On Wednesday morning it was a very confused and anxious boy who made preparations to go to school. But it wasn’t as easy as he thought. In the light of day his fears seemed to evaporate as the possible event came closer and his young body surged with hormones. He found he was fearfully aroused, so much so he had to avoid his sister and mother as much as he could.
The anticipation got him so excited he found he was trembling and he squirmed and fidgeted. Nor did packing his school bag help. He remembered Cindy’s comment about bringing something to lie on so he snuck a towel from the cupboard into his bag. But that sort of cold-blooded preparation just seemed to make the moral issue worse. Somehow it made it feel sordid and sneaky, which he knew it was.
There was also the problem of the debate. It was to be held that afternoon and Graham did not feel up to it. In class he could hardly think straight. Over and over in his mind he argued with himself over the rights and wrongs of it. Finally he made a decision. I really want to do this, but it is wrong. I will wait till I am older (he was going to say married but the urgent desires of his body made him doubt if he could wait that long!). I will tell her no.
Having made that decision Graham tried to clear his mind for the debate. This was not helped by seeing Thelma and by him knowing he had been very unfaithful to her the day before. Several times during the morning he had to argue with himself as his physical desire began to wrestle with his decision. But in the end he made his mind up. We must not do it, he told himself.
So at lunch time he went looking for Cindy to say this to her. But when he found her she was with friends and he had no chance to talk to her alone. Nor did she seem to take any hints to come away on her own. She just smiled and winked, sending his body into overdrive and his emotions into turmoil. There will be time to talk her out of it this afternoon, he reasoned. So he retreated to join his friends and to act as though everything was normal.
The afternoon lessons were a torment. His body caused him pain and his conscience bothered him. The conflict of physical desires with moral values resulted in genuine mental anguish for him. He was lucky to get through the lessons without getting into trouble from the teachers for inattention. There was also the class debate about the French in the Pacific.
The debate began as soon as the class was settled. Old Wily called the two teams to the front and they were seated facing the class on either side of the room.
“Now,” said Old Wily, “let’s make sure everyone is clear on the topic. The issue being debated is: ‘That France has no right to be in the South Pacific’. That means that the team who are for the topic are against the French. Is everyone quite clear?”
The class chorused that they were. Graham nervously studied his notes and glanced repeatedly across at Thelma. She appeared cool and calm.
George opened the debate for the ‘For’ team. He gave a short history of European exploration and colonization in the South Pacific, laying heavy stress on the negative aspects such as introduced diseases, destruction of traditional lifestyles and the use of force to maintain control.
Janet was the leader of the opposing team. She countered with a barrage of facts about all the positive aspects of European Imperialism; and, in particular, the great benefits of Gallic culture which had flowed from it. She spoke extremely well and with real spirit and that made Graham even more nervous.
Then it was his turn. His theme was the French use of force to maintain their rule. He gave a history of the unhappy troubles in New Caledonia. He produced a large sketch map of New Caledonia and talked about the Kanak uprisings, of the poor types of colonists the French had introduced, such as when the islands were used as the dumping ground for French convicts. He laboured the point that the French had flown in thousands of soldiers every time there was a plebiscite on Independence.
“All the soldiers, being French citizens, can of course vote. So the pro-France lobby always win. It has been French government policy to encourage French people to settle in the islands so that now the indigenous people are outnumbered in their own homelands.”
“Sounds a lot like Australia,” Michael observed dryly.
Graham ignored the dig and went on to point out that the French had thousands of troops based on islands that were just as close to Cairns as Brisbane was. “And they always have a squadron of warships in the area. This includes, from time to time, nuclear powered submarines. These warships often visit Australia, yet for some peculiar reason they attract almost no protest, while the visit of any British or American warship invariably raises a storm of objections from the peace protesters.”
It was a sore point with Graham. To him it smacked of some sort of anti-British or anti-American prejudice, rather than anti-nuclear, and the apparent hypocrisy rankled. He knew he should not labour the point so much but it burned him up. He was aware that Janet was giving him a hard look and that Thelma looked unhappy but he kept on until the 5 minute bell rang.
Thelma then took the floor. She spoke very fluently and with real emotion which surprised Graham. She brought up arguments he had not even thought about, and directly refuted several of his claims. But, it seemed to Graham, she was trying to make much out of little and after a while she dried up and began to repeat parts of her argument, then shifted to arguing on general principles that people should be free to live where they choose and to be governed how they choose.
Louise went next. She dealt with the issue of French nuclear weapons testing, and she did it with fire. Graham was astounded. He was not aware that Louise could speak that well, or that she was strongly moved by anything. She launched heavy attacks, some of which were a bit dated. She mentioned contaminated seas and radio-active fish and natives dying painful deaths. She talked about the time when the French did nuclear tests in the atmosphere and the radio-active fallout had even been deposited in North Queensland.
“On us, that is, or on our parents before we were born. So much radio-active fallout came down that it was measured in the milk from the Atherton Tablelands. Pregnant women were advised not to drink milk, because of the fear of genetic mutations. We all know what terrible mutations exposure to radioactivity can cause,” she said fiercely.
Stephen butted in: “That explains a few people in this class then.” The joke drew a gust of laughter from the class.
“You shut up Stephen Bell!” Louise snapped. “It is no laughing matter. The radiation has caused terrible deformities and birth defects among the Polynesians, although the French deny this. They say it is perfectly safe the way they test their weapons. My question to them is this: If it is so safe, why don’t they test their nuclear bombs in France? Or in the Mediterranean Sea?.”
This brought a murmur of agreement from the class. Louise certainly had them on side and that cheered Graham up. Only then did it dawn on him that perhaps he would rather Thelma’s team won than his own.
Michael spoke last. He had trouble putting up a convincing argument as he clearly believed much of what Louise had said, but he struggled on about economic developments and cultural links and how the South Pacific territories were part of France and that the Polynesians were brown Frenchmen. The performance raised Graham’s hopes again that his team would win.
Then it was time to sum up. Janet took the floor. She flabbergasted the audience by agreeing with the ‘For’ team on almost everything. “I agree completely with Louise about the nuclear weapons,” she said. “There should be no nuclear weapons in the world, and certainly none at all in our part of it. The French should stop testing and take their disgusting weapons away.”
The class cheered this and Graham found himself applauding. Janet held up her hand and went on: “I also agree with Graham about the French warships and soldiers. We should protest at the visits of their ships; and we shall!” She shouted this, holding a clenched fist aloft.
This was a bit too real for most of the class and most kept an embarrassed silence. Janet went on: “But the point I don’t agree with Graham about is the warships and the
soldiers. The world would be a better place if there were no warships or soldiers. We should be able to settle our disagreements by peaceful negotiations and discussions. All the millions and billions of dollars spent on arms could be used to make the world a better place. We should protest against all warships, not just nuclear armed or powered ones!”
Graham burned as he listened. He itched to rebut her arguments and thought angrily of all the things he would say. He began making hasty notes. It was George’s turn then and he did a very polished summing-up, thanking the opposition for shooting themselves in the foot by supporting his team.
Janet sprang up and shouted: “Never mind this silly debate. I am talking about real issues. We must work for peace. We must make sacrifices and struggle against the forces of war and darkness. We should scrap all warships and disband the armies and navies.”
George faltered. Old Wily called on Janet to sit. Somewhat flustered George resumed, pointing out how France denied the natives their right to self-determination. But the debate had been sidetracked.
Janet kept interjecting. “Scrap all the warships! Ship the Foreign Legion back to France and stick them in jail. The world doesn’t need navies or armies. It needs love and understanding.”
“But warships often provide useful services, like rescue,” Graham pointed out.
“That can be done by a civilian Rescue Organization,” Thelma said, “Like the Coast Guard.”
“But the US Coast Guard has ships which carry guns and antisubmarine weapons,” Graham countered.
Thelma shook her head. “Only because it also does police and customs jobs. They don’t have to be armed. We have a civilian Emergency Services Organization. We don’t need any warships,” she retorted.
Graham saw little red spots in her cheeks and her eyes glinted but he was stung, and hurt. “And what happens if we are attacked by someone like Napoleon, or Adolf Hitler? What do we do if Indonesia is taken over by Moslem Fundamentalists, or by a military dictator?”
“The world unites against them with peaceful, non-violent sanctions,” Thelma replied hotly.
Graham could not help himself. In his anger he snorted then cried, “Sanctions! What rot! They have never worked.”
Old Wily stepped forward. “That is enough. We are getting off the topic. End it now thank you.”
The two teams subsided muttering into their seats. Graham bit his lip and mentally kicked himself. How could I be so stupid? he thought To argue with Thelma and make her an enemy!
Old Wily declared that the ‘Fors’ had won the debate but it gave Graham no pleasure. He wondered yet again what strategy he could use to win Thelma’s affection.
The debaters were sent back to their seats. Old Wily then said, “Now, the debate has reminded me. Who has returned permission forms for the visit to the French destroyer tomorrow?”
Graham had his and handed it in. He was very keen to go now. To his surprise Janet and Thelma also handed back permission forms.
“I didn’t think you would be interested,” Graham said to Janet.
“We are very interested,” Janet replied, her eyes flashing.
“You aren’t going to cause trouble by protesting are you?” Graham asked suspiciously.
“We will do what is right,” Janet replied enigmatically.
Graham returned to his seat wondering just what she meant by that. Stephen nudged him. “You did well mate. Made those sheilas bite.”
“Umm. Thanks,” Graham replied. That idea made him more unhappy. That had not been his aim at all. He sat in class and brooded after that, casting occasional wistful glances at Thelma. Knowing that he had been so unfaithful to his love for her the previous day; added to the impending problem of trying to say no to Cindy after school put him into a real state of emotional upheaval. But I must say no, he told himself in an attempt to bolster his weakening resolve.
Balanced against the knowledge that he might really get to do it with a girl if he wanted to, his decision seemed a flimsy thing!
***
As soon as classes were over Graham carried out the same plan as the previous day, hurrying to the Scout Den. He half-hoped that there might be people there to save him having to make excuses or to argue but there weren’t. He checked the clearing and found it as he had left it, mosquitoes and all.
A few minutes later Cindy arrived on her bike. She was wearing a sports dress which showed off her legs to good effect. The sight got him speculating and aroused and he had to battle against this to stiffen his wavering resolve.
Her bike was wheeled into the long grass. As she dropped the bike Cindy said, “Did you remember a towel?”
“Yes. Er. Cindy I…” Graham stammered, unsure how to tell her.
She did not seem to hear and from a bag she pulled out another. “Good. I brought one too. Where do we go?” she said.
Graham led the way along the short track into the line of trees beside the drain. Once they were in the clearing Cindy looked around and Graham could tell she wasn’t impressed. “It’s a bit public,” she said, indicating the houses they could glimpse through the trees.
They stood and eyed each other apprehensively for a minute or so. “Are you ready?” Cindy asked.
Graham nodded, quite unable to speak from a combination of urgent desire and fear.
Cindy spread her towel on the flattened grass. “Put yours here beside it,” she instructed.
That threw Graham off-balance. “Er… do you think this is a good idea?” he managed to croak.
“Apart from the bloody mozzies, yes,” Cindy replied, smacking a mosquito on her leg. Then she bent over to adjust the towel and Graham was all but lost when he saw her bare bum.
Battling with surging desire he swallowed to moisten his throat. “I… I… don’t think we should,” he managed to stammer.
Cindy straightened up and took the towel from him. Looking him earnestly in the eye, she said, “Are you scared?”
Graham could only nod. She nodded as well and then smiled. “It will be all right. We can help each other.” She spread his towel beside hers.
“But… but you might…” He was going to say get hurt but she shook her head and interrupted. “I won’t get pregnant if that is what you are worried about. It is the wrong time of the month. I checked.”
Graham had read just enough to understand that and blushed. “But…”
Cindy stood up and shook her head. “Relax! You said you wanted to and now I want to try it too.” With that she reached down to the hem of her dress and lifted it up. In one sweeping motion she peeled it off to reveal that she wore no underwear. Graham goggled at her nude form and felt himself become aroused. He had to struggle even harder for self-control as physical desire battled with his fears and sense of right and wrong.
When he said nothing she smiled, and said, “Do you like me?”
Graham could only nod and pant. His heart rate shot right up and he became fearfully aroused.
Into his mind flashed another old saying of his father’s. He had cautioned him that: A standing prick has no conscience. Now Graham knew what he meant. He felt a driving urge just to do it. It took all of his willpower to shake his head and mutter, “No!”
Cindy frowned. “Don’t you want to?”
Graham licked dry lips and plucked up the courage to repeat himself. “No.”
“But yesterday you said you did,” Cindy snapped. “What’s wrong? Don’t you like me?”
“I like you very much; and I care for you. I don’t want to hurt you,” Graham managed.
Cindy looked hurt, then irritably slapped at a mosquito that was biting her left buttock. “Why not then?”
“Because it is wrong. We are too young and I don’t want to get you to do anything you might regret,” Graham said.
“Oh piffle! You mean all that religious crap? Or are you just a coward? Are you scared of getting into trouble?” she demanded. She stood facing him hands on hips and stark naked so that his eyes were continually drawn to
her charms. In the face of such temptation he felt himself weakening but he clung to his argument.
“No,” he croaked.
“No what? No, you aren’t a coward; or no you won’t do it?” she cried angrily.
“Both,” he said.
“Then stuff you!” Cindy shouted. Angrily she turned her back and snatched up her dress. She was shaking so much she had trouble pulling it on and Graham could only stand and burn with shame and embarrassment while she dressed. She tugged the dress into shape and then bent to snatch up the towel, casting him a venomous look as she did.
“Cindy! It’s not like that,” he said.
“Stick it up your jumper!” she yelled. “I thought you were more of a man. Well little boy, go back and play with your silly model ships! I will find a real man to teach me.”
Graham was shocked and he burned at the insults. He was also appalled at her comments. “Cindy don’t!” he said.
But she ignored him and picked up her bike. A few seconds later she was pedalling out of the front yard. Graham was left feeling both enormously relieved and greatly hurt. Oh I hope she doesn’t! he thought. Tears came and he sobbed for a while. The mosquitoes finally drove him out of the grass but he was still too upset to want to be seen in public so he waited at the back of the Scout Den.
Then he got an even bigger shock—a police car was turning into the driveway! It drove in and stopped! Oh my God! The police! Has she told on me? he wondered.
Two hard-faced constables came around the corner and looked at him. “What are you doing here kid?” one of them demanded.
“This is my Scout Den,” Graham answered. Inside he turned to water and his knees felt weak.
“It might be, but I wanted to know what you were doing here? Are you up to mischief?”
Graham’s mind raced and his mouth went dry from fear. He knew that the law was very strong against under-age sex. He decided that the best answer might be a version of the truth. “I came here to be out of sight because I am upset,” he answered.
The Boy and the Battleship Page 18