by KC Mills
Keys
Yetti had taken that step and was kicking it with Reelle on some relationship type vibe. He kept saying it wasn't, but for the past few weeks they had been spending a lot of time together. Just like today. He and Reelle were on their way to come chill with me and Asha. Problem was, I had some really heavy shit that might fuck that up.
“About time, damn. Y'all were supposed to be here like an hour ago.”
I heard Asha’s voice and and knew that Yetti and Ree had just gotten here so I had to figure out something quick. I was in my office on the phone with Hayes trying to get his input on how to handle this situation. I knew the answer, hell we both did, but I wasn't prepared for what was going down when it happened.
“Shit, I gotta go, Hayes. He’s here.”
“You know you gotta tell him, right?” Hayes lowered his voice a little, trying to camouflage the concern in it, but I knew him just like a parent knew his child. He might as well have been mine since I was the one who basically raised him.
“I know, just not right now. He’s happy. I don't wanna fuck that up and this shit right here will fuck him up.”
“True, but imagine how much worse it’s gonna be if he finds out you knew and didn't tell him. You know those muthafuckers don't care about us, Keys. It won't be nothing for them to send that shit to his house and be like, my bad, we didn't know. That nigga getting out, and real soon. When Yetti finds out, he’s gon’ fucking lose it, Keys. It's not just about killing that nigga either, because if it was, we could do that shit and call it a day, but you know how that shit fucks with Yetti man. He was there, we weren't and I don't want to see him like that again. I mean I know it's coming, but you gotta tell him ’cause he’s gon’ need us Keys. I’m not gon’ lose my brother again. I can't take that shit man.”
“Yo, chill, Hayes. He’s gon’ be fine. Let me think on it for a minute. Just stop stressing, aight. Don't I always handle this shit?”
“Going to a parole hearing ain't the same as dealing with Yetti when he finds out they let that muthfucker out, Keys, and you know it!”
Hayes was worried. I could hear it in his voice. I was too but I didn't own the luxury of giving into it. I had to hold our family together and keep my brother sane. Those demons were about to surface again, and I had to be the one to hold him down when they did.
“I know that, but I’m telling you, we gon’ be fine. Yetti is gonna be fine so stop worrying. I’ll tell him.”
“Tell who what?” Yetti was looking right at me and he knew something was going on. I could see it in his eyes, but he was gonna give me a chance to fess up.
“Yo Hayes, I’ll hit you back. Let me holla at Yetti real quick.”
“Keys call me back aight, nah fuck that. I’m on my way.”
“No just sit tight until I call you.” I hung up, not wanting to argue with him.
Yetti walked all the way in my office and closed the door behind him but he stood only a few feet from it waiting.
“Sit down.” I nodded at the chairs that were sitting in front of my desk but Yetti didn't move. I knew he wouldn't. His body and mood transition into defense mode and I inhaled letting it out slow. With my eyes on him I lifted the letter I had just received, stood and walked over to him. Holding it out to my brother, he looked down at it and then back at me before he snatched it out my hand.
It took him a few minutes to scan through it, but the second his eyes hit those words I knew it. They grew dark and the paper began to crumble in his hand.
“NO! Hell fucking no! Is this a got damn joke?”
“He’s getting out, Yettrick.”
Me calling my brother by his given name was my way of letting him know how serious I was. He knew it too from the cold, and callus stare that I was receiving.
“How the fuck this shit happen, Keys? HOW?” His voice thundered through my office and for some reason my eyes moved to the door. This was a fucked up time to have Asha and Reelle here. More so Reelle than Asha. Yetti was about to lose his damn mind, and she was about to see a side of him that I was sure he never wanted her to see. A side that I didn't want her to see because they might not find their way back to each other after this. Things were too new with them, so it would be too easy for her to walk away.
“I don't know. I was there. Everything went just like it was supposed to. Just like it had for the past nine years. I showed up, spoke my peace and then left. They didn't say anything different and the prosecutor was convinced that they weren't going to let him out. Shit, why should they?”
Since I turned eighteen years old, I’d shown up at his parole hearings to make sure they knew what that nigga did to our mother. Yetti and Hayes were too young, so I was there. Yetti couldn’t handle that shit anyway, so even when he was old enough, I wouldn't let him go. Seeing our mother die did something to him, and it was my job to protect him, so every year when Lewis applied for parole, I was there. I made sure they knew, so that he couldn’t get out, but somehow this time he was getting released.
I had the letter for two days trying to decide what to do.
“But they did, didn't they? THEY LETTING HIM OUT, KEYS!”
“I know and we’re gonna deal with it. Just let me handle it Yetti.”
“The fuck you gon’ do, Keys? You gon’ make them change their minds. You gon show them the pictures of her body, the way he beat her until you couldn’t even recognize her and then wrapped his hands around her neck until it snapped and she took her last breath. You think she'll matter to them then? Yeah how ’bout you do that. Maybe they need to see what I saw, ’cause obviously they don't get it, but don't worry ‘bout it cause everything he did to her, I’m gon do to him. I’ve been waiting on this day.”
Yetti moved to the door and then stood there for a minute with his back to me. I could see his upper body rise and fall with every breath he took until he hauled off and punched the wall next to the door. He hit it over and over again sending his fist through it and pulling it out. I moved closer to him but he yanked the door open and was in the hall before I could actually get to him.
“Yetti, wait man!”
“Leave me the fuck alone Keys. Now is not the time.”
I jogged and caught up with him, catching him from behind. My arms circled his body and he tried to fight me off but I held on long as I could. Asha and Reelle joined us in the hallway and they both had eyes on us.
“Get the fuck off me Keys before I fucking kill your ass too.” Yetti was fighting me hard as hell but I didn't let him go.
“Yo, I’m not letting you go just calm down nigga and don't say no dumb shit like that.”
“What’s going on.” Asha and Reelle both had their faces all balled up trying to piece the situation together.
“GET OUT, GET THE FUCK OUT!” I yelled at Asha and Reelle both. I felt bad as fuck for having to take it there, but Yetti was my concern right now, not them.
“What the hell is your problem?” Asha looked at me with so much hurt it was fucking me up, but I just couldn’t worry about that right now. I did however soften my tone before I spoke again.
“Just go, please.”
“Keys, get the fuck off me. I’m not gon’ tell you that shit again.” Yetti’s strong ass finally broke free of me and was heading to the door.
When Reelle took off after him I knew shit was about to get worse. She looked confused and upset, and instead of moving away from him like she should have, she was going right to him.
“Yetti, what's wrong?”
She caught his arm just as he made it to the door and he snatched away from her with so much force that she went flying back into the wall. He didn't even flinch. He just kept going. Asha ran to her side and helped her up. She wasn't hurt physically, but emotionally, she was bruised. I could see it in her eyes as she stood there staring at the door.
“What the hell was that?” Asha yelled, rushing me.
I really needed to go after my brother, but I was stuck there with them and to make matters worse
, Hayes pulled up right after Yetti was gone.
“Yo, take her home, please, and I’ll call you later.”
“No, tell me what that was about,” Reelle yelled, looking at me just as Hayes walked through the door.
“Where did he go, Keys?”
“I don't know, give me a minute to get my shit.”
“Keys did you hear me? What was that all about?”
“Reelle, out of respect for my brother, I’m gon’ be nice about this shit, but you need to leave. That is none of your got damn business and you don't want no parts of that. Asha please just take her and go. I need to go deal with my brother.”
I went to go get my keys and Hayes was right behind me.
Al I heard was Asha cussing me out and storming around my house. A few minutes later I heard my front door slam.
“What the fuck happened, Keys? I thought you were gon’ handle this shit.”
Hayes was in my face and I shoved him back. “I am, now get the fuck back so we can go find him.”
“How you handle it, Keys? He’s gone, and you know how dark that nigga gets. What if—”
“Shut the fuck up Hayes. You think I need to hear that shit? Let's go.” I pushed past him and he followed.
That was the last thing I wanted to think about. Moments later we were both in my car and on our way to go try to find Yetti. Problem was that I knew him. We both did, and if he didn't want to be found, there wasn't a way in hell that we’d find him.
Hayes and I searched for hours, which I knew was going to be pointless. I mostly did it because I knew that Hayes needed it. We went to Yetti's house, the apartment he kept downtown, and a few other spots we thought he might be. I already knew we wouldn't find him, but Hayes insisted. He needed it, so I went through the motions with him. Now we were sitting in my driveway so that he could get his car and go home.
“Now what?”
Hayes looked across at me and I swear he was that six-year-old kid who was looking to me to give him answers as the three of us sat in the hallway at social services waiting for them to tell us where we were going. He asked me the same shit back then, and I didn't have answers, just like I didn't have them now. But I told him what he needed to hear. It was all I knew how to do.
“We wait. He’s gon’ be alright. Just give him a minute to let this shit settle, and he’ll show up.”
Hayes didn't believe me, but he nodded and then looked out the window. I left my car running but got out and Hayes followed. I walked around the rear of my car toward his. When we met, I hugged my little brother before I cuffed the back of his head and pressed my forehead against his.
“Go home. He’s gon’ be alright, shit we all will. That's just how it's gotta be, Hayes.”
I let him go and he nodded before he got in his car. I was back in mine and watched as he pulled around me out of my driveway. I couldn't do anything for Yetti or Hayes right now but I needed to go try and fix things with Asha, or at least try. Hell, for all I knew she wasn't trying to hear anything I had to say. I guess it was time for us to have a serious conversation, otherwise I didn't have a chance of making this shit right.
It took me about twenty minutes to get to Asha’s apartment. I didn't know what the hell I was about to say to her, which was why I was currently standing outside of her door, just staring at that shit. I wasn't used to having to worry about anybody but my brothers, so dealing with Asha was different for me.
I knocked and waited, praying that she would at least hear me out. Over the past few weeks we had gotten pretty close, or at least I thought we were. Shit I was doing things with her and for her that I had never done with any other female. She was staying at my place, driving my whip, and I would just pop up on her with lunch and shit like that. Damn sure not something I was used to.
I also wasn't fucking with anybody but her, which was a clear sign that I had mad respect for shorty. She and I hadn't had sex yet, but I wasn't fucking anybody else. A nigga was sexually frustrated, but I was trying to do right.
I tensed up when I heard the locks turn, which made me laugh a little. I was fucking nervous. How that shit happen? When she opened the door and saw my face, she tried to slam it, but I caught it with my hand.
“Hold on, Asha, just hear me out first and then you can put me out, but give me a chance to explain first.”
“Nah. I’m good on that. Go deal with your brother, apparently he needs you more than I do right now.” She rolled her eyes and then tried again to shut the door, but I was stronger than she was so I pushed past her and walked in.
She turned so quick I almost jumped back because I just knew she was gonna swing on me but instead she slammed her door and pointed her finger in my face.
“You got five minutes, and after one, if I don't like what you have to say then you don't get the other four.”
I almost laughed but caught myself because I knew that wasn't going to help the situation. She was already about to take my head off, so I just moved past her and sat down on her sofa. She looked up at the ceiling like she was trying to calm herself and then walked over and stood in front of me.
“Things with me and my brothers are complicated. Shit, I don't even know if complicated is the word. More like fucked up, we’re damaged goods.”
“Humph, I already figured that out.” She snapped.
“Yo, chill with that shit and let me talk, damn.” I was trying to be patient since I knew I was wrong as hell earlier, but she wasn't about to disrespect me.
“You chill, nigga! You’re playing by my rules right now. Don't get it confused, and if you don't like that, then there’s the door.”
She was mad as hell, but that shit had my dick hard. I couldn't stand that shit, but I liked it at the same time.
“My pops died when I was three. He was a good man. He worked hard and loved my mother. I was young as hell, but I remember him and I remember how he treated her, but when he died, shit changed. For about a year after he died, it was just us, but then she met Lewis. That nigga wasn't shit. He hated me, and he made sure I knew it. He used to beat my ass all the time, like I was a grown ass man. I got so many cigarette burns on me that I can't even keep track of all them bitches. I tried to cover them with tattoos so that I wouldn’t have to look at them everyday, but they’re there. I know they are.”
I looked up at Asha and her body relaxed a little. She sat down on the edge of her coffee table in front of me, intently listening, while I went on about my fucked up life. I had never told anybody this shit before. In fact, the only people that knew my story were my brothers. I had never felt the need to tell anyone, but for some reason I wanted her to know.
“My mother loved that nigga, like really loved him, and when she had Yetti and Hayes, shit got worse. Not only did he beat me, but he started putting his hands on her too, and when Yetti and Hayes were old enough, he used to fuck them up. I used to think it was just because I wasn't his, but they were his sons, his own blood and he beat them too. I’m talking about fucking us up. He punched me so hard in my chest one time that he broke bones. I hated that nigga, so I couldn't understand why my mother wouldn't leave him. Staying cost her, her life and the reason why I reacted the way I did today, was because Yetti was there. The day she died, Lewis beat her so bad that you couldn’t even tell it was her, and then he snapped her neck. Yetti saw that shit. He was only eight years old, but Lewis made him watch.”
Asha looked at me with tears in her eyes, her hands covering her mouth and that shit had me feeling uncomfortable. This was the main reason why I never told anybody. I didn't want sympathy. I didn't need people looking at me like I was weak or that I needed them to hold my hand or hug me or some shit like that. I survived, so I didn't need that. Me and my brothers weren't perfect, and yeah we had issues, but we survived and we stuck together. I got them and they got me. Fuck everybody else.
“I’m sorry, Keys.”
“Fuck you sorry for? Don't feel sorry for me, I didn't need that. I’m just trying to explain wha
t happened. It don't mean shit. That was in the past, and I’m good now.”
Asha just looked at me. She knew I wasn't good, but she kept her thoughts to herself.
“He got twenty-five years, and for the past eleven years, I’ve been going every time he was up for parole to make sure they knew he didn't deserve a second chance, but this time it didn't work. He's getting out. In less than two weeks he's getting out. I had to tell him, he needed to hear it from me so that’s what today was about. He’s gonna kill him. I know he is, and I know I can't stop him. It's gonna happen and I don’t really give a fuck about that, but it's different for Yetti. That shit had his head all messed up. He went to some dark places because of what he saw. Some real dark places, so yeah, I choose him over you today, and if you can't understand that shit then this right here ain't gone work. I want it to because I like what we are, but I’m always gon’ make sure my brothers are good.”
“I understand that, and I'm sorry.”
I looked at her like she was stupid. “The fuck you sorry for, Asha? Stop saying that shit, damn. This is why I never told anybody about this.”
She looked at me for a minute with her head tilted to the side and then laughed. “You’re so damn hard you don't even know how to be anything but. I’m sorry because of what happened to you but that doesn't mean I feel sorry for you. I know you don't need that, but that situation, everything you just told me was fucked up, Keys, and I’m sorry for that, but thank you for telling me. I needed to know that.”
“Why? It don't change who I am.” I didn't know why I felt defensive, but I did.
“You’re right, it doesn't, but it changes how I see you, and that’s the most important thing.”
I just sat there in my thoughts watching her, watch me. I didn't know what to do next. All this shit was foreign to me.”