Oh, boy. This was probably an area she shouldn’t be delving into. How much had his father told him? She didn’t want to speak out of place.
She said the first thing that came to mind. “Complicated.”
“Huh?”
“It’s complicated out there.” Lillian said, letting out an absentminded sigh, briefly reflecting on her own life. “And people just aren’t always nice to each other.”
“Why?”
“That’s a good question.”
She could tell David’s young mind was awhirl. But his next question caught her completely off guard. “Do you have a boyfriend?”
“No,” she answered, thinking about Rickie and surprised he hadn’t called her by now. Knowing her brief good-bye letter had probably left him reeling, it was a welcome relief he hadn’t contacted her.
“Why aren’t you married? You seem kinda old.”
“I’m twenty-seven. Is that old?”
David chuckled. “I guess not too much. Do you want to get married?”
“I don’t know.” Lillian frowned. She had watched her mother survive two bitter divorces, and the whole marriage thing had left a bad taste in her mouth. “Maybe.”
David cocked his head to one side. His amazing blue eyes— just like his father’s—squinted thoughtfully as he pondered a question he quite obviously wanted to ask her.
“What?” she asked, while wondering where Samuel was. It was after four-thirty by now.
“If Irma Rose and Jonas are Amish, why aren’t you?”
“I’m kinda Amish,” she said sheepishly. “I mean, my mother was raised Amish, and my grandparents are Amish.” What a dumb answer, even in response to an eleven-year-old boy.
“I don’t think you can be kinda Amish.”
“I’m living on an Amish farm with my Amish grandparents. I gave up modern conveniences, and I even made bread today.” No response from her young friend, who clearly needed more. “And I want to feel peace in my mind and in my heart.”
He stared blankly at her. “Oh.”
As he continued to study her, Lillian could tell there was more coming. “Why do you wear those boy breeches?”
Lillian glanced down at her blue jeans. “Well,” she began, “I guess that’s why I said I’m kinda Amish. I’m working on it . . . slowly.”
“Oh.”
Hoping that had satisfied him, she glanced down the dirt drive toward the road and looked at her watch. “Wonder where your dad is? It’s almost five o’clock.”
“I better get cleaned up.” She watched while David stowed the axe near the woodpile and headed toward the water pump by the barn. As he splashed water on his face, she thought about what his life must be like. So Plain. So uncomplicated. How she wanted that for herself.
“My daed is never late,” David said, drying his hands against his trousers as he met her near the farmhouse.
“He’s late today.” She smiled and took a seat in one of the wooden rockers on the porch. David sat down on the porch step.
“Hum,” he said after a while. “Hope nothin’s wrong.”
“Probably just running late.”
The sound of a running horse carried across the field. Lillian and David moved toward the yard. As Samuel’s buggy peeled around the corner and onto the driveway, she figured he was rushing because he was late. But as clods of dirt flew from the speed of the horse’s hooves and Samuel’s face came into focus, Lillian knew this was more than trying to make up for lost time. Something was wrong.
4
SAMUEL SLOWED PETE TO A STOP. “WE HAVE TO HURRY, David,” he yelled without addressing Lillian. “Ivan said Lilly’s birthin’s gone breech.”
“Huh?” Lillian asked David. Instinctively she followed him to the buggy.
“Lilly’s our cow!” The boy picked up his pace. Lillian continued right behind him.
“I’m sorry, Lillian,” Samuel said as she reached his side of the buggy. “We’ll have to schedule our trip to town for another day.”
“Your cow is delivering breech?” She leaned in toward him, scoping out how she was going to crawl into the backseat. “I’ve never seen a cow giving birth. Can I come? And who is Ivan?” She paused. “And your cow’s name is Lilly?”
Samuel’s mouth twitched to one side and his brows drew inward. He was either irritated or amused. She wasn’t sure. When he finally did open his mouth to speak, she was fairly certain he was going to deny her request to go see Lilly the Cow have her baby. But luckily, David had other plans.
Hurriedly, he jumped out of the passenger seat of the buggy and motioned for Lillian to crawl into the backseat, requiring Samuel to exit the buggy in order to fold the front seat forward. Samuel moved with hesitancy, so she wasted no time crawling in the back. She didn’t want him to change his mind.
David was barely back in the front seat when Samuel motioned Pete to make a U-turn and head down the dirt drive. Once they reached the road, it was full-speed ahead.
“Wow,” she said, more to herself than anything. She had no idea the buggy could move so fast.
Samuel wondered what Ivan would say when he showed up at his farm with an Englisch woman. A chatty Englisch woman, at that.
“Where are we going? To your farm? Is Lilly your cow or Ivan’s cow? Now, who’s Ivan? She’ll be okay, right?” Lillian paused and drew in a breath as she grabbed on to the back of the seat to steady herself from the increasing speed. “Lilly. Lilly will be okay, right? And her calf too?”
“I don’t know about Lilly yet,” Samuel responded.
David started giggling before Samuel could attempt to answer the rest of her questions. Samuel feared what the boy might say. Rightfully so.
“You have the same name as our cow. Jonas calls you Lilly.” His son turned around to face her, snorting with delight, and Samuel wondered if the boy was offending her. But then Lillian laughed.
“Yep! I certainly do,” she said. “And the first time you make a mooing sound toward me, we’re gonna have a problem.” She playfully poked David’s arm, and he grinned. “Now, who is Ivan?”
“Ivan is my older brother, and we’re going to his place,” Samuel answered, pleased to see his son enjoying her company but a little worried just the same. “Some of our cattle graze on his land.” He glanced briefly over his shoulder. Her face was aglow with anticipation.
“I’ve never seen a cow give birth before,” she said. “I hope everything goes okay for Lilly. Thank you for letting me tag along.”
Letting you? Samuel didn’t know he had a say-so. He hadn’t had the time to waste arguing with either of them. He had a cow in distress.
“There’s Ivan’s place.” He pointed to his brother’s farm toward the left.
“This will be a first for me,” she repeated.
Samuel didn’t see what all the fuss was about.
Lillian wondered why she rambled on like a silly teenager every time she was with Samuel. She made a mental note not to do that any more, then concentrated on her surroundings.
Ivan’s farmhouse looked a lot like her grandparents’ farmhouse— white with a large porch. Although amongst the greenery were flowering blooms, unlike at her grandparents’ place. She’d assumed Grandma had given up gardening when Grandpa got so sick. Maybe planting some flowers would be a good project for her to undertake at their own farm—to brighten the place up. She’d heard that gardening brought peacefulness.
As they pulled up the dirt driveway, Lillian honed in on a man in a straw hat hovering over a cow out in the pasture. Standing beside him was a woman dressed in a brown dress and black apron. The traditional white Kapp held her dark hair in a bun underneath. They waved as Samuel’s buggy drew near.
“Poor Lilly,” David said, suddenly realizing the gravity of the situation. “Bet she’s in a bad way ’bout now.”
“She’s hurtin’ for sure.” Samuel hopped out of the buggy and folded the seat up. He extended his arm to help Lillian step down. She noticed his strong hands.
> She must have misgauged how far down the ground was because falling into his arms was an unplanned action that caught them both off guard. His arms around her waist . . . her head burrowed against his firm chest . . .
However, Samuel moved fast, freeing himself of any contact with her like she had a contagious disease he didn’t want to contract.
“I’m sorry,” she sheepishly said. “I guess I lost my footing.”
“No harm done,” he replied nonchalantly. But Lillian caught his eyes veering in his brother’s direction. He cleared his throat. “Better go tend to Lilly.”
She followed him to the pasture, where David was already leaning down beside the ailing animal. The cow made an agonizing sound. Maybe witnessing the birth of a calf was a bad idea—especially one that was having this much trouble entering the world.
“Calf is backwards, hind end first with both hind legs bent,” Ivan said as he leaned down beside David. “Gonna have to turn it around and pull it out. I got some baling twine right here that we can tie around the limbs once we get it where it needs to be. It’s gonna take both of us, Samuel, to pull.”
Ivan looked up as if just noticing Lillian.
She smiled. “Hi. I’m Lillian.” She offered him her hand. He rose slightly to reciprocate but didn’t follow through. Instead he eyed his hands, which were clearly not fit for shaking, and shrugged. He glanced at Samuel and then at the woman standing nearby.
“I’m Ivan. This is mei fraa, Katie Ann.” The woman nodded politely but didn’t move from her spot a few feet away.
“This is Jonas and Irma Rose’s kinskind,” Samuel said, looking slightly uncomfortable.
Both Ivan and Katie Ann looked surprised. “I didn’t know Jonas and Irma Rose had a granddaughter,” Katie Ann said. “How long will you be visitin’?”
“I’m not sure. I’d like to find out more about the Amish lifestyle since I am Amish,” Lillian answered. “Amish by birth,” she added, noticing the confused looks on their faces.
Ivan and Katie Ann turned to Samuel, apparently waiting for further clarification from him.
David spoke up before anyone could gather their thoughts. “She wants to feel peace in her mind and heart.” He nodded his head up and down as if to tell the others that it was a fact and didn’t warrant further discussion. But when they all looked like they might have a thing or two to throw into the conversation just the same, poor Lilly let out a wail of a moo.
“You goin’ in or me?” Ivan asked his brother. “This ol’ girl ain’t gonna be able to take much more.”
“I’ll go in, turn the calf, and get it right,” Samuel said. “Then we’ll tie on with the twine and pull. Lilly won’t have the strength.”
Go in . . . ? Lillian watched as Samuel rolled up his sleeve and soaped up. No way.
She cringed as she watched him go to work. Poor Lilly had been in distress before, but this new sound escaping from her was indicative that his arm was in a place it didn’t need to be. It was a gut-wrenching, agonizing, horrible, mooing sound. And she could swear the cow’s eyes were rolling back in her head.
“Stop!” she finally said. “Stop! She can’t take any more.”
They all looked at her with sympathy, but it was Katie Ann who walked to her side and spoke up. “They gotta do this, Lillian. Otherwise, the calf will die.”
Death. She was suddenly very uncomfortable. This was a bad idea. “No, no . . . of course,” she said. “I know they have to do this. But can’t you give her something for the pain?”
Ivan and Katie Ann looked at each other.
“I mean, don’t they have drugs for this type of thing?” she asked, when no one commented.
Samuel continued working. Now he called out. “Ready. Give me the twine.”
Lillian looked at Katie Ann. This couldn’t be right.
“They gotta hurry and get that calf out, and it would take poor Lilly too long at this point,” Katie Ann said. “It’s the only way to try to save them both.”
Lillian watched as David stroked the cow’s head. “It’s okay, girl. Everything is gonna be just fine.”
“Ivan, I’m ready,” Samuel said, standing up with a double strand of twine in his hand.
Ivan grabbed the twine with his brother. Lillian couldn’t believe she’d opted for this type of adventure.
It seemed like an eternity of pulling and tugging. And all the while poor Lilly voiced her objections. But when two front legs emerged, followed by a tiny little calf ’s head, it was a sight to see. And Lillian was thrilled.
Ivan brushed past her and briefly inspected the calf. After he nodded to Samuel that all was well, Lillian dropped to the ground to welcome the new baby.
“Hello,” she said softly as she stroked the slithery, wet skin. “Look at you.” What an amazing event. She had just arrived in Lancaster County and already she had witnessed the miracle of birth. Fabulous. Just fabulous. “You are so beautiful,” she said, leaning in closer to the new baby. “Welcome!” Ah. It was a good feeling. A peaceful feeling.
“Look, guys!” When no one responded, she looked toward them all, huddled near Lilly’s head. She knew immediately what was wrong. “No,” she said softly. “No.”
“Poor girl just couldn’t take it,” Ivan said, patting David on the shoulder.
“No,” Lillian repeated softly. “What about her calf ?”
Samuel sat down beside her. “The baby is gut,” he said with a tenderness in his tone she hadn’t expected.
She looked at the mother cow. Someone should close her gaping eyes. She’d never gotten to see her calf.
“Some things are just His way and not meant to be,” Samuel said, still in a soothing tone.
“Whose way?” Lillian blurted, tired of them writing off everything as God’s will around here. Don’t say it, she thought.
“God’s,” Samuel said as he gave her a questioning look.
That was enough. She’d had enough about God’s will. First it was God’s will that Samuel’s wife died so young. Next it was Grandpa’s cancer. She would tell them exactly what she thought about God’s will.
She was prepared to do just that when she glanced at David. His face registered a pain far greater than her own. He was struggling to fight back tears, and his eyes were pleading with her. Pleading for what, she wasn’t sure. She walked to where he was sitting near Lilly’s head and sat down beside him.
“Where there’s life, there’s death,” he said softly with a maturity beyond his years. He tried to choke back any sign he might possibly cry.
“Yes,” Lillian replied as she looked into his young eyes, unhardened by worldly ways.
It was a quiet ride back to Irma Rose and Jonas’s farm. Samuel’s heart hurt for David and their friend. Understandably, David was taking it pretty hard. He’d had Lilly for four years. He’d been there when she was born. When she’d grown, Samuel had wanted to take her to auction, but David wouldn’t hear of it. He was attached to the old girl, so Samuel didn’t push it.
His new Englisch friend, on the other hand, didn’t even know Lilly. But she was taking it hard too.
“Here we are,” he said as he pulled in front of Jonas and Irma Rose’s farmhouse.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, shaking her head.
“Sorry for what?” Her voice was the saddest thing Samuel had ever heard.
“About Lilly.” She shook her head again. “I know it was just a cow. And I didn’t know the cow. But it made me incredibly sad just the same.”
“There’s no need to be apologizin’, Lillian,” he said, finding it a bit odd she’d react this strongly. “With so many farms in Texas, I’m surprised you’ve never seen a calf birthed. And this happens sometimes. The momma dying.”
“I live in the city,” she said with a hint of irritation.
Samuel shrugged.
As he stepped out of the buggy, their eyes met before she hopped down. How beautiful she looked, he thought, even with her sad eyes. She looked lost on a whole bunch
of levels.
“I promise I won’t fall this time,” she said, forcing a smile as she stepped out of the buggy with ease. “Thank you for allowing me to come with you.”
Samuel nodded and watched her walk to David’s side of the buggy.
“I’m sorry about your cow, David.”
David nodded his head. “Danki, Lillian.” Then to Samuel’s surprise, David hugged his new Englisch friend. Alarms began going off in Samuel’s head.
Lillian avoided David and Samuel for the next two days. She was embarrassed about her reaction to Lilly’s death. It was understandable for David to be so upset. It was his cow, and he was a child. But she was unsure what Samuel must think of her at this point. He definitely gave her funny looks sometimes. Still, after busying herself in the kitchen with Grandma for two days, she was ready to venture out. She needed a break.
As Grandma had warned, they had incorporated more activities into their daily routine. Lillian felt like a professional canner at this point. They’d made red-beet jelly, rhubarb jam, applecider jelly, and apricot preserves. It was somewhat tedious at first and she had to learn which recipes required hot packing and which ones required cold packing, but she had to admit, she was enjoying it. And to her surprise, she enjoyed the lengthy conversations with Grandma.
She especially enjoyed hearing how her grandparents met and about their wedding—an all-day affair that sounded incredible.
“Your daadi Jonas was a handsome man,” Grandma said proudly. “And he still is in my eyes.” Her eyes twinkled when she spoke of their younger years. Although Lillian noticed her grandma avoided any conversations having to do with her mother, even when Lillian tried to nudge the conversation in that direction.
The canning came easy. And she was getting the hang of the bread making. The sewing was another story. Getting the treadle machine to function at the right speed while trying to sew a straight line—or worse, a curved line—was a challenge. She felt relieved when Grandma said that might be a chore she’d keep for herself.
“Grandma, I think I’ll go to town today.” She held up a loaf of bread ready for the stove. “Hey! This one looks much better.”
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