by Dana Delamar
Dev threw down the bottle of water he’d been drinking. His face darkened, and he glared at me. I widened my eyes in surprise. He no doubt thought I’d arranged this, all to get him and Rod together. He wasn’t entirely wrong, and the guilty pangs in my stomach attested to that.
He closed his eyes, then looked away and faced off with Rod, whose bright blue ones twinkled. I couldn’t tell if it was amusement at Dev’s discomfort or mischief.
“Are you ready?” I asked the crowd.
“Yes!”
“All right, then. Begin!” I started the timer on my phone and stepped off the podium to join the others.
Daniel nudged my shoulder. “Convenient.”
I handed him the papers still clutched in my fist. “Fate.”
Dev moved first, grabbing the back of Rod’s neck and pulling him forward so their foreheads touched. Rod managed to get a hand on Dev’s neck as well. They circled each other, both breathing hard. My stomach tumbled with tension. This match looked far too serious.
At the same time, they both looked gorgeous in their ferocity. The two men were slender, their muscles sleek, their skin glowing from the sun, Rod’s a light tan and Dev’s a rich brown. I wanted to glide my hands over their chests, their backs, their sides. I wanted to explore every oiled ridge and valley.
Dev shot a hand out and wrapped his fingers around Rod’s ankle. He tugged hard, and Rod fell into the sand on his side. Dev fell on top of him. I gasped. It was so hot. Rod obviously agreed. His eyes widened as he held Dev’s stare.
Dev snarled and closed his fist around Rod’s denim. Rod twisted his hips sharply, forcing Dev to let go. Then in a move worthy of our little Olympics, he flipped Dev onto his back and straddled him.
With a roar, Dev hooked a leg over Rod’s throat and pushed, throwing Rod off him. Everyone around me groaned as Rod landed hard in the sand. Was wrestling something Brits learned in school? Rod and Dev seemed to have more than a casual understanding of the sport.
Rod quickly got to his feet, and they circled each other again. In a flash, Rod lunged forward, his arms wrapping around Dev’s waist, and tripped him. Dev tumbled to the ground and twisted to his side, trying to get his feet under him. But Rod gave him no chance, once again tackling him. His chest pressed against Dev’s side. He shot the crowd a wicked look.
My stomach clenched. I knew exactly what Rod was going to do. I could barely watch, even though I really wanted to. Because honestly, seeing two oil-slicked men rolling around, their chests gliding against each other’s, their legs intertwining, wow… It made my heart thunder and heat pool between my legs. The pure strength, the total masculinity. It was the ultimate aphrodisiac.
At least to me.
So, mesmerized, I held my breath as Rod reached around Dev and plunged his hand down the back of Dev’s tight jeans.
Dev stiffened, his body going as rigid as a plate. If looks were lasers, Rod would be a dead man right now. Defying gravity, Dev pulled his arm back and bolted upright, punching Rod in the nose.
“Oh!” I covered my mouth with my hands, stunned to see the blood pouring down Rod’s face.
Rod froze, a beautiful bloodied statue.
Dev growled and knocked Rod’s hand from his pants. “Why the fuck did you do that?”
The words seemed to rouse Rod from his stupor. He struggled to his feet and spit a gob of blood into the sand. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “It was just a joke, mate. Calm your tits.”
“Calm my—” Dev sputtered. If his eyes got any bigger, they’d pop out. He swung his fist again. This time Rod ducked it easily.
“No! Stop,” I cried, running toward them.
That seemed to get everyone moving. Mick grabbed Rod, and Damon grabbed Dev, pulling them part. “Break it up,” Damon said.
Dev struggled out of his hold. “Let me go.” He held his hands up. “I’m done here.”
He sent me an icy look before loping across the beach and disappearing into the woods.
Rod shook his bowed head, looking more defeated than I’d ever seen him. “It was just a joke.”
I was certain that to Rod it had been, but to Dev? It had been a slap in the face. A public admission that his relationship with Rod went far beyond mere friendship. The sad thing was that had he laughed it off, no one would have been any the wiser.
Beside me, Daniel grunted. He pinned me with his scowl. “You need to fucking fix this.”
My shoulders slumped and my belly did a slow roll. This entire situation had gone to shit, and far too many people would be affected by the outcome if I couldn’t fix things between Dev and Rod. For the first time in a long time, I had other people to consider, and for the first time ever, I really understood the burden Dev carried.
Did Rod? Could he? For everyone’s sakes, I certainly hoped he could dig deep, find the bonds that had created their friendship and held it together for almost two decades. I’d wanted to be the bridge between them, I’d wanted to be the one to save them, because if their love endured because of me, if they stayed together, then in some small way, I’d feel as though I still had them.
And that mattered more to me than my business, than any potential partnership with TI, than any amount of money. Their happiness mattered more to me than my own heart.
They mattered more to me than anything.
And it was time I showed it.
I went to Rod and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. His body trembled against mine. He buried his face in my neck. “I’m a sodding idiot, Sky. I didn’t know—” His voice broke. “I didn’t expect—”
“I know.” I rubbed his back. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt him.”
“I can’t do this again.” His arms tightened around me. “Fuck. We were so close, Sky. I thought…” His rough voice cut off.
“You weren’t wrong, Rod. He is coming around. But this is really hard for him. It goes against everything he’s been taught, everything he believes about himself.”
“You’re right.” He wiped his tear-filled eyes discreetly since everyone was still milling around us. When he looked up, my breath hitched in my throat. He looked so broken. If I hadn’t known how deeply he loved Dev before, I knew it now. It reaffirmed my goal.
“You have to go to him, Rod. Talk this through.”
Rod scoffed. “Talking is what always gets me into trouble.”
I offered him a soft smile. “You can do this.”
“What do I say?” His voice and eyes implored me. “Please, Sky. Tell me what to say. Tell me how to make things right again. I’ve been trying… God.” He looked up at the crystal blue Sky and closed his eyes, shutting out all the beauty. “I’ve been trying for so bloody long, Sky. I’ve wanted him forever, since I first realized I was attracted to men.” He gave me a half-smile. “We were just boys at the time. You don’t know how confused I was, what with wanting to get in his pants and also wanting to get under Annabelle Watson’s skirt.”
I laughed at that, squeezing his waist. “Good to know some things never change.”
His expression collapsed, and his eyes glistened with returning tears. “Some things do.”
“No, Rod.” I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him lightly. It was tender and affectionate. I wanted him to know I was there for him. “Just tell him what’s in your heart. Dev loves you. A blind person could see it. But he’s also scared. Talk to him. Let him know how you see the future. Let him know you understand his fears. Share yours with him. Be his friend again.”
He let out a huge breath, one that seemed to uncoil all the tension in his body. A slow smile curved his luscious mouth, and he was beautiful to me. Wicked grin and wrecked eyes. This was Rod at his most elemental. “Thank you, Sky.”
“Always,” I said, wishing it were possible, yet knowing it wasn’t.
Chapter 9
ROD
My nose was still throbbing from that punch, but my eyes had stopped burning by the time I found Dev. Of course, the fucker had to be sit
ting on the edge of a cliff, his legs dangling over the edge. How could he not worry about the ground giving way?
My fingers tightened around the necks of the beers I was carrying, the bottles slick with condensation.
Dev didn’t turn at my approach, but his shoulders stiffened.
“I brought some Stellas,” I said, standing as close to the precipice as I dared, my pulse racing, my breathing going shallow. I could blame my nerves on the fucking chasm of death before me, but my biggest worry was Dev. Had I pushed him too far?
“Don’t want any.”
“Mate, we need to talk.”
He still wouldn’t look at me. “What is there to say?”
Fuck. I edged closer, forcing myself to sit beside him. I crossed my legs under me. No fucking way was I going to dangle my legs over the edge the way he was.
I offered him a Stella and kept my eyes from looking down. Instead I focused on the horizon, slowly allowing my gaze to drift downward a bit to take in the valley below.
It really was gorgeous here. So different from England.
Just as Dev was so different from me. Though he’d grown up in the same country as me, he hadn’t grown up in the same culture, had he? No matter how the two of us felt about each other, I was asking a lot of him. A fuck of a lot.
“I’m sorry, mate. I truly am. I didn’t think.”
Dev took a swig of his beer. “I’m sorry I hit you.”
“You really surprised me with that punch.” I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. He still wouldn’t look at me. “You were obviously enjoying yourself. I could feel how hard you were.”
“I won’t deny that I was, but… feeling you like that, being that close. Knowing that everyone was around us… And then your hand in my pants… How could they not know about us?”
“Is that so terrible? Everybody knows about me, and the world hasn’t ended. Damon obviously doesn’t give a fuck. He’d probably join us if we asked—”
“For fuck’s sake, Rod!”
“—and the other guys don’t give a fuck either. You’re the only one who’s worried about it.”
“And you know why.” He turned to me then, his eyes blazing. “My family absolutely will not accept us together.” He took a gulp of his beer. “They’ll barely accept Sky.”
A spark of anger flared in me. “She’s not yours, mate. She’s ours.”
He looked at me. “Yeah, she’s ours. But I thought maybe if I married her…” He let his voice trail off.
“You thought what?”
“Maybe they’d leave me alone.”
“Your family isn’t here. Everyone else is a friend or under an NDA. You can do what you want here. What you really want, for once in your life.”
Dev was silent for so long I thought he wasn’t going to respond. And then he did. “You push and push and push, and you always get your way. Not this time.”
Fire poured into my gut, into my blood. “Why the fuck do you think I’m always pushing? How many times did we swear to be best mates and make music until we die? I bloody love you, and it’s killing me. You know this, and it doesn’t even bother you.”
“You love me?” The git had the nerve to smirk. “I’m not even sure you’re capable of it. You go through bed partners like toilet paper. Rock star to the max, right? I’m not going to throw away my whole life for one night. Or a dirty weekend. Or whatever you’re going to allow me before you get bloody bored.”
I stared at him, rubbing at the ache in my chest. Was that what he really thought, or was he just scared? “I told Sky this wouldn’t work.”
“What wouldn’t work?”
“You’re in denial, mate. You’re lying to yourself. Ruining our whole relationship because you’re a bloody coward.”
Dev pitched his beer over the cliff and dove at me, tackling me hard. I fell onto my back, my right arm dangling over the edge, and I bucked wildly beneath him, rolling us to my left. Then he rolled us over again and pinned my arms to the ground. He was breathing fast, his eyes hard as diamonds. “How am I a coward?”
“You stepped back from lead guitar. You won’t even consider singing in my place. You’re letting Sonic High and those Yank bastards at Reeling dictate our sound. This is your band, your music, and you’re basically erasing yourself from it.” I rolled us over again, and this time I had Dev pinned. “You’re training your own replacement so you can kowtow to your bleeding parents. I’m not the one who wants out. You are!”
Dev stared up at me, his eyes misting over, his voice breaking when he spoke. “I don’t. King’s Cross is the only thing keeping me sane. I stand up to my parents every day. If I didn’t, I’d be married and in med school right now.”
“You have your own money. You’re paying for your sister’s wedding. You bought the house your family is living in. So why are you letting them dictate to you? You keep choosing your family over yourself.”
Dev growled. “I’m not choosing them over myself. I’m choosing you over them. That’s the problem! From the day I first introduced you to them, they’ve wanted me to stop seeing you.” He took a deep breath, his chest heaving against mine. “Every decision I’ve made in my life has been to keep myself near you. With you.”
His luminous brown eyes held mine, a lifetime of anguish written all over his handsome face.
I wanted to believe what he was saying. I really did.
But I couldn’t live with half-measures, half-truths, any longer. I needed him to make a choice. I needed him to put us both out of our misery.
DEV
I stared up at Rod, willing him to understand, willing him to believe me. Willing him to accept what I could offer. Hoping he’d stop pushing for more.
I could be his friend. I could share Sky with him.
But the rest?
“Stop lying to yourself, Devkinandan,” Rod said, his voice soft, devastating. “Every decision you’ve made has been about the band. You love music, and that has nothing to do with me.”
His eyes glittered with tears, with hurt. And something inside me broke.
What was I doing to him? To myself?
To us?
“It has everything to do with you. That’s why I’m in the band. So I can be with you. I love you so fucking much.” The rest caught in my throat, and I coughed. “I do all of this so I can spend a few hours with you a day. I’ve chosen you every fucking step of the way.”
Rod’s face screwed up, his skin flushing deep red. “You haven’t!”
I threw him off me, quickly rolling on top of him. He tried to strike me in the face with his elbow, and I smashed his arm down, my fingers digging into his wrist. I grabbed his other wrist, forcing it flat to the grass.
He writhed like an eel beneath me, but I’d spent more hours than him in the gym, especially lately, and I used that to my advantage, bearing down on him, forcing him to give up fighting.
We were both panting, his wiry body quivering beneath mine. My cock was hard, so bloody hard, my crotch smashed to his. Rod let out a sound that was half lust, half frustration, a sound I understood all too well.
It might as well have come from my own heart.
“You’re killing me,” he whispered. He shifted beneath me, his hard cock sliding against mine, the touch heaven and hell all at once.
I wanted him. I loved him. I couldn’t deny it.
And just once in my life, just once, I wanted to let go.
I wanted him to know how I felt. To know I shared his misery.
To know I shared his love.
I slid my crotch against his, both of us moaning. He stared up at me, his eyes glassy with tears, and I couldn’t stop myself any longer.
I lowered myself on top of him, brought my lips to his, and he opened to me, his tongue meeting mine in a caress that made my whole body shudder.
I ground our hips together, our tongues clashing with each other, and then I let go of his wrists, brought my hands to his cheeks, and snogged him for all I was worth.
> Rod wound a hand into my hair, the other going to my low back and pressing us together, the slide of our cocks intensifying. He threw a leg over my arse, the added pressure making me move faster.
I loved him. I did.
I’ve been in love with Rod Taylor most of my life.
As wrong as it was.
No matter what my family thought, being with Rod felt right. Holding him in my arms, grinding against him.
Loving him in the way I’d always wanted to.
He arched beneath me with a guttural cry, his body stiffening as he came, and I sped up the pace, imagining that I was fucking him. Electricity shot from my balls through my cock, making me shiver as I came so hard I thought I’d pass out.
I lay atop him, panting, my body slick with sweat, my cum cooling in my jeans, my heart pounding.
Rod stroked my beard, his eyes wary. “You’d better not deny this, Devkinandan. Or you’re dead to me.”
I shook my head and kissed him, feathering my lips over his, tasting the beer he’d been drinking, inhaling the scent of his sweat, the scent of our combined arousal, our sex. “I can’t deny it. I won’t,” I whispered.
He caressed my hair, hugged me close. “I won’t be kept in the closet, Dev,” he said.
I nuzzled his neck, my mind whirling. “I can’t be you though.”
“I’m not asking you to be.”
I pulled back and looked at him. “So… what? You want to be boyfriends and get married?”
He studied me for a second. “I wasn’t thinking about just us two.”
“You mean Sky. How is the three of us any better? We already have the Hot Rod Circus as it is.”
He smiled. “She makes us better, and you know it. I want you both in my life.”
“I do too.” But how would all this work?
Rod shook his head and sighed. “We’re going to need her, you know.”
I grinned at him. “I know.” I touched his cheek. “I love her.”
“I know you do,” he said. “She’s much easier to love than me.”
I shook my head. “That’s not what’s been holding me back.”