by Stacey Lynn
“You don’t. Do you?”
He shoved his hands through his hair, head tipped back to the ceiling. It was that pause that told me everything I already suspected. His words only confirmed it. “I thought I did.”
It was the same as a no and we both realized it at the same time. My chest deflated, his hand went from his hair to the back of his neck. “I don’t know, Destiny. Maybe this all happened so fast, maybe I do need more time. Not because I don’t love you, I do, I swear it, but I don’t want this to keep coming back up either.”
“I understand.” I did. It killed, but I got it. I hated it. I thought we were past it, but clearly my betrayal and lies had been a snake, coiled and waiting to strike. “Then I suppose it’s a good thing I’ll be gone for a couple weeks, isn’t it? You’ll have that time.”
“I don’t want you to go.”
“Yeah, because you’re afraid I won’t come back and that’s not trust. You can’t keep me chained to you so I don’t run away, and I’m not. Toby wants his dad, Jordan. It was his idea about the birth certificate. I won’t deny him that.” I inhaled a shuddering breath that rattled my rib cage. “I love you, and I’ve told you I’d earn back your trust. It was our mistake to think it would be easy to brush aside a decade of me hiding him from you and not have it come back to us.”
“I love you,” he stated. So plainly.
I didn’t need the reassurance. “I know. And in a couple weeks, when we’re back, we’ll figure out where we go from here.”
He blinked, looked out the kitchen window behind me and slowly brought his blue eyes back to me. When our gazes met, his features had softened. Finally. He was getting it. And when he spoke, he almost made my knees give out. “You’re stronger than you’ve always thought you were. You know that, right?”
I went to him then, unable to keep the space between us. Needing him. I pressed my hand to his cheek. He covered my hand with his, turned his head and kissed the heel of my palm. “I’ve had a really great guy in my life showing me the way to that. And maybe I’ve started listening to the right people telling me who I am instead of believing the wrong ones telling me what I’m not.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
His head dipped, his lips met mine. He kissed me softly, sweetly. My hand slid to his neck, his went to my waist but the kiss didn’t go further. He didn’t deepen it. I took what he gave me and treasured it because this was big. Huge.
Somehow, he was telling me in that kiss that he believed we’d get through it together.
He pulled back, corners of his eyes crinkling as he licked the taste of me off his lips.
“How can I help?”
* * *
“You have everything packed and set aside that you want to keep?” Jordan asked.
We were at the airport. He’d insisted on driving Toby and I and it was zero-dark-thirty in the morning. I was barely awake because I’d had little sleep, mostly because last night, Jordan insisted on staying the night at Tillie’s with Toby there, and it’d taken Toby a while to fall asleep.
And Jordan had kept me up for several hours after that, making love to me, reaching so deep into my soul it was like he was trying to plant himself deep inside, so I had no choice to return to him.
Soon, he’d know there was no choice. I’d always belonged to him.
After he’d asked me how he could help, I took him up on it and we spent the rest of the day separating everything of Tillie’s I wanted to keep. Most of it was photos, although I was keeping some of her kitchen items and a few keepsakes that meant a lot to her. But outside of that, there’d been a distance. He was afraid I’d change my mind and wouldn’t return. I was still hurt that not only did he not trust me, he didn’t seem to be trying either. The thick unease settled over us and while we’re still together, our new relationship was tenuous at best.
“It’s all in the master bedroom,” I replied and pressed my hand to his cheek. “Thank you. For your help and for being you.”
“I’ll get the house taken care of while you’re gone. But call me. Hourly. Daily. Whenever you want, even if it’s just to say hi.”
I couldn’t miss the worry in Jordan’s eyes. I’d fight and bleed to do all I could to erase that look in him. “I will. I love you.”
That worry softened and he grinned. “I love you, too.” He looked down at Toby, whose head was dipped to his phone, thumbs flying across the screen. “I love you too, little man. You know that, right?”
Toby’s head jerked up. His spine went straight, and his little jaw relaxed like it could hit the floor. His eyes flickered to me before meeting Jordan’s gaze. I knew there was so much he wanted to tell Jordan. So much he had to say, but it was then I realized, it was the first time Jordan had given him that confirmation.
“Yeah,” he said. His chin wobbled.
Jordan crouched down, slid his hand around the back of Toby’s neck and pulled their heads close together. “I’ll take that test, Toby. I’m honored. So damn honored you want that from me. Then when you and your mom get back and get settled, we’ll celebrate that, okay?”
“Okay…Jordan.” My little guy swallowed a lump in his throat, tears brimmed in his eyes. “Thanks.”
“Do anything for you. Always. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
Damn it. I turned away and swiped my eyes before I lost it. I’d cried enough. Cried for Tillie. For taking Toby from Jordan. From seeing them every single time they interacted. This was more special though.
This was more precious than gold.
Jordan stood and slid his arm around my back, tugging me to his side. He bent, kissed my temple and whispered, “I love you, Destiny. Go do what you need to do so you can get back to me. Then we’ll work on putting this family back together in a safe and healthy way.”
“I will. Promise.”
His lips pressed my cheek. Slid to my ear. “I believe you. Now go get on your flight before I haul your ass back to my place and never let you leave.”
Twenty-Nine
Destiny
* * *
“Have I mentioned how much I love you guys?” I reached up and wrapped my arms around Drake’s shoulders. Next to him, Allison was as much of a sweaty mess as I was.
“You’re family, honey,” Drake said, patting my back. “It’s what we do.”
“Damn it. You’re going to make me cry again,” she whined.
Drake smiled at his wife, stepping out of my hug and pulled her to his side. “No need to cry. They’ll visit. Often. And so will we, right?”
“Absolutely,” I said.
They’d spent the week since I returned to Texas helping pack up my house. My home was officially going on the market tomorrow. Thanks to my friends helping and a few neighbors, we were well ahead of schedule. Toby had spent most of the days at his friends’ houses, or they’d come over here. I’d offered him the opportunity to stay another week like we’d planned, but yesterday he’d said he was ready.
So Drake had picked up the moving truck early, called a couple of buddies to help load up the furniture I was taking with and tomorrow…we were headed home.
“Hey superstar,” Drake called out, snagging Toby’s attention.
He checked his phone, frowned, and looked at Drake. “Yeah?”
“Get over here and give me a hug goodbye, would ya’?”
Toby frowned at his phone again before setting it down and trudging to Drake who enveloped him in a hug. “You doing okay?”
Toby’s eyes came to mine, not Drake’s when he answered. “Yeah. Just haven’t heard from my dad.”
That sweet feeling in my chest I got whenever Toby called Jordan dad warmed and slid to my limbs. He’d started doing it when we got back to Texas, like he’d needed the space to get used to using the word, and every time it made my heart race with happiness.
His concern worried me. When Jordan told us to call or text whenever we wanted, he answered. We spent hours talking ever
y night. I learned he was a master at phone sex. FaceTime sex. I couldn’t wait to see him in action in person again. But we’d done more than that, too. We spoke about life. About nothing and everything until we were yawning on the phone, running on little sleep. The next day, we repeated. He called. He texted. He made contact several times a day with Toby whether it was a photo of him on the golf course, a pic of the new hoop he’d had installed on his own driveway. They chatted frequently. They laughed easily. Toby was almost always chuckling during their conversations either via text or phone.
I’d called Jordan this morning too, to let him know of our change in plans. I was done trying to surprise the man as much as I wanted to by showing up a full week early. I’d put it out of my mind though with the business of the day.
“He’s probably in meetings. Or busy with something else. He’ll call.”
Toby’s mouth went sideways. “Yeah. We’ll see.” He shrugged and finally returned Drake’s hug before giving one to Allison too.
Her pretty blue eyes misted over, and she sniffed. “Man. All this moving sure has kicked up the dust in your house.”
I laughed. “Stop it. Before you make me start, too.”
She let go of Toby who hurried back to his phone. I watched him, worried now about Jordan’s lack of contact. Usually if he was busy or in a meeting, he’d at least let Toby know. That he hadn’t returned either of our calls all day was a bit worrisome.
Allison glanced at my boy and then yanked me into her arms. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it work with the job, honey.”
She told me when I returned she wasn’t going to be able to keep me on full-time with being so far away. She needed someone in the office and as much as she wanted to, we’d agreed I’d contract with her independently if she needed something her team couldn’t handle. I was bummed, but not necessarily surprised. “It’s fine,” I said, squeezing her back. “I totally understand, and I never expected special treatment because we’re friends.”
“I know, but it still sucks you’re leaving.” She laughed and shoved her face into my throat. “Well, it sucks for me, but I’m happy for you too.”
“I know what you meant.” She was a goofball. An emotional wreck this last week, too. Allison might have been taking my moving harder than me, but perhaps it was because she was losing us.
On the other hand, I was headed home. As sad as I was to leave my friends and life in Texas, I was more than ready to head back to where I truly belonged.
“Okay, okay.” She pushed off me and rubbed her eyes, sniffing as Drake curled her to his side. “We’ll go. Call me when you get there. Call me when you need me. Anything. And make sure you stay in touch, okay?”
“I promise.”
“Good. Me too.”
“I love you, you know.” Damn it. She was right. It was dusty in my house. I wiped my eyes and Drake laughed.
“Oh no. No more tears. None allowed. I’m getting her out of here before you drown us all.”
“Save me, man!” Toby shouted. They’d always been a team, ready to pounce when it came to teasing us. It felt good, knowing we were leaving and things were changing…but not everything.
“You too, little man. You keep in touch and keep me updated on all the hot chicks in Kansas, okay?”
Toby stuck up his thumb. “You got it!”
I gave them another round of hugs. Quickly. Fiercely. When Allison and I were about to dissolve into more tears, Drake whisked her away. Toby met me at the front door to the house and I slid my arm around his shoulders, pulled him to me.
Together, we waved goodbye to the best friends I’d ever had. We stayed there until their taillights disappeared and then I smiled a tear-filled smile down at my son.
“So. Are we ordering pizza or Chinese for dinner?”
He looked down at the black screen on his phone and shrugged. “Pizza’s good. Whatever.”
* * *
Almost an hour later, I’d spread out the few remaining dishes and drink glasses I hadn’t loaded into the moving van. In our bedrooms were two air mattresses I’d bought for the night and blankets and sheets that also needed to get loaded. I spread my comforter out on the living room floor and had everything set up for a picnic.
Toby had been antsy. He’d wandered back and forth from his spot on the floor to peeking out behind curtains by the front door.
When I asked, he said he was hungry, but something was going on with my boy.
I was in the kitchen, grabbing a can of root beer for Toby and a bottle of white wine for me. I’d loosened up my strict drinking rules a bit since being back in Carlton. I’d never been a huge drinker, the fear of my mother’s addiction too large to ignore, but in the few times I drank when I was back in Kansas, I’d learned I actually enjoyed a glass of wine at night occasionally. And it wasn’t like Toby hadn’t gotten used to beer being around with Jordan. Or seeing me have a drink. And I figured with the stress of moving and excitement of moving, a glass or two of wine that night would help settle me for sleep.
I poured a glass of wine and took my first sip when the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it!” Toby shouted. His feet thundered through the empty house and made it sound like a stampede of elephants. He took off down the hallway and around the corner toward the door as I shouted behind him. “I’ll need to sign for it!”
I set down my glass and followed him, hungry but not nearly as starving as my son, when I slid to an abrupt halt on my feet.
Because my son wasn’t taking pizza boxes from the delivery man.
He had his arms thrown around his dad’s waist.
Jordan’s head rose from where he’d pressed it to the top of Toby’s head. “Surprise,” he said, and a slow grin stretched across his face.
Immediately, tears stung my eyes and my body trembled. “You’re here. How? Why?”
Toby stepped out of Jordan’s arms and turned to me, smiling so big his face looked like it’d split in two. “I told him I missed him and he said he’d come see us. So I told him okay and now he’s here!”
My feet started moving, pulling me toward the man in my doorway, the front door still open behind him. And then I wasn’t just moving. I ran the small distance of the hallway until I reached him and I flung myself into his strong, warm—and forever and always to be only mine—arms. “You’re here!”
“Missed the two of you like crazy. Toby said last night how much he missed me and said your plans had changed. Hopped on the first flight I could make today so I can help you get back home tomorrow.”
Home. With him. He’d come and not because he didn’t trust me to return on my own but because my son had told him we needed him.
God. This man was perfect.
“I tried calling you this morning to let you know I was coming.”
“I know. But I knew if I talked to you I’d tell you I was on my way to you, you’d tell me not to bother, we’d bicker about it, and then I’d still be here, so I saved us all the hassle.”
“Isn’t this great, Mom?” Toby said. Now I knew why the kid had been so jittery. He hadn’t been worried, he’d been antsy. “Now we can all three head back home together!”
“Yeah, kid. It’s great.” I was still in Jordan’s arms and I tilted my head, grinning at him. “Our first big family adventure.”
“The first of many,” Jordan murmured, his head falling slowly toward mine. His intent clear. He pressed his lips to mine, whispering, “And I’ll give you a better kiss once the kid’s not in the room.”
“Can’t wait,” I replied, and pressed my lips to his.
“Gross!” Toby groaned. A flash of light came from the open doorway and he immediately shouted, “Awesome! And pizza’s here. I’m freaking starving!”
“Later,” Jordan said, squeezing me tightly before letting me go.
Which meant I answered the door for the pizza guy, Jordan took the pizzas for me, and I signed the receipt all while wearing the largest, goofiest smile I’d ever worn in my life.
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I grabbed another drink for Jordan and we spread out on the living room floor, laughing and giggling and stuffing our faces with pizza and good drinks. Later, once Toby was asleep, Jordan and I grabbed the pile of blankets from the living room and took them to my room.
We kissed. We touched. We laughed and teased.
We made out like kids, Jordan telling me he’d wait until he could get me in a bed again, and when it was late, and my eyes were barely staying open and I could barely speak without yawning, Jordan pulled my back to his chest, his arms around my stomach.
It was then, he rocked my world even more than he already had by saying, “When we get back, don’t want you to take your stuff to Tillie’s. Move in with me, Destiny.”
I might have been tipsy from the wine. I might have been delirious from lack of sleep.
But I was fully aware of my response as I said, “Yes, of course. I love you. Where else would we go?”
He kissed me, rolled so he was on top of me, and my legs spread, welcoming him, but when I thought we were going to make out a little bit more, Jordan changed the plan.
He made love to me slowly, quietly, but no less passionately and when we separated and came together, again and again, we did it telling each other how much we loved each other.
We fell asleep entwined, woke up with sore backs and hips and shoulders, too old to be sleeping on a hard floor all night.
The next morning, bright and early right as the sun was beginning to rise, we loaded up the moving truck—
And we got on the road. It might have taken me a decade, it might have been a winding trip, but I had never been more excited to take that long road home than I was nestled in the moving truck with Jordan driving and Toby nestled between us.
Epilogue
Jordan
* * *
“You may now kiss the bride.”
I turned my head away from the bride and groom as Cooper leaned in toward my sister. For the first time, it wasn’t because watching my sister make out with someone made me want to puke, but because for the entirety of their service, where I stood next to Cooper as best man, I couldn’t pull my eyes off Destiny.