Ella rearranged the flowers on the granite and smiled down at the monument to a woman who had loved her son as much as she loved her own little boy.
Perhaps his grandmother had only been partly right. Yes, Seb had come home, but perhaps he had only come home for a visit. Not to stay. Not to rebuild a life for himself. Just passing through.
Like a tornado leaving destruction in his wake.
Which made going out on a date with him this evening an even crazier decision!
‘Yvette? Are you still awake?’ Ella whispered, peering into the living room, frightened of waking Dan, as she yawned widely. She had dozed off for a few minutes in the warmth of the car with her new smooth jazz CD playing on the impressive car music system. And Seb sitting next to her chatting happily away.
Still smiling languorously at the memory of one of the most amazing musical evenings of her life, Ella grinned as Yvette rustled in from the kitchen, very much awake and dressed in her outdoor clothing.
‘Ella? Is that you? Have you seen Dan?’
‘Dan?’ Ella repeated, suddenly alert. There was something in the tone of Yvette’s voice that sent a cold shiver down her spine, but she shrugged it off. A windy night with his mother away was bound to unsettle him. ‘Is he still up watching cartoons? Not to worry, I’ll soon get him settled.’
‘Dan isn’t watching cartoons, Ella. He’s not in his bed. I think he’s gone out looking for that stupid old dog.’ Yvette reached out and grabbed Ella’s arm. ‘I am so sorry. This is my entire fault.’
At two a.m. Ella might not have been at her best, but the words seared into her brain like a shower of icy water. Not in his bed?
She grabbed her friend around both shoulders, forcing her to make eye contact, even though they were both shaking.
‘When was the last time you saw him? Please,’ Ella managed to get out through a closed throat.
‘I checked him about one. He was fast asleep!’
Her head dropped onto her chest. ‘I settled down to read the paper,’ and her voice came now as a trembling rush, ‘and like the old fool that I am I must have dozed off long enough for the boy to slip past me.’ Yvette looked up at Ella with tears in her eyes. ‘I am so sorry.’
Ella ran upstairs and flicked on the light in Dan’s bedroom. The nightlight was still on. The wardrobe doors were open. His boots and jacket were missing. So was the new power torch that Seb had given him.
Suddenly aware that she was wearing thin sandals, Ella fled back to the hall, shrugged on a waterproof jacket and her gardening clogs, flung open the front door against the strong wind, and ran into Seb’s arms.
He held her trembling body against his before lifting her fearful face in both hands for a second and asking in a voice so loving and caring that she almost lost it, ‘Hey! What’s going on?’
‘It’s Dan. He’s gone missing.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Dan! Seb’s heart contracted and he took a moment to calm his breathing.
If anything happened to that little boy he did not know what he would do! If this was what being a full-time parent was like, it was terrifying!
Seb held Ella against his side, the trembling of her fragile body forcing him to make decisions before she started to panic. ‘He won’t have gone very far. Not in the dark.’
He turned back to Yvette, who had started to sob.
Oh, no. Time to take charge and use the quick brain and problem-solving skills he was famous for, even if he did feel like floundering.
‘Yvette. I know this is hard, but please try to remember,’ he said in a quiet calm voice in the local dialect, trying to quell his own anxiety as much as Ella’s. ‘Did Dan give you any clue that he was going outside?’
‘He told me that Milou was still inside the barn, and the wind was howling and he was frightened that he would not be able to get to sleep without his dog. I told him that Milou would be okay and he could see him in the morning. He seemed to accept that…’ Her voice trailed off.
Seb kissed the top of Ella’s head so that his words were muffled by her hair but still sounded clear and echoing across the silence of the hallway. ‘The barn? That’s as good a place as any to start. Did he take the new torch?’
His arm slipped from around Ella’s waist as she answered with a quick nod, and she almost snatched at it, the loss was so great. ‘Ella, you are with me,’ he replied, bustling them both into the kitchen and passing Ella the small torch. ‘Yvette. Why don’t you make a start on the hot chocolate? We’ll be back as fast as we can.’
Seb turned back to face Ella and he took a firm hold of both of her forearms, demanding her attention so that when her eyes locked onto his Seb’s words were focused on her and her alone.
‘We’re going to need more light. You make a head start towards the barn, and I’ll bring the car around and catch up as soon as I can,’ and with one hot, hard kiss on her lips he was out of the door and into the night.
‘I like him,’ Yvette whispered through a choked throat. ‘Helene would have been proud of her boy.’
‘I like him too,’ Ella sniffed, ‘but I don’t know what I’m going to do about that.’
‘You’ll think of something. Now get out there and find Dan. Those torch batteries won’t last all night and he could get scared.’
The rumble of a powerful car engine reverberated around the silent kitchen. The beautiful shiny red sports car edged its way onto the patio across the grass like a cruise ship coming into harbour. Only this ship was knocking over the stone flower urns as it went, destroying the bodywork in the process.
Ella ran out into the garden as Seb swung the car around so that the powerful headlights illuminated the top part of the barn doors, which were closed tight shut. She tugged hard at the latch but it refused to move, and Ella’s chest heaved with tears of frustration as she struggled against the wind and the heavy wooden latch, terrified about what she might find inside and furious that she could not reach Dan.
‘The wind has blown the barn doors tight shut,’ Seb called, jogging behind Ella so that they tugged at the heavy latch on the door at the same time. The door flew backwards in the force of the gusting wind and they both lunged inside.
Looking back at them from the seat of an old stuffed chair was a little boy with his arm around his dog sitting warm and cosy under Ella’s old quilt and reading his cartoon book by torchlight. A bottle of juice and an empty biscuit packet lay at his feet.
‘Hello, Mummy. We’re having a midnight picnic. Seb’s torch is so cool. Will you read me a story?’
Ella leant against her kitchen table and closed her tired eyes. So much had happened since she had left Dan with Yvette that it felt as though days had passed rather than merely a few hours. A few precious hours when she had been able to spend time alone with Sebastien on a simple dinner date and concert.
Only nothing was simple where Sebastien was concerned.
Deep pain cramped around her heart when she thought about what could have happened to Dan when he was out alone in the night.
Part of her was proud that her little boy was strong and brave enough to go out in the dark in a storm to find his old dog, but the cold, gut-wrenching fear of that moment when she found his bed empty overwhelmed her once again, and Ella collapsed down onto the kitchen chair and wrapped her arms around her raised knees, not caring that it would cause serious creases in her best party frock.
She had only been gone for a few hours! And look what had happened!
Tears streamed down her face, ruining the clever make-up she had taken an hour to perfect so that she could look great on her first date in years.
The emotions of the evening were finally starting to take their toll and she now knew what being twisted around inside a tornado must be like.
The wonderful, magical evening she had spent with Seb had been turned on its head, and now? Now she barely knew her own name.
One thing, however, was crystal clear. She was never going to be selfish and put her own
needs ahead of Dan again.
It had been her decision to stay out and enjoy herself a lot longer than she had planned, and Yvette had encouraged her to do so, but the impact of that decision had consequences.
Dan needed her to take care of him. She was the only family he had. His two sets of grandparents were either travelling on tour in some remote part of the world where health care was a distant dream, or holed up inside their luxurious town house in Barcelona, trapped inside walls of loss and grief.
No. Dan was her responsibility. And tonight…tonight she had failed him.
For a few hours she had been given a glimpse of her old life and she had loved it. And now she was paying the price. Her instincts had been right. She could not combine the role of single mother with life as a performer. It simply did not work.
There was a shuffle in the doorway and her traitorous heart skipped a beat in both pleasure and guilt as Sebastien stepped into the kitchen and drew her up out of the chair and into the warmth of his embrace.
‘Dan is fast asleep. That little man has had a big day. And so has his mum.’
Ella looked into Seb’s lovely eyes and tried to smile through a trembling jaw.
He instantly seemed to pick up on her distress and wrapped his arms around her back, pressing her head into the warmth of his chest, his love and devotion only too clear.
Ella blinked away tears of happiness as he dropped a kiss on the top of her head and rubbed the small of her back.
‘I know you were scared. But he is fine. Just fine.’
Her voice trembled with delight at his touch. ‘I know, it’s not Dan. It’s me. I was the one who was terrified this time.’
Seb held her tighter for a second and then his arms relaxed and he guided her gently back into a chair.
He sat down opposite her and stared into her eyes as he brushed a strand of hair back behind her ear with his fingertips, the delicious sensation so hypnotic and so welcoming that she felt like sighing in delight.
‘You can’t blame yourself,’ Seb said in a low voice. ‘You did everything you could to keep him safe. But you have one very determined little boy.’
He reached across the table and took one of her hands in his, caressing her palm with his thumb.
‘I’ve just talked to him man to man about sneaking out late at night on his own without telling anyone where he was going and scaring the living daylights out of his mum and his babysitter. He won’t be doing that again.’
His wry smile melted her resolve and she managed a gentle grin as she pushed her shoulders back with a shudder.
‘Thank you for that. And for helping me to look for him. I just keep thinking that I should have seen it coming. He knows that his grandparents love him, but being away from home for two long weeks is a big deal when you are six years old.’
‘How about when you are twenty-eight?’ He paused for a second, then took both of her hands in his, and focused completely on her face, forcing her to give him her total attention.
‘I spoke to Nicole this afternoon. The flights are booked out so you should expect her Tuesday. And she did tell me something else. Something important. Nicole is thinking of selling this house so that she can start a new life for herself. And it could mean a new fresh start for you and Dan at the same time, Ella.’
Blood surged to her brain, making her dizzy and light-headed. Her mind tried to cope with the meaning of the words while fighting to reject them at the same time and started spinning downwards in a spiral of terror.
‘Nicole can’t be selling the house. She told me that she loved it here!’
Ella’s head reeled with the implications and she slid her fingers from Seb’s and pushed herself onto her feet, using the edge of the table to steady herself as she shook her head and stared at Seb in disbelief.
‘Wait a moment. Did you just say that you spoke to Nicole this afternoon? You knew! You knew what she was planning and you never said a word all evening! How could you do that, Seb? How could you not tell me that I was about to lose my home?’
‘Because I didn’t want anything to spoil our evening together. You have so little time for yourself, Ella. You deserved a few hours away from reality.’
She clasped tighter onto the hard, well-worn wood, her knuckles white with the pressure. She wanted to be happy for Nicole but every part of her screamed out at her own loss.
‘You don’t understand. This house is not just my job. I love it here.’
Glancing frantically around the room, Ella raised one hand towards the watercolours she had painted of the garden and Dan’s artwork on the refrigerator. ‘This is the only home Dan and I have ever truly known. These walls are my rock. I need this, Seb. I need this house. And so does Dan.’
She closed her eyes and a glimmer of hope flicked through her brain. ‘Perhaps the new owner needs a housekeeper. Nicole can give me a good recommendation. That’s a possibility, isn’t it?’
There was so much doubt and fear in her voice that Seb walked swiftly around the table and gathered her into his arms, soothing her with calming words before pressing his forehead gently against her brow so that he could smile into her tear-filled eyes.
‘There is another option. I know this has come out of the blue for both of us but there is another option. I want you to come away with me. You and Dan. We can make it work, Ella. I know we can.’
His words stunned her with a sense of such wonder and delight that she took a step back and battled to sort through the confusion of thrill, excitement and terror.
‘What do you mean…come to Montpellier with you tomorrow, or come to Sydney with you?’
‘Sydney, of course,’ he replied, raising both hands in the air and glancing around the kitchen. ‘I realise that my penthouse won’t be quite as exciting as a farmhouse without electricity or midnight picnics in a storm,’ he added, grinning, ‘but I think you would love it. Being with you and Dan these last few days has shown me what I have been missing in my life. We can be a family, Ella.’
The excitement and enthusiasm in his voice beamed out in the kitchen, filling it with energy and power and vitality. His hands moved to stroke her face and his smile bored deep into the core of her soul with such love and fierce passion that it broke her heart, but that did not make it any easier to slip out of his arms and step across to the open kitchen door.
She needed to clear her head. And fast.
Seb followed her and she wallowed in the wonderful sensation of his arms wrapped around her waist as he laid his head on her shoulder so they both looked out onto the moonlit garden where they had danced together only a few hours earlier.
‘Come to Australia with me. And be my love.’
She breathed in the heavy scent of him mingled with the night-flowering nicotiana, the musk roses around the door and what remained of her precious perfume. His words were liquid honey on her frayed nerves, soothing and so welcoming and warm that she allowed her senses to revel in them.
There was no sound. The fierce winds had died down to a breeze and as they stood there, clasped together, a nightingale sang out from the plane trees that bordered the river, filling the night air with its wonderful song.
Calling her with music and joy because it was singing its own true song.
Her heart broke because now she knew that she had the strength to say what she wanted for herself and Dan.
She forced herself to turn inside the curve of his arms and took hold of his face with both of her hands and held it steady, so that she could force out the words that she needed to say before her courage failed her.
‘I am happy for you, Seb. I truly am. You deserve every success and I know that you are going to do wonderful work with your charity. But I can’t come with you to Sydney. My home is here. In this small village in the Languedoc. Not in the city.’
His handsome face twisted in confusion and he replied in a voice crackling with hesitancy.
‘I know this has come fast and it’s a lot to take in, but you know that yo
u and Dan will never want for anything. Dan will get the best education and his wonderful, amazing mother can have her choice of singing coaches and start performing again anywhere she likes. In a few years you could rebuild your career. It would be great.’
Ella smiled through her tears in understanding. ‘I know that you mean well. You can offer us the best that money can buy. But there are other things we need which will be harder to find in the city.’
She paused as the impact of what she was saying hit hard, and deep crease lines appeared on his brow as he shook his head.
‘What do you mean? What other things?’
She bit her lip. Seb had created an ideal picture for their life together in the city, which was brilliant, and yet it all seemed suddenly too much to take in all at once. She had already been through this situation when Christobal’s parents had planned her life in Barcelona without consulting her. They had acted out of love, she understood that now, but trying to fit into another person’s lifestyle and rules in a modern city had almost destroyed her.
‘Peace. Tranquillity. Calm. A garden where I can pick fruit from the trees. Somewhere for Dan to play and run around all day. A community where he feels safe and welcome and his grandparents are within driving distance. And his dog, of course. And something else. Something even more important than any of those things.’
Ella looked hard at him. Could she take that risk in another city with Seb? And what would that do to Dan? He adored Seb. But was Seb ready to be a father to her little boy?
‘Can you give us yourself, Seb? Your time and your love and your heart? Not money or possessions. Dan needs people, not possessions. I need you. Can you put us ahead of anything else in your life? Because otherwise I will be repeating exactly the same mistake that Luc Castellano made after your mother died.’
The Last Summer of Being Single Page 15