“I’m really confused right now, Kee. I’ve managed perfectly fine without him for the past eight years, more or less, and now he’s just barrelled back into my life again and here I am wondering what I’m going to do now that he’s gone. I’m not sure this is what I want at all.” I stared at the floor, confused at my own feelings.
“So, you’re ready to admit telling him to leave was a big mistake? And I was right all along?” With a typical wicked grin on her face, I nudged her shoulder.
“Humble as always. What am I going to do?” She just shrugged a shoulder at me.
“What do you want to do? The ball’s in your court, Sam.” I thought about that. Was I ready to let go of everything? I knew holding it inside and pretending everything was okay wasn’t working for me anymore. But with my head swirling, I decided right now was not the time to be trying to work through all of my feelings.
“I’m not sure but whatever happens, it can wait until tomorrow. I’ve got a feeling it’s going to be an emotional day so I’m going to head back to bed. Go home, Kee, you can always come back in the morning.” She hesitated. “Seriously, I’m fine. Just go find Lewis and go home.”
There was no need for her to be here right now, all I was going to do was sleep anyway.
“You’ll text me as soon as you know anything?”
I nodded and she wrapped me up in a tight hug as we said our goodbyes. I watched her walk off to find Lewis and made my way back to the family room.
I didn’t know how I was going to get back to sleep. The thought that my mom nearly died tonight was a lot to take in so I did what I do best and blocked it out. Then I found myself drifting off to sleep with the image of Connor in my head instead.
I opened my eyes to a knock at the door, a nurse I hadn’t yet met stuck her head around.
“Sorry to wake you but we thought you’d like to know your mom’s test results came back. The doctor will be waiting just outside when you’re ready.”
Surely if there was anything to worry about she would’ve acted more urgently? Everything was fine. I repeated the mantra in my head as I took a big gulp of water and stretched.
Everything was fine, I kept repeating to myself. I carried on while putting on my shoes and made my way out to meet the doctor.
“Good morning. Samantha?” He asked, it wasn’t the same doctor I had spoken to last night but he had the same kind eyes. I smiled at him.
“Good morning.” I gave him a nod.
“My name is Doctor Young. I know you spoke with my colleague briefly last night but she’s caught up with another patient right now. However, I’m all up to speed. We received your mom’s test results.” I nodded for him to carry on. “I’m not sure how much you know about the tests that we took so I’ll explain. We took blood and ran four different tests to check the affect the alcohol is having on your mom’s body.”
He paused to let me take that in. “The first is a test that screens the level of GGT which is a liver enzyme that determines if an individual is drinking excessively. Now, I don’t want to upset you but your mom’s results came back with a level of a chronic drinker.” I scoffed, all they needed to do was ask me and I’d tell them how much she drunk.
“I’m well aware that she has a drinking problem, it’s been going on for years now, Doctor Young.”
He nodded and noted that down on his papers. “The other three tests we did also showed higher levels of everything compared to the normal level they should be at. The most concerning being her liver results. Miss Reynolds, your mom has a mild case of alcoholic hepatitis. There’s no need to panic though, with the number of years she’s been drinking she’s very, very lucky to get away with just that. I will talk more about her treatment in just a moment but first I wanted to share the results of her CAT scan. It showed a slight concussion so she needs to take it easy for a little while. In the meantime, would you mind if I asked you a few questions about your mom’s wellbeing?”
It took me few seconds to even realize he’d asked me a question. “Of course not, anything that will help. When will she be able to be brought out of this coma?”
I looked back towards the room as he started scribbling on his clipboard again. “We should be able to start bringing her around as soon as we check her vitals.” I nodded for him to continue. “I know you said before you were but I have to ask, were you aware your mom had a problem with alcohol abuse?” I nodded again. “And has she ever sought any form of help for it, professional or otherwise?”
I shook my head this time. “No, she’d always refuse and insist she was fine but I’m not letting her brush me off this time.”
He gave me a weak smile. “In these situations, we would encourage a rehabilitation program. We offer a fantastic program for substance and alcohol reliant patients. We offer it first on a voluntary basis to not take the decision away from them but if they refuse then in a case like this we can, with permission from you of course, take her in involuntarily. This isn’t the route we’d like to take but the decision would be yours and yours alone.”
If she refused to go to rehab, they’d have a hard time making her go that’s for sure.
“I’d like to be the one to talk to her though, if that’s alright?”
His eyes were gentle as he gave me another smile.” Of course, in fact, I encourage that. Here’s some information on the rehabilitation program for you to take a look at beforehand. That’s all I have to tell you this morning. Do you have any questions for me?”
I thought everything over. “Alcoholic hepatitis? How serious is that?” He looked over his notes again while answering me.
“Well, like I said before, it’s only a mild case. In this circumstance, short-term prognosis is good so it’s not necessary for much treatment other than a good diet, strictly no alcohol and for her to take vitamin supplements. She needs to be watched so I strongly suggest that she attends the rehabilitation program where she can be taken care of twenty-four-seven. Is there anything else I can clear up for you?”
I shook my head.
“Samantha, if I may, we also provide support groups for the families in these situations right here at the hospital. If that’s something you’d be interested in, just ask for more information at the nurse’s station. If you need anything else, the nurse will be back around very soon to check your mom’s vitals. If everything comes back normal, we can start the process of waking her up.” I thanked him before walking into my mom’s room for the first time since last night.
I took a seat in the chair beside her bed and sat there watching her for I don’t know how long. I looked down at the pamphlet Doctor Young had given me and unfolded it.
I was shocked to find the rehab center was four hours away, I thought it would’ve been local but I guess getting her out of the vicinity was a good thing. By the looks of it, it was pretty strict, but not in a prison way which is what my mom mentioned every time I brought rehab up to her.
She wouldn’t be allowed visitors for the first three months, then once every two weeks after that. The involuntary program ends after six months and patients could choose to carry on to finish the nine-month program if they wish to do so. I’d already made up my mind, it didn’t matter whether she refused or not, she was going.
I jolted awake as a clang sounded at the other side of the room, I didn’t remember falling asleep.
“Oops! Clumsy me! I didn’t mean to wake you but I have some breakfast here if you’re hungry?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t even think about eating right now.
“That’s okay, it’ll be here for you when you’re ready. I’m just going to do some vitals. Would you mind stepping outside? I’ll only be five minutes.”
“Sure, I need some fresh air anyway.” She smiled as I made my way out of the room and headed back towards the emergency room entrance.
As soon as I stepped outside, I filled my lungs with the fresh morning air and blew it back out with an exhale. Taking my phone out my purse, I wrote a quic
k text to Kee explaining what was going on.
Two minutes later my phone lit up.
Just getting a quick shower. Will bring provisions. K
I hope that means coffee. S
You betcha x
I wasn’t expecting her to be up yet to reply but I was glad she’d be on her way soon, I think I needed moral support more than I thought I did. Hopefully, she’d think to bring me a change of clothes and my toothbrush. I blew out into my hand, eww, definitely my toothbrush.
Closing my eyes, I listened to the sounds around me. Birds were singing their morning song, I could hear traffic in the distance and then there was a sob. A sob that sounded so heartbroken, I had to seek out the maker.
Rounding the corner of the building, I saw a woman on her knees crying out. My heart broke for her. Where were her family?
I took a quick look about, no one else was around so I dared to approach her.
Looking into my bag for the tissues I had shoved in my purse earlier in the week, I took one out and knelt down beside her. “Excuse me, ma’am?” She looked at me with bloodshot eyes. “Here.” She took the tissue I held out to her and continued to cry into it.
“Thank you.”
I didn’t know whether to stay or leave her be so I teetered between kneeling down and standing up. Just as I was thinking I’d outstayed my welcome, she attempted to talk.
“If there’s...if you have someone...someone in your life that you love more than existing,” She sobbed again before controlling herself. “You tell them. You make sure every damn day of their lives they know that they’re loved.”
She shuffled back against the building before continuing. “Life’s too damn short. You need to treasure each other. Love is a gift. I...I just lost the love of my life in there.” My eyes started watering as I watched the tears roll down her cheeks and drip onto the sidewalk. “I felt him take his last breath as he used it to whisper that he loved me.”
At this, I broke down. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” And I was. So furiously sorry.
Life just wasn’t fair. As I passed the woman another tissue, I saw that she was now smiling through her tears. She noticed me looking and put her hand on my arm.
“Don’t feel sorry for me, be happy for me. I got to experience twenty of the best years of my life with a man that I loved deeply. Not a lot of people get to say that.” A lone tear rolled down her cheek before she quoted the most beautiful quote I’d ever heard.
“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation - Kahlil Gibran. I may have taken him for granted sometimes and we may have fought like cat and dog but there wasn’t one time I didn’t let him know that I loved him. I’m really going to miss his stubborn ass.” She half laughed, half sobbed and my heart clenched.
“Is there anyone I can call for you?” I asked and she sighed and patted my hand.
“No, sweetheart. Just remember what I’ve told you, don’t let love slip away. Now, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to be left alone with my memories now. Thank you for the tissues.”
I handed her the rest of the packet and squeezed her hand before getting up and leaving her be. What she had said struck a chord in me that I wasn’t sure I was ready to play just yet.
If you have someone in your life that you love more than existing, you tell them. You make sure every damn day of their lives they know that they’re loved.
It was time to put her piece of advice to work, starting closer to home.
I took in one last deep breath of fresh air before walking into the hospital to be there for my mom when she woke up.
Driving through the night wasn’t one of my brightest ideas. My eyes had started to get really heavy around the five-hour mark.
Seven hours into my journey, I was driving with the windows rolled down and the radio blaring out just to try to keep me awake. I didn’t want to stop. If I stopped, that meant I’d have time to think. My knee bounced up and down, I was hoping the movement would give me something to concentrate on.
Another four hours to push, I wasn’t sure I could hold on so long. If I could hold on for another hour, I could stop by my mom’s. This wasn’t an option I wanted to choose but it was looking more likely by the minute.
It was five in the morning, my mom was an early riser so she’d bound to be up by six. Resigning myself to a morning of lectures, I took the turning and started the hour drive in the direction of where she lived.
I was fighting with myself to stay awake; I needed coffee. Ten minutes away from the house, I turned the radio down and I finally let myself think about the person I’d been trying so hard to not let consume my mind.
I’d send a text to Lewis when I got there and ask what was happening with Cindy, I knew she’d be alright but it was Sammy I was worried about.
I didn’t want to be here while she was there going through all of this. I wanted to be there, to comfort her and let her know she wasn’t alone. Yeah, I knew she wasn’t alone, she had Keeley, but it wasn’t the same.
Pulling up outside my mom’s house, I let myself sit there and think about everything she had overcome. She deserved this big, beautiful house and everything inside it, including the man that loved her beyond measures.
I smiled knowing that this house was her sanctuary. I got out of my truck and pulled the spare key out the security box. It didn’t look like anybody was up yet so I made my way into the kitchen and started the coffee pot.
Finally, able to sit down at the breakfast counter, I hung my head in my hands. I was emotionally and physically drained. I jolted upright as soon as a hand touched my shoulder; I must’ve dozed off for a few minutes.
“Connor? Is everything okay, son?” I looked up at Pete and gave him a half smile.
“Yeah, of course. I just had to stop off before I caused an accident, I’ve been driving back through the night.” He studied me before moving to pour us both a cup of coffee.
“Your mom’s going to kick your ass for not answering her calls, you do know that, right?” I chuckled along with him.
“Well I thought it was worth the risk. How’s business?” I thanked him as he handed me my cup and sat down opposite me.
“Couldn’t be better, we won the Nickleson case.” Pete was a lawyer and a damn good one at that.
“Congratulations. Got anymore big cases lined up?”
I turned at my mom’s voice. “He’s taking me to the Bahamas before he takes on anymore, isn’t that right?”
She smiled sweetly at Pete as she crossed the room to give him a peck on the cheek, stealing his coffee in the process. She started walking around to my end of the counter and clung on to my neck. “I’m so glad you’re here, sweetheart, I’ve missed you.”
I wrapped my arms around her. “I’ve missed you too, mom.” At this, Pete excused himself to go to his office to give us some privacy and she ushered me out into the living room.
“I really want to chew your ear about driving through the night and not answering your phone to me, I was worried.” I sighed and settled into one side of the large L shaped couch. “But I won’t, I can see how tired you are. Want to tell me what’s up? Or do I even have to guess?”
I looked at anywhere but her until she moved closer to put a hand on mine. “Connor, I’m your mom, I can tell when something is bothering you. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine but the offer’s there.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell her so I kept silent and leaned back into the cushions. “Now, you may not want to tell me what’s happened but I need to say my piece.” Of course she did. “I may not agree with you going back there every year but I can see why you do it. I just don’t think it’s healthy. You have a great life ahead of you and I just can’t bear to see you throw it away because of the past.”
I wasn’t throwing anything away. “That’s not what’s happening, I’m still working as hard as ever and I’m still living my life.”
She looked at me seriously. “But are you? You work all the time and ha
ve a handful of friends. I hate to point it out but you’re twenty-five years old and haven’t had a girlfriend since you were in high school. That’s not living your life, Connor. It’s time to start leaving the past in the past and just move on.”
I was too tired for this shit. “It’s not in the past. Because of me, Sammy hasn’t had the chance to grieve properly. She’s closed off and detached from everything and it’s all my fault.”
I didn’t want to cry in front of her so I got up and walked to the sliding doors to look out into the well-kept back yard.
“Tommy died eight years ago, I don’t understand. None of that was your fault.”
I shook my head before turning around. “I left her.” It took every little bit of strength I had left in me to not break down there and then. “I can’t do this right now, I’m exhausted. Would you mind if I got a few hours here?”
She looked away and it broke my heart to know I was hurting her by not opening up more. “I promise we’ll talk later, I just can’t right now.” I gave her a quick hug and she squeezed me tightly.
“No matter how much your mind wants you to believe it was your fault, it wasn’t. By leaving that night, you saved me, Connor, you saved yourself. I will always be insanely proud of you for making such a grown-up decision at only seventeen years old and I won’t for one second let you think that what happened that night could’ve gone down any other way. You did what you had to do, now go get some sleep.”
No matter how many times I heard that, it just didn’t sink in.
I gave her a weak smile before making my way up to one of the guest bedrooms. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I crashed.
I listened to the monitors beeping, as long as that monotone sound kept on going, she was alright. They stopped all the drips keeping her in a coma an hour ago and I hadn’t left her side since, apart from to brush my teeth and change my clothes.
Keeley was on the ball and had brought everything I had hoped she would. “Chicken salad or BLT?” She came into the room with an assortment of sandwiches and two bottles of water.
One Moment (The Little Hollow Series Book 1) Page 14