, he picked her up from the Foster house so she could keep her real address private. When Henry brought her back, Mrs. Foster would put on some tea and they would chat about her evening before Nita walked up the block to her apartment. Of course, this arrangement lasted only until Nita and Henry became serious and their dates lasted into the night, ending at her apartment or his. After the last time she saw Henry, Mrs. Foster didn't see her as often. Intuitively, she knew something had happened and that Nita's boyfriend was no longer in the picture.

  Mrs. Foster noticed Nita walking slowly past her fence, appreciating her mums and marigolds. She called out to her. "Hi, sweetie!"

  "Hi, Mrs. Foster. What are you doing today?"

  "Spring bulbs have to go in! Wanna get your hands dirty?" Mrs. Foster kept a spare pair of gardening gloves for whenever Nita helped her in the garden.


  "Sure!" Nita felt a bit guilty that she hadn't visited Mrs. Foster as much as she used to, but she also missed working in the garden with her.

  "You remember what to do, don't you?" Mrs. Foster asked as she handed her a basked of tulip bulbs

  "Yes, but I am going to watch you to make sure I don't mess up."

  The two women buried their bulbs, one-by-one, carefully placing each at the prescribed depth, spacing them the correct distance apart. Mrs. Foster was hands-off as a supervisor. She trusted Nita.

  "I have missed you, dear." Mrs. Foster offered. "How have you been?"

  "OK" Nita was not uncomfortable with her questions; she knew they were coming, but wanted to avoid talking about Henry. "I've been spending time with some great women friends. We've been going to singles events around town."

  Nita told her neighbor about her speed-dating experience and the hilarious, sexy work-out debacle. Their conversation, as they planted, carried them across the front of the house and almost down one side before they ran out of bulbs.

  "I knew I didn't have enough. The nursery has the rest on back-order. I should receive everything before next weekend. How about we clean up here and go inside? Would you like some hot apple cider?"

  Street lamps began to glow as the last bits of daylight slipped below the edge of the horizon. As the apple cider warmed on Mrs. Foster's modern stove, she placed a tray with honey and cinnamon sticks in the center the kitchen table and sat down. "Thanks for helping me today. I really enjoyed your company."

  "Oh, you're welcome, Mrs. Foster. I am sorry I haven't been around in a while."

  "That's OK. We can't always do things the way we've always done them. I understand. Are you alright?"

  "Yes, I think so." Nita took a quiet deep breath. "You know, Mrs. Foster, Henry and I are not together anymore."

  "Yes, sweetie, I thought so. Do you wanna talk about it?"

  "I don't think I am ready yet." Nita explained. "What I can tell you is that I just discovered that I have to forgive him."

  "What did he do?" Mrs. Foster got up to cut off the burner and remove the apple cider.

  "All I know is he had someone else." Nita felt a little better for sharing what had been at the root of her private pain for so long.

  The older woman poured steaming cider into cups and slid one in front of Nita. "Infidelity. That's serious."

  "It's a deal-breaker, as far as I'm concerned." Nita replied.

  "It often is. But, I know a thing or two about infidelity."

  "What? Mr. Foster cheated on you?" Nita was astonished.

  "No. I was the one who was unfaithful."

  Nita's jaw dropped. The Fosters seemed to have a wonderful relationship. They were always in their yard or when out shopping, or on their date nights, looking so happy together. They seemed to be one of the most loving couples in Karberry. Mrs. Foster was the last person Nita would have suspected to have had an affair. Nita lifted her cup in front of her face as if to take a drink, but it was really just a feeble attempt to hide her shock.

  "Forgiveness saved our marriage." the widow insisted. "I didn't want to destroy my relationship and I didn't want my marriage to end, neither did Howard."

  "He must have been furious."

  "Yes, I'm sure he was. And either one of us could have called it quits in a heartbeat, but both of us still considered the commitment we made to each other in our marriage as more important than anything else... even if one of us was acting, for a moment, as if it wasn't. And because we survived, we were better for it."

  While finishing their cider, they continued to chat. Mrs. Foster offered one last piece of encouragement. "Dating is a lot of fun. Enjoy it, sweetie. But there will come a time when you won't want to do that anymore. If you're as blessed as I was, you'll meet the person you will spend the rest of your life with. That is my prayer for you, Nita."

  Chapter 11

  Online Dating

  Gina suggested that the four women meet at her home, the way they had been, previously at Hannah's. She told everyone that she needed 'help setting up her profile with an on-line dating site, but promised they wouldn't spend a lot of time with it. She ordered pizzas and put out bottles of water and soda for her friends. Her laptop was booted up and running. She was logged onto the dating site and ready to show off what she had done with her profile so far.

  Elle confided to Hannah that she was certain Gina had completely lost her mind in her vigilant quest to meet new men. She complained that her cousin had begun to twist her arm to get her to put up a profile on the same dating site she joined. When Nita arrived, Gina was already asking her friends which of her profile photos they liked best.

  "Hi Nita!" Gina said happily.The women had gathered to do something that was all about her. She was enjoying the attention. She was not concerned about anyone having fun, unless they enjoyed being happy for her as she discovered new ways to find more prospective boyfriends.

  "I got a match from speed-dating!" Gina announced.

  "Me too." Nita said.

  "Are you going to the mixer? I am! We could go together!" Gina's extreme excitement was evident in the speed with which the words were escaping from her mouth. It was becoming an annoyance to nearly everyone.

  When Gina started to spin her wheels talking about her dating profile, Hannah tried to add balance to a conversation that had become one-sided. She attempted to bring up a new subject. "Ladies, do you remember that book the singles group read last summer? I recently started reading it again."

  "You mean that book on Christian relationships?" Elle replied. "I didn't like it."

  "Gina added, "The advice seemed outdated. I like to try new ideas, and sometimes, make up my own rules as I go along. It keeps life exciting!"

  Hannah defended her position, "Well, don't you think the reason some ideas last so long is because they work? A new idea may be fun for a minute, but if it doesn't work, what's the point? I mean, isn't that the reason why some ideas don't last?"

  Gina found herself nodding in agreement. Elle countered, "That book outlined some serious deprivation. Does anyone ever really subject themselves to that?"

  "Yes!" Hannah retorted. "I know a lot of people who followed the principles in this book and most of them are in very happy relationships now. Have any of you given it a chance?"

  The cousins were silent.

  Nita spoke up, "I just started reading that book, too. I've been taking notes to make sure I understand what I am learning so I can make the best decisions about how to use it in my everyday life."

  "That's great!" Hannah sounded a bit more encouraged. "I hope you all will give the information in the book another try."

  Gina pulled the topic back in her direction, "OK! So, which one of you wants to set up an on-line profile like mine?"

  Chapter 12

  Mixing It Up

  Nita walked up to the Community Center's entrance just as Elle was dropping Gina off. Elle hopped out and gave Nita a hug. Nita thought it was as if she was saying "Please watch out for her. She's your responsibility tonight." As Elle drove away, Gina's excitement was palpable. The purpose of this evening was that Nita was there to meet Wes, Nathaniel and Caleb and Gina was there to meet Steve.

  The room was even more beautifully decorated than it was the night of the speed-dating event. Because of the unusually warm November weather, an outdoor space was added where couples could stroll in the garden and get acquainted in a quieter setting, away from the amplifiers. Once again, KISS-LOVE 91 hosted the party and admitted only the invited guests who had made speed-dating matches. Everyone seemed to feel special, as if they had been admitted to the V.I.P. suite.

  Gina asked Nita, "How do I look?"

  "Even better than your profile picture" Nita volunteered.

  "Oh, thanks! You look great, too!"

  Name badges were arranged alphabetically on the registration table. Gina found hers quickly and rushed in to find Steve. After Nita picked up her name badge, she looked through the oth
er badges on the table to see if any of her matches had arrived. She quickly found Caleb's badge and discovered Wes' badge a few moments later. She also noticed the unclaimed badge for Gina's match, but by then, she had ventured out of view. So, Nita prepared herself to meet Nathaniel.

  Nita walked around the room and looked over the buffet and the decor. She watched the fountain on the terrace as it cycled through its digitized choreography. She wondered where they kept the technology that controlled the water patterns and the lights. Being at the mixer felt a bit like a cross between a high school dance and a reality TV dating show. But, this was an adult event. The people at the radio-station worked hard to make the speed-dating match-ups and the mixer a success.

  Gina felt a tap on her shoulder. It was Gina, "Have you seen Steve?"

  "No, sorry. His name badge is still on the sign-in table, so I'm pretty sure he hasn't arrived."

  "Thanks." Gina said as she rushed away to check the sign-in table.

  Nita turned and found herself face-to-face with Nathaniel. He was wearing a blazer, polo shirt and Khaki's and was carrying a small flower. He offered it to Nita.

  "Hi, Nathaniel... I remember you." Nita said.

  "Thanks for picking me." He said, pushing his eyeglass frames up onto the bridge of his nose.

  "And thank you for picking me!" Nita replied, smiling.

  "He is a genuinely decent guy" Nita thought to herself as she looked at him. "And what a sweet gesture: he brought me a flower!"