CHAPTER SIX
‘I’VE GOT IT!’
It was a little exhausting being a tour guide, especially in a city you didn’t know that well. Ellie had grown up just thirty miles away from the capital, but her family seldom ventured into the big, bad city.
And when her friends had begun to travel in alone for gigs and shopping, and to find the kind of excitement missing from their little market town, Ellie had been stuck at home, unable to leave her grieving mother.
She still didn’t know how her mother had been able just to shut down. To leave her daughter to make every decision, to take responsibility at such a young age for cooking and cleaning and hiding the fact that Ellie was basically raising herself from their neighbours and her teachers.
But Ellie had had no choice. If they had found out then what would have happened? What if she’d been put into care, the remains of her family shattered?
She had never allowed herself to resent her lonely teen years—at least not until she’d been unceremoniously swept aside when Bill had entered her mother’s life. But now, as they wandered towards the South Bank, she couldn’t help noticing the gangs of teenage girls dressed to the max, a little too loud, a little too consciously unselfconscious. Young, vibrant, free.
What would she have been if she had ever had the chance to find out who she was? If she hadn’t been the dutiful daughter, the besotted young girlfriend too scared to open her mouth for fear of showing her lack of worldliness? And then later the terrified fiancée, softly spoken, anticipatory, as nervous as a doe in hunting season.
But today was her chance. Carefree, no agenda, no expectations—and did it matter if they did get lost?
‘Got what?’
‘Tourist activity number one.’
Ellie tucked a hand through Max’s arm. It should have been a natural gesture. Friendly. He didn’t know that she rarely touched another human being. That the protective cloud she kept swirled around her was physical as well as emotional.
Carefree Ellie wouldn’t mind tugging Max down the steps off Westminster Bridge.
Carefree Ellie might be thinking of how it had felt when he’d pulled her in for that selfie. How strong he’d felt. How safe.
Might want him to touch her some more.
Max didn’t resist as she pulled him down the steps. It was nice that he made no attempt to take control, to assert himself as the dominant force.
‘Okay, don’t keep me in suspense.’ Max laughed as they came to a stop. ‘Where are we headed?’
Ellie put her hands on her hips and shook her head. ‘You’ve got eyes, haven’t you? Use them.’
He looked around slowly. London’s South Bank was as busy as always, crammed with tourists snapping pictures, kids on skateboards heading towards the famous skate park, people strolling on their way to Tate Modern, to the Globe, to the Royal Festival Hall. Others had stopped to browse at one of the many kiosks selling a myriad of snacks. Behind them a queue snaked out of the open doors of the London Aquarium.
The atmosphere was heated with expectation, with excitement, and yet it was inclusive and friendly, completely different from the fevered, crowded rush of Covent Garden or Oxford Street, more welcoming than the moneyed exclusivity of Knightsbridge.
I could like it here, Ellie realised with a sense of shock. It couldn’t be more different from her seaside sanctuary, but there was a warm friendliness and acceptance that pulled at her.
‘Um...’ Max’s eyes were narrowed in thought. ‘Are we going to get a boat?’
‘No. At least not yet. That might be fun tomorrow, though.’
‘Go see some penguins?’
‘Oh, I love penguins. We should definitely do that. But, no. I gave you a clue when I said to use your eyes.’
Ellie shifted from foot to foot, impatient with his slowness. How could he not see? The dammed thing had to be over one hundred metres high. It wasn’t exactly inconspicuous!
She stared at him suspiciously. Was that a smile crinkling the caramel eyes?
‘Isn’t the Globe along here? Got a hankering for some Shakespeare?’
Every single suggestion sounded perfect, but she shook her head. ‘Last guess.’
‘Or...? What’s the forfeit?’ His smile widened. ‘There has to be a forfeit or there’s no fun...’
Ellie could feel her heart speeding up. A forfeit. Thoughts of kisses sprang unbidden into her mind, thoughts of a winner’s claim. Could she suggest it? Dare she?
She could see it so clearly... Standing on tiptoe and pulling that dark head down to hers. That moment that felt as if it would last for ever when two mouths hovered, so close and yet not touching, and the knowing. The delicious anticipation of knowing that at any second they would meet.
Her stomach dipped. It had been so, so long since she had had a first kiss.
‘Ellie?’
The teasing note in his voice flustered her, as if he had read her thoughts. Her cheeks flamed red-hot and she took a step back, all the daring seeping out of her.
‘The loser has to buy the winner a souvenir that sums up the day. But it can’t cost more than a fiver,’ she added. ‘That makes it more of a challenge.’
He just looked at her levelly, that same smile lurking in his eyes. ‘You never did play dare as a kid, did you, Ellie? Okay, challenge accepted.’
‘So? It’s not penguins, at least not yet, it’s not Shakespeare, and it’s not a boat-ride. What’s your final answer?’
He grinned wickedly. Damn him, he had been playing her.
‘It’s a good thing I’m not scared of heights, now...isn’t it, honey?’
* * *
It soon became obvious that Max Loveday wasn’t used to playing the ordinary tourist. Not that surprising, considering his background. From what he had let slip, his holidays were usually spent either in luxurious condos in the Bahamas or in the family home on Cape Cod. His was a life of private jets and town cars, VIP passes and prestige, and Ellie suspected that queueing hadn’t played a huge role in his formative years.
It showed. He couldn’t keep still, jiggling from foot to foot like an impatient child.
‘How long is this going to take?’ He craned his neck to look at the queue. ‘Why is it so slow?’
‘Because each pod only takes a certain amount of people.’ Ellie smiled at an excited small girl standing in front of them, holding her mother’s hand tightly. ‘Be patient.’
‘I could have hired out a whole pod just for us. Priority boarding, no standing in line, no sharing. Did you see that you can even have a champagne pod?’
Ellie shook her head at him, although it was hard to keep her mouth from smiling at his wistful tone. ‘Yes, but that’s not what tourists do. Tourists queue. Patiently. Take a selfie of yourself in the queue, and if you’re good we’ll play I Spy.’
He groaned at the pun and a flutter of happiness lifted her. It was a silly little joke but she had thought of it, shared it. With Simon she had been too busy trying to be informed and appreciative to find the courage to joke around.
She was only twenty-five. It wasn’t too late. She looked down the queue: excited families, groups of friends chattering loudly, orderly tour groups patiently waiting. And couples. Everywhere. Arms slung around waists, around shoulders, leaning in, leaning on, whispering, kissing, together.
An ache pulsed in her chest. She had been so glad to get away from Simon, so relieved to be on her own, that the very thought of togetherness had repulsed her. But they had never been ‘together’ in that way. Not even in the beginning. Simon would never have queued, never have whispered affectionately in her ear, never sneaked a kiss or pulled her in for a longer and very public display of affection.
What must it be like? To be so wrapped up in somebody who was so wrapped up in you? Ellie stole a look
at Max. He was leaning against the metal barrier, staring up at the iconic wheel. What would it be like to be wrapped up in Max Loveday?
All those first kisses, all those long walks with no idea about their destination, all those awkward first dates, all those long meals not even noticing the restaurant emptying around them—how many of those simple, necessary, life-affirming things had she been cheated of? How many had she allowed herself to be cheated of?
Maybe she’d licked her wounds in Cornwall long enough.
* * *
Ellie didn’t say much as they waited—and waited—to board a pod. There was a thoughtful expression on her face that Max was reluctant to disturb, but she perked up when they were finally guided into the slowly moving pod—along with what seemed like hundreds of small uniformed children and two harassed-looking adults.
‘I was definitely really bad in a past life,’ he whispered to her as the kids crowded in, each of them yelling at what must be several decibels louder than legal limits.
Ellie raised her eyebrows. ‘Just in a past life?’
‘Believe me, a few student pranks and some adolescent attitude were not bad enough sins for this kind of cruel and unusual punishment.’
‘They’re having fun, though.’ Her lips curved into a smile as she watched the children explore every inch of the pod.
‘Yes,’ he conceded as he steered her towards a corner. ‘Noisy fun. I vote we stand our ground here.’
‘There’s plenty of room.’ But she put both hands on the window and looked out. ‘It’s pretty slow, isn’t it? I hardly feel like I’m moving.’
‘Disappointed? I didn’t peg you as a speed queen.’
She just smiled, and they stood in silence for a long moment as the wheel continued its stately turn, lifting them high above the city. The children quietened a merciful amount as their teachers started pointing out places of interest, and filled in the questionnaires they had all been issued with in great concentration.
The pod itself was spacious, its curved glass rising up overhead, providing panoramic three-hundred-and-sixty-degree views.
‘I’m glad it’s not see-through under our feet. I’m not sure I want to see the ground falling away.’ Ellie shuddered.
‘This was your idea,’ he reminded her as he looked out at the incredible view. ‘It’s funny, you think of London as an old city, but there’s so many skyscrapers. It’s completely different to other European capitals, like Paris or Rome. Did you know there’s see-through glass on the floor of the Eiffel Tower? Do you think you would be able to stand on that?’
‘Possibly... I’ve never been to Paris, or to Rome.’ Her voice was wistful and she continued to stare out at the skyline, her finger tracing it against the glass.
Max opened his mouth to make a flippant promise, but something in her eyes stopped him. If he ever made Ellie Scott a promise he’d need to keep it. And this was one he wasn’t sure he could.
A day and a half of fun? An evening of black tie glamour? A joint project? None of them was a heavy or binding commitment. Not together or separately. So why did they feel so important? As if they meant more...as if they could mean everything... There was no way he could or should saddle himself with any other responsibilities towards this woman. He’d be back home in a week, and Trengarth nothing but a memory. And that was how it should be.
He had more than enough on his shoulders, thank you very much.
He kept his tone light, teasing, adding much needed distance with his flippancy, ‘At the advanced old age of twenty-five you should get booking.’
She didn’t respond to the lightness. ‘I bet you’ve been everywhere. Business class and top hotels.’
He grinned at her. ‘Totally unlike the hovel we’re staying in tonight? DL Media have offices all over the globe. I’ve been to most.’
She turned then, looked at him with curiosity. ‘So you only travel on business? What about for fun? For culture?’
There was a shocked undertone in her voice. It put him on edge, made him feel wanting in some way. As if he’d failed some test. ‘I’ll have you know there’s a lot of culture in your average regional boardroom. And there’s nothing as cultural as a red-eye flight and dinner at a five-star restaurant. What?’
She had started to say something and then stopped, as if she’d thought better of it.
She shook her head.
He eyed her narrowly. ‘Go on.’
‘It’s just...’ She hesitated again, biting down on her lip, her eyes not meeting his.
‘Just...?’ he prompted, resisting the urge to fold his arms and stare her down.
‘It sounds a little lonely. I mean, you travel all over the world, and I don’t really leave Trengarth, but in some ways we’re both a little...’ She paused, the big dark eyes fluttering up to meet his. ‘A little trapped.’
Max couldn’t hold back an incredulous laugh. Trapped? He was heir to one of the biggest companies in the world. He’d visited most of the major cities in the world. His life was golden—at least it had been.
‘Honey, we are nothing alike. You choose to hide yourself away in your pretty little seaside village and let your life be lived through the books that you read. My life is about responsibilities you’ll never understand. Family and employees and a heritage I need to be worthy of.’
She glared at him. ‘I understand about family and I understand about responsibility. Scale isn’t everything, Max. And if this is the first day you have really allowed yourself to get out of the business district and into the heart of a city then, yes, you are as trapped as I am. You may have set foot in Rome and Paris, but did you see them?’
Of course he had seen them! Through glass, mainly. Not like today, obviously, but there wasn’t always time, and it wasn’t necessary. His justifications sounded hollow, even as he thought them.
‘The highlights, yes. But I was there to work, Ellie.’
‘I see.’ She turned away and stared out of the window. ‘When I travel, finally, I want to see it all. Not just the bits the guidebooks show me. I want to walk through the alleyways and eat in the neighbourhood restaurants. I want to find the beating heart of the city and lose myself in it.’
‘Then why haven’t you?’
It took a while for her to respond, and when she did her voice was low, as if she were reluctant to admit the truth out loud.
‘I was afraid. Afraid I’d be disappointed, afraid I’d get it wrong, afraid it wouldn’t live up to my expectations. When you know how it feels to watch your dreams shatter it can be hard to trust in your dreams again.’
‘What are your dreams now, Ellie?’ His voice lowered as he moved closer to her, the pod all but disappeared, the children forgotten. There was just her and the hopelessness in her voice.
‘Once they were the usual, I suppose. University, then a good job, and to fall in love and have children. Lots of children...’ Her voice softened. ‘I always wished I was part of a big family, and after we lost Dad and Phil I felt even more alone. That’s why I loved books, I think. They were the only way I could escape, travel, try new things. I wanted to be Hermione or Lyra or Anne Shirley. Lonely children who forged their own path. Now...? I don’t know, Max. I haven’t dared dream in such a long time.’
‘I’ve never thought about escape...’ He hesitated. That was true, but was it the whole truth? ‘I’m under pressure, sure, to be a Loveday is a pretty big responsibility. But it’s a privilege too.’
‘Do you still feel that way?’
He shook his head slowly. ‘You’re right. Now I just feel trapped,’ he admitted, realising the truth of the words as he said them out loud. ‘My dad wants my approval, my mom wants me onside, and the business needs me to do something clever—soon. It’s like everything I grew up thinking I knew was a lie.’
‘How so?’
&n
bsp; He tried to make sense of his jumbled thoughts. ‘We were picture-perfect, you know? Gorgeous house, plenty of money but not showy, members of the right clubs, giving to the right causes...and Grandfather in the centre of it, the benevolent tyrant. I thought he could do no wrong.’
He blew out a breath, some of the weight on his chest lightening as he finally spoke the heretical thoughts aloud.
‘But underneath it all Dad was always resentful. I think Grandfather kept him on a tight leash. And my mother. In public they were this affectionate couple, but now he’s met Mandy I can’t help wondering...’ His voice trailed off.
‘If any of it was real?’
Damn, she was perceptive. ‘Oh, he had affairs. I always knew that. All the weekends Dad was working, the extravagant gifts he’d bring back. The hushed rows and then the insistence on putting on a good face in public. But underneath it all I was sure they really loved each other. Now it’s all corroded—Mom is so bitter all she can think of is punishing him, no matter that it could bankrupt the company.’
Ellie drew in a deep breath, her eyes searching his face. ‘That bad?’
‘It’s possible,’ he admitted. ‘And if lawyers get involved it could be a hundred times worse. That’s why Dad wants me to negotiate with her. Meanwhile she wants me to promise not to ever engage with Dad’s new girlfriend.’ He could feel his mouth twist into the kind of cynical smile he’d never worn before this year. ‘I guess I’ve always had to be the sensible one, the adult. I just never resented it before now.’
Her hand fluttered up and for one moment he thought she was going to touch his face. His chest tightened with anticipation, only for disappointment to flood through his veins as she lowered it again, tucking it behind her with a self-conscious gesture.
He leaned in, one arm on the glass beside her, his eyes fixed on hers. Not touching her, not even invading her space—not really—although the temptation to move that little bit further in was pushing at him...the need to move his hands from the glass to her shoulderblades. To allow them to slide down her narrow back. To feel her shiver under his touch, reining in the urge to rush, making them both wait.
A Will, A Wish...A Proposal (Contemporary Romance) Page 8