by Sara Foster
She is waiting. What is she waiting for? Could it be . . .
Her hands are on her lap. He tentatively puts one of his hands on one of hers. She looks down, stares at their hands together.
It’s now or never. He puts his arm around her shoulders, ready to pull her towards him, leaning in, imagining his next move: his hand gently tilting her face towards his.
‘Zac!’ Her voice is sharp and he jumps back. As he does so his fingers encounter a spider’s web, meshing the delicate threads together into a sticky knot.
‘I’m sorry . . . I didn’t mean to upset you . . . I – I care about you.’
‘I know.’ She sighs. ‘Zac, you’re practically my brother.’
He tries not to hear her, concentrating on plucking the goop from between his fingers, grateful for something to do, wishing he was anywhere else but here.
She leaps up from the bench and pats Arthur’s head. ‘Let’s keep walking,’ she says, without looking back.
Zac is consumed with embarrassment. It quickly turns to misery, and he trails her for a while, aware they are still heading away from the house, wondering if he should say something but not keen to draw her attention to the fact he’s still here.
To his surprise, Maddie suddenly sits down on a large slab of rock. When he sees where they are he hurries to catch up. ‘Er, Maddie—’
She holds a hand up. ‘Don’t talk, Zac. Just listen. I’m going to do something, and I want you to know that it will never, ever happen again. So just . . . just enjoy it, will you?’
She stands up and puts a hand on either side of his face. She pulls him towards her and presses her lips against his, and astonishment makes him resist at first, but not for long. He closes his eyes, and that makes it easier to believe that this is really happening. That Maddie is kissing him in the middle of the woods, alone together, with only a few furtive creatures close enough to watch them.
He doesn’t open his eyes until she moves away. His lips are buzzing.
‘Now,’ she says, her hands on her hips but an upbeat glint to her eye. ‘Can we go back to being friends . . . please? Because,’ and here her voice breaks a little, ‘I really don’t want to lose you.’
Zac is still reeling from her lips on his. Never again, she had said.
Still, some of the weight in his legs seems to have disappeared. She had kissed him.
Perhaps it will be enough.
‘Okay.’ He puts his hands in his pockets, wondering how they follow this moment.
She smiles shyly, and it is the Maddie he has always known. He is overcome with relief. Perhaps he isn’t going to lose her, after all.
‘Do you know where we are?’ he asks.
She looks intrigued. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You were sitting on the corpse stone.’
She frowns at the slab of rock, and he sees the recognition in her eyes.
‘Do you remember that time you and Georgia and Sophia left me alone here? You told me about a road of ghosts and brought me down here to show me the stone where they rested, and while I was looking at it you all ran away and hid behind the trees.’
She smiles. ‘I do remember that.’
‘I can’t believe how frightened I was, looking out at the empty path, waiting for one of you to show yourselves. I didn’t dare make a noise in case the dead people heard me first.’
Maddie pats the stone. ‘Sophia and Georgia were so confident and brave. I thought I would be like them when I got older, but the accident last night completely freaked me out.’
Zac shrugs. ‘Me too. I’ve felt sick all day.’
Maddie looks away. ‘Well, I’m glad Georgia’s okay.’
She has just given him an opening and he grabs it. ‘Actually, I don’t think Georgia is okay.’ The words are out of his mouth before he can help himself.
Maddie swings back around, her face pale. ‘What do you mean?’
Don’t do it, he thinks, as he reaches into his pocket, fighting with himself, as though he might have a concealed weapon in his hand. He is sure this is a really bad idea – and yet, in spite of that, he is pulling out his phone.
He presses a few buttons then hands it over. ‘I found this photo in Georgia’s room last night.’
Maddie takes the phone from him and studies the screen. She doesn’t react at first, but after a few seconds she gasps. ‘Oh my god, is that who I think it is?’
She looks up at Zac in disbelief.
‘I think so.’ He grimaces. ‘So, now the question is, what should I do about it?’
‘Oh my god, Zac, does that mean . . . Oh my god, this is major. Beyond major. Are you going to talk to her? You have to ask her about this.’
‘I don’t know.’ Zac has considered it, but even the thought of that conversation leaves him mortified. ‘What would I say?’
It is a genuine request for help. He is hoping Maddie might have some insight for him, but she nods in agreement as though the question is rhetorical.
As she looks back at the picture, relief is pouring through him. He doesn’t have to carry this problem alone any more. Maddie will help him sort it out.
He registers that her phone is ringing just before Maddie pulls it from her pocket. She is still staring at the photo when she answers, ‘Hey.’ There’s a pause. ‘I’m fine,’ she says, and to Zac’s dismay her voice has changed. It’s slightly higher, she’s talking faster, her arms are waving around. He wants to recapture his phone before she drops it. ‘Oh my god, I know. I’m at my uncle’s. Well, actually I’m on the path in the middle of the wood, walking Arthur with Zac.’ There’s another delay, and she laughs and looks quickly at Zac and away again. ‘Stop it.’ She listens a bit more. ‘Okay, sure, if you want to. You can come up through the back gate and we’ll be with you in five minutes. I’m sure my aunt and uncle won’t mind.’
Zac kneels down to fuss over Arthur as she talks. When she hands his phone back, she says what he already knows. ‘That was Jax.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah, she wants to come and see me. Can we hurry to the gate, I’ve told her we’ll meet her there in five minutes. She doesn’t want to walk through the woods on her own.’
Her words replace his relief with an onslaught of dread. This wasn’t what he had envisaged at all. But before he can do anything, Maddie is going at such a pace that he is almost jogging to keep up with her. As they hurry through the woods, the trees either side of the path crowd in on him, wagging their spindly branches in his face. All too soon he can see the gate up ahead, and Jacinta is already there, and the girls wave excitedly at one another.
‘Please don’t tell her about that photo,’ Zac hisses to Maddie’s back as Jacinta comes towards them.
Maddie turns and gives him a kind smile, her glance only reaching him briefly before it flickers away. ‘Don’t worry about Jax,’ she says, before she is pulled around and swallowed with a squeal inside her friend’s enthusiastic embrace, and Jacinta’s beady bird eyes smirk at him over Maddie’s shoulder.
19
ANYA
Many of the children have left already, thank goodness, so there are only a few pairs of gawking eyes present to watch the stretcher being wheeled out of school. When the doors of the ambulance close, I take hold of Leticia’s hand and stare through one of the narrow slatted back windows to watch the school disappear. As it recedes, I resign myself to this role. I need to do my best for this child, even as I long to be with my own. I stroke her cold fingers all the way to the hospital, telling her it will be okay, with no real idea of whether or not I am telling the truth. I wish the journey away as the paramedic works around us, monitoring Leticia’s vital signs and asking her questions. Not until she is wheeled ahead of me through the emergency doors do I pull out my phone and call Callum.
‘Pick-up pick-up pick-up,’ I say under my breath. I will scream if I hear his answerphone message right now.
‘Hi Anya.’
‘I’m at the Royal Lancaster,’ I say without prea
mble. ‘A girl collapsed at school and I had to ride in the ambulance with her.’
‘Christ, I thought you were going to say something about Sophia,’ Callum replies. ‘Is the girl okay?’
‘Not really, but it’s a long-term thing – she has an eating disorder.’
‘Oh.’ There’s a beat of silence. ‘All right, then, how long will you be?’
‘I don’t know . . . but I’ll need a lift back to school – I had to leave my car there. How’s Georgia?’
‘She’s fine,’ Callum replies. ‘I’ll come and get you. I’ll leave right away, but it might take me an hour at this time of day, if the traffic’s bad.’
‘Bring Georgia with you,’ I tell him. ‘I’ll go over and see Sophia while I’m waiting.’
There’s a pause. ‘Good idea, she’s on the general ward in the Centenary Building,’ he says. ‘Oh, and Anya, before you do that, I need to tell you something . . .’
But as he speaks, a woman is being shown into the waiting room, and the nurse is pointing at me. I recognise Leticia’s mother.
‘I’ve got to go,’ I say quickly. ‘You’re sure Georgia’s okay?’
‘Yes,’ he says. ‘Anya—’
‘Okay, I’ll talk to you both when you get here.’
I hear him sigh. ‘Okay, then,’ he says, and hangs up.
Leticia’s mother comes closer, her eyes wet with tears. We have met a couple of times before but don’t know each other very well. To my surprise, she puts her arms around me, wrapping me in a bear hug. ‘Thank you so much for coming in with her.’ She plonks down in a chair, and I sit beside her. ‘I don’t know what to do next. I’m ashamed to say I’m almost glad this has happened. It forces the issue, makes us more likely to get Tish the help she needs.’ She glances at the ceiling, inhales deeply, and then the words come out in a rush. ‘I don’t know what else to do. I can’t force her to eat. I can’t watch her 24/7. I feel like I’m holding her hostage, standing over her, making her do things she doesn’t want to do. She won’t answer me half the time, just looks at me like I’m torturing her. But what’s the alternative?’
I think of the difficulties I have talking to Georgia, and my heart goes out to this woman. A few hours ago I envied her, but my problems with Georgia seem like nothing compared to this. I am searching for some reassuring words as a doctor enters the room and heads for us. We both jump to our feet.
The doctor holds a hand out as though to halt us. ‘You can go and see her in a second. You’re Mum, yes?’ She looks across to Mrs Jenkins. ‘Your daughter’s heart rate is very low, so we’d like to admit her straightaway. We’re also keen to begin feeding her intravenously as soon as possible once we’ve talked to her; she has a counsellor with her now. We’ll need your consent on all this, of course.’
Leticia’s mum begins to cry, and the doctor puts a consoling hand on her arm. ‘You know, there are professionals who have spent years studying anorexia and they still find it enormously difficult to treat. You’ll know for yourself that when someone has an eating disorder, they don’t go for help – they withdraw, they turn on the people closest to them, they become obsessive. Their single-mindedness is incredible, really – it’s terrible that such strength of purpose is their downfall.’ She smiles kindly. ‘Would you like to come with me?’
Mrs Jenkins nods and collects her bag from the chair. The doctor strides ahead and waits, holding the door open as Leticia’s mother turns back to me. ‘Thank you again,’ she says, clasping my hands.
‘You’re welcome,’ I tell her. And a burst of emotion makes me add fiercely, ‘She might be lost right now, but don’t give up. I know you can reach her. And I hope she can find herself again.’
She gives me a brief hug, then turns away. Over her head, I see the doctor’s shrewd gaze lingering on me. What is she seeing, I wonder. Is it the flushed cheeks from my racing heart, or my trembling fingers, or do I have other nervous tells? Because what she said has set my mind into overdrive. She had been talking about Leticia, and yet as I ticked the symptoms off one by one, I had been thinking about Georgia.
My brain whirls faster and faster, until all I can think is Georgia Georgia Georgia. I need to calm down. I will feel better if I could just talk to her. I call her mobile, but there is no answer. I call Callum’s, but it goes straight through to voicemail. He will be driving. They will be here soon. There’s more than one explanation for those symptoms, I tell myself. She is safe.
I take a seat in the waiting room, hanging on to one of the cool plastic arms of a chair until the fear has spun itself into exhaustion. I remind myself of all the occasions where I have watched Georgia eat recently. She wolfed down the chicken casserole I made last week. I saw her help herself to a big slab of chocolate cake only a few days ago.
Suppose she went to the bathroom afterwards and threw it all up? Truthfully, I wouldn’t know. I’ve always put Georgia’s slim frame down to running and youthful genes, and never considered anything else. But as I do, there is something false in the image I’m selling myself – I’m playing spot-the-difference with the doctor’s description of Leticia. I can’t figure it out, but I’m convinced that it’s a big deal. Something is chipping away at my daughter, hollowing her out, and I need to find out what it is and put a stop to it.
Once I have recovered my equilibrium, I call Helene. She answers in a whisper, her tone flat. I explain why I’m at the hospital and ask about visiting.
‘It would be nice to see you, Anya, but I’m not sure it’s the best thing for Sophia. She is just starting to come around, and she’s still in shock.’
‘Of course,’ I say. ‘That’s understandable. I won’t intrude, we can come back over the weekend when she’s feeling better.’
After I hang up I make my way to the foyer, where I find a small newsagency. To pass the time I go inside and buy all sorts of chocolates and magazines and a big bunch of flowers, hoping they will help to lift Sophia’s spirits. I plan to beg a nurse to deliver them, so I ask for directions to the ward, and get lost in the looping corridors before I realise I need to take an extra set of stairs. By the time I reach the children’s ward, I’m aware that Callum must be close.
I hurry towards the nurses’ station to drop off the booty, but as I glance to my right I see a family tableau: Liam and Helene leaning over a bed, Helene’s hand against Sophia’s cheek. I am caught by the intensity of the scene, forgetting my purpose, until someone prods my shoulder.
‘Excuse me, it’s past visiting hours – what do you think you’re doing?’ a stout nurse glares at me, arms folded. Her foot taps the floor. If she were a bull she would charge at any moment.
‘I’m sorry, I just meant to sneak in,’ I say, which makes her eyes widen. I have obviously transgressed even further. ‘That’s my niece,’ I try hastily.
Her gaze strays over my shoulder and I turn to see a security guard coming through the double doors. At the other end of the hallway, a few people have gathered at the nurses’ station, openly intrigued.
‘She says it’s her niece in there.’ The nurse oozes sarcasm.
He nods. ‘This doesn’t look like the same woman, but we can check.’ To my alarm, he opens the door to Sophia’s room. ‘Excuse me, Mr Turner, could you come out here for a second?’
Liam looks up, his eyebrows curving in question. He comes across. Behind him I see Helene frowning at me before the door closes again. I’m humiliated, despite having no idea what I’ve done wrong. Tears are swimming rapidly towards the surface. ‘I’m sorry, Liam, I know Helene said it wasn’t a good time – I was just planning to leave these with the nurses. I’d only just caught sight of you when I was accosted . . .’ I turn and glare at the nurse, who is still staring at me.
‘False alarm,’ Liam says to the security guard, patting my arm. ‘This is my sister-in-law.’
The guard nods and moves away, while the nurse stomps off without any kind of apology.
‘What the hell is going on?’ I ask. In reply, Liam leads me ou
tside the ward doors, then wraps me in one of his big bear hugs, which makes me feel slightly better.
A voice behind us asks, ‘Is everything okay?’
Callum’s brow is furrowed as we turn to him.
‘Anya was just caught in a case of mistaken identity,’ Liam explains.
‘Why?’ I’m confused. ‘Who did they think I was?’
‘There’s been a woman lurking around here, outside Sophia’s room. Did you not think to tell her?’ Liam chides Callum as I feel my mouth drop open.
‘I’ve been trying to – but she keeps rushing off,’ Callum growls back. He doesn’t look at me. ‘How is Sophia?’ He gestures towards the room.
‘A bit upset, but it’s a relief seeing her awake.’
I see Callum exhale. ‘She’s awake? That’s great news.’ He peers back towards the small room again. ‘Keep us posted and we’ll come back when she’s feeling up to it. I’ve just come to take Anya home. I dropped Maddie off at her friend Jasmine’s house and took Arthur back to your place. I hope that was all right?’
‘That’s fine.’ Liam keeps glancing towards the ward, obviously anxious to get back in there. ‘I’ll be heading home for a while once we’ve seen the doctor. I’ll collect her then.’
I am watching the corridor behind Callum, but no one has appeared. He was supposed to bring Georgia – where is she? ‘Please don’t tell me you left Georgia at home on her own?’ I snap at Callum.
‘No, she wanted to go to Bethany’s. That’s what I was trying to tell you on the phone. I dropped her there earlier.’
‘You let her go to a friend’s house? Tonight?’ I can hardly believe what I’m hearing. ‘I suppose she’s going to walk down Vicarage Road again when she’s ready to come home, is she?’
Callum’s face reddens. ‘Of course she bloody isn’t. For god’s sake, Anya, what did you want me to do – tie her up until you got home? She’s seventeen, for Christ’s sake. She can pretty much do as she pleases, and she wanted to go and see Bethany.’