by Jamie Shane
Why?
Because this inspires a complete perspective change. If you can honestly find five things to be grateful for when the chips are down, you can change the way you look at the world. Gone will be the self-centered, entitled person and in its place will be someone who recognizes that life is full of gifts. Nobody owes you anything, and the instant you come to terms with that, everything lightens up.
Every moment is a gift. Even the bad ones. We are here to learn, and to understand one another. To live in gratitude is to live connected to the joys of life and to cultivate a sense of humour about its challenges.
This cannot happen just one day a year. Once a year is simply not enough. Hopefully, this year, you can all take Thanksgiving and tuck it into your pocket to carry like a talisman of hope and light. You can pull it out and hold it in your hands when times are tough. You can share it with others every day for the rest of your life. Gratitude is like love.
There is simply never too much.
50
As the busy season stares us in the face and our population inevitably swells, I thought it prudent to discuss something incredibly profound and idiotically simple.
You are not the only person on the face of the Earth. What you are doing is not the only thing happening in the universe. And that means you will just simply have to share.
I know, deep, right? But, hey, that's what I'm here for.
As a human being living a modern life, it is easy to forget that every last one of us is in the same boat. Regardless of social standing, education, career, ethnicity or age, we are all simply people trying to live a happy life. In general, we all have similar problems and similar desires. At some point in time everybody has experienced the depths of a broken heart or the joys of real love. We have all lost something dear to us and found something we never thought we were looking for. We are all just moving through life doing the very best that we can.
It is so easy to forget that when the process of living takes over the driver's wheel. Everyday tasks beat their drum until their rhythm becomes the only cadence you hear. I have to; I need to; I should; I must. Me, me, me. Without your awareness, these thoughts begin to steer you hither and yon, altering your state of mind and negating your human connection. They drown out the song of "we" with the thump of "me."
This leads to anger, ignorance and rudeness. It leads to social martyrdom and public dramatics. It severs the individual from the greater consciousness and leaves them adrift to fend for themselves in a world that is often difficult and unkind.
Bleck. Yuk. Ick. Let's nip that in the bud right now, shall we?
Repeat after me: "I am not the only person on the face of the Earth. I will treat other people with kindness and respect regardless of how they treat me. I will be generous with my time and my manners. I will be a bright example for others."
Sounds like a pretty high bar, I know. But at least a high bar is easier to limbo under. We all have this ability. We were all taught the basic manners of social cooperation. It's not like I'm throwing anything new at you here, people. But maybe it is something that has a little dust on it, and that's okay. It's not a concept that ever fully abandons you, even when you aren't acting within its boundaries. So take a minute to rediscover that which lives within each of us. Please.
Thank you. A smile for a stranger. Respecting your elders. Patience. Connection.
That one is so important I'll say it again. Connection. Because, in all likelihood, that person ticking you off isn't really trying to do it. They're lost in me land and can't find their way out. Remember that and take a breath. Connect with them and understand. You'll feel a thousand times better about it than if you let yourself spin out into annoyance.
We're all in the same boat trying to be happy. How about we try rowing it together?
51
Sometimes the teachings of yoga are so complex that they leave me pondering in circles for weeks. At other times, I find them so simply naïve that the modern cynic in me rises with a sarcastic, “Yea. Right.” But, despite my all too human reactions, I find that the teachings are eventually proven true in one obvious way or another.
There is a reason why people have been studying it for over five thousand years.
I recently came across just one such simple idea while studying the wisdom of Yogi Bhajan, the father of Kundalini Yoga in the West. Kundalini yoga is considered the “householder yoga” and is therefore practical down to the very roots of its toes. And sometimes, that base practicality clashes with said aforementioned cynic. I just have a hard time accepting that such large changes in mind can come from such absurdly simple practices. But, again, they can. And do. Such as….
When one is feeling impatient or judgmental, one only needs to call upon tolerance to feel tolerant. Say out loud, “tolerance, tolerance, tolerance.” Turn up the corners of your mouth and feel patience and radiance come into you. Simple.
Stupid. Impossible. Right? You can’t just change your frame of mind with three words. Tolerance is cultivated and learned, not just summoned like a wayward housecat. Circumstance affects your level of tolerance. Your emotions play their role. Your social training either helps or hinders. So many things converge to allow you to decide upon tolerance, how—and why—should it just be pulled out of the ether with a fake smile?
I don’t know. But give it a try. Because, beautifully, it works. And it is desperately, desperately needed.
Sadly, and frighteningly, tolerance is leaking out of our social structure. All too often you hear the phrase “zero tolerance” from our media, our legal system, and our political institutions. And while there are certainly circumstances to which this absolutely applies, we cannot ever forget that behind every action there is a story and a condition. What you might consider intolerable may be a tragic amalgam of circumstance or an instance of differing social ideals. Not everybody was raised in your house. Not everybody learned your set of values. Not everybody believes what you believe. “Zero tolerance” is slamming the door on many people who could need compassion, forgiveness and assistance instead of judgment.
Because, after all, we all live in glass houses. And zero tolerance is a slippery slope towards an Orwellian 1984. Is that what we really want? Is that who we are?
Yogi Bhajan’s theory about tolerance stems from the belief that all human emotions are shared, as is all human wisdom. We all came from God, we all go to God, we are all a part of God. Therefore, the well of God is available to us always. That means that a vast pool of tolerance is just shimmering out there in the superconscious mind and can be turned on as easily as one turns on a faucet. “Tolerance, tolerance, tolerance,” and it is flowing free into you. You can use it for the small stuff. You can use it for the really tough stuff. Tolerance is your right—and your honour. From tolerance comes forgiveness, and is anything more divine?
The ability to tolerate and to forgive is the mark of a really great human. It is the path of the avatars, the path of Buddha, the path of Jesus. We all have that capacity; we just need to find it and use it daily to transcend the internal cynic and judge.
It is as easy as three little words and a smile.
52
I often accuse myself of being naïve. I also work very hard to keep myself there.
Now, I don’t mean that brand of naïveté that is simply, blissfully ignorant of things. This is a children’s naïveté. And its not bad. But in adults it is irresponsible. I refer to that type of innocence that is a conscious choice of trust over cynicism. I like being there; it is the foundation from which I think, dream and philosophize.
Cynicism has become very fashionable. It probably evolved from a genuine shift in American consciousness from innocence to an awareness of the dangers inherent in modern living. But is has traveled even beyond that, to a place where trust is considered foolish. And heaven forbid you look at life with optimism. That is a social gaffe of epic proportions. Don’t you know that the world has turned to crap and the only person you can rea
lly trust is yourself?
God. That’s a horrible place to be. No thank you very much. Naïve it is and naïve I’ll stay.
It is so important to cultivate your trust. One must allow it to guide you. Even in the face of modern dangers, to trust is absolutely vital to health and happiness. To trust is to live within the higher vibration. It is to relieve some of the pressure of simply being a cognizant being. It is to believe that everything is possible and that, surely, things are evolving as they should.
Even when things go horribly wrong, there is something of value in them. They may promote a course change in the status quo. They may simply make us aware of the value of life. All things sad are not necessarily evil. All things good are not necessarily helpful. But to relinquish your trust is to release your most valuable tool of discovery.
It is a reasonable estimation to assume that most people are good.
Thoughtless, sure. Shortsighted, fine. But really, truly rotten? Evil at the core? That group is a very small minority considering the population of the world. And treating all of humanity as if they could very well be that infinitesimal group is to deny yourself the bounty of the whole. Go ahead and put yourself into a really small box and then peer out of a tiny hole in the side. This is what it is like to live life without trust.
Why do we think this way? It could be because of the news we consume. All of that bad stuffed into a half hour a day makes for a pretty dismal picture. It certainly doesn’t leave room for the true essence of good, which happens in such small increments that alone it appears as nothing. I don’t see Dateline taking an hour to report on all of the small kindnesses. “Bobby carried Sue’s knapsack all the way home today. Tonight at seven.” “Jim stopped to change an elderly woman’s tire in the rain. Next week on 20/20.” It just doesn’t sell ad time, now, does it?
And yet we allow this to pervade our way of thinking. There’s enough evil to fill the evening news, so the whole world must be falling apart. Yeah, that doesn’t wash with me. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t pull over to help someone broken down. Don’t stop and give directions. That person could be crazy!!
Then again. They could be someone just like you who needs help. All friends were strangers before you met them. One day you could be the one broken down. We all need directions sometimes. You have the gift of judgment and the talent of intuition. You are not a babe in the woods. And there are fewer monsters under the bed than you think.
53
If you have ever watched a reunion of old fraternity brothers, you come away amazed at the terrible things that they say and do to one another. The words that come out of their mouths are some of the vilest and most foul. They call into question one another’s manhood, insult their mothers and denigrate one another’s appearance. Usually this is accompanied by some form of physical violence. It is simply amazing.
But this is not the truly astounding thing. The truly astounding thing is that nobody is offended. They are, in fact, touched and amused. Hm.
Over the course of their time together, during their mutual experience, they have learned to attach a different emotional response to this kind of rude behaviour. We, the uninitiated, would interpret being called a nasty-such-and-such and being choked in a headlock a good reason to call the police. Our emotional response is fear or anger. They understand it as an expression of love and react accordingly.
The same can be said, in a very broad way, of the study of yoga asana and yoga philosophy. For all of its gentle appearance, yoga is one tough, old, so-and-so. Taken out of one’s emotional context, it can really be quite rude. Purify your body by giving up your toxic, cultural comforts. Purify your mind by getting up at 5 a.m. to chant every day. Put your foot over your head and stand upright, that’s it, now soften and breathe out of your left nostril only. Excuse me? Say what? And that’s just the tip of it.
If I walked up to the average civilian on the street and offered those instructions, the instinctive response would be to quickly exit stage left. Get outta there before this strange person follows me and starts shaking a tambourine. But say that to a yogi and the response is more friendly. “Ah, Durvasana. I am having some trouble getting my knee hooked over my shoulder. Do you have any suggestions?” There is nothing strange, or absurd about it. The love of yoga is there, so these difficult requests are understood as an opportunity.
Our emotional affiliation to a communication determines how we will respond to it regardless of the words or tones employed. Or, in other words, you only hear what you want to hear.
I don’t believe that anybody is wholly immune. Ye olde average Joe is pretty well caught up in his or her own emotional web. All of our intellectual intake is filtered through it—positive, negative or neutral. Like a light switch, certain topics set off this emotional beacon and we subconsciously decide—almost immediately—whether or not we will accept the message. We are all capable of dismissing what we don’t emotionally respond to as “utter tripe”. Even the most disciplined of scientists, teachers and philosophers.
One can begin to break this habit by cultivating a neutral mind, by finding this emotional ‘switch’ and becoming aware of what flips it. This begins with an examination of the self, a careful study of the many thoughts that flit across the surface of the mind. You may become surprised at some of the beliefs you hold—remnant teachings from your childhood, fears that lie beneath the surface, or old attachments that you never consciously acknowledge. You must become an archaeologist of self and dig out those autonomic emotional responses, replacing them with neutral awareness. Then and only then can you begin to hear the core message that is being offered to you.
You may still not agree. And that’s absolutely fine. But at least then your response will be an intellectually informed one and not just a ‘knee-jerk’ offense. That kind of blindness does you no favours in the course of your evolution.
We’re not here to be right all of the time. Believe me, I know.
54
I am a big fan of women’s wisdom. Wives tales, folk lore, ancient goddess myth, grandma’s remedies…You name it. I’ll call my mother before I’ll call the doctor. I’ll ask grandma before I ask the preacher. I’ll talk to my best friend before I involve the shrink. My women are the foundation of my wisdom and I am forever rooted in the lineage of their intuition.
I could not be more grateful.
This could be the result of my upbringing, of my personal lineage. The only daughter of a single mom. She, the youngest daughter of a postman’s wife. She, the eldest daughter of a peasant immigrant. The women of my family ruled the roost and cared for their children with the barest of means. Half of a potato to cure a wart was by far more practical than a visit to the doctor. Counting the days of the moon was birth control. Vacuums for earaches, showers for colic, these things were passed down from mother to mother to mother, to me.
But not only practical things travel down the line of women. How to intuit, how to trust, how to love. How to be strong but not hard. How to share. How to connect. How to give. How to be happy with what is. How to be feminine and still be a butt-kickin’ lady.
I am the woman’s woman.
Sometimes it surprises me, then, that I chose yoga as my life’s devotion. In it’s purest form, it is a very masculine science. It is rooted in masculine thought processes, and has a masculine hierarchical system. There are rules and observances. There is austerity and discipline. You must sacrifice earthly taints and think only of the divine. Guru knows best, so shut up and listen.
Information is not imparted with warmth or kindness. To a Guru, you are the student and know nothing. Your feelings in this do not matter. True yoga does not bring you into a mother’s embrace and calmly explain how to find joy, peace and happiness. Always with your very best interests at heart, you are told what needs to be done in order to achieve a specific goal.
That, to me, is not the women’s way. Women sense. We think in a circular pattern. We care deeply for the feelings of others and try to brin
g about positive change with support and encouragement. So, what, then, am I doing?
What an excellent question. And one that I try to answer every day. I take my yoga into my heart and shape it, mould it into what I need it to be. I don’t need the hard line. I don’t need rigidity. And I don’t believe that most of us do, either. Yes, discipline is good. But the roundness of my femininity does not fit into a tightly controlled square box. It is too big, too soft, too full of irreverent good-humour. There are so many things in life to enjoy. And that enjoyment does not prevent me from traveling the path of enlightenment. I believe that one should find joy in the process as well as the goal. I have often felt that yoga needs to have a little more fun with itself. It needs to soften up, intuit more and proscribe less. It needs to allow its feminine to shine.
This is nigh on blasphemy to true yogis. To the millions of hard-line practitioners who wake up at 5 am every morning to chant devotion. Who wear only white and eschew anything—anything—that taints their bodies. No caffeine, no sugar, no meat, no dairy, no white flours, no TV, no modern music, very little sex. These yogis live a life of purity in hopes that their pure efforts will afford them a glimpse of the God within them. That they will finally achieve this union and exist in a state of enlightened peace. A place where the taints and challenges of the world no longer affect them, and their karma is clean.
It is a noble effort. But, ultimately, one that is a step out of time. Life is different than it used to be, faster, busier, harder. When these rules were laid down, things were quite, quite different.