“It’s important.”
“I’m listening.” he murmured gravely.
Andi turned her lips to his cheek. Twisted her hands in his hair, pushing that adorable little lock out of his eyes. “While I was in that cell, before I went crazy. I realized how much I relied on our bond to tell you how I feel.”
He tilted his head, his brows pulling together in confusion.
“It is the purpose of the bond, my one.”
“No, I know. But just because you know I feel something, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t tell you what it is. I love you, Ohlen. I have from the minute you programed grass into the holo-room and explained to me why you wanted to give me the ability to protect myself. In case something else goes wrong, I needed you to know.”
His expression softened. A tender smile curled his lips. One that he shared with her in a kiss. “I knew all along, my one. I could feel it. You have had my heart from the very first moment I caught your scent. My love. My one.”
Twenty Two
Ohlen watched his mate and Gwen, bickering back and forth over how it was all Andi’s fault that Gwen’s vacation got cut short. If not for the teasing in Gwen’s tone, he’d have snarled furiously at her. While the two females bantered, Ga’rae caught his eye and looked pointedly at the scans of Andi’s internal organs. Specifically to the shadowy area of her brain. His heart rate kicked up into overdrive. He was not trained as a medic. He had no idea what he was looking at. But by the gravity on Ga’rae’s face, it was not good.
“How bad is it?” Andi asked from the table top. Getting a look from both medics.
Ohlen moved closer to her to smooth his hand down her hair. Like his touch alone could heal whatever had gone wrong inside her. Ga’rae did his level best to soothe Andi, but his female had grown to be braver. Stronger than he could ever have imagined.
“I’m not a doctor and even I can see something is messed up with my brain. Is it because I got caught halfway in that hideous monster form?”
He and Ga’rae started talking at the same time. Ga’rae trying to reassure Andi that she had not sustained any damage from her shift. While he was trying to reassure her that he did not in any way, find her hideous. Gwen stopped them both by clapping her hands together and ordering them to be quiet.
“Sheesh. Both of you. Calm your tits. Hon, we haven’t even taken blood yet. And the shadowy stuff up there in your noggin is from the pollen. It screws up the electromagnetic firing of our brains in that specific area. Keeps us from accessing the telepathic link to our mates.”
Andi took a deep breath, staring at the scan above her. Eyes tracking back and forth over the shadowy images showing on her brain. Ohlen could smell the rising fear in her and wanted to order the scan banished. Holding her hand with both of his, waiting for her to say something.
“There were two of them in the observation room. The first said they had increased the strength of the pollen. Something about it not being effective enough before.”
Gwen and Ga’rae shared a tight look, no doubt conferring silently. It infuriated him. Ignited an acidic burn in his gut that felt shamefully like envy. He looked down at Andi, curving his palm over the top of her head. The scent of her uncertainty, her fear, her sorrow, wafted up in the air between them. Her lips jumped in a quick, sad little smile. Defeat. He could see it on her face. She was his whole world, his heart, and she was unable to feel the depth of his love for her. Unable to feel anything but his physical touch. He fought to keep from crushing her against him.
“How long before the anti-toxin takes effect?” he demanded. The medic made to speak, but a beep from his wrist had him glancing down. Grunting softly.
“Commander Brennaugh requests your presence. Both of you.”
****
Andi stayed curled up in Ohlen’s lap for the entirety of her recounting of the abduction and her time spent in the underground lab. Falken was on a view screen, listening in from the citadel. Something about how it was easier to secure the communication lines between the ship and the citadel this way.
No one interrupted her. When she faltered or struggled to explain, Brennaugh would ask her to describe what she had felt or scented to get her back on track.
It was unnerving to be alone in her own head. Even wrapped up in Ohlen’s arms and surrounded by his scent, more than anything, that lack of their connection was the hardest part of the whole thing. Brennaugh had explained, as Ohlen seemed to be seething silently, the males who had abducted her had used banned technology. Molecular displacement, he called it. Some kind of machine that made any solid surface turn to a gel-like consistency. Easy to pull someone through a wall with that sort of thing. An enemy of the Sarazens used it as a way to steal females of many different species, right out of their beds to be sold as pleasure slaves. The tech left a unique energetic signature. The two traitors had used a pill also banned from the territory. It was intended to disguise ones natural scent.
Which explained why she couldn’t describe the way the two had smelled. What was driving her crazy, was the hazy memory of the second speaker’s voice. How familiar it was. She couldn’t put her finger on it and knew if Ohlen had been able to dip into her thoughts the way he should have, he might have recognized it.
“Andi, do you know what triggered your blood-lust?” She looked up from where she’d scowled down at the table top. Blinking to focus on what Brennaugh had asked her.
“Yeah,” she rubbed at her temple. The light overhead straining her eyes suddenly. “I don’t know if they did it on purpose or not. But the intercom got left on. There were two of them talking. One sounded more like the guy in charge, Amaro. I don’t know if that was his actual name. The other one was more like the scientist. I think I was um, chewing on his spine when Ohlen found me.”
Her mortification about having not only killed at least a dozen people but feasted on the body of the final victim? It made her stomach churn with the desire to vomit again. She might have if there’d have been anything left in her belly.
“The two of them were speaking to one another about some kind of testing. The one whose voice I recognize was frustrated by his inability to get into Ga’rae’s room or his med lab to collect Ga’rae’s data tablet. They want something on there, some specific test results. But I lost it when Amaro told his friend to kill me and make sure Ohlen knew. To wait to kill Ohlen until he was in agony. That it would make their test results better. Things went a bit…fuzzy after that.”
Ohlen’s arms tightened around her. His lips turned to rest right over the pounding of her pulse. A lance of pain spiked behind her right eye and made her flinch. Hiss. Made her press her fingertips to her temple. Ohlen barked at Ga’rae to help her, but she held her hand up and waved everyone back down.
“I’m alright. I must have accidentally tried to touch our bond.” she tried to smile. Tried to keep the tears watering in her eyes from spilling over. Ohlen was having none of it.
He pushed roughly to his feet and took her back to medical. Ga’rae hot on his heels.
Scanned for the second time in so many hours, the results weren’t any better. In fact, it looked like the shadows on the area of her brain responsible for the telepathic link had darkened. It wasn’t a very big area, maybe the size of an ancient Earth coin. Small, but so very important. Gwen gave her a second shot of the antitoxin however, the grim look on her face and on Ga’rae’s didn’t give Andi much hope that whatever had been done would be fixed anytime soon. Or ever.
Desolation overwhelmed her. Made her feel like a warship was sitting on her chest. Ohlen slipped his arm under her shoulders to help her sit up. To help her off the table and protectively, lovingly curled her against his side. Ga’rae and Gwen were both speaking alternately. Both trying to persuade her and Ohlen into believing, that whatever had been done to intensify the effects of the flurra pollen, would just take time to diminish. It felt like vertigo had just spun her around and was still making her reel.
“You’re not sure it if will
cycle out of my system, are you?”
In answer to her question, there was nothing but silence. Telling silence. This time, when Ohlen picked her up, she went willingly. Turned her face to his throat and clung to his shoulders.
Ohlen took them back to their quarters. Locked them in and tumbled with her down into the unfamiliar bed. He surrounded her in his arms and legs, his body rumbling with the comforting purrs he made only for her.
“With or without our bond, all that I am belongs to you.”
Andi didn’t have to fight the tears here. Didn’t have to be tough or try to put a brave face on it. She was safe with Ohlen.
“They poisoned our bond. Took it away from us.” her voice broke and out poured the tears.
She cried until she had no more tears to cry. Ohlen held her tight enough that it was almost too difficult to draw in a good breath. He didn’t try to stop her, just held her until she was wrung out. He tipped her head back and kissed away her tears. Eyes tracking back and forth over her face. Waiting until she was wallowing in her misery, too tired to speak.
“You were right. We do rely too much on our bond to tell one another how we feel. What we are thinking. What I am thinking is that I am filled with guilt for having taken my eyes off of you long enough for you to have been taken. But my one is fierce, you gave in to your beast and let her protect you as I could not. They took nothing from us, Andi. Our bond is here,” he pressed his hand over her heart. The warmth of his skin bleeding into hers.
“And while it devastates me to be unable to touch your thoughts, it changes nothing of what I feel for you. You are my one. My only. That will never change.”
A few more tears dripped off her lashes. Tears filled with relief. With love.
Twenty Three
Andi jumped in her sleep. Her soft sound of distress waking him instantly. Ohlen had just opened his eyes, scanned the room for an intruder when she sat bolt upright in the bed. Gasping for air, shaking, seizing when he said her name.
“I need paper.” he frowned at her odd demand, calling up the lights.
“Andi, what were you dreaming that frightened you? The lab-” she waved her hands in front of her face and pressed her fingers to her temples. Closing her eyes tightly.
“I saw his face. I remember. I need to put it on paper before I forget it.”
Her urgency had him up out of the bed, hurrying to fetch her what she needed. Unfortunately, all he could find was a blank data pad and a stylus to use. Andi grabbed it from him and furiously hunched over to sketch.
“He ran when I broke through the glass. He was so surprised! I could see his face. His markings. Everything. The first time I heard his voice…it was so familiar. I just don’t know where I’ve heard it before.”
Her frustration was clear. Her anxiety evaporating completely when she handed him the final product with a whoosh of relief. His stomach slipped and flipped all the way down to his toes. There was no possible way this was the male Andi had seen. He told her so, but she was adamant that was exactly who she had seen.
“Andi…my heart, this is a dead warrior. Long dead. I tore out his throat myself.”
She frowned and scooted closer to him. Reached out to rub her hand over his chest and clenched her teeth down on her lip to worry at the tender flesh.
“I swear, Ohlen. That’s him. And I think I remember his voice because you remember it.”
Ohlen walked into the command room with Andi’s little hands clenched around his. He was glad for the fact that their bond was damaged. He wouldn’t have wanted Andi to feel his disbelief, or how his gut was clenching with unease. Unsurprisingly, Brennaugh was still on deck. He looked up when they entered, eyes tracking over them with a curious blink. Ohlen swallowed the feeling of bile down and forced himself to speak.
“Andi had a nightmare. She recalled the face of the second male.” he held out the data tablet to the commander. Struggling to make his fingers release the pad into Brennaugh’s hand. The other male frowned seriously and studied the image carefully.
“This is the male you heard say that he had access to Ga’rae’s room? The one who was instructing the other to steal his data pad? His research notes?” Andi confirmed that to be correct. Looking up at him nervously. Which made Brennaugh look at him.
“What else?” The commander asked.
Ohlen shook his head and raked his hand through the stripe of his mane. “I believe this is who Andi saw. But it is impossible. He is dead.”
Brennaugh’s brows shot up incredulously. Wiggling the pad at him, “You know this male?”
“Yes. I ripped his throat out.”
Brennaugh frowned intently, looking back at the sketch. “Who is he?”
“My sire.”
It was the very last thing in the universe he had ever wanted to admit, especially in the presence of his mate, but she needed to know. Brennaugh needed to know. Hell, when Tarek found out, Ohlen would be lucky to retain his position within the citadel. The Asho wouldn’t want such a male anywhere near his pregnant mate.
Ohlen was secretly glad the heat of the breeding festival had not made Andi’s womb quicken. He had forced himself not to think of it. Not wanting her to have caught the shameful thoughts and feel as though he did not wish to father cubs on her. Ohlen would have had to explain he feared because of his weakness and the evil of his sire, he might pass such genetic defects to his cub.
Andi let go of his hand. :ong enough for him to consider that having kept such a shameful secret from her, she would decide to spurn him. A foolish moment where he forgot just how loving humans could be. Where he’d forgotten she had succumbed to blood-lust because of an instinctual need to protect him. She wrapped her slender arms around his waist and snuggled up to his side. Giving him her support. Her love. Right there in front of the commander.
“There was a good reason for this.” Brennaugh wasn’t asking a question. He was stating it as fact. Believing Ohlen must have had a reason for what he had done. It made him lift his chin a notch, knowing his commander had that kind of faith in him.
“It was during the wars. I remember very little of the circumstance, only that I watched my sire snap the neck of my younger brother. Watched him drive his fist into my mother’s chest to remove her heart. I was young, but not so young as to not understand what was happening. When he came for me I attacked. I gave in to the blood-lust and didn’t return from it until Tarut pulled me from the forest.”
Andi hugged him harder, as though waiting for Brennaugh to condemn him. The commander just stared, his eyes narrowed with thought.
“Did you witness your sire’s death?”
“I tore his throat out,” Ohlen was uncertain how that was unclear.
“Yes, but did you see your sire take his last breath?” Brennaugh pressed. Staring him down.
After a time, Ohlen had to admit he had not in fact seen his sire die. He recalled the hot taste of the blood in his mouth. The gurgling sounds his sire made as he dropped to his knees. But because of the rage, the blood-lust, Ohlen had turned and run into the night. Into the forest.
It was some time before Brennaugh spoke, but when he did, there was a note of triumph in his tone.
“You were not present the night of the celebration.”
Ohlen tilted his head, frowning at his fellow warrior. “No, we were not. I was told it was a spectacle.”
Brennaugh’s lips quirked slightly. “It was. Especially the moment when Tarek’s sire tore the heart from T’mai’s false mate. With his bare hand. I must contact Falken. We are nearly to the citadel. Return to your quarters. I will contact you when we are clear to disembark.”
****
Ohlen was still looking a little shell-shocked by the time the door to their quarters closed. He sat down on the end of the bed and hung his head. Elbows braced on his knees, his hands clasped behind his skull. His posture screaming his discomfort and disbelief. Andi supposed it wasn’t every day that someone told you the person you’d spent your entire li
fe thinking you’d killed, wasn’t dead. She didn’t know what to do. Leave him be? Try to comfort him?
“I cannot tell if you hesitate there because you no longer wish to touch me. Or for some other reason.” Ohlen’s voice was a hoarse rasp.
It jerked on her heartstrings to hear her immensely strong warrior sound so low. Andi was across the room within seconds. She pushed on his shoulders and hopped up to straddle his thighs. Sitting astride his lap so she could hug him and have them eye to eye at the same time.
“I hesitated because I don’t know what to do. How to comfort you. I didn’t hear you say a single thing that would make me not want to touch you.”
Ohlen gave a soft grunt, closing his vibrant eyes to rest his brow on hers.
“Did you not hear me say I tore out my sire’s throat?”
“I did. How old were you?”
He drew in a deep breath, swallowing thickly. Thoughtfully quiet for a moment.
“To be honest it has been so long I am not certain. Twelve, perhaps thirteen of your Earth years.”
Twelve or thirteen years old. By Sarazen standards, he would have been a baby still. A cub. One who had just witnessed his father brutally kill his even younger brother and his mother. She stroked her hands over the markings on his skull. Touched her lips to his brow and sat there like that for a minute.
“What I heard you say, was even as a boy you had the heart of a warrior. Is that one of the memories you didn’t share with me?”
He nodded. Lifting his face again so he could rub his nose up alongside hers.
“After my sire, after I thought I had killed him, I ran into the forest. I let my beast take over. Let the blood-lust consume me. There would be days of lucidity. Days I would wake with the remnants of smaller animals, sometimes larger animals in pieces all around me and no memory of having massacred them. Tarut was once the most sought after tracker. He would go into the wilderness for days at a time to hone his skills. He caught my scent on one of these excursions. Tracked me for weeks before he finally caught me and brought me back. I did not share these memories for fear that you would think less of me. Or perhaps prevent you from trusting in my control. My ability to protect you from anything, even myself. I see now that my fears were foolish.”
Sarazen's Vengeance: Book 1.1 Page 14