by Lena Skye
I was more than ready to start the new chapter of my life with Kenneth. It was time for us to settle down, move in, get married, and have children. Yes we were doing things a little bit out of the traditional order but I didn’t care. I was happy that he was finally moving forward with me and keeping his word.
I strutted out to the car wearing my skater skirt, fitted top, and a killer pair of heels. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of me, and he gave me an appreciative smile.
“I sure hope that you didn’t go to the park like that,” he laughed.
“Oh no, this is all for you Kenny baby,” I laughed
“It better be,” he said playfully.
“So are you going to tell me what we’re going to see?”
“Hold your horses. It’s a little bit of a surprise, and I want your honest opinion about it.”
“Okay,” I said with a slight smile. It is a pity I already knew what his surprise was going to be but I played along.
Him and I headed about 25 minutes away from my house and entered a residential neighborhood. We got to an apartment building that only had 6 units inside. I preferred a house, but I figured that I could make it work with this place.
We went through the front door of the building, and he used the key to let us into the apartment on the second floor. The apartment had a very open layout, and it was huge. I heard voices coming from one of the rooms.
“What are we doing here?” I asked.
Before he could answer Joshua and 1 of his friends emerged from one of the rooms.
“Hey Nikki,” Joshua said with a smirk.
“Hi,” I said and then I spoke to Maurice.
We all exchanged pleasantries, and they left the apartment. I was confused as to why Ken’s friends would be at our apartment, especially when he was showing it to me for the first time.
“So what’s going on?”
“Well, I thought about it long and hard but....I’m moving in with the boys for a bit! What do you think of the place?” He said proudly.
To say that I was speechless would have been a complete understatement. I couldn’t believe that he thought this was a good idea, or that he thought this was a good surprise for me. This is something that he could have told me over the phone, or when I got into his car. He built up my anticipation just to shoot me down. I wasn’t just confused, but I was pissed. I did my best to hide my disappointment.
“Wow Ken, this is shocking. What do you want me to say to this?”
“I don’t know,” he said, “What do you think? It is a great place, I had to pull some strings to get it but I pulled it off. You know I don't play when it comes to cutting deals.”
“I think that you’re all a little too old to live together. It’s going to be like a frat house here.”
“Aww! You can stop by and stay any time you want baby.” he said as he grabbed and kissed me.
“You sure about that? I don’t know how your roommates will feel about me stopping by randomly.”
“I’m not worried about them, this place is just so nice I could not say no. You will love staying over here.” he said.
I was so damned frustrated with everything because I was finally realizing that he’s not ready to settle down. What kind of parties would 3 grown virile bachelors have? My stomach knotted up at the thought of the three of them running wild.
“I’m worried about them. What will the three of you be doing in this apartment together?” I asked.
“We’ll be living here,” he said in a matter of fact tone.
“You know what I mean, I just don’t think that this is a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“Because you aren’t single, and you’re living with two people that are!”
“Josh isn’t single, he has Loren and Maurice is a good guy. We are not 20 anymore.”
“Whatever, we both know that Josh doesn’t really care about that damned girl. He probably can’t wait to invite all kind of hoes over here. He’ll probably do it just to get to me.”
“You are really tripping,” he said, “I had no idea that you would act like this over something so trivial.”
Trivial?? He wasn’t taking my feelings into consideration at all. The life that I saw for myself had taken a complete nose-dive. I thought that he was prepared to fully be together, but he couldn’t be further from it. He still wanted to frolic with his boys like he was a damned 20 year old. I tried to hold back my tears, but they fell anyway.
“I already know how everything is going to go down. All of those trampy ass models will be here, a load of alcohol will be here, and slip ups will happen. Everything starts out innocent at first, but it never ends that way. I can’t believe that you’re doing this, after everything that we’ve been through together. We’ve finally got our relationship on track and then you risk derailing it with this foolishness,” I cried.
He tilted his head and looked at me as if I was an alien, and he shook his head, “Stop crying. You’re taking all of this way too far. You’re making up crazy scenarios in your head, and it’s driving you insane.”
“I’m not, it’s just that—“
“You’re being silly,” he said cutting me off, “And you need to stop it. It’s only for a year at most, and I owe it to Josh. “
“How do you owe it to him?” I asked as I wiped my tears. I was sure that my mascara was running, and I looked a mess. Why didn’t I wear the waterproof stuff? I really should buy some if my love life was always going to be like this.
“Josh and I have always talked about sharing a place together. Ever since we were teenagers we dreamed about doing this. Now that I’ve got the new gig, we can make it a reality. This place is super dope, and we can all enjoy it, even you. It is only a year after all”
Did he just say only and a year in the same sentence? A year could feel short when you’re having fun, and complete torture when you weren’t. So his idea of a year and my idea of a year were two different things in this scenario.
I shook my head, “I don’t know.”
“This is our last chance to do something like this before we get too old. Besides, I especially owe him this because of what happened in Vegas. How could I turn him down? I’ve been trying to make it up to him, and this is a small price to pay to placate my best friend. He really put the guilt trip on to me.”
“A small price for whom?” I asked, “Because this price seems pretty steep to me. You know as well as I do that this has the potential to ruin our relationship. We won’t see each other as much anymore.”
“I said you can come over whenever, it is not that far from my other place. I think that we’re strong enough to get through this. Josh was really turning up the guild factor, and I just couldn’t say no. He actually cried when I initially said no. I felt so bad..” he said hugging me tightly.
I calmed down in his embrace, and I realized that I may be over reacting a tad bit. I should be able to trust him to do the right thing. This one year would prove to me once and for all if he’s really ready to settle down for good.
Maybe this was just a big blessing in disguise. I was in no way happy about it, but I decided to be content. Maybe me and him moving in right now would be moving too fast. Maybe we needed at least a year of being together without any drama to prove we have it right this time.
*
Was it just me or was my life like a damned soap opera? Or some cruel romance book where nothing ever works out?
I never wanted to live in a soap opera; I always wanted to live in a fairy tale. I know that fairy tales have a ton of conflict, but I’ll take that over what I had right now. In fairy tales they always have that one major conflict that they have to overcome. Their situations seem all but impossible and yet they win in the end, against all odds. Then they live happily ever after. Where in the hell was my happily ever after? I deserved it at this point. I was growing weary of all of the damned ups and downs of my life.
Isn’t there a myth that southern men are more likely t
o settle down? I’m not saying that men in the south aren’t more likely to commit but what I’m saying is that I can’t find one. Well, I can’t find one that I want. The truth is that I really only wanted Ken. Why couldn’t he be like a good southern gentleman?
I guess the problem is that I probably wouldn’t have wanted him if he was like other southern men. I loved his cocky personality, his unwillingness to settle, and his relentless quest for the best things in life. The fact that he wanted to be with me was kind of a compliment, because Kenneth doesn’t like trash. He could have the pick of women in Atlanta but he is always wanted me.
I hated this situation but I would have to deal with it. I really just want to run away with my Kenny and not have to deal with reality but this is not a Disney Movie.
#Chapter5
“It’s like as soon as things come together, they fall apart. It’s bullshit.”
Patrice
Being smacked in the face by the truth was a hard pill to swallow.
I was trying to get over my shock and surprise, but it was a little more difficult than I originally thought. I’m doing my best to not think about it because if I do it will just drive me crazy and it’s not worth it. I decided to invite my girls over to my apartment so that we could chat and talk in private. It ended up turning into a full girl’s night, and that was okay with me. I needed to be surrounded by the women that I loved.
They also wanted the details about what happened the day before. I didn’t update them about what happened with Ken. I was a little embarrassed by what occurred, and I wasn’t ready to hear what they had to say or to hear pity in their voices. Now that I was more confident in my decision to not worry about it, I could disclose to them what happened.
“You play too much,” Patrice said, “What in the hell happened yesterday? Where are your keys?” She asked excitedly.
I looked at Jasmine, and she had a look of expectation on her face that broke my heart a little.
I sighed, “The new place wasn’t for us. It was for him, Joshua, and Maurice.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Patrice asked in disbelief.
“Nope, I’m not joking,” I confirmed.
“Oh no, I’m so sorry,” Jasmine said, “How do you feel about that?”
“I can’t lie; it sucked so badly when I found out. I wanted to throw a damned tantrum in that place. It’s so nice.”
“I’m so sorry for getting you all excited about it, I obviously had no clue what was going on,” Patrice said genuinely.
“I would have thrown a damned tantrum in that place,” Jasmine said.
Me and Patrice looked at her.
“What?” she asked, “I’m nice until I’m pushed. That would have pissed me the hell off.”
“So if you didn’t throw a tantrum, what did you do?” Patrice asked.
“I cried,” I laughed, “But then I got it together.”
“I’m not trying to state the obvious, but how do you feel about him moving in with Joshua?
There’s a lot of history there, and we all know that Joshua isn’t over what happened,” Patrice said.
“Well, everyone except for Kenneth knows,” I corrected her. “Honestly, I trust him. I don’t think that he’ll do anything to disrespect our relationship and Joshua is with Loren now. Since he’s settled down with her, maybe that will keep all of the skanks at bay.”
“Actually...That’s the reason that I was trying to call you last night,” Jasmine interjected, “Some drama apparently happened related to that”
My stomach clenched at her words. I just wanted to put my fingers in my ears and sing ‘I can’t hear you” loudly like a child. I am not sure I can take any more drama, not any that involves me.
“So what’s the drama?”
“Loren broke up with Joshua last night.”
“What? Why? What happened? How did you find out?” I asked quickly.
“She arranged to meet him for dinner, and when he got there she told him that they’re relationship had ‘run its course,’” Jasmine said as she used her fingers as quotation marks.
“How did you find out?” I asked.
“Word traveled pretty fast because Loren was telling people, and Joshua told Maurice. You know that Maurice can’t hold water, he gossips more than any woman that I’ve ever known.”
All I could do was shake my head in disbelief. His relationship with Loren was what made me feel secure about their living arrangement and now that was out of the window. I felt at a huge loss for words.
“She didn’t even order any food,” Jasmine went on.
“Was he hurt?” I asked.
“Apparently not,” she answered, “I heard that he was more shocked than hurt. He couldn’t believe that she would move on from him so quickly. The fact that she dropped him so damned fast caught him off guard.”
I closed my eyes as I cradled my glass of wine in my hand. I probably should have cared more about Josh’s feelings, but all I did was feel sorry for myself. Joshua was possibly about to run rampant, and I would have to keep a close eye on everything. The last thing that I wanted to do was babysit my man.
“I’m sorry that all of this is happening,” Patrice said, “It’s like as soon as things come together, they fall apart. It’s bullshit.”
Jasmine shook her head, “Y'know girls, I’ve heard some bad stuff about Loren.”
My ears perked up, and I watched Jasmine slowly drink her wine.
“If you don’t tell me what you’ve heard, you’re going to be wearing that wine.” I said.
“Patience is a virtue that you clearly don’t possess,” Jasmine said in amusement.
“Yeah whatever,” I mumbled.
“Anyway, before I was so rudely threatened. I was saying that I’ve heard some bad stuff about her. Apparently this is what she does. She uses men for sex and then moves on. She’s openly admitted to being a “bit of a player” and has said that she’s willing to sleep her way to the top if she has to.”
I cringed on the inside because clearly Joshua was just a pawn to get what she wanted. He didn’t really provide her anything but a door into our circle. She was already Patrice’s friend and the only person that she wouldn’t have had access to was my man. I was trying not to feel paranoid, but my intuition was going off like neon lights.
“Oh that makes sense. I should have said something earlier,” Patrice added in.
I turned my head towards her, “What do you mean?”
“Loren was asking me a lot of things about Ken. She specifically asked me if he was the type to stray.”
“Why wouldn’t you tell me something like that,” I said in a high tone.
“I didn’t want to bother you with the pettiness of it all,” Patrice said, “I told her to steer clear of him because he was with you and that you were one of my best friends.”
“What else happened that you didn’t tell me?” I said accusingly.
“Don’t be upset with me, I really didn’t see it as a big deal. But she did say that she wanted him and she openly inquired about how I thought he was in bed.”
“What? I can’t believe that you kept this away from me. She’s been sitting around my man and flirting with him in my damned face. I feel like such a fool right now.”
A silent storm began to kick up inside of me. I kept replaying the double date that we’d had in my head. I should have accidentally doused her with wine a lot earlier than I did. She was openly flirting with my man right in front of me, and Kenneth thought that I was being overly sensitive. I wanted to be irrational and scream at the top of my lungs to get it all out, but I knew that the girls would probably have me committed.
“Okay ladies,” I said, “I can’t really talk about it right now because I don’t want it to ruin our night. Lets drink, be merry and not have hang overs tomorrow.”
“Cheers,” they both said in unison as we clicked our glasses together.
*
It’s rare that I hug my bed on a Monday morning
, but I really didn’t want to get up. I was fighting so many feelings, and I didn’t feel like facing the day. You know I’m a little sad when I don’t want to go look or talk about clothes. The thought of my friends made me smile. I loved them, and they stayed with me pretty late.
I was missing Kenneth and was looking forward to talking to him later that day. He’d been busy moving his things in to that apartment. He wasn’t going to be completely moved in for at least two weeks and was doing it in increments. I already knew that I would be seeing less of him now that he was staying in that apartment with Joshua and Maurice. But I only had to deal with it for a year and then hopefully him, and I could talk about moving forward with our relationship. I was ready to get married and share a home with him but maybe he needs a little bit more time. I can respect that.