by Desiree Holt
“Oh. Running away?” she taunted. “That’s right. Just get the fuck out of here. I don’t agree with you so all bets are off, right?”
“It isn’t a matter of agreeing,” he growled. “It’s a matter of being sensible. When you’re ready to be sensible, you have my cell number. I don’t plan to change it.”
“You might as well. I won’t be using it.” She grabbed the sheet off the bed and wrapped it around herself, unwilling to stand there any longer naked while he was now fully clothed. Somehow it made her feel vulnerable and that was the last thing she wanted to feel right now.”
“Fine.” He shoved his wallet and his cell in his pockets.
“Fine,” she shot back at him. Clutching the sheet to her like an oversized sarong, she walked back to the other side of the room, determined to stay as far away from him as she could.
Looking around to make sure he’d picked up all his things, he turned and started across the room to her.
Randi held up her hand. “Stop. Don’t come any closer. I mean it, Noah.”
He blew out a breath. “Randi, I can’t walk out and leave things like this.”
She scowled, holding onto her anger so she didn’t fall apart. “This is how you created them so this is how you leave them. No go on. Get out of here. Have a nice life.
He stared at her, those rich brown eyes filled with a mixture of confusion, desire, emotion and, yes, even pain. Too bad. It was of his own making. He stopped and stared at her for a long time.
“I’ll call you,” he said at last.
“Don’t bother. And I mean that, Noah, We have nothing left to say each other. Don’t make this any harder than it is.”
Finally, when she was sure her self-control had been stretched to its limit, he walked out of the room and through her apartment. When she finally heard the front door open and closer, she threw herself on the bed and let the tears come, scalding her eyes and her cheeks. She didn’t even make any attempt to mop then with the sheet.
How had it come to this? They had been so happy. She’d had such great hopes for them.
They had met at a party thrown by the EMT she worked with at the firehouse. Noah was a close friend of her partner’s brother and they had clicked from the minute they laid eyes on each other. They were so good together in bed she had hardly dared hope they would click in any other area. She’d had other disappointments so she’d learned not to get her hopes up. They’re relationship had taken on such a magical quality she’d allowed herself to believe she’d finally found The One for her.
She should have known things were too good to be true. Reality quickly set in. He was so excited because when he got the job with the news agency he’d been after for a long time. He’d be relocating to New York, he told her, and it would mean a lot of traveling. However, he’d be home for long stretches in between assignments so they’d still have plenty of time together. Anyway, she’d be busy, too. Right?
She told him how glad she was for him, how terrific it would be fore him. But she’d just learned about an opening at the station house for a firefighter. She’d already applied and been accepted, and— That was when the shit hit the fan. Too dangerous. Too demanding. Not a job for a woman. She’d never before thought of Noah as chauvinistic but she guessed that maybe she’d somehow missed that. Maybe he was just afraid for her, but that wasn’t his choice to make. Things had just escalated from there.
I love him, but I have to love myself, too.
If she gave up this dream she knew she’d lose part of herself. Somehow she’d just have to get past this.
When all the tears had finally dried up she hauled herself into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Time to get her shit together. Firemen didn’t cry, right? At least not in self-pity. And she was going to be the best damn firefighter this stationhouse had ever seen.
Chapter 2
Six years later
Noah Cutler locked his car and paused at the entrance to Jimbo’s. The last time he’d been here he’d been at a party with Randi Alexander. Six years later he was here for another party, aware she would again be here, and more nervous than he’d been since tracking a Great White off the coast of Australia.
If he had a lick of sense he’d have turned down Jeff Nagle’s invitation to the party, begging off with an overload of work. But the man was still his best friend, despite the fact that they saw each other so infrequently now and that friendship was relegated to phone calls and texts. Luckily his current assignment had brought him back to San Antonio in time to celebrate his friend’s birthday with him. Living in New York and traveling the world hadn’t given him much chance of that up until now. Or, if he was honest, as much pleasure as he’d thought it would.
But Randi would be there tonight. Randi, with the lush body, the sun-streaked honey colored hair and eyes the color of rich bourbon. The woman he had once thought he’d be spending the rest of his life with. The woman he’d loved. He had replayed their last night together over in his mind so many times he was no longer even sure how much of what he remembered was truth and how much was his imagination.
What he did know was he had made two major mistakes. The first was expecting her to chuck everything and follow him to New York on what could turn out to be a disastrous career choice. One where she had only uncertain options. The second was not believing in her and her ability to handle herself in the career she wanted. Badly.
He’d just been so terrified of her putting herself in life-threatening situations he couldn’t see past that fear. No matter how many times she assured him she would get appropriate training. No matter how many times she told him firefighters always worked as a team and had each other’s backs. No matter what she’d said, he hadn’t been able to get past that fear.
They had left things between them so bad, so destroyed, he wondered if they even had a chance to get past all the residual pain. Both of them had been angry, neither one giving an inch. He might have hotfooted it out of San Antonio but he had still kept track of her all this time. Quietly, through Jeff who wisely never asked any questions. He knew she had excelled in her training and in her work. He would have expected nothing less of her. Now she was a proud, newly minted arson investigator and the buzz was she was sharp, insightful and on top of things. It seemed everyone asked for her when an investigation was needed.
He’d never stopped loving her, or missing her, or wanting her. He hated the way they’d left things but he hadn’t come up with a way to fix it. Every time he decided he’d suck it up and fly back to San Antonio to see if they could still repair things, another assignment came up for him. More and more time passed, until it seemed all he had in his life was the job he’d given up so much for and a hole in his heart he couldn’t seem to fill.
Okay, he’d say hello, congratulate her on her success and take the temperature of the situation. Maybe there was a way they could pick up all the broken pieces and put them back together. One problem, though. He still hadn’t changed his mind about her and firefighting. Maybe investigators didn’t rush into burning buildings but they still stepped into a lot of dangerous situation. So exactly how did he expect to fix this? Could he ever get himself past what he’d done and how he felt about her job?
If you want her in your life you will, asshole. Suck it up.
Maybe he should just say hello, congratulate her and move along.
Oh, right. Who was he kidding here? Since he boarded the plane from New York to San Antonio he hadn’t thought of anything except her. He wondered if the current story he was working on hadn’t brought him back to San Antonio would he ever have made the trip to see her again?
No, because I’m a coward. Besides, she’s probably moved on with her life. I’m not even a blip on her memory chart.
A knocking on his car window startled him out of his reverie. He looked out to see Chaz Krieger staring into the car. The man made a rolling motion with his hand so Noah obligingly lowered his window.
“Hey, guy. Long time no see.”
Chaz stuck his hand through the open window
Noah shook it and nodded. “Sure has been.”
“You’re looking damn good. Must be all that world traveling.”
Noah laughed. “It does spice up one’s life.”
“So,” Chaz drawled, “You planning to sit out here all night? Because in case no one told you, the party is inside.” He took a step back. “Come on. I’ll even pop for a drink.”
“Best offer I’ve had yet.” He raised the window and climbed out of the car. “Let’s do it.”
The moment he pushed open the door to the bar he was assaulted by the intensity of the noise. The bar was jammed wall to wall with people, a hundred conversations crowding the air. Someone had apparently put some money in the old-fashioned jukebox because a melody was trying its best to make its way through the babble. Three bartenders were working as fast as they could to fill the orders of the people lined up four deep.
Jeff knew a lot of people and most everyone liked him. A lot. He was a top-notch cop, now a detective with the homicide division. He had friends in both the police and fire departments as well as the Texas Rangers. It seemed all of them had turned out for tonight’s celebration. Putting a grin on his face, Noah elbowed his way through the crowd to reach his friend who was surrounded by well wishers, all of them it seemed trying to talk to him at he same time.
“Still Mr. Popularity, I see,” Noah teased, giving his friend a light punch to the shoulder.
“Noah! Holy shit, you really did make it.” He elbowed some room to give Noah a man-hug. “I thought you’d just continue to be a figment of my imagination.”
“Wouldn’t have missed it.” Then his mouth curved in a lopsided grin. “At least I hoped to make it.”
“You’re here now, That’s what’s important.” He looked at Noah’s empty hands. “No dink? Let’s fix that right now.” He waved his hand at the bar and shouted, “Hey Jimbo.”
Jimbo Gratz, he heavyset man working the center of the bar and the owner of the place, looked up even as he continued to open three beers and hand them out.
“What?” he mouthed. “You want another?”
“For my friend here.” He pointed at Noah. “Corona Gold.”
“I’ll get,” Noah told his friend. “You need to stick here with your admirers.”
Jeff laughed. “Yeah admirers. Right.” Then his face sobered. “Can you hang back a while after everyone leaves? I’m off tomorrow and we can get a late cup of coffee.”
Noah nodded. “Sure. Just enjoy celebrating. Catch you later.”
He made his way to the bar and grabbed the beer Jimbo held out to him. The man grinned, bumped fists with him and went back to his work. Noah nodded at people as he worked his way through the crowd, exchanging greetings with the people he knew. He wasn’t quite ready for conversation yet, not until he laid eyes on the one person he’d really come there to see. He scanned the crowd, trying to see f he could spot her, frustrated at the outrageous number of people crowded into the small space.
And then there she was, over by one of the pool tables, talking to three men and another woman, all of them obviously straining to hear over the noise. He took the moment to feast his eyes on her, drinking in the sight of her. She had probably come straight from work because she was wearing a tailored jacket over a silk blouse and tailored slacks. The moment eh saw her he knew with a certainty what a complete idiot he’d been to walk away from her. All the top stories in the world didn’t give him near the rush he got just by looking at this woman. There’d been a big hole in his life he didn’t seem able to fill no matter what he did.
And just like that the stupidity of what he’d done and how he’d handled things stabbed him in the gut. He still thought her job was dangerous but he hadn’t had to be such a prick
about it. And maybe he could have been more open about where they would live. Maybe, maybe, maybe. He and his ego had really fucked up. He’d hoped all during the flight here that eh could find a way to open that door again.
He’d followed her career as best he could, using all his resources. There had been a few stories about the San Antonio Fire Department that. He had studied them intently. Her hair was a more honeyed blonde but the sexy streaks were still there. It hung in soft waves to her shoulders, floating softly as she turned her head to answer someone. Her body was just as lush and tempting as he recalled, at least what he could see of it.
Damn! Just the sight of her and his cock began banging on his fly to get out and attack.
He was gathering himself to approach her, giving himself a pep talk and trying to figure out an appropriately low key greeting when she turned her head. He knew the instant she spotted him. She froze, her hand holding her drink midway to her lips. Her mouth fell open and she just stared at him.
Okay, get to it, schmuck.
He wiggled his way through the jam of people until he was directly beside her. She was s till staring at her and he nearly fell into the golden brown of her eyes. Still the same color as the bets bourbon, he thought incidentally.
“Hey, Randi.” He hated having to shout to make himself heard.
“Hello, Noah.” She might have been speaking to a stranger for as much emotion as she out into the words.
Well, what did he expect?
“You look really great.” Well, that was certainly a lame-ass comment. “Terrific, in fact.” Nope, not getting any better.
She looked him up and down and said, “You’re looking pretty good yourself.”
He was trying to figure out what to say next when a loud cheer rose up from the center of the rom where Jeff was standing. Noah glanced that way and saw a bunch of people raising their drinks to him in a toast.
“Listen.” He might regret giving in to this impulse but he had to do it. “Is there half a chance we can sneak out of here for a few minutes? There’s a coffee shop right across the street.”
She stared at him, something swirling in her eyes. “Really? Coffee?
He managed a smile. “Sure. We can catch up on everything.”
“Catch up,” she repeated.
He had the sinking feeling that he was in for a big fat no.
“Hey, Randi, you okay?” The tall man standing right next to her gave Noah a penetrating look.
“I’m fine,” she shouted back. Then she looked at Noah again.
He held his breath. He could almost hear the thoughts rattling around in her head. Then, when he was about to walk away and write it off as a bad move on his part, she gave him one brief nod. “Okay. But one cup.”
Thank you, god. Thank you, thank you.
He took her drink from her hand and set it along with his untouched one on e nearby table already jammed with glasses and bottles. Then, cupping her elbow he guided her through the crowd to the door. People hollered things to them as he forged a path to the door. He just nodded, unable to hear what they were saying and hoping it wasn’t something that would piss him off. He didn’t stop until they were outside and he was guiding Randi across the street. He was shocked that she went along without arguing, then realized she figured she’d tell him off one last time.
Too bad. The moment he laid eyes on her he realized what was between them was far from over. He just didn’t know how to get past this big stone wall that was still between them.
Neither of them said a word until they were sedated in the nearly empty coffee shop and had given their orders to a waitress. He couldn’t seem to get enough of looking at her. His fingers itched to run through her rich sun-streaked hair that he remembered as being softer than silk. To touch his mouth to her lips that beckoned to him. To stroke her petal-soft skin. To see her naked, lying in his arms, while he—
Damn! He’d better stop that line of thinking. His dick was giving him fits again at the erotic video playing in his mind. He studied her across the table, trying to decide the best way to start this conversation. The silence between them became so heavy he could almost feel it. Finally he cleared his throat.
<
br /> “So. How are you? You’re looking good.”
“I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” The smile she gave him looked definitely manufactured. “So did you just come into town for Jeff’s birthday? I know the two of you used to be good friends.”
Used to be? Used to be?
Okay, was she sending him some kind of message, because the greeting he got from Jeff was way warmer than the one from her. Or was she just hinting that when he left San Antonio he turned his back on everyone here. He wanted to think that wasn’t true, but had he really kept in touch with his friends?
“Actually,” he said slowly, “I’m chasing a story and there might be a part of it here.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Here? In San Antonio? I haven’t gotten wind of anything that would merit national coverage and I’m pretty plugged into things.”
“The kernel of it is pretty much under the radar right now. I’m hoping to penetrate that and get some real information. But enough about me.” He smiled. “I want to talk about you.”
At that moment the waitress delivered their coffee and Randi waved off the creamer and sweetener. He could see she still took it the same way she used to describe it…black as hell and strong as sin. He swallowed a tiny smile at the little familiar habit.
She took a slow sip of the coffee before answering.
“I didn’t agree to have coffee with you to make small talk, Noah. Say what you have to say and we can go back to the party. This door will finally be closed for good.”
He studied her face, trying to read what was going on in her head. “Okay, if you want to jump right into it. I wanted to talk to you because I didn’t like the way we left things the last time we were together.”
“Left things?” The look she gave him could have fried eggs. “Are you kidding me?”
Okay. If he wondered whether she was still pissed at him after all this time he had his answer. Well, what did he expect? That she’d welcome him with open arms after the way their last night together ended?