My Beginning With Mr. Darcy [Book One]

by Lauren King

  “I hope you will have a safe trip, Papa.” Jane says warmly. “Give Mama and Lydia our love.”

  “I will; you two take care of yourselves and each other.” Mr. Bennet says lovingly before hugging his two eldest daughters and entering his carriage for his long, tiring trip ahead.

  Elizabeth, Jane, and Mrs. Gardiner chat with each other for a while before they go dress for Christmas luncheon at Darcy House. Mrs. Gardiner tells Elizabeth how disappointed Mr. Lucas Allston was that Elizabeth did not attend their ball.

  “I could not elaborate that you attended another Christmas ball with your betrothed; I thought that it would have offended them since you had accepted their invitation weeks prior.”

  “I am sorry that we placed you in a difficult position, Aunt.” Elizabeth does not know if she would have attended, even without William in the picture.

  “I did not tell you to make you feel uneasy, Lizzy. I just felt bad for Mr. Lucas Allston.” Mrs. Gardiner squeezes Elizabeth’s hand to reassure her. “I think he still prefers you. He said that he hoped that you were well and he asked me to pass on his wishes to you for a happy Christmas and a happy New Years. I could tell he was, somewhat, affected by your absence.”

  “Oh…he was always a nice, caring gentleman. I did imagine, at one time, if he and I would have been fitting of each other; I thought that we could have had a future together. We liked talking with each other. We seemed well matched in our temperaments; he was willing to listen to me. He was smart but not arrogant. I do not think that he was taken aback that I spoke my mind and had opinions on things other than womanly pursuits. I just never had the same feelings for him as I had for William. With William, my feelings were noticeable and ardent, immediately. I tried to tamp them down, but they instinctively resurfaced no matter how much I tried to push them aside. I never felt such feelings for anyone in my entire life before William. I was so affected by William.” Elizabeth says seriously.

  Mrs. Gardiner nods understandingly and then Elizabeth continues, “Mr. Allston will make a nice husband for a lucky lady some day.” Elizabeth states perceptively.

  “Goodness, Lizzy; Mr. Lucas Allston sounds like another good man that was in love with you. However, he was no match to William, I see.” Jane teases.

  Mrs. Gardiner joins in on the teasing. “You do not know the half of it, Jane. There were interested gentlemen everywhere we went; was there not, Lizzy?”

  All three ladies giggle before Elizabeth could reply, “Aunt, you tease me.”

  “But it is the truth. First, there was Mr. Henry Wright. Then, Mr. Andrew Thompson. Next, Mr. Lucas Allston. After that was Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam – who turned out to be a good friend only, but he was surely interested at the beginning. Then, there was the ultimate gentleman himself – Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy – the winner.” Mrs. Gardiner says lightheartedly as she tenderly rub Elizabeth’s arm.

  All three ladies giggle happily. “Oh, Aunt!” Elizabeth cries out jokingly.

  “And Aunt, can you believe that at Sir Thomas’ ball where everyone knew that Lizzy was betrothed to William, there were still gentlemen that seemed interested in her. My goodness, my sister can really entrance the gentlemen, but I knew that already.” Jane jests heartily, and then she and Mrs. Gardiner giggle openly while Elizabeth smiles indulgently.

  “I very well believe their attraction to Lizzy,” says Mrs. Gardiner.

  “But that is not all, Aunt. Last night, there were a couple of gentlemen that were paying Lizzy quite a bit of attention – Colonel Fitzwilliam’s cousins!” Jane and Mrs. Gardiner giggle some more.

  Elizabeth counters, “Well, let me list the interested men in my sister Jane. There is Mr. Charles Bingley, Mr. Albert Morgan, Mr. Gabriel Hollingsworth, Mr. Edmund Northrop, and Mr. Frederick James.” Now it is Elizabeth’s and Mrs. Gardiner’s turn to giggle at Jane.

  “Mr. Hollingsworth and Mr. Northrop asked for a set with you, too. As a matter of fact, they asked you before asking me.” Jane teases. All three ladies giggle.

  After all the laughs, Mrs. Gardiner turns to Jane and says gently, “We also saw Mr. Bingley last night, Jane. He was also saddened and surprised not to see you with us. Again, I did not elaborate on why you and Lizzy were not present. He asked about your stay in London, and he said that he hopes that you are well. He wishes you the best holiday and a wonderful new year. At that point, I could see that he was much sadder, but he continued to try to be affable. I do sympathize and understand for his position. His younger sister is probably unbearable towards him. I only met her that one time at Mrs. Templeton’s shop, and I do not mind saying that meeting her one time is more than sufficient. I think she forgot that her own origin is from trade; she must hide that fact very well and very carefully. I am sorry for you, Jane.” Mrs. Gardiner says empathetically.

  Mrs. Gardiner continues compassionately, “I know you and Mr. Bingley liked each other; unfortunately, sometimes family can be a hindrance to one’s own happiness. Nonetheless, I wish Mr. Bingley would stand up to his younger sister. He will not have a happy wife if he does not. I feel sorry for him for multiple reasons; however, being the head of his family, I thought he would do something to curb his sister’s tongue a bit. On the other hand, to be fair, I understand that he has an easy, agreeable personality, thus he may not want to deal with confrontation no matter where or from whom it comes. It is just his nature.” Mrs. Gardiner observes that Jane is quiet and contemplative. “I am sorry to bring these aspects up, Jane. Are you alright, my dear? Let us not dwell on it any longer.” Mrs. Gardiner pats Jane’s hands caringly.

  Jane states serenely, “I am alright, Aunt. I have come to accept that Mr. Bingley and I will not continue our acquaintance. I fully understand his position, and I expected it when I relayed our circumstances to him. I have come to the conclusion that he does not like me enough to overcome this hardship, so it is good that I know before our relationship developed any further. He is a pleasant man, and I wish him well.”

  “Jane does not have to be worried about not having suitors, Aunt because she will have two gentlemen calling upon her tomorrow morning.” Elizabeth teases cheerfully; she does not want Jane to be down about Mr. Bingley any longer. What is done is done; Mr. Bingley has made his choice.

  “Oh really, Jane?” Mrs. Gardiner is pleasantly surprised by this news.

  “Yes, Aunt. I wanted to tell you yesterday, but we were all busy with the new development of Lydia’s situation. Furthermore, Papa came so unexpectedly that I didn’t think it was appropriate to bring up. Mr. Albert Morgan will call upon me at ten o’clock, and then Mr. Frederick James will call upon at half past eleven o’clock. Will that be alright, Aunt?”

  “Yes, that is fine, Jane.” Mrs. Gardiner smiles joyfully; she is happy for Jane. Both nieces have been rather sad and distraught ever since Lydia’s problem was revealed although they tried to hide it.

  “Lizzy has agreed to sit with me when the gentlemen visit, but will you have a few minutes to sit with me too, Aunt?”

  “Yes, I will meet the gentlemen if you would like.”

  “Thank you, Aunt.” Jane replies nicely.

  Jane fully accepts that she and Mr. Bingley are nothing to each other except mere acquaintances, now. She will move on; she has to. She cannot keep dwelling on a gentleman that does not like her enough to stand up for her.

  Darcy eagerly greets Elizabeth and her family right at the foyer as they enter his house and are removing their outerwear. He is very happy to have them all here, including the three Gardiner children. Everyone is cheery and delighted to be together. Darcy invites his guests into the drawing room for a bit before luncheon is served. The children are shown into the playroom where there are toys and a maid to be with them; they will take their meal in there. They will join the adults after everyone is finished with their meals. After some small talk about the balls that they have attended, luncheon is served.

  During luncheon, everyone is joyous about the holidays, and they discuss the various
New Years Balls to which they have been invited. After luncheon, everyone takes a leisurely stroll in Hyde Park. The Gardiner boys gleefully run around with each other. Darcy contently walks with Elizabeth on his arm.

  “Dearest, would you like for me to take you to the dress shop on Saturday?” Darcy asks affectionately.

  “I would like to be with you, darling, but you will be bored out of your mind just sitting there waiting for me to decide on my wedding gown and my trousseau. I will need to discuss the designs for my wedding gown and my trousseau; it will take much longer than the past two times that you have come with me. I could not expect you to waste your time in that manner; therefore, I will have to endure being without you during that time.” Elizabeth playfully tilts her face up towards him and charmingly says, “Thank you for offering to take me, though.” Her smile is bright and infectious.

  “I do not mind waiting for you; as long as I can see you and spend some time with you.” Darcy responds indulgently.

  “That is very sweet of you, but I do not want you to sit around doing nothing. I will have to wait to see you at tea time. Will you come over for tea, instead?” Elizabeth asks hopefully.

  “Undoubtedly.” With a charming smile, Darcy answers assuredly as he pats her hand lovingly.

  “I will ask if Georgie would like to come with us. Darling, is the dinner with your Uncle’s family at six o’clock tomorrow?” Elizabeth asks tenderly.

  “Yes, it is.”

  “Who will be there?”

  “I have invited only my Uncle Henry’s family.”

  “Then it will be a nice, cozy dinner.” Elizabeth smiles pleasantly.

  “Yes, it will be.” Darcy caresses and squeezes her hand on top of his arm.

  “Jane will have a couple of visitors tomorrow, and she has asked me to sit with her, so by the time the visits are over, it will be time for luncheon. Afterwards we will have to get ready for dinner at your home; thus, I will see you at Darcy House. You do not have to come and escort us over. I will go with my Uncle, Aunt, and Jane, all right, darling?”

  “I could easily come to escort you all.” Darcy states sincerely.

  “I do not want you to come back and forth the whole day. I think it will be fine with Uncle’s carriage, all right?”

  “I really do want to come and escort you.” Darcy does not want to wait all day without seeing Elizabeth until dinner time; any time spent with her is to his liking.

  “Thank you for always thinking of me, but it is a lot of wasted time for you. I would rather you have some leisure time to yourself at home. I do not want you tired for dinner. You have been out and busy with me all day for the last couple of weeks. I will be very glad for the day when….” Elizabeth stops abruptly; she does not want William to think that she is inappropriate for wishing to be with her husband all the time.

  “When what, Lizzy?” Darcy is curious about Elizabeth’s incomplete statement.

  Elizabeth replies quietly and shyly, “…when I can be with you every day and not be worried about what people will say.”

  William squeezes Elizabeth’s hand that is hooked through his arm. “Oh Lizzy, you fill me with great joy when you say things like that. You truly miss me when we are apart, dearest?”

  Elizabeth nods gently as she blushes with a barely audible response, “Yes.” She does not dare to look at him directly because she is so bashful right now. She cannot believe how bold she has become with expressing her feelings for him. She hopes that he is not shocked at her forwardness.

  Darcy wants to look at Elizabeth’s beautiful face, but her bonnet is hiding most of it as she will not tilt her head up. Darcy restrains himself from tilting her chin up to gaze into her alluring eyes; they are out in public, after all. He cannot do anything untoward to cause any gossip against Elizabeth’s proper reputation. He continues to caress her hand on his arm, instead.

  “Oh my love, you make me immensely blissful.” Darcy grins contentedly. “Now, I will have that pleasurable thought in my head. I also miss you every time we are apart. You are always on my mind.”

  “I think of you all the time.” Once again, Elizabeth speaks very softly.

  “I love you, Lizzy.”

  “I love you.” This time Elizabeth looks into William’s eyes directly as she proclaims her affections. She wants him to know her sincerity and her devotion to him.

  William finally grudgingly agrees to wait at his home for Elizabeth to come with her Uncle’s family for dinner. After a few minutes of silence while enjoying the scenery around them, William decides to bring up the overheard conversation in Matlock gallery from yesterday.

  “Dearest, I want to talk to you about what we overheard in the Matlock gallery yesterday. I am sorry that you had to overhear that presumptuous conversation.”

  Elizabeth remembers it clearly. “Umm…I understand if you were interested in her or were pursuing her at one time. I figured that I could not be the only lady that you have pursued.”

  Darcy interjects instantly. “Lizzy…”

  Elizabeth does not want William to sway her from asking about his association with Miss Sophia Ellington, thus she immediately continues her question, “Are you…still interested in Miss Sophia Ellington, even in the slightest?” Elizabeth inquires guardedly.

  Elizabeth might as well find out as soon as possible whether William has any amount of affection for any young lady so that she can contend with it and not be in an uncomfortable position with him later. She sees that William looks at her with great surprise after her comment and query but she ploughs through.

  “I honestly would completely understand; you just need to tell me. I would not hold you to a hasty decision you made about us if you have realized now that you still want to pursue her. My Father can annul our marriage settlement with no repercussions to you if I ask him to.” Elizabeth says sadly but determinedly; she wants to give him a way out without him having to ask for it. She imagines it could be a most awkward and unpleasant thing to ask.

  Voicing those horrible words is the last thing Elizabeth wants, but she had to so that William knows that he is under no obligation to her if he has realized his mistake in choosing her. Elizabeth understands that Miss Sophia Ellington’s family is from money, and they have family in the Peerage. Obviously, she was educated by the masters. She is cute, and she seemed very friendly and amiable towards William at dinner. She seemed genuinely disappointed and hurt by William’s past actions. Elizabeth saw that William was also nice towards Miss Sophia Ellington during their dinner conversations together. She did not think anything of it at the time because she did not recognize anything abnormal in William’s courteous behavior towards Miss Sophia Ellington. However, perhaps there was something more but she just did not know William well enough to understand the significance.

  “Oh Lord, Lizzy – no. Please, do not say these words to me. You hurt me with your words.” Darcy declares gravely and dejectedly as he takes a deep breath and expends it calmly.

  Elizabeth states at once, “I am sorry. I do not mean to hurt you; I would never do that. I only want to let you know that you are not obligated to stay with a decision you made hastily.”

  Darcy responds instantly, “I have not made any hasty decisions about us. Please, never think that. I would not change any of them.”

  Darcy stops walking and faces Elizabeth directly before continuing. “I have never pursued Miss Sophia Ellington. I admit I danced with her twice last season, but that was at two separate balls. Furthermore, the two balls were two months apart!” Darcy keeps his voice low. “If I was truly pursuing her, I would not have let two months go by without so much as a word before dancing with her a second time. No one would do that and still think that there is serious deliberation of a pursuit towards that young lady. I only danced with her the second time because I knew her as Richard’s cousin; that was all. Her conclusion was absolutely illogical and strange. I am surprised that her Mother would allow her to think such things; that is not the normal cour
se of action for a gentleman if they are trying to pursue her.”

  “I am always polite to everyone. It seems that she is ill-equipped to be out in society if she misinterpreted my straightforward polite actions and had such absurd expectations. If she thinks this way, it sounds like she is twelve years old instead of nine and ten.”

  By this time Darcy and Elizabeth have stopped near a bench and they remain there to speak further. The others in their group are nearby but far enough away not to be able to overhear their very serious conversation.

  “Lizzy, I did not, at any time, act that recklessly to any young lady, much less to Aunt Helen’s niece. You do know that, do you not?”

  “You are not interested in her, at all?” Elizabeth inquires carefully.

  “Most certainly I am not. I have only ever been interested in you so seriously.” Darcy replies steadfastly while looking intently at her.

  “I am truly sorry that I hurt you with my words; that was not my intention. You have to know that I will never make it difficult for you should you want to change your mind. I do not think there is any use in forcing one’s suitor into something that he will despise, resent, or regret later on. That will destroy a relationship and make everybody miserable. I would rather end the relationship before it gets to matrimony than suffer with resentment my entire life. I think it will be absolutely terrible going through life like that.” Elizabeth reveals her honest thoughts. Her parents’ marriage comes to mind; she would never enter into such a marriage.

  “I completely agree with your thinking; therefore, I am going to be completely clear with what I have to say now.” Darcy looks unwaveringly at Elizabeth. “I don’t ever want you to think or say that I was forced into any decisions pertaining to us. I do not and I will not despise, resent, or regret anything about you or about us. I am not going to change my mind about us. Did you hear that, dearest?” Darcy says gravely.

  Elizabeth replies penitently and softly as she looks down at her hands entwined together, “Yes.”