by L C Smith
“Keller, you home?” His dad calls out from somewhere in the house.
“In here.” He moves off his bed to the door. “What's up?” He sticks his head out the door.
“What happened to the picnic?”
“Got rained out. Literally, Reid made a puddle in my car.”
“Too bad, son. What do you want for dinner?”
“I can cook for you.” I say moving forward. His dad's eyes rake over me, but he doesn't say anything.
“Yeah, we don't really cook,” Keller says.
“I wasn't asking you to. I said I would.”
“Yeah, we don't really cook,” he repeats.
“I think the words he is trying to make come out of his mouth are, we don't cook a lot, so we don't keep things on hand to cook with.”
“Same thing.” He shrugs.
“I'll get myself back to school. You guys should go eat.” I offer.
Keller looks insulted, “I'm not going to make you catch a bus back to school.”
“Yeah, and you probably shouldn't go outside looking like that.” His dad says.
I fake hurt. “That's terrible. I checked the mirror, and I look great.”
“I wouldn't count on that.”
“I'm hurt,” I sniff.
“How about I go get some pizza?” Keller’s dad suggests.
“Fine with me.” I smile brightly, moving down the hallway.
Keller pulls me into his chest when his dad shuts the front door. “I think you look cute in my clothes. It's like you’re drowning, but cute.”
I pull back the sleeves and the pants legs up, “how do you walk, everything is so long.” I say steeping back, still feeling the pull toward him. It’s not strong yet, but I can’t risk looking at him or having him that close.
“It's not on me.” He laughs. “What do you want to do?”
“I'm not in much of a hurry to do anything, what about you? Anyway.” I suck in a deep breath. “I will actually have to get back to school.”
“You will. But you have enough time to eat. Dad will only be a couple more minutes. The pizza place is at the end of the road.”
“You really don't cook at all?”
“Not really. No need.”
“Yeah. Decent food.”
“Mah. All food is good food once you have eaten it.” He laughs. “You smell like me. It's a bit weird to say you smell nice, so I won't, even though you do.”
He flicks on the TV I spread out on the couch and Keller takes the chair.
“All right, you two, let's eat.” John calls out walking back in.
“That was fast.” I say surprised.
“I told you. We just want to eat. Now. Because we're men.”
“That's right.” John says in a really deep voice, punching Keller in the arm to prove they are.
“Okay.” I laugh at them before shifting down to the middle of the floor, grab a slice, and lean back into Keller's legs while they flick through channel after channel of sport, controlling the urge. I can feel it there and it’s okay. I don’t need to do anything, I can control it, I tell myself staring at the screen. He moves his knee and I fall backwards and my body slips closer to him. I can feel my eyes starting to glaze over, I can feel it pulling me to him.
“Anyone else want a drink.” I ask high pitched and light headed, jumping up and away from him. Both their heads pop up looking toward me. I rush into the kitchen.
“Yeah I’ll have a glass of juice if you don’t mind pouring me one.” John says.
I open the refrigerator door, shoving my head inside, cooling everything down. It’s not working, I grab the bottle of juice and my feet start moving to the side.
Not now, please not now, not here. I beg myself. I force my feet to walk further into the kitchen and find a glass. Think about Sara or the pattern on the glass. I hold it up to the light inspecting minute cracks in the glass. Now pour the juice up to the line near the top. I feel it lulling. It’s still there, but my feet aren’t moving me anymore. I pour an extra glass for Keller and take them out.
“Thanks Reid.” John says in an odd tone that I don’t understand.
“We should get going.” I try to say sadly, but I have to get out of this house.
“I’ll get your clothes.” Keller offers. “They aren’t totally dry,” he says coming back, “you could just go back in what you’re wearing if you want.”
“I’ve seen what I look like, I’ll take the wet ones.” I would happily go back in what I’m wearing, but I would have to explain it to the duty teacher.
He touches my hand giving me my clothes back and I almost run out of the room, shutting his bedroom door behind me, but it worse in here because I can smell him. When I close my eyes it’s like he’s standing right next to me. I can feel him standing behind the closed door too.
I take off his hoodie and I hear him lean against the outside of the door waiting for me. I reach for the door handle and yank my hand away. Stop it Reid, just get dressed. I grab all my clothes and dump them on his bathroom floor, turning the bright lights on and stare at myself in the mirror. “Just get dressed,” I whisper to myself.
I pull my shoes on and sit for a minute on the tiles. I’m okay, I think. I can walk back out there, thank his dad for dinner get into his car and drive home.
I can think about him dating Megan if he finds out what I can do if it gets too bad in the car. I’ll open a window and let the cold wet air come in if that doesn’t work. I reassure myself standing behind the closed door with my hand on the handle. I’m going to be late if I don’t leave now.
Big breath.
“Thanks for getting me something to eat, Mr. Green.” I say to John as we walk out.
“Anytime. And please, just call me John.”
It's getting dark as Keller drives across the city. The lights are all on and the rain is still pouring down, but Keller doesn’t ask why I have the window down. We pull up at the front of the school. “Thanks for this afternoon, it was really fun.” I say.
“You need to get out more. That was driving while soaking; it's a wash cycle with wheels.”
I want to say more. But I'm late, and I can see people walking down the hallway for prep inside. I push the door open. “See you, tomorrow maybe?”
“Yeah.” But he is out of the door, before I can say anything else, reaches into the backseat, pulls out an umbrella and opens it for me.
“You are the sweetest person ever.”
He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it and pulls me up out of the car. I reach up to grab the handle, but he shuts the door behind me and walks me to the front door instead.
“I'll see you tomorrow.” I breathe.
The door opens. “Good evening Mrs. Snouse. Nice to see you again.” Keller beams at her holding the umbrella over my head, while he catches the drips from the edges on his shoulders.
“Have a good night,” he says to me, before running back to his car not waiting for Mrs Snouse to tell him to leave.
Chapter Eight
“Good morning, Miss South.” Keller says quickly. I wait to answer because I can hear him talking to someone at the store.
“Sorry,” he says coming back.
“It's all good.”
“Are you having a good day?”
“Why?”
He laughs, “Always so suspicious, Miss South. Can't I just call to say I had a great weekend? But you will never be allowed to choose the movie again.”
I open my mouth. Come on, something smart come out. “Yeah, okay it sucked.” Really, when a movie sucks that much, it's hard to think of something smart to defend it with.
“Sucked is an understatement. I'm still trying to figure out how to get a refund on the time I spent watching it.”
“It wasn't that bad,” I say rolling my eyes even though he can't see me.
“Yes it was. Never again. Choosing a movie is like a one-time pass. You screw it up, you never get it back again.”
I look toward
the bell that starts screaming against the wall. “Isn't it lunch for you?”
“I wish. Just stopping between classes.”
“Right. Well, hey. You never said how your day is going.”
“Not too bad.” I think back over it. “Nothing great or awful to mention, this is the best bit.”
“That makes me feel great then.” He says. “I'm going to have to ditch out on this afternoon.”
“Oh.” I say disappointed. I know, it's less than twenty hours since I last saw him, but I don't care about being rational. That's reserved for people who aren't dating Keller.
“I know it's early in the week to be breaking plans, but Natalie just called in sick and there's no one to cover for her.”
“No, it's okay. Um, I'll just do, something. I'm sure there's heaps of stuff I'm meant to be doing. Awful stuff,” I add for extra guilt. “But I probably should do it anyway.”
“Well, seeing as you were so good at sticking stickers on CDs I thought you might want to come in anyway?”
“I'll catch the bus like last time,” I say way too quickly, making me sound ridiculously eager.
“Going to work for your boyfriend again, Reid?” Megan walks past, late as well. “No wonder he keeps going out with you. You don't have enough of a life to know when people just want your services.”
“Sorry,” Keller says. He must have heard her.
“It's not your fault. She's just jealous that she got turned down. Twice,” I say so she can hear me too. She pauses for a second then keeps going. “Anyway. I'll see you after school.”
“You sure you want to come? I shouldn't really ask you, coming to work with me is lame.”
“I want to.”
“If you are sure. Otherwise, if Sara wants to do something, or you just want to hang out at school, just let me know, and that's cool too.” Argh, stupid Megan, this conversation was going fine until she came along.
“No, I'll see you after school. But first I have to go to English. I might go sit next to Megan and ask her how her date was on Friday night.”
“Someone went out with her?”
“Nope.” He just laughs.
“See you later.” I hang up, and go take my seat as far away from Megan as the room will allow me to.
Mr Dean looks sternly across the room at me. “Ah, Reid. You have decided to join us, finally, again. You know, school does not run on your schedule. And I should take your phone from you. Next time, I will.”
“Sorry Sir.” I was going to say it won’t happen again, but I can’t promise things like that.
I can see the hands ticking on the clock above his head. I know that he’s speaking, I can see his mouth moving but I have no idea what he has said in the last thirty nine minutes and thirty six seconds. And in twenty four more seconds it won’t matter because class will be over.
I’m out of my seat before the bell finishes ringing and the first to the bus stop. Megan waves to me as she drives past with a full car. I pretend like I can’t see her.
* * *
John laughs when he sees me, shaking his head. “Poor boarding school girls. You just don't get out enough.” He stops, waiting until Keller is listening. “You know, I'm not sure that Keller is worth this.”
“Thanks dad.” He pushes past John on his way to the stock room.
Once the door is closed, John turns to me shaking his head. “You don't have to come to work with him. You could wait until he finishes.”
I can't tell if he's joking, or if he’s serious and wishes I wouldn't keep coming in. Keller rescues me from having to say anything by coming back with a big cardboard rack. I watch him cross the room, lean it against the wall near the front and come back. “It's for the CDs, we're going to make a display.” He explains when he sees my face.
“That makes more sense.”
“What did you think it was?”
“I really didn't know. I thought you were just going to throw it out, but didn't know why you didn't walk out the back door instead of walking half a block down the road to get to the dumpster.” He grabs the boxes, bumping into me behind the counter on his way out at my guess.
“So, they are all the same CD?”
“Yip, just came out. Dad managed to get a couple of boxes before the release day tomorrow. They were delivered just before you walked in.”
“Very cool. All right, what do you want me to do?”
“Just stand there for now, I'll get the shelf up and we can fill it.” I stand behind him with my arms folded, watching him work swiftly.
I slide the box cutter out of Keller's pocket and open the first box carefully. I don't want to be known as Keller's girlfriend who cut through a box of exclusive before-release CDs.
My hand stops, maybe that's what his Dad was trying to say. That it's weird that I'm here. Maybe Megan is a tiny bit right. I glance at his dad, he doesn't look up from the computer. Maybe he was trying to tell me he thinks it's weird that I come to work with Keller. Maybe he's was trying to say in a nice way that I'm in the way and a real girlfriend would just wait until he is finished work and stop being with him all the time. He certainly gave me a funny look when I was in Keller's clothes and made sure I knew he thought I should get out of them as soon as I could.
Keller jumps up to serve someone, making me jump. I put the first CD back into the box. Maybe I am just Keller's waiting entertainment. Until his real girlfriend that he fights with, but doesn't have to pick up or drop off at six thirty every night, gets back. I stare at his face as he serves a man, he is so sweet. Would he really do that? He looks up, feeling my eyes on his face, and quickly smiles at me. He is so nice. Could he really do that to me?
Keller talks with the man on his way out of the shop, then stops once he's near me.
“Okay. I'll just reinforce the back a bit, in case someone falls on it.” He raises his eyebrows at me quickly.
He stands up, rubbing his hands on the backs on his jeans, sending tiny cardboard shards floating off. “Fill it up.”
He takes the box from my hands, unloading the contents onto the little shelves before I have time to do it myself. I cut into the second box with my hands shaking. Just be calm. Just don't think about it. I stand next to Keller and unload the rest silently. I feel so awkward.
He stands back. “Looks good.”
He scoops up the boxes, slides the cutter back into his pocket and herds me in front of him. “I am going to go throw these out.” He stops, “and I'm going to use the back door.”
I poke my tongue at him, but I can feel the blood in my face rise making me red. I rummage in my bag looking for my wallet.
“You want something to eat?” He asks coming back.
“No. Um, I'm just going to go down to the library for a bit, is that all right?”
“Yeah. No problem.”
“You sick of us already?” John calls from the other side of the store. Does the man have super hearing or something? “I have to get a book for English.” I say loud enough for John to hear, feeling like I need to justify myself. “I have to do an assignment on why Shakespeare is still as poignant today as ever.”
“That sound's really good.” John calls across the room again, Keller rolls his eyes.
“Well you go have yourself lots of fun.” Keller says muffled, leaning behind the counter, coming up with another box.
“Yeah I'll try. I have to find the section first.”
“599.10,” John says, just as I'm about to leave.
“Sorry?”
“Shakespeare,” he says, giving me a quick nod before turning back the shelf he's working on.
“That’s quite impressive,” I call back needing to say something. Keller moves his head to the side, like he's not sure he would describe it as impressive.
My hands feel like they are going to cause an earthquake they are vibrating so hard by the time I get out of the store. Stupid Megan. Why did she have to say anything? Now that's all I can think about. Am I the fill in?
I head straight to 599.10, partly because I do need a book on Shakespeare for my assignment and partly because I want to see if he was just making it up. And I guess I'll look stupid if I don't go back with one. I'm sure John will ask.
He's right. I stand in the aisle of 599.10, Shakespeare all around me. Maybe it's sad more than impressive actually.
Now, a book. I rub on the side of my face, slowing the movement of my hands. I'm not sure what kind of book I need. I grab a complete works of Shakespeare, and a book of Shakespearian commentary. I shudder slightly as I pull the book off the shelf. Really, someone wrote a commentary to Shakespeare? That is sad.
I tuck both books into my bag and sling it over my shoulder, Shakespeare doesn't come in small books it seems. Now what? I expected to take a little longer to find something. I guess I could go start the assignment. I pause. Then wander aimlessly for a few minutes. Maybe I'll go sit in the front and see if I can find something to use for my essay before I take the books out.
No I won't! I quickly swerve out of my path. Megan and her friends are sitting on all of them. Doesn't she get the hint? It's not even like it's a hint, more like a train smashing through a brick wall. He doesn't like you, and it's weird that you keep following us.
“Reid.” Megan calls out. “All by yourself? I thought you were going to see Keller? Let me guess. You're just making up all the phone calls, and we keep seeing you with him because you’re stalking him.”
Each one of them reverberates with laughter.
“You'd know all about stalking, wouldn't you, Megan?”
I quickly walk to the back of the library I cannot cry. I will not cry. This is pathetic. She is nothing. But there it is, water spills over my eyes and courses down my face. I wipe at them furiously. Everything in my head swirls around, John's comments, Megan’s constant mocking, Keller's smile… Does he look at everyone like that?
The tears keep coming, and I hide myself back in the Shakespeare section, there's no one down here. I cannot remember the last time I cried. Probably at my parent’s funeral, and now I’m doing it over Megan.
“Argh.” I use my sleeve to wipe more away, trying to soak them up.
I crouch down to look at the spine of a book more closely when I hear someone walking near me.