“She’s beautiful, Samuel,” she said, taking note of the woman’s exquisite facial features. Her eyes were a warm hazel color, and her tightly wound hair a honey-brown shade. “Wow.” She handed the picture back to him.
He took one last look at the woman from his past, then looked at Lillian. Her face was as serious as he’d ever seen her. And she’d never looked prettier.
Slowly, his hand made its way toward the hole. But Lillian’s hand was quickly on his arm. “No, Samuel,” she said, shaking her head. “No.”
“She’s part of my past.” His arm wavered over the hole in the dirt. “And pictures aren’t allowed.”
Lillian disagreed. “It’s not the same, Samuel. Rachel is a wonderful part of your past, someone to remember. You loved her, and she’s David’s mother. I don’t want you to ever forget her. I would never allow you to mix her picture with these things I want to bury forever.” She continued shaking her head in a very determined way.
Samuel froze. He wasn’t sure what to do. His hand held fast to the picture, still hovering over the hole. The whole while he watched Lillian make peace with things from her past, he’d thought burying the picture would be the right thing to do. He wanted to be able to move forward too.
“Put the picture back in your pocket, Samuel,” Lillian instructed, guiding his arm away from the hole. “We won’t tell anyone. But I think you need to keep the picture.”
“I reckon it’s not right, though.”
“It’ll be our little secret.” Her eyes sparkled with warm sincerity. As he placed the picture back in his pocket, his gaze locked with hers in mutual understanding.
That night at supper, with her entire family assembled at the table, David offered the blessing, and everyone dug into the feast Lillian had prepared. She’d mastered Yummasetti, a traditional Pennsylvania German dish—ground beef, Amish noodles, bread, butter, onion, peas, chicken soup, mushroom soup, sour cream, and lots of cheese. Her city life would have sent the high-calorie meal straight to her thighs, but there was always enough work here to keep a nice sense of balance when it came to worrying about weight gain.
Everyone loved the meal, and she’d even made rhubarb pie for dessert.
“Our Lilly has turned into a fine Amish cook,” Grandpa announced. “Appeditlich! ”
“It’s real gut, Lillian,” David said. Although Lillian noticed he’d been awfully quiet since he came in from his chores outside. Maybe he felt left out, knowing she and Samuel had spent the day together.
“Are you ready to start school soon?” she asked. “Let’s see, you have two more years left, right?”
“I reckon,” David said softly, barely looking up. Lillian glanced at Samuel, who shrugged slightly, also sensing David’s solemn mood.
Lillian knew Amish children only attended school through the eighth grade. Weeks ago, Samuel had shown her David’s school. The one-room, red schoolhouse was within walking distance of every child who attended. There were rows of wooden desks facing a long blackboard. There were no televisions, computers, or any other type of electronic equipment. It was like stepping back into another time period. Samuel explained that Amish teachers taught lessons in English.
Reflecting on her trip to the schoolhouse with Samuel, she thought about her twelve years in public school, plus her four years in college. In her mixed-up world, teaching had been the one goal that had remained constant. Once again, she recalled her regret at having to give up her teaching job.
“What are we gonna do when young David returns to school?” Grandpa asked. “We’ve become mighty dependent on him ’round here.”
“David will still come around after school,” Samuel said. “And Jonas, I’ll do whatever I can to help too.”
Grandpa sat up a little straighter. “Ya, well, I’ve been feelin’ downright well here lately. Whatever medical concoctions those Englisch doctors are given’ me tend to make me wanna tackle that yard with the push mower.”
“Jonas, you will do no such thing!” Grandma snapped.
“Irma Rose, don’t go bossin’ me.” His tone was equally firm. “I know yard work is for the womenfolk, but I’m gonna do it since I ain’t been able to do much else.”
“If I catch you mowing that yard, I’ll do more than boss you, Jonas Miller.” She shot him a look that would’ve had everyone else at the table cowering, but Grandpa just sat up even taller.
“After I be done mowing the yard with the push mower, then I’m gonna go after the repairs to that hog pen. Thinkin’ about takin’ on a few hogs this next year.”
“Jonas! We have more than we can say grace over to take care of ’round here. I’m pleased as punch you are feelin’ better, but you can get those crazy notions out of your head.”
Lillian glanced at Samuel, who was trying not to laugh. Even David was stifling a grin. When Grandma and Grandpa got going, it was always an amusing display of misdirected affection.
“I’ll do whatever I want,” Grandpa muttered, diving into some rhubarb pie.
Grandma rattled off a bunch of Pennsylvania Deitsch Lillian didn’t understand, but Samuel and David looked shocked. And Grandpa didn’t say another word.
As the men ate their rhubarb pie and began their own conversation, Lillian and her grandma cleaned the supper dishes.
“I think I smelled cigar smoke in here this morning when I returned from the supermarket,” Grandma whispered. “Do you think that grandpa of yours would be silly enough to be smokin’ with his bad health?”
Lillian figured Grandpa was in enough trouble for one day. She shrugged.
Whispering again, Grandma said, “Those medications have his mind all amuck. Do you know what he told me last night?”
Whatever it was, Grandma looked appalled. Her lips pursed together as she leaned in close to Lillian’s ear. “He said he wants to have more kinner,” she groaned in exasperation. “Now, is that not the silliest notion you’ve ever heard of in your life? First of all, Jonas knows the Good Lord was only able to bless us with one child. I couldn’t have any more. Secondly, has that silly ol’ man looked in the mirror lately?”
Lillian tried not to smile. Grandma was clearly upset.
“He’s just been saying and doin’ the craziest of things. It’s those pills.” She glanced over at her husband and frowned. Swiping a plate dry with the cup towel, she placed it in the cupboard.
Grandpa didn’t notice. He was well into his second piece of rhubarb pie, as were Samuel and David.
“Well, at least he’s feeling better,” Lillian said, trying to cheer up Grandma.
“And I praise God for that. I just wish it wouldn’t make his mind so cluttered, where he’s not thinkin’ like he should be.”
As they whispered to themselves in the corner of the kitchen, Grandpa interrupted them. “Oh, Irma Rose and Lilly!”
“What, Jonas?” Grandma asked with a sigh. She glanced his way.
“I almost forgot to tell you both somethin’.”
“What, Grandpa?” Lillian asked.
“No tellin’,” Grandma whispered under her breath. She turned her back to dry another dish and place it in the cupboard.
Lillian watched while Grandpa swallowed his last bit of rhubarb pie. A big smile stretched across his wrinkled jowls. “Sarah Jane will be here on Wednesday.”
Grandma spun around, sending the plate in her hand crashing to the floor.
14
LILLIAN PULLED THE BROOM FROM THE PANTRY AND BEGAN sweeping up the pieces of the broken plate. She’d begged her mother over the phone to come to Lancaster County. Had she finally decided to make peace with her parents?
“While you were out tending to your pretty flowers in the yard, Lilly, that noisy portable phone kept ringin’ this morning,” Grandpa bellowed. “It took me a few tries, but I finally was able to talk into it.” He paused. “I told Sarah Jane she needed to come for a visit. She’ll be here on Wednesday.”
He made the statement as nonchalantly as if he saw his daughter all the
time. When no one said anything, he went on. “Lilly, I say you prepare a special supper for your mamm. Show her what a fine Amish cook we’ve turned out ’round here. Said she’d be here by suppertime.”
“Jonas, are you sure about this?” Grandma asked in a skeptical tone.
“Irma Rose, our Sarah Jane will be here on Wednesday.” His announcement left no room for argument.
It was quiet for a bit before Samuel stood up to retrieve his hat from the rack. “That’s great news, Jonas,” he said, placing the hat on his head.
“Ya, gut news! Isn’t it, Irma Rose?”
“Of course,” Grandma said. Emotion flooded her face. “That’s wunderbaar news.”
“I’m going to walk Samuel and David out,” Lillian said, not wanting to voice her concerns in front of her grandparents.
Once they were outside, Lillian told Samuel and David, “I begged my mother to come see her parents. She was adamant about not coming. I wonder what Grandpa said to change her mind?”
“Whatever he said, I think it’s great she’s coming,” Samuel remarked.
Lillian shook her head. “You don’t know my mother. She probably just said she would come. Grandpa is so excited about her coming, and she’ll probably never show up. That will break his heart.”
“People change their minds,” Samuel said. As they headed to the buggy, he continued. “Think positive. It’ll mean the world to Jonas if your mamm comes for a visit.”
“It’ll mean everything to Grandpa. And that’s what worries me.” She paused. “And another thing: Grandma said Grandpa has been saying all kinds of crazy things lately, mostly due to his medication. What if he didn’t even talk to her? I’d better go into town tomorrow and use a pay phone.” A guilty feeling swept over her; she was beginning to regret disposal of that one worldly item. How much easier it would be to walk inside and call her mother from the comfort of her bedroom.
“Pop, did you tell her about next weekend?” David asked, changing the subject.
“I was gettin’ around to it.” He turned toward Lillian. “I know you’ve been around my mamm and the rest of my family at church services, but they want to have a big shindig next Saturday and have you, Irma Rose, and Jonas to the house for supper. They know me and the boy eat supper here a lot, and I think they’d like to do something for your family.”
Lillian got along well enough with Samuel’s family, but she knew they still regarded her as the Englisch outsider. Conversation was always polite, but limited. Neither his two sisters, nor sister-in-law had allowed her into their inner circle. Several times after church service she’d tried to make conversation with them. They were cordial, but guarded. His mother barely acknowledged her.
“And, of course, your mamm is welcome too,” Samuel added.
“I wouldn’t count on her being here.”
“You never know,” Samuel said optimistically. “People change.”
She started to say, “Not my mother.” But that would be the old Lillian talking. She had to admit: people could change. She had changed. And she had buried any bad thoughts she’d harbored about her mother in a hole by the lake. Plus, she’d had some hard but good conversations with her mom lately that helped her see her mom in a new light.
Her eyes glistened with hope. “I pray she does come.” And she meant it. She just doubted it.
The next day, she set out to go talk to David. She sensed something was bothering him. It was a beautiful day for a walk and it was an off Sunday. Alternating Sunday worship services was one of the “rules” she wasn’t about to argue with. While the service always left her with a sense of fellowship and heightened spirituality, it was incredibly long.
Walking down the dirt road toward Samuel’s farm, she reflected on the events of the past few days. Deep in thought about her mother, she heard a buggy approaching from behind. She spun around and watched the buggy slowing down.
Of all people . . .
Sadie Fisher let out a “Whoa, boy” that any man would have been proud of. As she coaxed her horse to a stop, she yelled, “Need a ride?”
She didn’t really. However, Sadie’s expression was nonconfrontational and it seemed safe enough.
“Heading to Samuel’s?” she asked, guiding her horse back into motion after Lillian crawled in.
“Ya.”
“I heard you were learning the Ordnung and some Pennsylvania Deitsch.” Her tone was neither sarcastic nor condescending.
“Yes, I am.”
“Are you thinking of converting and staying in our community?” Again, her tone wasn’t bitter.
“I’m learning as much as I can so I can make a good decision.” Why does this seem like dangerous territory?
“That sounds like a gut plan.” Sadie issued a pop of the leathery strap and picked up the pace.
Lillian didn’t know what to say. The woman was being nice. She just nodded.
“It’s no secret I was hoping to marry Samuel someday.”
Uh oh. Here we go. “Maybe you still will,” she replied.
Sadie shrugged. “Ach, don’t be silly. He took a fancy to you, and I’m happy for the both of you.”
“What?” She didn’t mean her response to sound as surprised as she was. “No, no,” she added. “We’re only friends.”
“Sure you are.”
The woman didn’t seem the least bit jealous or upset. Maybe it was a trick.
“I’m actually on my way to Samuel’s as well.”
Ah ha! She knew it.
“Levi Zook’s barn burned down and a barn raising is planned for Saturday. I was going to let Samuel know, so he wouldn’t make any plans.”
“Oh,” Lillian responded, wondering how that would affect the family shindig planned for both their families on the same day. She had heard about the Amish barn raisings. The whole community participated and framed and roofed-in a barn all in one day.
“And I know Jonas isn’t well, but it’d be nice if you were able to come help tend to the menfolk.”
Sadie’s tone was sincere. She didn’t seem to harbor an ounce of resentment that Samuel and Lillian had become friends. “I’d be glad to help,” Lillian replied.
As they pulled onto Samuel’s driveway, Sadie asked, “Can I tell you a secret?”
“Sure.” What kind of secret could she have to tell her?
Lillian took in Sadie with fresh eyes. Sadie was a feisty redhead with ivory skin and sky-blue eyes. Tiny creases in the corner of each eye hinted she might be a few years older than Lillian. She was tall and thin. Her striking appearance was unique to the Old Order district. Lillian had noticed almost all the women had dark hair and olive complexions.
“I’ve been writing letters to a man in Texas.”
The look on Lillian’s face must have revealed her shock.
“Not to worry—he’s an Amish man. I’m going to travel there to meet him!”
“Really? Is that allowed?” Lillian wasn’t sure. “I’m from Texas,” she added.
Skipping past her latter comment, Sadie said, “Ya. My husband died three years ago and Samuel was my only prospect for marriage here. My biological clock is ticking, as the Englisch would say.” She glanced at Lillian and smiled for the first time. “I have no bad feelings about it, Lillian. Once I found out that Samuel carried no interest, I rested my efforts.”
Lillian doubted Sadie’s biological clock was ticking too much ahead of her own. She knew the Amish started their families early. She couldn’t help but wonder why Sadie had no children. It wasn’t proper to ask.
“How did you meet him?” Lillian knew there were scattered, small Amish districts in Texas.
“His family traveled here for my cousin’s wedding. That’s how I found out ’bout him. His wife also died about three years ago. But he wasn’t able to attend the wedding. So I haven’t actually met him. We’ve just been exchanging letters. No one knows, either, except for my cousin.”
They were now parked in front of Samuel’s farmhouse. Lillian could
see David on the front porch. “Sadie, I have to say I’m a little surprised that you’re telling me your secret.”
Sadie shrugged again. “I guess I wanted to show you I wasn’t going to stand in your way.” She kept going over Lillian’s protests. “But I’ll ask that you keep it to yourself for now, if you don’t mind.”
“Sure. I won’t tell anyone.”
Sadie nodded. “Listen. I don’t reckon I need to come in. Can you just let Samuel know about the barn raising?”
“I will. And I’ll come help.”
“That would be gut.” Sadie guided her horse in the other direction. Before she pulled out, she yelled out the window. “Lillian?”
“Ya?”
“Come for a visit anytime. I’d love to hear all about Texas.” She smiled and headed down the road.
Lillian decided she liked Sadie. Who would have ever thought? An unlikely friendship, but one Lillian felt she would pursue.
By the time Lillian reached the front porch, Samuel was outside with David. “And to what do we owe the pleasure?” Samuel asked as he walked toward her.
“Actually, I came to see David.”
“Ya?” David asked, sounding alarmed.
“I wanted to talk to you. How about taking a walk with me?” she asked.
“Can I, Pop? I did most of my chores.”
“You can do the rest when you get back,” Samuel said, firing a questioning look in Lillian’s direction.
Offering no explanation, she smiled at Samuel and motioned for David to walk beside her. Halfway down the driveway, she said, “Something was bothering you at supper last night. Anything to do with me?”
“No,” he said. Although he didn’t deny something was wrong.
Lillian thought for a minute and decided honesty would be best. “I thought maybe you were upset that your Pop and I spent the day together without you. Most of the time, it’s the three of us together.”
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