I wanted to touch him. I wanted to reach out and take his hand in mine and close the gap between us. Instead, I fidgeted with the tissue in my hand, already tearing and pulling it beyond use. “Thank you for all of this.”
“He was family,” he stated like it was a simple fact when in truth, it most definitely wasn’t.
“He was my family,” I corrected.
“But you are mine. All of mine.” His words made my eyes burn, their magnitude causing more emotion than I was willing to show.
“Do you think I will always feel like this? So lost in the world when in truth, my whole life I’ve always been a bit lost? What’s the difference now?”
“I found you,” he whispered so softly, I almost missed it.
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. Not when I wanted so badly to still hold onto the anger toward him. Anger for something he didn’t do. Anger for the way of life he learned to live because he had to, not because he chose it. Instead, I closed my eyes and absorbed the feelings churning inside of me. I leaned toward him, my head falling to lean against his arm, and we stayed that way, in silence.
The sun was just meeting the land, the sky growing luminous shades of yellows and oranges when the silence was broken. “He was an asshole.”
I snorted. “Finally, the first real thing I’ve heard about him all day.”
“It’s true you know. He was your father, and I respect that, but he was an asshole. But, if it wasn’t for him, I never would’ve had you. Owned you. Loved you.”
His confession finally caused the first tear to fall, and once one fell, another followed. Then another. Soon, I was a mess of tears and snot and still, he pulled me closer instead of pushing me away. “You can’t say things like that.”
“Like what?” Royal’s voice sounded genuinely confused.
“That you love me,” I gasped out, another wave of tears hitting.
“It’s true, you know. It started as lust, I won’t lie to you. But these past few weeks without you, pure torture. I miss you.”
“I miss you, too,” I admitted, not sure how the treacherous words passed my lips when I had urged myself not to give in to him. “I miss you, and I hate that I miss you because I hate you, Royal. I hate that I spent so much time being an object. Something of such little value that you and my father thought you could buy and trade me.”
“You were never an object Bianca.”
I turned, my eyes meeting his for the briefest of seconds as I let the tears stream down my face. “I wasn’t finished.” He licked his lips and nodded, gesturing for me to proceed. “You both thought you could trade me around and I would be okay with it all. But neither of you asked me how I felt about it.”
“I didn’t think that—”
“That’s the thing, neither of you thought. You saw what you wanted, and you took it. Just like you do everything else. I hated you for forcing it on me. Then I hated myself because as much as I despised you and everything you stood for, I was falling for you, too.” I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “Do you want to know why I didn’t believe you when you said you were innocent? I wanted to, a part of me deep down really wanted to, Royal, but how could I believe you wouldn’t do something so deceitful when the entire relationship was built on such a rocky, underhanded foundation?”
“I’ll admit, it stung that you would even entertain the thought of me harming your family. But, that sting was nothing compared to the agony of the nights and days without you, Bianca. It’s true and much regrettable that our relationship started with you being passed around like an object, but you have to know that you are so much more to me than that. You are my life, my world, and you deserve more than what I had given you. But, I promise, I want to change that. I will change.”
God, I wanted to believe him, I wanted to believe every word that fell from his lips because at this moment, I just wanted him back. I just wanted to forget all the little and big reasons we let wedge between us and concentrate on all the tiny details that bound us to begin with, all the details that weren’t built on lies and bargains but built because of us. Our banters. Our laughs. Our moments.
A sigh of resignation left me. “I don’t really hate you, Royal. I did, I really did. But now, I couldn’t hate you, even when I want to so damn bad.”
He pulled my hand from my lap, entwining our fingers together. “I hoped you didn’t.”
“But, I’m still mad,” I clarified.
He snorted, a sound so out of character for the well-tailored man I knew. “I wouldn’t expect any less from you.” He raised my fingers to his lips and kissed my knuckles. “Come home?”
Home. The allure of the word sounded so appealing, and I longed to be under the thick comforter of our bed, my legs tangled with his. “It’s not as simple as you make it seem.”
He cleared his throat as he squeezed my fingers. “I found out who did this.”
“I know,” I croaked. The article in the paper hit two days ago, along with the guilt for falsely accusing my husband of an act that I knew deep down, he didn’t do. Mario Alfonsi shot in the head after losing two fingers, then burned beyond recognition; it was a story you didn’t easily forget. The papers raised so many questions on what this murder meant for the city. Who did it? Why? Was this the beginning of another wave of criminal activity? But I knew only one man capable of such brutality.
“It’s going to be the last time, I told you, I vow to change,” he stated, and with the words, I swore his shoulders stood up straighter and his posture changed.
“What will be the last time?” I finally braved a glance at him, missing those beautiful dark eyes I’d avoided all evening, holding his stare.
“Death. Dealing with illegal loans and collections. Violence, well mostly. I still want to run the ring. At one time, all of it was the most important thing in my life. Getting whatever I wanted, just because I could, was my obsession. I gained people, possessions, objects, places—but the most important thing I gained was you. None of them made me even remotely happy, until I had you. You are my obsession, Bianca. I’m obsessed with watching you. Smelling you. Holding you. Loving you. But I can’t continue living a life I no longer love when that life only hinders the only thing I truly do love. You. I don’t want to lose you.”
I took a deep breath. Then another. After my third gasp of air, I finally responded, “You’re giving up what you love, for me?”
“No, I’m tossing aside the worst of me, because of the better.” He brought our interlocked hands up to his mouth and kissed the back of my hand.
I wanted to swoon at the sweet words that fell from the rough man sitting next to me, but swooning would be inappropriate at a time and place like this. I bit my lip, thinking of all the things I could say to him, all the troubles we still had between us that remained unspoken. The promises we had yet to make and nothing seemed important at this moment. No words sufficient to heal my wounds or make me feel whole again, only the three simple words he spoke to the universe, seemed to be all that mattered.
I placed my head back against his bicep. “Say it again.”
He brushed a stray hair out of my face. “Say what?” I looked up at him without words, giving him a look that I hoped relayed what I wanted to hear. He laughed a rich sound that filled the air. “Bianca Russo, the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. The only girl I’ve ever known to outwit me with words and push my buttons. I. Love. You.”
“I love you, too.”As I spoke the words, I felt just how true they were. I looked at him shyly from under my lashes and watched as his chest puffed up with pleasure and satisfaction.
He let go of my fingers and reached into his pocket, the subtle smile my only indication that he found what he was looking for, then he took my hand in his again. His fingers gently stroked along mine before I felt the metal slide on my skin, past my knuckle, and into place. He met my gaze, his eyes unsure. I reached my ringed hand up, rubbing my palm against his cheek before leaning in for a quick kiss.
&nbs
p; “I’ve never wanted something more in my entire life than I did when I wanted you to wear my ring,” he confessed as I leaned against him again.
He kissed my forehead, and my mind could hardly relate the man sitting next to me to the man who murdered and burned down buildings. But I didn’t care. I was tired of fighting myself for what I really wanted. I nuzzled my face into his sleeve. “Take me home, Royal.”
CHAPTER 45
ROYAL
“Take me home, Royal.” The sweetest words I could have ever heard, and I wasted no time obliging. I stood, bending down to scoop her into my arms and settle her against my chest.
“I can walk,” Bianca protested as she pushed against me, but I only tightened my grip.
“You could walk. But, it’s been so long without you, that all I want is to touch you.”
Her hand came to my face to gently turn my head toward hers and we stared, her mesmerizing eyes locked on mine as I struggled to swallow past the lump in my throat. Her thumb rubbed against the stubble that dusted my cheek. “You promise you’ve changed?”
I leaned into her touch. I couldn’t help it, the response automatic. “I promise. I will change in any way that is important to you, Bianca. Any way.”
I meant it. I meant every word I told her. Every damn word and I would prove it to her. Even if I spent the rest of our lives together trying. By the time I took my last breath, she would know that I could be a good man, a worthy man, just like the one she deserved.
I carried her to the car, drove her home, and the moment I parked, I rushed around to her side so that I could carry her inside. She objected and I ignored her. I wanted her inside my house as quickly as possible and no waiting would do.
When the front door shut behind me, I slowly lowered her feet to the ground, waiting until she had her balance before letting go of her body. “You know, I still have Peter and my stuff with Emma.”
“We’ll make it a day trip,” I offered, fully intending to not let her out of my sight.
“I can go get him.”
“I’m not letting you leave my grasp.” I stepped closer, invaded her space with my presence. “I’ll let Roman know you aren’t going back tonight and to take care of the rabbit.”
“Peter.”
“That’s what I said.” The left side of my lip curled up. “Now, I believe we have some business to discuss that is long overdue.”
Her eyes took on a worried look, and with the day she just had, I felt a little bad for putting it there. “What do you mean?”
Her hands came up to my shirt, clinging to it as she gazed at me. “It’s been weeks since I kissed my wife, and the withdrawals are leaving me a bit on the weak side.”
Her lips quirked up. “Is that so? I think we will have to fix that.”
She stood on her toes, her fingers gripping my shirt tightly as she pulled my body closer. My palms found her hips, pulling her body toward mine as I leaned down, hovering my lips over hers. “I missed you.”
It was supposed to be a strong statement, but the words fell from my lips in a desperate rasp, and all I could do was close the inch between us and capture her lips, claim her, show her how much the statement was true. I wanted it to be slow and steady, but within seconds of our lips touching, the kiss turned to fire and chaos. The push and pull of our bodies fighting each other as we each strained to feel.
My hands fell to her thighs, and I gripped them firmly as I picked her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist and moaned into my lips, and that sound alone nearly undid me. I walked her forward, her arms wrapped around my neck, but her lips never left me. Her lips were hungry but not nearly as hungry as my own as I nipped at her bottom lip before leaving her mouth to consume the enticing column of her throat. Her pulse beat rapidly against my lips, and I licked at it, running my tongue along her neck, feeling it thrum within me.
We fell onto the stairs, and I knew I should have made an effort to take her further, to lay her on a bed like she deserved and worship her like she was my own personal goddess. But her body was tucked under mine, her fingers were pulling my hair and even the strongest of men fell to a weakness.
My hands pulled at her shirt, tore through her skirt, desperate to touch her bare skin. She gripped my hair tightly and pulled my head back. “This is wrong, we shouldn’t.”
“Nothing—” My teeth ran along her pulse, while her chest heaved under me. “Nothing about us is wrong.”
“I just think—” I crushed my lips to hers long enough to quiet her objections.
“I’m addicted to you, Bianca. Your smell, your taste, the little moans you make.” I bit at the junction of her neck and collarbone. “When you aren’t around, I crave you. Want you. I shake with the desire to be inside you.”
A whimper escaped her lips as she gazed at me wide-eyed, her eyes clouded with desire, and I knew she had no more objections left. Not when her feet tightened around my hip, bringing my hard cock between her thighs as she brazenly rubbed against my body.
I loved this.
I loved her.
I loved every moment I spent absorbing her rays of sunshine and inhaling her happiness. She was a miracle, my miracle because I never sought out to love. A man like me, who could hardly show regard for past impassioned crimes, didn’t deserve the rays of sun beating on his face. But Bianca gave it anyway. She gave her sunshine, her love, her passion, her wit and without it, I was just a man. A weak, lost, soulless man. But with her, wrapped in her light, I could be a better person. A soulful person. A person who made decisions based on morals and who gives before he gets.
I pulled my body away from hers, using a hand to brush her hair off her cheek. “I. Love. You.” I punctuated every word, making sure she heard them loud and clear, and before she had a chance to speak, I sought out her lips with mine, proceeding to show her just how much I cared.
EPILOGUE
BIANCA
“Hold still, you big ass, baby.” I held down my husband’s body as he squirmed under my hands.
“I’ve changed my mind,” he protested and I just shook my head.
“There is no going back.” I looked up at Gus as he prepped the work station. “Gus here will take care of you, I promise. He did the tattoo on my leg, and you love it.” Love was actually an understatement. He worshiped the piece of art scrolled up my thigh like it was a hundred-year-old oil painting framed on the museum wall.
“Just let me reschedule, I’m not ready.” He lowered his voice. “Amore, with a name like Gruff Bastards, this place can’t be safe.”
I saw Gus narrow his eyes from where he was washing his hands by the sink. “Licenses, permits, and numerous awards are in the lobby.”
“He has a fear of needles,” I explained to Gus. He snorted, then made an extra show of putting on his black glove, snapping it dramatically against his wrist. Jerk.
“I have to ask before this becomes permanent, and Bianca, no offense because we go back a long while, but are you sure you want her name etched on your skin? It is quite possibly one of the most regrettable tattoos a person can get.”
“What I want to do is reschedule.” I rolled up my sleeve as I glared at my husband, pushing my wrist tattoo with his name directly in his face. He cleared his throat. “But, ah yeah, her name would be perfect.”
Gus poised the machine over Royal’s arm, and Royal winched. Gus sighed. “I haven’t touched you yet.”
“I know, I know, I’m just preparing myself.”
The machine in Gus’ hand started to hum, and two seconds later, Royal screamed. Gus pulled back, “Really, Bianca? Him?”
I shrugged and Royal turned to Gus, offended. “I happen to be one of the toughest men in this city.”
“You have numbing cream on,” Gus pointed out. Laughter filled the room from the other side of the divider, and I had to bite my lip to keep from joining in.
Royal Inhaled, then exhaled. His fury at being the entertainment etched into his face. He held his arm out, laying it on the padded
armrest. “Fine. Do it.”
Thirty minutes later, we were leaving Gruff Bastards with my name firmly tattooed on my husband’s arm, my claim forever etched on his body. The sight of it was a turn on, and all I could think about was taking him home, striping him naked, and riding him until we were both too exhausted to move.
“That wasn’t so bad,” Royal stated as he reached into the pouch of gummy bears Gus gave him, completely unaware it was literally the equivalent of a child receiving a lollypop at the doctor’s office. “I’d do it again.”
“I don’t think he would take you again, even if I paid him double.” I tried to hide the smile as I thought back to the first time I met Royal, in a similar battle as he sat in my dentist's chair. Such a tough man, overpowered by his weakness.
“I wasn’t that bad. I did good, right?” He looked at me with his large eyes, turning my inside to goo.
I patted his arm. “You did amazing, honey.”
His brows furrowed. “Amore, are you pacifying me?”
I acted shocked at the accusation. “I would never.”
He growled, stepping closer to me, causing me to back up into his car. “Good. Because I would hate to have to punish you.”
I batted at his chest as his body crowded me. “Always with the threats.”
“I make nothing but promises.” His hand snaked under my shirt, his palm cupping my breast through my bra. “Only promises. Only for you.”
His hips pressed into me, his massive erection trapped between us. “What is this? You get one tattoo, and suddenly you think you’re a bad boy?”
My words came out airy, the close contact making my mind blur. Royal lowered his lips close to mine. “I’ve always been a bad boy, Bianca. Do you need a reminder of that?”
No. “Yes.”
His lips crashed into mine, and my body arched into him. Every time. It didn’t matter how many times he kissed me, my body always sought his out, craving the hard ridges and curves that fit against mine like a mold. He bit my lip gently, rolling it between his teeth before pulling away, and I missed the contact instantly.
Resisting Royal (The Repayment Series) Page 22