Seeing her smile lifted his spirit. “I love you, sweetheart. I love you more than words could express, and I’m dedicated to making you happy and making you smile.”
She giggled softly. “Thanks. I needed that.”
“I know. Now go clean up those tear tracks so we can get moving.”
She saluted and offered, “Yes, sir,” in a sassy voice.
Smiling, he teased, “I think I can get used to that kind of obedience.”
He chuckled when her lips twisted to the side.
Lightly tapping her bottom, he said, “Get a move on, Little Miss Spitfire.”
All through the wake, the funeral and cleaning out her mother’s home, Samantha saw she could count on Joel in ways she would never have imagined.
When they got to her parents’ bedroom, she found both of her parents’ things in the closets and dresser drawers. Even though she’d known her mother had never gotten rid of her father’s things, seeing them there the way they must have looked the day he died sent a sharp pain through her chest.
And here she was, setting herself up for the same downfall if Joel got clearance to return to his dangerous job.
She could lose him, and it would probably kill her, too.
The realization hit her like a fist to the gut because it meant she had made the ultimate mistake. Not only she had fallen head over heels in love with Joel Hightower, but she had risked more than her heart in the process.
Was she really stronger than her mother in that regard? She liked to tell herself throughout the years she would have done a better job coping for her children if she’d been in her mother’s shoes, but that was easy to say when she hadn’t been deep in love.
As her tears began a steady trail down her face, she felt strong arms enclose her in an embrace.
“Let me hire someone to do at least this room for you, sweetheart. I know it must be hard.”
She could feel Joel’s soft breath on the base of her neck as he spoke.
It was too late to save her heart or play it safe. If she gave him up now, she would be heartbroken. If she stayed with him and he died performing his dangerous job, she would be devastated, as well. No matter how she cut it, loving a man in a dangerous job could destroy her the way it had destroyed her mother.
“No. I need to do this.” She took a deep, calming breath. “I can’t believe she never gave away his things. It’s like she never recovered from the loss because she never really let go.”
He didn’t say anything. He just held her close.
“I don’t want to be that vulnerable to heartache. I’m terrified of ending up like her.” Her words came out in such a hushed whisper she could barely hear herself, and it was too late to wonder if he’d heard her. She felt his body go still.
He had heard her.
She pulled away and turned to him. “I’m going to get started in here. The sooner we get done here the sooner we can head back to Jersey and find out the fate of my job.”
It took everything in him not to pull her back into his arms and make her believe her heart was safe with him. He understood her hesitation. His father’s words about why he had started Hightower Security came to mind and made him question his own situation and his own desires to go back to a job he loved.
Would he lose Samantha if he were allowed to go back to firefighting? Would it be asking too much of her to ask her to remain with him despite her history, pain and fears? Could he look at her each day and know his job added to her worry and stress? Could he leave a job he loved to give the woman who had captured his heart her peace of mind?
At the end of the day, which of his loves would win out and which would be sacrificed for the other? He had no idea how to answer any of those questions. The only thing he knew for certain was that after finding this incredible woman to love, he didn’t want to ever let her go.
When they made it back to New Jersey, after weathering her mom’s death together, Samantha knew without a doubt they could probably make it through anything. That’s why she knew she had to go and face his aunt Sophie one-on-one to clear the air and try to get an understanding of why she felt the need to do what she did.
Joel came with her to Sophie’s place but she told him that she wanted and needed to face Sophie alone. He agreed to wait downstairs in her senior complex just in case. Him coming to the complex actually worked out well because she needed his voice to get Sophie to buzz them into the building. The woman probably wouldn’t have buzzed her up.
The look on Sophie’s face when she opened the door and saw Samantha there instead of her beloved nephew gave nasty a new meaning.
Samantha didn’t wait for an invitation and instead just pushed her way into the apartment.
“So, tell me, Sophie, what exactly did I do to you to make you think it would be fun to try to ruin my career?”
Sophie let the door slam.
“Where’s my nephew? I buzzed him up, not you. Should I call security?” Sophie folded her arms across her chest and glared at Samantha.
“You could. I can’t stop you, but I was hoping that since you were woman enough to call my place of employment and complain about me—albeit a cowardly anonymous call—that you would be woman enough to have a civil conversation about why you did it.” It was all she could do to hold her own hands at her sides and not slap them upside Sophie’s head.
“You don’t have any proof that I did anything.”
“You do realize that our offices have caller ID? And we could easily get the phone records to see where incoming calls on that day came from.” She smirked when she said it and hoped that she exuded an air of confidence because they did not have caller ID and there was no way she could really prove Sophie did it.
She just knew Sophie had done it.
“I—I—I…Well…listen, I didn’t call your job, but if I did, I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sure it’s against the rules for you to date your patients.”
Mmm…hmm…stuttering and lying.
“Actually, it’s not against the rules, and it’s your accusation of prostitution that was the big issue.” Samantha rolled her eyes in disgust. “Why would you do that? What did I do to you besides date and fall in love with your nephew. I love him, and you are trying to sully our relationship with your innuendo and malicious behavior.”
“Can we sit down and have this talk? My legs aren’t what they used to be.” Sophie’s shoulders seemed to sag a little as she dropped her arms to her sides.
She followed Sophie to the living room and sat down. For the first time since she’d met the woman, Sophie actually looked sorry.
They took seats on Sophie’s pink-and-green floral Queen Anne furniture, and Samantha made sure she held Sophie’s gaze. After several minutes, Sophie looked away.
“I’m sorry,” Sophie mumbled.
Samantha squinted but kept looking at Sophie. “What? I didn’t hear you.”
“I’m sorry! For what it’s worth, it wasn’t about you, really. You actually seem like a decent girl, unlike that gutter trash Penny and that common sister-in-law of mine. In fact, if Celia didn’t like you so much, I might not have been so against you, but she did like you, and that made you my enemy.”
Incredulous and stunned beyond belief, Samantha opened her mouth and closed it again several times before responding.
“This is crazy. Why do you hate your sister-in-law so much? What did she do to you to make you want to make everyone miserable?”
“She’s a backstabbing slut who used her relationship with me to snag herself a man of stature, a Hightower.” Sophie sat up straight in her chair then and her eyes took on a hateful glare.
“She was a little nothing in the street who I tried to mentor as a part of my sorority’s outreach program many years ago. I encouraged her to go to college and exposed her to the finer qualities of life, and she repaid me by causing my only brother, my baby brother, to marry beneath himself.”
Samantha blinked. She could hear the hurt in Sophie’s voi
ce and she could tell the woman thought she really had legitimate reasons for terrorizing people. She could also tell the woman needed more help than she could ever give her.
“From what I can tell, Celia Hightower is a good woman. She’s sweet and treats everyone with kindness.” She tolerated your hatefulness for years, so that makes her a saint in my book.
Samantha took a deep breath. “I really hope that your misplaced grudge hasn’t cost me my career. I sacrificed a lot to get to where I am today.” She thought about her relationship with her mother and bit back her tears. Taking a deep breath, she willed herself to be strong.
“But I can tell you what I won’t sacrifice—my feelings for Joel. That man is the best thing to ever happen to me, and I intend to remain a part of his life, job or no job.”
She had to shake her head and grin at that one, as much as she had been touting professionalism a few months ago, she would have never thought she would reach a point where she could even utter the words, job or no job.
“Are you finished, young lady?” Sophie reared up in her seat as if she had the right to be indignant.
And Samantha had to bring her back down.
“No! I am not! But I only have a few more things to add. I just lost my mother, and thanks to you, I may very well lose my job. If that happens, I can’t promise that I won’t totally lose it and come looking for you.” She paused for effect. “What you need to do is stay as far away from me as you can. I’m not Celia. I don’t have her patience or her grace—”
“Celia and grace shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same sentence. Anyway, you don’t have to worry about me coming around. That woman—and I use the word loosely—has finally managed to turn my brother against me and I am no longer welcome in their home—a home I grew up in, my family home, all because I’m the only one who doesn’t hold her tongue and says what needs to be said.”
“You just don’t get it, do you?” Samantha eyed Sophie incredulously. “Life is too short to carry around this kind of negativity. You need to let all that stuff go. Do you want to die bitter and alone because you’ve run your family away? My mother…” She closed her eyes and cursed as the tears started to fall.
She thought of her weak mother lying in the hospital bed and her horrendous death. She opened her eyes and wiped the tears away. At least she had made it back so that her mother’s last minutes weren’t alone.
She looked at Sophie and she thought she saw a hint of kindness in her eyes.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry to hear about your mother. I hear she died from complications due to alcoholism. Is that true?”
Samantha arched her right eyebrow.
Lord. Give. Me. Strength.
“Because those kinds of addictions tend to be genetic…” Sophie studied her and gave one of her snobbish sniffs.
Samantha tilted her head and leaned forward. “I don’t drink.”
“And you shouldn’t, given your family history. I’m thinking about the implications if, God forbid, my nephew decides to marry you and you have children. We really can’t have future Hightowers running around here with such high potential for chemical addictions. I mean, really…Penny’s mother, Carla, was a former crack addict, your mother was an alcoholic…You’re a smart girl. You can see why I worry. I’m not doing this to be mean or hateful. I’m thinking about my family’s legacy—a legacy that depends on the women that the men in this family choose to wed…Trust me, we lucked out that I was there to help out with Patrick, Lawrence, Joel and Jason. I won’t be here for the next generation.”
If she hadn’t just come back from burying her mother, she would have thanked the Lord that Sophie wouldn’t be around for the next generation, but no matter how much the woman tested her Christianity, she was not going to let Sophie Hightower take her there.
“You know what, Sophie? I’m gonna pray for you.” Samantha got up and started walking toward the door.
“Pray for me? I go to church every Sunday. I’m the head of the deaconess board at Mt. Zion Baptist.” There was no holding back Sophie’s indignation now.
“Mmm, hmm. So, I guess you missed the part about not bearing false witness and not lying in the Ten Commandments? I’m going to pray that you start living the word you get every Sunday in church.” She turned and looked Sophie up and down before opening the door. “Stay blessed.” She let herself out.
When she got downstairs, Joel was waiting for her in the lobby. Seeing him and knowing he had her back let her know that she could face anything the future brought, even a million Aunt Sophies. Joel and the love she felt for him made everything worthwhile and right. Even finally letting go of the fear that his dangerous job might cause her to lose him in the future. None of that mattered when she factored in the love they felt for one another.
“I was about to come up there and check on you.” Joel wrapped her in his strong arms and planted a loving kiss on her lips. “How did it go?”
“It went like it went. I do realize that your aunt has more issues than I could ever hope to combat, and I also realize how your mother tolerated her for so long.” She smiled as she noted the puzzled expression that crossed his face.
“Really? Well, you can fill me in on that one, because I honestly have no clue.”
“Celia isn’t going to let that woman steal her joy or stop her from having the man she loved, and neither am I.”
Chapter 14
“So, you’re saying I won’t be able to go back to work fighting fires?”
The doctors—both the fire department’s representative, Dr. Moore, and his own, Dr. Lardner—sat across from Joel after an extensive exam, bearing news he didn’t want to hear.
“The damage to your spine was extensive, and while your surgeries and therapy worked to greatly increase your quality of life, I’m afraid I can’t recommend that you return to the fire department in the same capacity, no. You need a stronger, healthier back to even wear the heavy uniform required. Not to mention the lifting that you’d have to do in the job. Your back just isn’t there yet, and frankly, I’m not sure it ever will be there again.” Dr. Moore looked him in the eyes and kept his stare firm.
“Quality of life! Are you kidding me? What kind of quality of life will I have if I can’t go back to work?” Joel bit his words out angrily.
This was unbelievable, all the hard work, all the hopes and prayers, for what? Nothing. What a rip-off. He glared at Dr. Lardner. “You said if I worked hard, there might be a chance!”
“I said there might be. Joel, you do have a chance at a normal life without severe handicap. Do you realize how many—” Dr. Lardner started.
“I want my life back!” Joel pounded his fist on the table.
Didn’t they understand? It was like they were telling him he wasn’t good enough. That he was no longer man enough…
Maybe he wasn’t. He shook his head. He needed air.
He felt tears of anger moisten his eyes.
Great!
All he needed to make the total loss of his masculinity complete was to start bawling like a baby, but that was how he felt. Just like a neglected child crying out for help.
When you’ve done everything you were supposed to do and can’t get what you want, then what?
“What am I supposed to do now?” His voice didn’t even sound the same to his ears. It sounded weak, and it made him even angrier.
“Joel, you can still work for the fire department. You can work in investigation, forensics—” Dr. Moore started.
“I don’t want a desk job. I want my life back….” His words filtered off as he realized he had said that already. He’d said it and had gotten no response. It wasn’t going to happen.
He felt like screaming, but it wouldn’t have done a bit of good.
“Just forget it, Docs. Sorry for wasting your time.”
He got into his car and drove until he couldn’t drive any more, and then he ended up at his old firehouse. He sat outside, watching the building for longer than h
e would have ever admitted to anyone.
He remembered what it used to feel like—the rush, the desire to help others, the adrenaline, the thrill. It took everything in him not to break down and cry.
Suspended.
Well, at least it was with pay. That was the only bright side of an increasingly gloomy situation. Until Samantha’s supervisor’s investigated the complaints of prostitution made against her, Samantha would still be able to get a paycheck. She had no worries that they would find any evidence of prostitution. It just stung her Sophie had been able to cause so much havoc. At least she still had her job, though.
Thank God for small favors. She had no idea how she would have reacted to coming back from burying her mother and finding out the glorious job she had loved and had used as an excuse not to move back to Chicago when her mother was alive was no longer hers.
And then there were her feelings for Joel. The same Joel who was meeting with his doctors to find out if his back had healed enough for him to go back to work. Between the fate of her own career and his career, in a sense their entire relationship was hanging in the balance.
It was all she could do not to yank her hair out at the roots. Lord knows she’d been tugging and pulling at her twists with worry and angst all afternoon.
Joel was supposed to have been here hours ago. The only thing she could think was he’d found out he could return to the fire department and went out celebrating with his firemen friends. She practiced smiling and looking happy while she waited. Would she be able to smile and say, “Baby, that’s wonderful,” if he came in with news his doctors had given him the okay to go back to work?
In her opinion, it would be a mistake for him to go back in the same capacity he had been serving. The heavy uniform alone would tax his back beyond its limits, and God forbid if he had to carry anyone out of a fire, but she couldn’t tell if that was Samantha the girlfriend’s or Samantha the physical therapist’s opinion.
This is why one should not date one’s patients, she chastised herself. Oh, well, too late to worry about that now. The lines are forever blurred where Joel Hightower is concerned.
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