Jenna whimpered low in her throat when Alex’s lips released hers to wreak havoc on her senses. He stroked his tongue across her taut nipple before taking it fully into his mouth and suckling, so that a shaft of intense pleasure unfurled in the pit of her stomach. His fingertips lightly skimmed her waist, moved lower to stroke her thighs, and then, gently but firmly, eased her legs apart to continue an erotic exploration that caused her to inhale sharply.
She wanted him, she wanted him; the litany danced in her mind, increasing in urgency as his fingers probed deeper, and she heard his husky growl of pleasure when he found her wet and so very ready for him. As he moved over her she felt a frisson of apprehension when she became aware of just how big and aroused he was, but almost instantly her fear dissipated, to be replaced with a compelling need to feel him inside her, so that they were joined as one.
He slid his hands beneath her to cup her bottom and lift her slightly, and she had no thought to deny him, but stretched her legs wider to accommodate him, unable to stifle her gasp as he entered her with one powerful stroke. For a moment she tensed—it had been a long time and her muscles were tight—but he stilled, waited, his lips moving over hers in gentle persuasion until he felt her relax, and only then did he begin to move. He set the pace, slow at first, driving into her so that the waves of pleasure built gradually, almost imperceptibly, until she found herself hovering at the edge, hardly daring to believe what was happening to her.
‘Alex!’ She cried his name as he thrust again, so deep and hard that she was sure she would explode with the intensity of pleasure that coursed through her. Nothing had prepared her for the exquisite sensations that her first climax brought, and she clung to him as he continued to drive into her, taking her with him when he reached the pinnacle and tumbled over.
How long they lay, replete in each other’s arms, she didn’t know—but when he finally stirred and eased himself out of her she was swamped by a feeling of loss and was bereft without him.
‘Are you all right? I didn’t hurt you?’
His voice was deep and soft, but she was beyond speech, and instead felt stupid, weak tears gather behind her eyelids and trickle down her cheek.
‘My God! What have I done?’
The sight of her tears lashed his soul; he wanted to hold her, comfort her, but what comfort could he possibly offer? Because of him she had betrayed her husband—a man whom he knew hurt her and made her unhappy, yet whom she’d vowed to stay with for ever, presumably because she loved him.
‘Forgive me?’ he asked quietly as he rolled off the bed and pulled on his clothes. ‘Although it’s not you I should ask.’
Jenna was so cold her teeth chattered, and she huddled beneath the covers, not daring to look at him, although the misery and self-loathing in his voice said it all. Of course it wasn’t her he needed to ask for forgiveness. It was Selina, the woman he loved and had chosen for his wife. Alex was an honourable man, he must despise himself for giving in to a momentary weakness, and he must despise her more for initiating their lovemaking.
She had practically seduced him, she thought, shuddering with shame as she recalled the way she had uncovered his body. What red-blooded male would not have responded to her blatant offer? She was entirely to blame, and as she heard him close the bedroom door behind him she buried her head in the pillows and burst into tears.
Alex was nowhere to be seen when she finally plucked up the courage to go downstairs, and the landlady, Mrs Pike, explained that he had gone out on the tractor with her husband to try and retrieve the car.
It was mid-morning before she heard the tractor rumble down the lane, towing the Bentley behind it, and her heart lurched in her chest as she watched Alex jump down and walk towards the pub. If she had hoped that making love with him would somehow banish her fascination for him she had been sadly mistaken; if anything she desired him even more. It was as if her body recognised its partner and was eager to rediscover the sweet pleasure only he could give.
‘The car’s undriveable,’ he told her as he stamped his boots free of snow before following her into the bar. ‘I’ll arrange for a rescue truck to tow it to a garage as soon as the roads are cleared. Mr Pike has kindly agreed to lend me his Land Rover, so that I can take you to the station. You can catch a train back to London and I’ll follow in a day or two, when the car’s been repaired.’
Jenna nodded wordlessly, unable to look at him, and she heard him sigh heavily.
‘Jenna—we need to talk.’
‘Breakfast’s ready,’ Mrs Pike called and Jenna’s stomach churned at the sight of the full English fry-up set before her. But she smiled and forced herself to tuck in; anything was better than the threatened conversation with Alex.
She remained silent on the way to the station, and he was too busy negotiating the narrow, slippery lanes to do more than throw her a concerned glance. It was only when she was standing on the platform, about to board the train, that she looked at him properly, her heart aching at his drawn, almost haggard expression.
‘What are you going to say to Chris?’ he asked grimly, and she frowned, guiltily recalling the web of lies she had spun. ‘You don’t have to stay with him. I know you believe you love him, but he has some kind of hold over you. If he really loved you he wouldn’t cause you physical harm.’
His face darkened as he remembered the bruising on her foot that he had noticed the previous night, and the way she was still walking with a pronounced limp when she thought he wasn’t watching her.
Alex looked desperate, Jenna admitted painfully as she climbed into a carriage and stared at the rigid set of his jaw as he waited on the platform. He obviously felt ridden with guilt that he had betrayed Selina, and believing that he had aided her in committing adultery only served to increase his self-disgust. It was time to stop the charade and give him back at least some of his self-respect.
‘I do love Chris,’ she said, a hurried glance along the platform revealing that the porter was still checking that the doors were safely shut. ‘But he’s not my husband; I was divorced three years ago.’
‘Then who the hell is he?’ Alex snarled, his eyes glittering as he stared past the officious porter at her.
‘He’s my brother,’ she shouted frantically, and as she sank back in her seat she was sure that the memory of Alex’s darkly furious face would be imprinted in her mind for ever.
Alex didn’t return to the office for the remainder of the week, and Jenna told herself she was glad of the reprieve. There would be no escaping the conversation he had threatened when he did appear, and she resolved that there would be no more secrets between them; she would explain everything, including the existence of her daughter. He must surely despise her anyway, and the news that she was a single mother would simply be another nail in her coffin. It was time she looked for another job.
Saturday dawned cold but bright, and she took advantage of the winter sunshine to sweep up the mountain of fallen leaves in the garden, while Maisie trotted after her with her toy wheelbarrow.
This was her life now, she reminded herself as she watched her daughter run delightedly through the leaves. Her most important role was as mother to Maisie, and she wouldn’t swop it for the world, but she was unable to dismiss the dull ache that settled around her heart, the feeling that she was only half alive.
She missed Alex so much it was a physical pain. If she closed her eyes she could picture his face, could see the chiselled beauty of his bone structure and the way his blue eyes glinted with amusement or darkened with pleasure when they made love. How would she ever forget him? she wondered despairingly. Even if she found a new job tomorrow and never saw him again the scent of him, the taste of him, were now an integral part of her. He was her other half. Without him she felt incomplete, but he was not hers. He loved another woman and she would have to learn to live without him.
Alex parked his car and briefly checked his appearance in the mirror, cursing to himself as he spied the cut on his chin that he had
inflicted whilst shaving. As he rang the doorbell of Jenna’s house he raked a hand through his hair, the betraying gesture revealing a degree of tension that was all the more irritating because it was such new territory. He was a man who liked to be in control, but where Jenna was concerned he discovered that he was as vulnerable and unsure of himself as a teenager on a first date.
He tried the bell again, stifling his impatience when it became apparent that Jenna was not at home. But as he turned to walk back down the path he heard a small voice, and glanced along the passageway that ran along the side of the house.
‘You’re not the milkman,’ the child observed in her clear, tinkling voice, ‘or the postman. Are you Father Christmas?’
For a moment he couldn’t answer, shock robbing him of his power of speech as he stared down at the little girl. ‘I’m afraid not,’ he murmured. ‘My name’s Alex. Who are you?’
‘Maisie Jane Deane,’ she told him importantly. ‘I live at sixty-three Cedar Crescent, and my rabbit’s name is Smudge.’
‘Maisie? Who are you talking to?’ Jenna turned the corner of the house, alerted by the sound of her daughter’s voice, and stopped dead. ‘Alex!’
He looked horrified, there was no other way to describe his expression, and Jenna paled. ‘This is my daughter, Maisie,’ she explained in a faltering voice, and shrank from the glittering fury in his eyes.
‘I know; we’ve already introduced ourselves.’ He stared again at the little girl, as if he couldn’t believe she was real, and then glanced at Jenna. ‘Right, I’ll be off, then.’
‘Alex!’ Shock had rooted her to the spot, but as he walked down the front path she fumbled to unlock the side gate and hurried after him. ‘Alex—wait.’
The throbbing sound of his car’s engine reverberated down the street and she stared after him helplessly, her heart pounding.
‘So that’s that,’ she told Chris an hour later, after her brother had stumbled out of bed to be greeted by her tearful face. ‘He took one look at Maisie and left, without giving me a chance to explain.’
‘It must have been quite a shock for him, to come face to face with the daughter he never knew you had,’ Chris pointed out. But Jenna wouldn’t be comforted.
‘You didn’t see his face,’ she said miserably. ‘He looked at Maisie as if she was Frankenstein’s daughter. For some reason he hates children. I can’t carry on working for him now, but it’s Christmas in a couple of weeks. What am I going to do?’
‘They need someone to man the chip fryer in the burger bar,’ Chris said helpfully, and she sighed. But it could come to that.
The doorbell rang, and as Chris loped off to answer it Maisie climbed up on a stool and surveyed her mother solemnly.
‘Is Alex a nice man?’ she queried innocently.
‘No, he’s an arrogant, impatient, irritating beast.’
‘Thanks for the character assassination. I’m sure you can think up a few more adjectives if you try.’ He appeared in the doorway, and the small kitchen immediately seemed to shrink to dolls’ house size as he towered over her.
‘Sneaky, stealthy,’ she added to her list, but mentally admitted to gorgeous and sexy and heartbreakingly real. His presence in the kitchen was so unexpected that she had no time to muster her defences, and scrubbed her tear-stained face with the back of her hand. ‘What are you doing here? I thought you had a pathological aversion to children.’
‘Where ever did you get a ridiculous idea like that from?’
He seemed annoyingly calm and relaxed as he leaned against the door and folded his arms across his chest in a gesture that told her he wasn’t going anywhere in a hurry.
‘Margaret told me at my interview that you didn’t want to appoint someone with children because of possible childcare problems. I was desperate for the job so I…’
‘So you lied,’ he finished for her, and she flushed.
‘I didn’t lie. You asked me if I was intending to produce a brood of little Deanes; you didn’t ask about any existing children.’
‘Jenna, have you ever heard the term splitting hairs?’ He surveyed her grimly, as if she was under cross-questioning in the dock, and she discovered a sudden fascination with the floor. ‘I don’t dislike children. Admittedly, I haven’t had much to do with them, but Maisie is—’ He broke off with a shrug. ‘Undoubtedly she’s been beamed down from the Planet Cute. Has she inherited your temper along with your red hair?’
The warmth in his voice brought her head up, and she swallowed at the expression in his eyes, wanting nothing more than to throw herself against his chest and have him hold her.
‘Maisie’s much more even-tempered than me,’ she admitted. ‘I suppose I am quite fiery—but only when aggravated,’ she added pointedly, and Alex grinned.
‘I should have been warned that first day that my life would never be the same again. You fell into my arms, feisty as a she-cat, and you’ve proceeded to give me hell ever since.’
From the living room Jenna could hear Chris, valiantly trying to read Maisie a story. It was lunchtime, and there were things she needed to do, but she found that she was held by an invisible force, the atmosphere in the kitchen thrumming with emotions she could neither dismiss nor deny.
‘You’re going to marry Selina,’ she stated quietly, and again Alex shook his head.
‘I broke off our engagement as soon as I returned from Yorkshire.’
‘Oh, no! Alex, you can’t—she must have been so hurt.’
‘What did you expect me to do? How could I possibly marry Selina when I was unfaithful before we even made it to the altar? She is hurt and angry, and rightly so—I’ve behaved appallingly—but it’s my problem, Jenna, my responsibility, and nothing you can do or say will change things now.’
The note of self-loathing was back in his voice. He was a proud man, she recognised, a man with a strong sense of honour, and the fact that he had broken his own moral code filled him with shame. Perhaps he still loved Selina? If so then he must bitterly regret the one-night stand that had forced him to end his engagement, and must surely resent the fierce sexual attraction that bound him to his secretary.
‘So, what happens now?’ she queried huskily, her throat thick with tears that threatened to overspill. ‘What happened between us was a mistake. I’m not available for casual sex whenever we happen to be working away from home.’
‘Good,’ he answered coolly, the warmth in his eyes belying the blandness of his tone, and she watched as he unfolded his arms and walked towards her. ‘Because making love with you could never be described as casual, and I certainly can’t wait until we’re stranded in the back of beyond before I share your bed again.’
His arms around her were gentle but firm, drawing her inexorably closer, until his warmth, the sheer pleasure of his touch overwhelmed her and she laid her head on his chest.
‘Alex, I’ve got Maisie, a mortgage, responsibilities,’ she told him wearily, fighting the urge to wrap her arms around his waist. ‘I can’t just leap into an affair.’
‘Can you deny that there’s something between us?’ he demanded fiercely, tilting her chin and brushing away an errant tear with his thumb-pad. ‘Tell me you feel nothing for me, that the night we spent together was just sex, and I promise I’ll leave you in peace.’
The words hovered on her tongue, but when she opened her mouth they would not come. If nothing else she owed him her honesty; she couldn’t lie and tell him the most beautiful night of her life had meant nothing to her. If he walked away now he wouldn’t leave her in peace, but purgatory. She needed him in the same way that she needed oxygen to breathe—but what was he offering and did she have the courage to accept?
‘I wanted you from the moment you fell into my arms,’ he told her as he watched the play of emotions on her face. ‘Common sense dictated that you would cause havoc in my life, yet I was determined to employ you as my secretary. I can’t deny that I was hoping for more than just a working relationship between us, but then you
sprang the bombshell that you were married.’
Jenna had the grace to look ashamed. ‘That first day in the park, you overwhelmed me. I’d never felt such a strong attraction to a man before, and I was so embarrassed. You were my boss, you’d already dismissed one secretary for being too eager, and I was desperate to save face. When I realised you thought Chris was my husband, I went along with the deception.’ She stared up at him, her heart in her eyes. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘How sorry?’ he teased gently, his fingers threading through her hair. ‘Sorry enough to kiss me?’
His mouth hovered over hers, tantalisingly close yet not quite touching, and with a moan she stretched up on tiptoe to close the gap. It was like coming home after a long journey, she thought dazedly as he crushed her against his chest, the fierce possession of his lips betraying a hunger he could no longer disguise. His kiss was no gentle seduction but a passionate assault on her senses, his tongue plundering the inner sweetness of her mouth while his hands roamed her body, as if he was desperate to convince himself she was really in his arms.
‘Mummy, I’m hungry.’
The small voice filtered through the haze of desire and she drew back, her eyes huge, as she was torn between her hunger for Alex and her need to answer her child’s call.
There was no contest, Alex accepted—and rightly so. She would not be the woman he had come to admire if she was a half-hearted parent. For Jenna the responsibilities she felt for her small daughter ran deep. He could only hope he could convince her that there was room in her life for him.
‘Alex, I…’ Already she was retreating, running scared, and he dropped a light kiss on the tip of her nose as he released her.
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