by HJ Bellus
Her hands begin to tremble, so she picks at her fingernails. This is a trick she taught herself. She focuses on picking the skin and calming her nerves. Holden chooses the first stall, and as she locks it, she hears a voice. At least three other women enter the bathroom. Their laughter echoes around, bouncing off the walls. Finally, when their laughter dies out, she hears their conversation. Holden pulls her knees up to her chest, so they can’t see her feet.
“Dax is going to flip his shit when he sees you. He was pretty clear about never wanting you around again, Destiny.”
“He’ll be fine. I guarantee you he’s already bored of that plain fucking weirdo he’s with.”
“I don’t think so. Cole said he thinks it’s forever.”
“Fuck that shit. That redheaded cunt has nothing on me. Where’s she been the last few months while I’ve been fucking his brains out?”
It’s either an uncontrollable panic attack or bolting for the door. Neither of the choices appeals to Holden, and she wishes she could vanish into thin air. She refuses to let them see her freak out. Her pulse quickens and her breathing speeds up. Holden fights to hold in her gasps. She decides to make a break for it before she blacks out and gives them all the ammunition they need to be cruel.
Her trembling hand goes for the lock. She misses and her knuckles make a loud noise as they crash into the door of the stall. The chatter halts as she slowly opens the door and peeks her head around it. Tears soak her face. She tries to take a step and nearly stumbles.
“Wow, what a coincidence! Look who we have here.”
Destiny waltzes right up into Holden’s face and spits. Thick streams of saliva run down her cheeks, mixing with her tears. She tries to move again, but her legs fail her and she falls to the ground on her hands and knees. A sharp blow connects with her side.
“Destiny, you’re going to be dead. Why did you kick her?”
Dax’s voice fills her mind along with the disappointed look on his face when she doesn’t stick up for herself. Holden lets her panic take over as her breathing heightens and her body continues to tremor. Rising to her feet, she faces Destiny. Too scared to say a word, she spits back into her face, followed by a right hook. Her knuckles sting as they retract from the punch. The sensation makes her stomach churn and brings back too many memories of Sue beating her until she’d black out.
Destiny regains her composure, catching Holden off guard, and begins raining hell on her, blow after blow, not stopping. Holden doesn’t have it in her to fight back. Her breathing is out of control as her body begins to jerk. Her cheek beats against the plush carpet as the seizure controls her body.
The bitch beating her doesn’t seem to notice she’s still kicking her. Holden’s position makes it hard for Destiny to get in any good blows. Voices in the background scream for help. Moments later, Kam enters the bathroom. He pulls Destiny off Holden, wrapping her up in a bear hug and packing her out.
Dax is on the floor next to Holden within seconds, and Creed is right behind him.
“You need to flip her over to her stomach. Watch out.”
Creed takes over the situation, guiding Holden to her stomach, and within minutes her body stops shaking. Slowly, he rolls her over into Dax’s arms.
“I’ll go call 911.”
“No.” It’s barely audible. Holden grabs Creed’s arm and repeats the word again.
“Give us a minute,” Dax says.
Holden sits up and wraps her arms around her knees. She begins to rock back and forth gently. Dax places his hand on her back and rubs small circles.
“Don’t touch me.”
He slowly removes his hand and then kneels down by her.
“I’m here. I can help you.”
With her face buried in her knees, Holden begins to scream at Dax.
“This is all your fault. You told me to stick up for myself, and I did.” She raises her head with fire in her eyes. “She beat me like Sue used to. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be beaten?”
Holden’s eyes shoot up to the men behind her. She buries her face again, mortified at the whole scene. Now they know how fucked up she is.
“Just leave me alone. I want to be alone.”
Holden continues rocking, letting her sobs out. Dax goes to reach for her again, but Kam pulls him to his feet. He gently shakes his head and guides Dax from the bathroom.
“If you think I’m going to fucking leave her, you’re out of your fucking mind.”
“Dax, she needs some time. Let her have it.”
“I’m not fucking leaving.”
Kam stands up next to Dax and gets straight in his face. “I didn’t tell you to leave, you dumb fucker. I said she needs time, so give it to her.”
“Fuck,” Dax roars as his fist plows through sheetrock.
“That’s not going to help either.”
Dax sinks down the wall until he’s on his bottom. “What the fuck do I do?”
“You protect her, love her, and give her time. She trusts you, Dax, and just needs time.”
“How?”
Kam sinks down next to his brother. “You know I remember my birth mother and the shit that went down. I had panic attacks growing up. Mom was always there for me and worked me through them. Birdy has you.”
“I just want to hold her and go slit Destiny’s throat.”
“She’s being arrested right now for trespassing and assault. Just focus on you.”
“I’m so fucked, Kam.” Dax finally looks up to his brother. “I’m in fucking love.”
“What did Mom always tell you?”
“Brains before fists,” Dax mumbles.
“Use your brains and you’ll be just fine.”
The two men sit in silence side by side, and Dax is thankful for Kam and his presence. It’s the only thing keeping him from going ape shit. Cole rounds the corner and joins them.
“I handled her, and she won’t be around ever again.”
“How in the hell did she get in here?” Dax asks.
“Delivery guys in the back. She fooled them somehow.”
“Probably sucked them off.” Kam smiles at his own little jab.
“We need a mandatory staff meeting of all new hires to go over safety procedure.” Cole runs his hands through his thick, dark hair. “Could you imagine if that happened during club hours?”
The three men shake their heads in disbelief.
“This West Coast curse sucks.” Dax stands up and paces in front of the door.
“We’ll be fine. Us Sterling brothers always are.” Cole gives Dax a quick man hug before going back into the club.
“Pink.”
“Did you hear something, Kam?”
“Nah.”
“Pink.”
This time it is loud enough that both men turn to the door. Without thinking, Dax flies into the bathroom to find Birdy in the same position on the floor, rocking and shaking, screaming pink over and over again.
He knows what he wants to do, but he’s not sure if it’s the right thing. He looks back to Kam, who gives the go-ahead.
“I’m here.”
Birdy doesn’t give Dax the chance to fuck anything up as she bolts into his arms, continuing to sob. Her chest wracks against Dax, causing him pain he’s never felt.
“Roo…ooo…Rooo….ooom.”
“Slow down. Deep breaths.” Dax slowly runs his hand down the length of her back, trying to calm her. “Just talk to me.”
She shudders for a few more moments as she struggles to calm herself down. Dax can feel her heartbeat slowing down.
“That’s it, Birdy, you got it.”
“Say it again,” Holden demands in a rushed tone.
“You’ve got this, Birdy, just come back to me.”
Dax mentally round kicks himself for not remembering exactly what he said.
“Say it again.”
“You’ve…”
“No, say my new name.”
“Birdy.”
She nods in t
he crook of Dax’s neck. “It makes me feel good. I’m sorry for being a fucking psycho.”
“It’s not your fault. She attacked you, and you reacted. Please don’t think it’s your fault, Birdy.”
Now that he knows she likes that name, he’ll never stop using it, and will throw it around as much as possible.
“But why did she attack me?”
“Because she’s pure evil.”
“Then why does evil always follow me?”
Dax walks over to one of the many vanities, sitting on the counter top with his Birdy in his lap.
“Look at me.”
“No.”
“Birdy, look at me now.”
She slowly lifts her face to him, with her hair matted and a slight bruise forming on her cheek. Dax cups her face and rests his lips on hers.
“There’s evil everywhere, Birdy. It just depends if you’ll let it rule your life.”
She pulls her face from his grip and points a finger in his face. “See, I knew you’d say that. I knew it, so I stood up for myself and spit back at her, then punched her in the face.”
“And that’s exactly how life works. You fight against the evil and always stand up for yourself. Sometimes you come out on top and others you don’t, but deep down you know you did your best.”
“I don’t like it.”
“I don’t either, but rest assured, Destiny’s ass is in jail. So by you fighting back, you didn’t get as hurt as you could’ve, and you put evil behind bars.”
“Room 211.”
And like clockwork, Kam enters the bathroom. “I’ve got the car ready.”
Dax didn’t even realize his brother wasn’t standing behind him.
“I have security lined up, so there’s nothing to worry about.”
Birdy freezes, squeezing Dax’s arms. “Why would you need security if everything is okay?”
“Just to make you feel better.”
Dax places his hand on the back of her head and guides her to rest on his shoulder. She does, burying her face up against his neck. Dax feels a light kiss on his skin and knows everything will be okay. He follows Kam out of the bathroom and into the club, and he knows his brother chewed some ass because not one staff person watches them.
“I wanted another drink,” Birdy whispers into his neck.
“Kam, go get a pitcher of Sinners for us. I’ll meet you in the car.”
Birdy shields her eyes from the bright sunlight as Dax steps outside.
“This isn’t the car we came in.”
“I know, but it’s still mine. Kam will drive us home.”
“I’m such a fuck-up.”
“Birdy, stop. We’ll get through everything together.”
“Six weeks is a short time to do forever in.”
Dax shuts the door and settles her into his lap, brushing away stray bangs from her face. “Forget six weeks. Stay with me forever.”
The driver’s side door opens quickly, and Kam climbs in and begins to drive. Their conversation comes to an abrupt halt with another passenger in the car. Holden’s eyes flutter shut a couple times, but then she starts waking herself, jumping in Dax’s arms.
“It’s okay, Birdy.” He brushes small circles on her temple and watches her drift off again. And just when he thinks sleep is going to win the battle, her little hand clutches.
“I’ll do forever, Dax.”
Dax tucks Birdy into the down comforter then sits on the edge of the bed. He rubs the worry from his eyes with his palms then kicks off his black boots. His stomach rumbles, so he decides to order a steak and sandwich for his girl because when she wakes up she’ll be starving.
His eyes catch sight of the silver pitcher on the dresser with her drink on it. Why did things have to go to shit when everything was just starting to fall in place? It’s been the story of his life, and if he’s honest with himself, this afternoon was just a little test for them.
He pushes away the nasty thoughts and wants to shower something fierce, but refuses to leave Birdy’s side. Her deep breathing should be indicator enough that she’s going to be out for quite a while.
He snatches his phone from his pocket and shoots his brother a text.
Dax: I need your help for about fifteen.
Cole: Be there, bro
Dax: Room 211
Dax has always been able to count on Cole, whether it is a little white lie to get him out of trouble, or just flat out saving his ass. Something still doesn’t sit right with him from earlier in the club when Cole walked. He orders another steak, just the way Cole likes it.
Dax climbs into bed and waits on his brother. He gets as close as he can to Birdy and runs his fingers through her hair as he studies each strand. He’s never seen a color of red like hers. He brushes her thick mane to the side of her shoulder before he plants a kiss on the back of her neck. He stops dead in his tracks when he sees a straight scar running horizontally on her neck.
He’d had his suspicion about her being beaten as a child, but never pried. Hearing Birdy confirm it today was difficult. He’ll never understand how someone could beat a child, and like Kam, he remembers parts of his childhood before the adoption. Not pretty.
The clicking of the doorknob causes Dax to sit up enough to see Cole walking in. He climbs from the bed, being as quiet as possible. Cole is armed with a MacBook and coffee. The only time he quits working is to fuck, and that’s the literal truth.
“Hey, they’ll give anyone keys around here, huh?”
“Yeah, man, I asked for one at the front desk, but wasn’t sure what I was walking in to.”
“She’s out and I want to take a shower. I don’t want her to freak if she wakes and no one is here.”
Dax points over to a chair he scooted across the room and positioned to the perfect angle. If Birdy opens her eyes she’ll see someone is here with her.
“Damn, your pussy is in love.” Cole chuckles and sets his MacBook on the table. “Go shower, Romeo.”
Dax takes the opportunity to go scrub away the hell of today. The only thing that could make it better is if Birdy was washing his skin. The scalding water offers up just the amount of punishment he needs. His muscles and adrenaline scream at him, needing to hit the gym, but Dax knows there’s no way possible he’ll find the gym today, or maybe even in the next few days.
Jumping from underneath the hot spray, he dries quickly and makes his way to the room to find Cole eating already and Birdy still fast asleep.
“Figured a rare steak with a side of coleslaw and grapes was mine.” Cole shrugs.
“Yeah, fucker, I ordered for you after I texted.” Dax takes a seat wrapped only in his towel and begins inhaling his food.
It’s evident from the way both devour their food that they were famished. The brothers eye the third covered plate.
“Her cheese sandwich. Ain’t worth shit.” Dax says.
“I’ll order more,” Cole says.
Birdy has been asleep for hours now. Dax tries waking her, but she doesn’t budge. He returns to the bathroom to dress. When he makes it back out, plates of dessert surround Cole. The boy always did have a sweet tooth.
“I couldn’t decide.” Cole reaches for the strawberry cheesecake.
Dax sits with him and begins eating plate after plate of sweets until he’s ready to puke.
“So, what’s with Creed?”
“What about him?”
“I know you, Cole. Something is up.”
“Nah, he was just a quick fuck.”
“Yeah.” Dax nods toward Holden. “She was just a quick fuck too, until I fell in love with her.”
“I’m not fucking in love with Creed. Really, how would it look for the clubs if one of us was gay?”
“It’s the twenty-first century. Not my cup of tea, but if you love him, you love him.”
Cole slams his plate down on the table, shattering a piece of it. “I’m not fucking in love with a man.”
“Cole, I’ve seen you take men to your room.”
“Always with a woman. We both fuck her and get off.”
Dax decides to quit pushing for information. He’s damn well seen men down on their knees for Cole, but he guesses he can’t handle the truth for some reason.
“I’m always here, man.”
“Yeah, how did you know when you fell in love with her?”
“I knew when I looked at her the way you looked at Creed today.”
Another plate slams to the table, breaking into several pieces. Before Cole has the opportunity to rage, Holden shifts in the bed and distracts Dax from watching his brother Hulk out.
“Morning, sunshine.” Dax crawls on the bed, reaching her and wrapping her tight in his arms.
“Morning.” Her voice is barely audible.
“I have dinner here for you. Come eat and talk with us.” Dax nods over his shoulder and watches Birdy look over to Cole.
“Let me freshen up.” She pushes off of his chest and twists out of the bed.
Dax watches her body move from the bed and into the bathroom. The bruise covering her right shoulder enrages him.
“Settle down, bro. You should’ve seen Destiny when she was booked. That girl of yours messed her face up.”
“Good.”
The three settle into an easy conversation. Actually, it’s more like the brothers do, talking about club business. Holden seems content eating her sandwich and even plucks a few fries from Dax’s plate. When Dax sees her eating fries, he discreetly nudges a slice of chocolate cake in her direction without stopping his conversation.
He watches her out of the corner of his eye, not wanting to draw attention to her. He knows he needs to step back in some things. Birdy picks up a fork and begins picking at the cake. Pieces crumble to the plate, and just when Dax thinks she won’t take a bite, she presses her finger into some crumbs. He can’t help but turn his head when she puts her finger into her mouth. It’s not every day you get to watch someone eat chocolate for the first time.
Holden’s eyes clench as she savors the taste, and Dax can’t resist touching her. His hand magnetizes to her thigh and squeezes it gently. When her eyes open, they don’t go to Dax or dart around the room to see who is watching. They shoot straight back to the cake. This time she uses her fork to spear a large chunk of cake with a thick layer of icing.