Looking out over the park, she sighed. “You know I can’t do that, Con.” I felt sad for her, she was stuck here but I couldn’t blame her for not wanting to leave. She had responsibilities, her mom wouldn’t magically sober up and she wouldn’t leave Tommy until he was ready to go to college himself. Feeling the need to change the subject again, I turned it to more trivial things, I told her all the latest goings on from school and she told me all of the goings on from around town that she heard in the salon.
Before we knew it, it was five o’clock and we both had to head back. We stopped off and picked Tommy up from his buddies’ house and he came out bouncing and animated.
“Connor!” he shouted and stuck his hand out for a high five.
“Hey, bud! How you doing?” I slapped his hand and he started telling me all about his day, the way only a nine-year-old could. He was a good kid, even after all he’d been through, I guess he had Sammy to thank for that.
“…and then we had ice cream with rainbow sprinkles on. Sammy, can we get rainbow sprinkles?” Looking over at Sammy, she had the biggest grin on her face.
“If you get all your chores done, sure.” With a whoop, he ran on ahead and Sammy watched after him.
“You’re awesome with him, you know that? He’s lucky to have you.” She continued looking ahead, watching what he was doing.
“I’m lucky to have him. At times, I think it would just be easier if he wasn’t here, I could get on with my life and finish school and go off to college. But I wouldn’t change this for anything. He keeps me sane, along with a few others.” She bumped my shoulder and smiled at me so I wrapped my arm around her.
“I’ll always be here, Sam.”
Looking out over the water, the feeling inside of me was still so raw. That heart wrenching night had changed the way I looked at life, it taught me that life was precious but that it could also be taken away within a heartbeat. I couldn’t help but feel the pang of guilt that was hidden away inside me.
My head dropped into my hands as a flashback of that night replayed. Going over every detail I could remember, I needed to find something I could’ve done differently. In all honesty, I had gone over it a million times already but one more time wouldn’t hurt.
Running scenarios in my head was a daily occurrence and it killed me that I couldn’t get closure to make that guilt go away. Looking down into my hands at the key chain I brought here every year, I thought back to the last of mine and Tommy’s ‘man days’.
“Don’t let him climb too high, Con, I mean it.” I laughed at Sammy’s protectiveness.
“Stop being such a spoil sport, I’ll look after him, you know I always do.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Okay, okay. You win, no climbing too high. Yes, sir.” I finished with a salute before giving her a wink and driving off.
Tommy bounced in the seat beside me with excitement. For the past two years we’d made a pact to go on ‘man days’. They consisted of purely ‘man things’ as he liked to call them, like hiking, climbing trees and making fires, although that last one was between us. He didn’t have a male role model in his life so I guess you could say I kind of took it upon myself to be that for him. In all honesty, I really enjoyed these days, I’d always wanted a sibling and Tommy was my substitute for that.
“You ready for this hike, bud? It’s going to be a little longer than the last time we were here.” Turning and giving me his biggest grin ever, he started on one of his speeches that wasn’t really a conversation, it was all on-sided, a barrel of questions; I couldn’t get a word in edge wise.
“Yes! I can’t wait to get to the top, is there lots of trees? I bet there is. Will I be able to climb the tallest tree? I bet there’s a giant one! Oh, have you remembered the marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers? I can’t wait for those. I think next time we should try grilled cheese again, it didn’t go so well last time but I bet next time we’ll do it good huh, Con?” This kid made my day.
Chuckling, I ruffled his hair. “Sure, we can try grilled cheese again next time.” Only there was no next time.
After the long hike and climbing of trees we sat around the fire we had made, Tommy beaming with pride whilst roasting his marshmallow. “Have you had a good day? We should get ready to head back soon, Red will think I’ve kidnapped you.” His smile suddenly disappeared.
“Sammy won’t tell me off, it’s okay, Connor, I’ll tell her.” He looked towards the fire. “Mama might though, we should go home now.”
I moved closer to him. “Hey, no one will tell you off, I was just kidding around. You know they both love you and they know I’m looking after you.”
‘They’ didn’t but Sammy did, it’s just their mom who couldn’t care less, although I’d never say that to Tommy, I think he already knew.
“Mama shouts,” he said, shuffling his feet in the dirt.
I turned towards him. “Oh yeah? Parents do that sometimes.”
He was thinking intensely. “Sammy never shouts but mama says Sammy is going to leave us and go to college soon, I don’t want her to leave. Are you leaving me too?”
The question came out of nowhere, I didn’t know what to say. Why would Cindy be telling him something like that? There was no way Sammy would leave him. After a pause, I knew what I needed to say, the truth.
“In about a year or so I’ll need to go off to college, bud, but I promise I’ll come back whenever I can to see you and we’ll still have these special days, and Sammy isn’t going anywhere, she’s staying right here with you so don’t you worry.”
I rifled through my pockets for my car keys and found what I was looking for. “Here, whenever you feel lonely or your mama ever tells you that again, you look at this key chain. That is the one person you can always count on, you know that right?”
He stared at the picture of him and Sammy smiling back at me at her sixteenth birthday picnic and brushed his finger across it. He flung his arms around me and I hugged him back tight.
“I’m always here for you, Tommy, you and your sister”
Brushing my finger over the key chain, I took one last look and placed it down on the edge of the dock. This world was cruel.
Hearing footsteps behind me, I wiped the tear rolling down my cheek away before anyone saw me here crying.
I straightened up and froze as a voice startled me.
“Connor?”
What I was seeing hit me like a sledgehammer to the chest. It couldn’t be, could it? He tensed and started to stand up, he was a far cry from the seventeen-year-old Connor I remembered, he was at least six-foot-three now and built like it’d never seen him before. He’d definitely been to the gym more times in one week than I’d been in my whole lifetime.
But as soon as he turned around, I knew it was him instantly, those warm brown eyes bore holes deeper into me than any other person ever could. He was always able to see right through me.
As I got closer, I noticed what he had placed on the dock only seconds ago, that key chain, the same that was here every year at this time. I couldn’t believe it. I felt the rage and the betrayal build up inside me. I could feel the thick tension in the air and before I knew what I was doing, I was charging towards him.
“How dare you show your face here again!” I spat, pointing directly at him. It didn’t go unnoticed how handsome he had gotten with age as my mouth continued to have a voice of its own. “How could you ever come back here?” He tried to take a step back while still gawping at me but I followed him.
“Sammy, I-” That voice, I’d been yearning to hear that voice again for the past eight years and now I was, it just cut me right to the core. It stung and that made me madder at him. Wait? Did he just call me Sammy?
“No! Don’t you call me that! You lost the right to call me that after you left me!” He just stood there, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. What was wrong with him? He was infuriating and I couldn’t just stand here making a fool of myself. The emotion was building up inside me and my eyes started wate
ring. Damn tears! Why now? I turned around and heard his deep gravelly voice resonate through me in a soft tone.
“Sam, I get why you’re mad, trust me I do.” Oh did he? Did he really get it? What, while he was swanning around living his perfect life? Meanwhile, I was left here picking up the pieces of my broken heart with no one left but an alcoholic mom who just bordered on unresponsive after Tommy’s accident.
I sniggered through my tears. “Oh yeah? Please enlighten me. I’m dying to hear how hard your life has been!” I heard a sigh and turned back around, feeling like I was a little more in control of my tears.
“It’s not easy for me being back here again, Sam. After all the torment I was put through in this very town. Tommy was like a brother to me too.” No! I didn’t know what I was doing as I slammed my fists down on his chest one by one.
“No! You don’t get to say his name! How could you come back here year after year and not have the decency to come see me?” Grabbing my wrists gently, he ran his calloused thumbs over the backs of my hands like he used to do when I was upset.
“I’m sorry, Sammy, I tried a bunch of times but after what happened that night, I didn’t think you’d want to see me again.” Damn right I didn’t! I didn’t understand why he’d left me in the first place.
“You left me. You left me broken. After everything that night, you just left me. No phone call, no letters, no texts. You even got rid of your cell number! How is that possible, Connor? Huh? You said you’d always be there and I will never forgive you for that.”
He flinched. “What happened that night wasn’t my fault, Sam. I couldn’t stop myself from leaving just as much as I couldn’t stop what happened to Tommy.” He looked at me with watery eyes and in that moment I realized not only did I hold guilt for myself, I also had been blaming Connor subconsciously all these years.
Looking up at him, I must’ve been a state but I didn’t care, his eyes were so sad and that spurred me on, he had no right to be upset because he was the one that left me.
I pulled my hands away from his, I had to get out of here. I turned around and started to walk as fast as I could away from him as the tears started to fall.
“Sammy, wait!” Hearing him call my name hurt deep down and I didn’t know what was coming next but I knew what I needed to say to make a getaway. Taking a deep breath, I turned around to face him.
“I don’t ever want to see you again, Connor Hartley, do you understand me? Do what you need to do, then get the hell out of town!” I couldn’t believe that came out my mouth, I’d spent years yearning for him and now he was here, I couldn’t wait for him to be gone. Was that what I really wanted?
“Pack this! We need to get the hell out of town! Connor! Don’t just stand there, you hear me?” I started emptying my closet into the duffel mom just threw at me.
“Mom, you need to listen! Tommy-” Tears started falling down my cheeks and I slunk down onto my knees cradling the duffel. Kneeling down in front of me and taking my face in her hands she looked into my eyes with urgent ones of her own.
“Connor, I’m so sorry, sweetheart, but whatever’s gone on we need to leave right now! Tony could be back any minute and he’s on the warpath looking for you, he found out you borrowed the keys to the garage to fix your friend’s truck. We need to go, son, please!” Her pleading made me momentarily snap out of it. Wait? What?
“I can’t leave, Sammy needs me!” She squeezed my hand before getting up and heading for my drawers again.
“And I need you to pack that duffel, Connor Hartley, right now.” I’d never seen my mom like this before, it spooked me so I did what I was told. She wasn’t the forceful type and it hit me that this was more serious than what she was letting on. Just then, I noticed she was limping and had blood running down from her knee.
“What did he do? What did he do, mom? He won’t get away with this again, we’re not leaving.” He hadn’t touched me since my seventeenth birthday three weeks ago when he realized I was getting far too big for him to be trying to push around. The day he tried and I stood almost three inches taller than him, was the day he never tried to physically control me again, he’d backed off on my mom a little too but seeing her in this state made the anger rile back up.
“Connor! Please! You don’t understand, he took his gun out with him and he’s been drinking! I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you, you’re getting your ass in that truck if it kills me!” I flinched and Tommy’s lifeless face was all I could see. I stumbled back into my wall and started to hyperventilate.
“Connor, sweetheart, it’s time to go. Give it a few days and you can contact Sammy, I promise. We can stop when we’re far enough away and I can help you but right now I need you to help me get all of this into the truck and drive. Can you do that?”
I finished packing the rest of my things and we took it all outside. Lifting the tailgate down and throwing all the bags in the truck bed, we heard a familiar engine. I panicked and jumped into the driver’s seat, not stopping to put on my seatbelt. I watched my mom pull herself into the passenger side and started the engine. “Connor! Go!”
As I pulled out the driveway, I narrowly missed the mailbox but I didn’t care. All I knew is that I needed to keep going to keep my mom safe. I couldn’t risk him following us, I didn’t know what would happen if he did.
As we passed the town borders, my heart seized and tears started falling down my cheeks. Get it together, Connor, you’re seventeen-years-old and it isn’t forever, get mom to safety, then come back for Sammy, I chanted in my head.
Getting my mom out of there was the task at hand so I focused all my mental energy on that until we finally pulled over at a motel five hours away.
Her words stung me to my core. I didn’t follow her, hell, I didn’t even have the guts to move off that very spot. I felt like she’d chewed me up, spat me out and stomped all over me. I didn’t blame her but it didn’t make it hurt any less.
My beautiful, strong Sammy. She was a force to be reckoned with but I was determined I wasn’t leaving this town until she had heard me out. If she only knew why I had to leave, I was sure she would see the situation differently.
Finally shaking myself out my haze, I walked off the dock and started making my way through the sand. I needed an early night and a shower to wash the sting off my skin. I had so many emotions running through me but I knew I needed her to hear my side and make her understand if it was the last thing I did. Leaving her was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do and I wasn’t about to do it again willingly.
Driving back to Sharlington, I started to think about putting a plan of action together. I really needed Sammy to hear me out without shutting me down again but I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t want to turn up when she was working, then suddenly it hit me.
I couldn’t help but think that Keeley may be my way in. I decided I needed to visit Lewis again first thing tomorrow to get the ball rolling, I had to meet with Keeley and make her listen to my side of the story without her flipping out too.
Arriving back at the B&B, I was thankful that no one was at the front desk when I walked in. Talking right now wasn’t what I had in mind, I just needed to get a shower and to be by myself for a little while so that I could think things through.
Keeley didn’t seem the type of girl to mince her words and I had to get this right the first time. Turning the water to cold, I stripped off and stepped in. With the freezing water running down my back, I started to feel the tension ebb away as if the water was literally washing it off me.
“I don’t ever want to see you again, Connor Hartley, do you understand me? Do what you need to do, then get the hell out of town!”
I shivered knowing I only had the one chance to get this right. I needed her to understand that I didn’t leave her of my own accord. I wouldn’t have ever done that to her, coming back every year and not stopping by to see her was another ballpark altogether. I had no idea how I was going to explain that to her. I guess the truth was a good
start. Sighing at the momentous task ahead of me, I shut my eyes and let the water cascade over my head.
Ducking out from under my patchwork comforter to check the time, it occurred to me that Kee still wasn’t back yet. It was gone quarter past eight, where was she? Had she really stayed with Lewis so long again? This confirmed my suspicions, she liked him but was too afraid to admit it. She didn’t get close to people and I guess this was just her way of working it out in her head.
I’d been in a heaped pile under this comforter and not moved since I’d arrived back in the apartment. I still couldn’t believe what had just happened, I couldn’t have made it up if I tried.
Every year, I found those key chains. Stupidly, I always thought it was my mom. Finding out it had been Connor this whole time, shook me to my core.
I threw my head in my hands, I had acted like a crazy person but I was warranted to, right? Why did he have to show up now? Forgetting the past had become a talent of mine and right now was not the time to bring it all back up. I closed my eyes as the image of Connor flooded my mind. As angry as I was with him, I couldn’t deny how he affected me still.
The familiar ding of the bell went and I heard footsteps making their way up the stairs a couple of seconds later. Rubbing at my eyes, I shot up and started folding the comforter so I didn’t look like Miss Haversham.
“Sam, you here? We really need to talk. What was I thinking? Sam? What’s wrong?” At her soft tone and worried look, all the emotions came flooding back all at once and the tears started to fall.
“He’s back. Why’s he here, Keeley?” She dropped her purse and came running over taking me in her arms.
One Moment (The Little Hollow Series Book 1) Page 6