by Dana Delamar
My mouth watered even as my insides roiled. I wanted this, yet I hated it. I hated that I wanted it.
Like Dante, I was trapped inside my own inferno.
My life was like the nine circles of Hell. Only there was no chance of escape for me. No chance of Paradise. Because I was a wrecked, ruined man.
When Diego stood completely naked in front of me, I said, “On your knees.”
He obeyed me. His eyes were wide, but he didn’t seem afraid. And rightly so. I’d never hurt an escort. It was just that things had to go a certain way.
I stepped closer. I remained fully clothed. I lowered my zipper and pulled out my cock. It was achingly hard and already dripping. “Open your mouth.”
His eyes on me, Diego parted his lips. I fed him my cock, the only part of me that touched him. My hips snapped forward and I sank into him fully. His eyes watered, but he didn’t pull away. That was another requirement. The escorts had to be able to deep throat.
I thrust into his mouth as deep as he could take me, over and over. He reached out to touch me. I shuddered and froze. My stomach dropped.
“Hands on your lap!” My command was sharp. Desperate even. I hoped he couldn’t hear it.
His eyes filled with concern, but his hands returned to his thighs, gripping them. My erection had flagged. Shit. I focused on his face, pictured someone else’s. Someone I cared about. It was wrong and I knew it, but right now it didn’t matter. All that mattered was exorcising the demons inside me.
When I felt my need rising, I pulled out of his mouth and stepped away from him. “Bend over the armchair.”
He rose and walked behind the chair, then leaned over it. His fingers clutched the threadbare fabric. I could no longer see his face, and that was exactly what I wanted. I picked up the condom I’d left on the coffee table after my shower and rolled it on my cock. Then I tore open the packet of lube and slathered it onto my shaft. My instructions included that the escorts prepare themselves before coming over. An opportunity I’d rarely been afforded.
I stepped behind him. “Part your cheeks,” I said.
He reached back and gripped one ass cheek in each hand, then pulled them apart. His puckered hole glistened. I gripped my shaft and position the head at his entrance.
“Brace yourself.” It was my only instruction before I let loose. I rammed my cock into his tight ass, relishing in his gasp. The half-pained moan. I thrust back and forth until he relaxed enough that I could sink in all the way. I couldn’t use the seat back as support because the risk of coming into contact with his arms was too high. Instead, I widened my stance and pistoned into Diego. His back arched, and I enjoyed the ripple of his muscles, the tightening of his glutes as he took me. Every inch of me. I wanted to slide my hand down his spine, feel the movement beneath his skin, but I didn’t dare touch him. The one time I’d tried, years ago, before Arianna, the evening had ended with me heaving up my dinner in the bathroom.
So, I did what I always did; I used my imagination. In my mind, I ran my fingers over those sleek muscles, the narrow waist and slender hips. I dug my fingers in his hair, and pulled his head back. Though it wasn’t Diego in my mind. No, it was Javier. My best friend. But I could never do to him what I did to these men. To Diego.
I pictured myself kissing Javier while my cock drove into Diego’s tight body, giving no care to his pleasure, only to mine. He was mine to do with as I pleased. Right now, he was an object. A sex toy. Someone who existed only as a receptacle for my cock. For my cum.
The thought set me off. Electricity jolted down my spine, through my balls and out the head of my cock. I rocked my hips into him as my body spasmed, releasing all the tension that had been building up inside me since the last time I’d fucked a man. Fucked anyone really.
When the aftershocks were done, I wrapped my hand around the base of my cock, holding the condom in place and withdrew. Diego moaned softly, panting against the couch. He released his ass cheeks and pushed himself up. His cock was still hard, but I was done. That was also part of the instructions. The escorts weren’t allowed to come. I’d learned over the years that the sight or scent of another man’s cum could throw me into a flashback. And no one wanted to see that shit.
I grabbed some tissues off the kitchen counter to clean myself up and dispose of the condom while Diego got dressed. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a twenty. I handed him the tip. “Thank you.”
“You might want to loosen up a bit.” Diego took the tip, a sad expression on his face. “You might have more fun if you did.”
After closing the door behind him, I grabbed the bottle of vodka stashed in the freezer. On my way to the balcony, I glugged down several mouthfuls and wiped the drops that had spilled with the back of my hand. Sitting in the cheap plastic chair, I stared at the evening skyline as I drank more vodka and hoped it would numb the pain in my heart. Diego was right, but I couldn’t loosen up, couldn’t risk losing control. I already hated that I couldn’t suppress this fucking need. The need I had to control another man in bed. The need that had been put there by the sick fuck who’d warped me.
I needed help; I knew it. But how could I ever tell anyone what had happened to me when I didn’t entirely understand it myself?
END OF SPECIAL PREVIEW
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ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Dana Delamar is the author of erotic romance, LGBTQ romance, and the “Blood and Honor” romantic suspense series, which is set in Italy among the Calabrian Mafia. Her first book, Revenge, received 4 stars from RT Book Reviews, was a Top Pick at The Romance Reviews, and was a double-finalist for Best First Book and Best Romantic Suspense in the 2013 Booksellers Best Awards.
Her second book, Retribution, received 4 stars from RT Book Reviews and was a semi-finalist in the Kindle Book Review’s 2013 Best Indie Book Awards. Her book Malavita was a quarter-finalist in the 2014 Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards, and her book Redemption was a finalist in the 2014 Maggie Awards and a semi-finalist in the Kindle Book Review’s 2014 Best Kindle Book Awards.
Dana is also an editor with over thirty years of editing experience in both fiction and nonfiction and has worked with everyone from newbie writers to experienced pros. The books she’s edited have won numerous awards and critical acclaim, including two Top Picks from RT Book Reviews.
www.danadelamar.com
Kristine Cayne is the author of erotic romance, LGBTQ romance, and romantic suspense. Her books have won numerous awards and acclaim. Her first book, Deadly Obsession, was an RT Book Reviews Top Pick and won Best Romance in the 2012 eFestival of Words Best of the Independent eBook Awards. Her second book, Deadly Addiction, won two awards at the 2014 eFestival of Words and 1st place in the INDIE Awards, Romantic Suspense Category (a division of Chanticleer Book Reviews Blue Ribbon Writing Contests).
Her book Under His Command won Best BDSM Romance at the 2012 Sizzling Awards and was a finalist in the 2013 eFestival of Words and 2013 RONE (Reward of Novel Excellence) Awards, and her book Everything Bared was a finalist in the Erotic category of the I Heart Indie awards.
www.kristinecayne.com
ALSO BY DANA DELAMAR AND KRISTINE CAYNE
BY DANA DELAMAR
Blood and Honor: A Mafia Romance Series
Malavita (Prequel)
Revenge (Book One)
Retribution (Book Two)
Redemption (Book Three)
Reckoning (Book Four)
BY KRISTINE CAYNE
Six-Alarm Sexy Series: A Firefighter Erotic Romance Series
Aftershocks (Prequel)
Under His Command (Book One)
Everything Bared (Book Two)
Handle with Care (Book Three)
Lover on Top (Book Four)
Baby, Be Mine (Book Five)
Stripped Down (Book Six – coming soon)
Seattle Fire Series
(Six-Alarm Sexy Spin-off)
In His Arms (Book One – coming 2018)
Men of Boyzville: A Gay Romance Series
(Six-Alarm Sexy Spin-off)
Going All In (Book One)
Wrangling the Cowboy (Book Two – coming soon)
Deadly Vices: A Romantic Suspense Series
Deadly Obsession (Book One)
Deadly Addiction (Book Two)
Deadly Betrayal (Book Three)
Other Works
Guns ‘N’ Tulips
Un-Valentine’s Day
Origins: Men of M.E.R. in Shadows in the Mist
BONUS CONTENT: SONG LYRICS
“No Strings”
You’re just a waif of a girl
But you shook up my whole damn world
Though you’re not “just” anything
Oh no, you’re everything
You said “no strings”
And I hoped you were lying
You said “no strings”
I said “yes” but inside I was dying
The day you came into my life
You brought along a ray of light
But ever since you up and left
It’s only been eternal night
You said “no strings”
And I hoped you were lying
You said “no strings”
I said “yes” but inside I was dying
You own my heart
You are my life
Won’t you let me be part
Of your lovely light?
You said “no strings”
And I knew you were lying
You said “no strings”
I said “yes” but I knew I was dying
Oh I knew I was lying
Oh I knew I was dying
“Unfinished”
There are things I want
There are things I have
There are things I can’t
There are things I crave
And then there’s you...
You left, you think you won
But I have to tell you
We’re far from done
You walked away from all of this
But you and I, we’re unfinished
You’re in my heart, in every beat
You are the life I long to keep
But life’s not fair, it’s never been
And you and I, we’ll never win
You left, you think you won
But I have to tell you
We’re far from done
You walked away from all of this
But you and I, we’re unfinished
My heart is heavy
I think I’ll drown
I need your help
To turn it ’round
You left, you think you won
But I have to tell you
We’re far from done
You walked away from all of this
But you and I, we’re unfinished
“Just Friends”
So many years
You’ve been by my side
So many tears
I’ve tried and tried
You claim we’re “just friends”
A bigger lie there’s never been
’Cause you and I were born to sin
Take my hand, jump on in
Both our hearts you’ll deny
You’re too afraid to even try
What will it take to make you see
Your heart is empty without me?
You claim we’re “just friends”
A bigger lie there’s never been
’Cause you and I were born to sin
Take my hand, jump on in
Take the risk, make that leap
Be the one I want to keep
But you say no, you run away
You can’t see another way
You claim we’re “just friends”
A bigger lie there’s never been
’Cause you and I were born to sin
Take my hand, jump on in