I bow my head and run a hand along the back of my neck. He makes it all sound so cheap, so sordid. Is that how they really think of women around here? Are they nothing more than playthings to pick up and put down until they find themselves the perfect old lady? And even then, it doesn’t deter some of them from taking their pick of the girls who hang out here, day in, day out.
“You’ve been living like a monk these past couple of months, son. And I know your mind’s on Dom and what’s happening and all that but, y’know, ain’t nobody said you gotta keep it that way. Have some fun, kiddo. While you can. God knows you been turning down enough pretty pussy. People gonna start talking if you don’t do something soon.”
He leaves me with a wink and stalks off toward the back of the clubhouse, back to the room he keeps here. For what purpose? He has a home, with Izzi and the kids. Does he use that room to get the kind of kicks he doesn’t want Izzi to know about? They seem – to me, anyway – so tight, him and Izzi. So in love, in a strange sort of way, and one I’m still struggling to get my head around. I’m still struggling to get my head around a lot of shit.
“You all right?”
Her voice makes me raise my gaze, and I can’t help but smile when I look at her. “Yeah. I’m fine. You OK?”
“Just been talking to a few of the other girls, and some of them have got a lot to say about you.”
I feel a knot of nerves pull at my stomach, but I swallow it down. “Oh yeah? Like what?”
“Like you not showing any interest in any of them, despite the fact more than a few of them have shown interest in you. You taken a vow of celibacy or something?”
“Is that what they’re saying, huh?” I smile and she leans back against the bar beside me.
“Something along those lines, yeah.”
“Well, that’s not true.”
“You don’t find any of them attractive?”
“I find you attractive.”
I lean in just a little closer to her, I’m trying to read her, trying to gauge the situation. What I’m doing here, this is so alien to me. What I used to be, how I used to live, how I used to do things, it was never, ever like this. But this is where I am now. This is who I am, I can’t go back. So I might as well start getting used to me.
“OK…”
I smile again, and I reach out and place a hand lightly on her hip, and she flinches, which causes me to yank my hand away and pull back slightly. But then she reaches out and cups my cheek and guides my head back down until my mouth touches hers. And I kiss her, slowly, and I pull her into my arms and hold her loosely as she kisses me back.
“Yeah. I guess you’re not so bad yourself.”
I laugh, and I take her hand and squeeze it tight. “No strings, right?”
She looks at me, right into my eyes, her thumb stroking my knuckles. “No strings.”
Mack’s right.
My mind is on Dom.
But a little bit of fun never hurt anyone.
Skye
I liked it. His kiss. But when he touched me I got nervous. I flinched. I’m still terrified someone’s going to find that tiny recorder concealed in the pendant I have to wear around my neck every time I come here; every time I talk to any of these men. But I really have got to start acting less jumpy around him. Around Theo. This was coming, I knew it was, it had to happen. And I have to deal with it.
“Well, ain’t you a pretty new piece of ass.”
I swing around and come face to face with a tall, somewhat gangly man with messed up hair, a neat goatee beard and deep-set eyes. Cole Rockwell. Black Dogs’ president. I recognize him instantly from the pictures Gabriel showed me. In the flesh he isn’t completely unattractive, but there’s something about him that makes my skin crawl, especially having him this close to me. And that’s probably got a lot to do with the way he just referred to me there. Oh, I get that the world I’ve been brought up in doesn’t always mean we women get treat like princesses but, hey, a bit of respect is always nice.
“I’m not anyone’s ‘piece of ass’.”
He laughs, a low chuckle that makes my stomach turn. “And get that accent, too. English, huh? But I’m betting you ain’t no way reserved.”
“He bothering you, sweetheart?”
I turn to see Mack Slayer appear at my side, an imposing, well-built man with a strong, slightly overwhelming presence. And there’s a part of me that hates the fact he’s come to my rescue when I can handle dicks like Cole Rockwell all by myself. But then I remember why I’m here. What I’m doing. What I’m wearing around my fucking neck, and I realize this is the perfect chance to make myself known to the man himself. “No. He isn’t bothering me. In fact, I do believe he was just leaving.” I look at Cole, and as I stare right at him his mouth twists up into something resembling a leer and he tears his eyes away from me and fixes them on Mack.
“I was just sayin’ hello. Ain’t no law about that now, is there?” He looks back at me, and once more my stomach flips over, and not in a good way. “Maybe I’ll see you around, darlin’.”
He walks off across the clubhouse, and Mack leans back against the wall beside me.
“Cole Rockwell,” Mack says. “Black Dogs president. And a real gentleman, huh?”
I can’t help smiling. “Yeah. Really knows how to make a woman feel special.”
He crosses his arms and stares out ahead, watching as people drink and party and make out like nobody else is watching. But none of this shit fazes me. I’ve seen it all before, hell, I’ve lived it.
“You must be the one Izzi told me about. Skye, right?”
He turns to look at me, and I nod. “Yeah. That’s right. Me and Izzi, we got talking last night and, she said for me to come down here tonight. And then Theo asked me, so… it’s OK, isn’t it?”
“It’s fine, darlin’. I ain’t gonna say no to another pretty face around here.”
“Izzi tell you why I came? To your club?”
“Listen, sweetheart, if you need a place to hang out I ain’t gonna stop you. Besides, it’s nice for Izzi to have some new company. Someone from back home, huh?”
I smile again, and I’m quite surprised by how friendly this man is, given his reputation. But then I remember what Gabriel told me, about how Mack almost lost everything, walked away; how he was willing to give it all up, at one point. He lost respect. He lost his drive to be the man he once was, but according to Gabriel and his team he’s back now. The old Mack is back.
“Yeah. I guess.”
He shifts his focus to a group of guys by the entrance to the clubhouse, one of which is Theo. I follow Mack’s gaze and I watch Theo interact with his fellow Soldiers, and to look at him it’s hard to believe this man was once a respected lawyer. A very different man to what he’s had to become now. And I still need to find out the reason why that’s had to happen.
“Theo – he tells me you’re his new neighbor?” Mack’s voice interrupts my thoughts and I turn my head away from Theo and look back at Mack.
“Yeah. Moved in a couple of days ago.”
“He’s a good kid. I like him. He just needs to cut loose every now and again. Needs to have some fun.”
I frown slightly, but then I allow my mouth to show the beginnings of a smile. “You saying I should provide that fun?”
He laughs. “I ain’t saying nothin’, darlin’. I’m just saying that man, he needs to relax a little more, is all. Invite him round, order pizza, drink beer. I mean, he ain’t found no one else around here he wants to spend time with, and God knows there ain’t been no shortage of pussy throwing themselves at him since he got here. Maybe you’re different, huh?” He throws me a grin and strides off toward the bar.
Mack Slayer knows who I am.
Izzi Slayer wants to be my friend.
Cole Rockwell would jump my bones if I so much as gave him a flicker of a sign.
And Theo? Theo likes me. I like him.
This has all been too easy so far.
So I guess i
t’s time I moved this thing on now…
Chapter Five
Gabriel
“You’re a touch on edge tonight. Wanna tell me what’s up?”
“Nothing’s up. It’s just been a long day, that’s all.”
Erin pushes her chair back and begins collecting the plates from the table. “I’m assuming you’re done?”
“Yeah,” I sigh, sitting back in my chair. “I’m done.”
“Why don’t you go get a drink. It might help you relax.”
“I’m relaxed, Erin, all right?”
She looks at me, says nothing, and disappears into the kitchen. I get up and go into the living room, and I pour myself a whiskey, a large one. Maybe I do need to relax a little more. But it has been a long day.
“You want any dessert?”
I turn to see Erin in the doorway, and I smile at her, it’s not her fault I’m feeling just a little stressed out right now. Or maybe it is. Maybe it always has been, for a while now, anyway. For far too long, if I’m honest. “No. Thank you.”
“You used to love my chocolate cheesecake. You sure you don’t want some? I’ve made plenty.”
“I’m fine, Erin. Thanks.”
She bows her head and I feel a pang of guilt shoot across my chest. What happened between us, we can’t turn the clock back. We can’t make it go away, and I’m beginning to think it really is time we moved on now. Properly. Because this isn’t working. And I don’t even know why we’re still here, doing this. Living this.
“It’s been two years, Erin.”
She looks up, and her eyes meet mine and they’re still full of regret. She’s still constantly telling me she’s sorry but I’ve heard enough now. She doesn’t even have anything to be sorry for, not really.
“And this isn’t working, is it?”
“We just need more time, Gabriel.”
“No, Erin, we don’t. We’ve had more than enough time, and all we’re doing now is holding ourselves back. We’re standing still, and that isn’t fair on either of us. We need to move on.”
She sits down on the arm of the chair, her fingers clinging on to the cloth in her hand. “What if I don’t want to move on?”
“That isn’t just your decision to make.”
“What if I still love you?”
“Then that’s something you’re just gonna have to deal with, because I can’t do this anymore. We’re living in some kind of limbo here, and it’s killing us. Slowly. You might not think so right now, but it is. Believe me, it’s killing us. And neither of us deserve that kind of life.”
She looks straight at me, and I’m tired of feeling my heart break every time she does this, every time she looks at me this way. “I’m so sorry, Gabriel.”
“I know, Erin. I know. And so am I, I’m sorry too, but we can’t keep saying that forever. There’s gonna come a time when the words don’t mean anything anymore.”
“After everything I just… And this job, the way it consumes you…”
“No. No, Erin, don’t do that. Don’t go there.”
“It’s all that’s important to you, isn’t it? This job. Your work. I mean, when they asked you to up sticks and move from New York to New Mexico to head up this task force, you didn’t hesitate, didn’t even ask me if I…”
“You put up no objection, Erin, because you were in no position to argue. You didn’t want me to come here alone even though, in hindsight, that’s what I should’ve done. I should never have agreed to this ridiculous set-up. And in reality, some time apart may have been what we really needed…” I stop talking and rake a hand through my hair.
“Are you saying that if you’d come here alone, and I’d stayed in New York – are you saying we may have been able to fix things? If that had happened?”
She looks at me with wide, sad eyes and I feel my heart being ripped apart all over again. “I don’t know what I’m saying, Erin. I don’t. I just know that this has to end, now. It has to. Because I can’t deal with it anymore.”
“What’re you saying?”
“You know what I’m saying. Please don’t play dumb, baby, because you are so much better than that.”
She gets up and comes over to me, but I’m not giving in this time. I can’t, I’m done. This is over.
“We could still make this work, Gabe…”
I take hold of her wrist and pull her hand away from my face, I don’t want her to touch me. “You need to pack your things and go, Erin. Tomorrow. Call your mom, go stay with her, but you need to go. For both our sakes. Let’s just rip off that band aid and do this, before we both suffocate.”
Her expression hardens, because even though she’s always suspected this was how I felt, she’s never heard me say the words out loud. And that’s because, for a long time, I was as blinkered as she was. And, to be honest, I threw myself into my work to the point where nothing else even had a chance of taking up my time. And that included fixing this mess. And I have no idea what kick-started it this time, this realization that we have to – need to do something now. I just know that it’s time. It’s finally time.
“You’re giving up.”
“I’m moving on. We can’t live like this anymore, Erin. It’s exhausting.”
She wrenches her hand free of my grip and steps back. “OK. OK, this is obviously what you want, so, I’ll start making arrangements. I’ll call my mom. I’ll go back to New York.”
I breathe a silent sigh of relief and finish my whiskey, letting the alcohol hit settle in my stomach.
“I still love you, Gabriel. But it’s quite obvious you don’t love me.”
I look at her for a second, our eyes locking for two, maybe three long beats before she turns and walks back into the kitchen.
She thinks it’s obvious.
Nothing’s obvious.
Or maybe some things are, and I’m just choosing to ignore them…
Theo
“You drink your bourbon neat, huh?”
She smiles up at me as I hand her a glass of whiskey and lower myself down onto the steps of her back porch. “Always have done, always will. As long as it’s decent bourbon.”
“Only the best, right?”
“Not really, no. I’ll drink anything, I’m not that fussy.”
I smile at her as we sip our drinks and stare out across her small but neat back yard. It’s late, but it’s still quite warm with just a light breeze taking the edge off.
“You have a good time tonight?” I ask.
She turns her head to look at me, and she returns my smile. “Yeah. I had a good time.”
“Me too.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear that, because I do hate to disappoint my dates.”
“That wasn’t a date.”
“I know.”
Our eyes lock and I’m suddenly letting Mack Slayer’s advice take hold. Have some fun. Take whatever’s being put in front of me, because soon I’ll have way more pressing things to think about. But I don’t actually know if anything is being put in front of me here. Am I just assuming, because she’s a club girl, that she’s going to put out because I want her to? What the hell am I becoming? The man I need to be, that’s what. That’s what she thinks I am, so that’s what I have to become. I can’t be the person I once was, I’m a very different man to that one. I’m a very different man, for the rest of my messed up fucking life.
“Y’know, what we did back there, at the clubhouse…”
She trails off and I take the glass from her hand and I’m going in for the kill here. I got nothing to lose. And when I lean in to kiss her again she doesn’t fight it, she’s all in, she’s kissing me back, and I want her now. I want her naked, straddling me, riding me cowgirl, Jesus!
“You want some fun, right?” she whispers, her mouth twisting up into a sexy-as-hell smirk that’s got my cock on edge. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
I’m loathe to let go of her, I mean, women change their minds, don’t they? And I’m all ready to go here, something I hav
en’t been in a long time. I never let myself get that distracted before, but the second she turned up…
I pick up my glass and drain it, throw back my head and sigh quietly. Although, it comes out as more of a frustrated groan, because my cock’s desperate to go and the ache in my groin is physically painful now.
Mack thinks I should get myself some fun.
I’m getting myself some fun.
Before it’s too fucking late…
Skye
I keep calm as I go back inside, but the second I’m alone, safe behind my bathroom door, I let a small wave of nerves wash over me. And I lift my hand and carefully touch that angel-wings pendant, knowing what’s hidden inside it. And then I allow myself a moment to breathe. I grasp the edge of the sink and bow my head, taking a few long, deep breaths until my heart stops racing. And then I raise my head and stare into the mirror. I look the same. I’m still me. But I’m different now. Because, once this is all over, I’ll cease to be me. I won’t exist anymore, and that thought terrifies me.
I take another deep breath and briefly close my eyes, bowing my head again. What I’m doing here – what I’m about to do, am I doing it because I have to? Because getting close to Theo in this way could prove useful? Or am I doing this because I actually want to? And then Gabriel’s words start racing round my head. Don’t get too close, that’s what he said. I’m about to let Theo get as close as anyone can, and if I do that, if I let that happen, they’re going to hear it happen. Is Gabriel going to hear it, too? I don’t know. I don’t know who’s listening at any point, and I wonder if I should pull back now. If I should forget what’s happening here and tell him to go, but I fear that if I do that I could push him away. And I think I’m getting somewhere, I’m reeling him in so – no. I’m not going to tell him to go. I don’t think I can. But do I really need to sleep with him?
I look at my reflection again. And then I reach up underneath my dress and pull down my panties, tossing them aside. I’m about to give myself to a stranger, a man who – for all I know – could be dangerous, I know so little about him. And that actually excites me. I drop a hand and touch myself and I’m wet. He’s got me wet, I’m ready for him. And no, I don’t think I need to sleep with him to keep him close. I don’t think I’m doing this because I need to. I’m doing it because I want to. I know that now. And I could take off the necklace, couldn’t I? I mean, they told me not to, when I was with these men, but do they really need to hear him fuck me? Is that necessary?
Bound (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 3) Page 5