“That was about Charlie and his lies and realizing what I’d done to mom and how I’d taken you for granted.”
He said all the right words, and she felt her resistance shake. “Why now?”
“Because I know I love you and I will always love you, and if I don’t stop messing up and hurting you, I’m going to lose you.” He touched her again. His fingertips skimmed her cheeks. “And that is the one mistake in a life filled with many that I can’t make. Won’t make.”
A gasp, a moan—she didn’t even really know what the sound was—escaped her throat. “You’ve never said that before.”
“I have loved you from the beginning.” He pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “It’s why I spun so far out of control when I thought you betrayed me.”
Her heart stammered, and the last of the wall she’d erected to shut out the pain crumbled. She wanted to dive in and not look back, but a barrier stood there. A very real block to keeping them from moving on. “I did lie to you at the beginning. I wanted to pretend it wasn’t a big deal because it was an omission and not an out-and-out lie, but that was wrong. I messed up.”
He winced. “Please don’t. You’ve already apologized.”
“But you haven’t forgotten.” And that stood between them like a wall that couldn’t be scaled.
“If I hadn’t I would have believed you and Walker were in the yard setting us up.”
“Didn’t you think that?” It sure felt that way.
“For two seconds, which, for me, with my trust issues, is a huge step forward.” Callen wrapped his arms around her. “But I’ll keep working on it. I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust and show you how much I love you and the baby.”
She thought about his drinking and the vow he took to stop. Her mind zipped to how he had acted in the yard earlier and how different it was from how he would have acted in the past. Not perfect, but making strides. Trying. Being the man she knew he could be.
“I love you.” He kissed her chin. “All I want is the chance to prove it.” His lips moved to her nose, then her cheeks. “Because when I ask you to marry me, and that is happening soon, I want you to say yes.”
Her heart jumped but she forced it to calm back down. “Because of the baby?”
There was a part of her that knew if she hadn’t come to town and told him about the baby, they’d still be apart. That was a tough reality to accept. That he was willing to let her go.
“I don’t know the baby yet. I know you, and I love you.”
“But you left me.” The words ripped out of her. She grabbed on to his shoulders, because without the support she would have fallen to the floor in a whoosh.
“It was the biggest mistake of my life. I’m sorry.”
She tried to remember the last time she’d seen that expression, so warm and open and full of love. Or the last time he shouldered part of the blame. He put it out there so they could overcome it.
The change made all the difference.
“I think maybe I wasn’t ready until I got closer to my brothers and watched them fall in love.” His hand moved to the back of her head, then to her neck. “I wanted that, and then I realized I’d had it and thrown it away.”
“But the next time you get angry—”
He fingers caressed and his lips wandered across her cheek. “You’re worried I’ll punish you.”
Her mind started blinking out. He was close, with his arms and scent wrapping around her, and she had to fight to hold on to her thoughts. “Again.”
“You make me better every single day.” He pulled back and stared down at her. “I can’t promise I won’t mess up, but I know what life is like without you, and I never want to experience that again.”
The magic words. No empty promises or protests about being a new man. He was a work in progress. A beautiful, complex, loving and devoted work in progress. Exactly what she wanted.
Light and happiness and a few other sensations she couldn’t identify but that all felt good spun through her. She pressed her palms against his chest. “I love you.”
Some of the darkness left his face, and he smiled down at her. “I love you, too.”
“Show me.”
Chapter Twenty-five
Callen woke up the next morning feeling as if he could conquer the world. The sun shone through the small slip of an opening in the curtains and a beautiful woman lay curled at his side.
His hand skimmed over her hair, and he loved the feel of the silky smoothness against his skin. A sense of awe filled him. Last night they’d turned a corner. No more blame and arguments about who did what. When he said he trusted her, he meant it. When he said he loved her, he didn’t even come close to describing the depth of his feelings for her.
Yesterday they were floundering, trying to figure their way out of all the troubles spread out before them. Today they had a chance. More than a chance—they had a future.
“You need to get up.” Grace mumbled the words against his bare chest.
“It’s nine.” Admittedly far later than he usually slept, but understandable since he kept her up half the night making love to her.
Her foot slid up his leg. Her toes curled into his calf as her knee slipped over his thigh and touched his erection. “You have one more thing you need to do.”
Morning had come and he wanted her again. The need that plagued him from that first night had not abated. Had not decreased one bit. “I’m ready if you are.”
Her eyes popped open and she stared up at him. “Not that.”
“Are you sure? Because I feel pretty ready.” He slipped a hand under her knee and brought her leg up higher on his body just to confirm his comment.
She chuckled. “Your mom.”
Not the reaction he wanted or expected. Talk about an erection killer. “Uh, what?”
“She’s downstairs.”
Struggling to get his balance, he sat up higher on the pillows, taking Grace with him, since she was sprawled over his chest. “What are you talking about?”
“I texted her an hour ago when I got up to go to the bathroom.”
He knew he should have kept her in bed. “Are you serious?”
He’d planned for a full day of lounging in bed. She was pregnant and needed the rest. He just plain needed her. He’s already told Declan to go away and leave them alone, and his baby brother smartly agreed.
“She needs to know, Callen.”
He didn’t have to ask what or poke around with more questions. Grace got him. She sensed that when he turned a corner on their relationship he’d done the same with his mom.
Part of him wanted to put it off, because then he wouldn’t have to deal with the sinking sensation that he’d made her life hell for the last few weeks. Guilt beat him down on that. Rather than wallow, he decided to forgive himself and move on.
With some reluctance to leave the warm bed and even hotter woman, Callen exhaled. “Not my choice for our early-morning activity, but okay.”
Grace sat up, holding the sheet to her chest. It was a strange move, since he’d seen her naked a million times and had spent half the night over her, inside of her, kissing her everywhere. “Suddenly shy?”
There was an odd gleam in her eye. “I have a deal for you.”
He was smart enough to tread carefully. “Uh-huh.”
“Go down and talk to your mom, and you get to spend the afternoon with these.” Grace lowered the sheet and flashed him—round and beautiful, with pale skin and nipples that called out for his tongue.
Man, he loved this side of her. All sides of her, but the sexy playful side made him hard every time.
He reached out to touch her, and she snatched the sheets back, blocking his reach. “Deal?”
He was in his jeans and a T-shirt and downstairs three minutes later. A quick search of the first floor came up empty. He was about to head
to the front of the house to check for his mom’s car when he saw her walking in the backyard. Dressed in brown pants and a thick sweater, she looked far younger.
Her steps seemed heavy, and today they might have been. He expected she carried an extra weight, thanks to Charlie’s tricks and the news about Walker. She would carry that guilt. The pain over the one she didn’t save.
After hunting down sneakers and skipping the socks, he pushed open the door and jogged down the steps. They met at the picnic table and, without saying a word, took opposite sides.
He searched for the right words. He wanted her to understand that the anger came from pain and the pain came from loving her and feeling as if he’d lost her.
“I’ve done some awful things.” Not what he intended to say, but it was out there. “He’d take me with him on his scams. Train me and set me loose.”
She traced her finger over the scarred wood. “For years I convinced myself that didn’t happen. That Charlie wouldn’t cross that line.”
“He didn’t have any boundaries.” Charlie didn’t know guilt or fear. He acted on impulse, not caring who he hurt. Callen learned that young, and every day he spent with the man reinforced the lesson.
“I would be out there, hating every minute, and the one thing I held on to was the memory of you.” He reached his hand across the table and she grabbed hold. “I thought if I had a piece of you inside me that I had a shot at being okay, and when that was taken away . . .”
He couldn’t finish the sentence. Didn’t want to, because then it would become real and he’d start cycling again.
She squeezed his hand. “You are the best man I know.”
Declan had said something similar; so had Grace. Callen didn’t understand it at all. “How can you say that?”
“Declan needed a home and you provided the money to give it to him. Beck needed a purpose and you made sure he had one. The woman you loved lied to you and you forgave her.” Mom held both his hands now. “When it’s time for someone to step up, it’s always you, Callen.”
“I’m the oldest brother.” Hell, even that wasn’t right anymore. “Or I was.”
“I have never met a person so decent and so determined not to believe it.”
She had the wrong man. She wanted that to be true. He understood that, but he had a long history of doing wrong that couldn’t be ignored.
No matter what he’d done since or how he’d tried to make amends, the black hole waited out there. “You don’t know—”
“I don’t care what you did as a child when you weren’t responsible and you should have had a parent guiding you. I’m going by who you are now.” She leaned in closer, ignoring the puddles of water on the table and the way the loose board snagged the edge of her sweater. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you back then, but I am so proud of who you are now. Losing you then is my biggest regret and the thing that rips me apart.”
Callen dropped his head into their joined hands and let his mind race back through the years. “I missed you so much.”
He was talking about all those years ago, but also about the ones since where he held her at a distance because he was convinced she’d willingly let him go along with Charlie. He knew now that wasn’t true, but he had believed Charlie’s lies for a very long time.
“I know, baby. I missed you, too.”
He felt her kiss his head. He wanted to say something else, but the words wouldn’t come. His throat clogged and his eyes filled. For a man who spent his life on the run and banishing emotion, it piled up on him now.
Sadness battled with hope, and the reality of having a future washed so much of the bad away. He loved her, and loving her helped him make room in his heart for Grace and the baby. He understood that now. It took seeing Walker fall apart to drive it home, but Callen got it.
He knew one more thing. “I love you, Mom.”
“I know, baby.” She rubbed her cheek against his hair. “I love you, too.”
He didn’t know how long they sat there. They didn’t talk while the sun warmed his bare arm. Through it all, his mom never let go. With his eyes closed, he could just feel and not think.
And when he felt someone behind him, he instinctively knew it was Grace, who had supported him and made sure he had this moment by pushing him to come downstairs.
He lifted his head and reached for her hand where it rested on his shoulder. “Thank you.”
He was talking to both of them, but Grace answered. “I think we need a family breakfast.”
That sounded pretty damn good to him. “Are you cooking?”
“I am.” His mom gave his hand one final squeeze, then she stood up. “It’s time we welcome Grace into the family.”
She beamed. “I’d like that.”
And Callen loved them, this house and the life they were building. “I couldn’t agree more.”
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
A huge thank you to my wonderful agent, Laura Bradford, for selling the rest of the Hanover Brothers series. Conversely, thank you to the equally fabulous Leis Pederson, my editor, for buying the final two books. I’m thrilled to be able to finish this family saga/romance/so-many-secrets series.
I am also deeply grateful to everyone on the InterMix team for helping on this one. I know we cut it close on timing. My apologies for that.
Thank you to all the readers who wrote and asked for Callen’s story. I hope I did him justice because I love him as much as you do.
And much love to my husband, James, for making it all possible.
Look for Walker’s story in TOO FAR GONE, available from InterMix November 2014.
Bestselling and award-winning author HelenKay Dimon spent twelve years in the most unromantic career ever—divorce lawyer. After dedicating all that time and effort to helping people terminate relationships, she is thrilled to write romance novels full time. Her books have been featured at E! Online and in the Chicago Tribune, and she has had two of her books named “Red-Hot Reads” in Cosmopolitan Magazine. When not writing, she teaches fiction and romance writing at MiraCosta College and UCSD and generally wastes a lot of time watching bad SyFy channel movies. HelenKay loves to talk with her readers and can be reached through her website, helenkaydimon.com, or her Facebook page, facebook.com/HelenKayDimon.
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