by Celeste Raye
He deadpanned, “Reality is what you make it.”
Boy, he wasn’t kidding. She was standing in a house in a world vastly different than her own and talking to a man who was, despite his outward appearance, a dragon. That that was an actual reality boggled her mind. He rummaged along an open shelf and took down a wooden board with a handle. She recognized it as a breadboard and she asked, “Do you need some help?”
He shook his head. “It’s just bread and cheese, a little fruit. I can cook and do, but I hadn’t planned to. It’s a light meal, but dinner will be in a few hours anyway.”
He produced a small bottle and said, “I’m afraid I don’t have any glasses though.”
She watched as he pulled the cork from it before saying, “I don’t mind drinking from the bottle.”
She carried the bottle, and he carried the board to the sofa. They set those things down on the table and then began to tuck into the small but filling repast. They passed the bottle back and forth between them. The wine was very velvety and very smooth, not quite a red but not a rose either. Whatever it was, it was quite delicious. The bread was filled with grains and nuts, the texture slightly coarse and its outer crust very crispy while its insides were soft and chewy. The cheese was tangy, but there was a small bit of sweetness below that bite that lay on her tongue after the cheese melted away.
She asked, “Will there be a war with the Orcs?”
He didn’t sugarcoat it. “Yes. Sooner rather than later. We will never banish them completely. Evil never would actually die. Sometimes it slinks away into the shadows. But if we can simply run them to the other end of the world, figure out a way to keep them from encroaching on our borders and from killing us and our people, even that would be a victory.”
She chewed another of the rich, purple grapes. “When the wizard created this place, he created the Orcs as well?”
He shook his head. “They are sort of a byproduct of his evil. When you use magic from evil, it throws off…” He frowned and licked his lips then tried again. “It’s like the spell is there and it’s all one thing but on the edges of it are these little sparks. Those little sparks go flying here, there, and everywhere. You can never tell where they will end up or what they will be. In his case, those little sparks became Orcs.”
She asked, “But just Orcs?”
His smile was not pleasant. “No. We had ogres and trolls too. Those we managed to kill into extinction though.”
My God. The things he had had to battle against in his life. She dusted her fingers together and asked, “Did you fight against them?”
He nodded. “I had a sword in my hand before I could really even walk. My father was a soldier, a knight in your world. He was from a different time than you. Back then, war was not something people dreaded and hoped didn’t happen. It was a fact of life. The world was new, and people took power and possession the only way they knew how to: at the points of swords and with the help of armies.”
She admitted, “They might not use swords anymore but other than that, not much has changed.”
Blake said, “Will you please tell me why you really came back?”
The abrupt change in the conversation sent her mind reeling from one easy answer to the other. She looked down at her fingers, unsure if she could admit to him the reason for her arrival there. “Maybe, but not right now. Okay?”
If he was disappointed, it didn’t show. He said, “Would you like a lesson on the pianoforte?”
She gave the instrument a long look. The truth was she would have liked that very much, but she was not totally sure that she should spend any more time alone with him right now. The attraction between them was obvious. That he was angling for something was even more obvious. She just wasn’t sure what it was he wanted. Or maybe she was too clear on what he wanted. She said, “Maybe another day. I should probably get back. I guess you need to get back as well.”
He nodded. Probably.
Neither of them moved, however. She wanted to kiss him. More, she wanted to make love to him. Not just have sex, not just hook up, but well and truly make love to him. She couldn’t voice those desires without letting him know her true reasons for coming back though, and what was more, she just didn’t trust herself at that moment.
Here, in this house, he was so less guarded. He was almost like an entirely different person, and she wasn’t sure if that was an act or if the person she had met before was an act. Either way, sleeping with him at that moment would be a mistake. She knew that, so why did she feel so disappointed when they were back in the air and headed back toward the castle?
Chapter Fifteen
Blake was frustrated long before Max sought him out later. Max said, “You look surly.”
Blake grumbled, “That’s because I am.”
Max asked, “What happened? Christy hit you in the head with a board or something?”
“It feels like it.”
Max said, “You look like it.”
Blake bared his teeth at his cousin. “I don’t think I’m cut out for romance.”
Max lifted a dark eyebrow. “How long did you try? For like two minutes? Blake muttered something under his breath, and Max just grinned at him. Max said, “It’s not a magic formula; you know you don’t just pour on and—”
Blake said, “That’s what I should do.”
“Don’t even think about it,” he warned. “You know damn well love spells never work out. What’s more, you know very well they are forbidden. Are you really willing to break the law?”
Blake said, “At this point that would probably be my best chance. She completely shot me down.”
Max said, “It doesn’t sound like it went well.”
Blake glared at him. “Do you listen to me at all? I just said she shot me down.”
Max surveyed his face for a moment. “Then you need to try harder.”
“I think I’m just about done taking advice from you, thank you very much.”
“I have no idea why. I absolutely got the human girl. It seems to me like I have a lot of experience in this matter.”
Blake snorted. “There are two very different women.”
“I’m going to have to concede that point.”
Blake decided a change of subject was seriously needed. “What are we doing about these Orcs? I don’t even really know if I prepared for the number of them.”
Max’s easy-going manner shifted abruptly. He said, “For once we’re in complete agreement. Their numbers are greater than we imagined. I’d say they’ve managed to breed themselves right back to the numbers that they held near the last wars. Our numbers have decreased though. Even with the help from the humans and our magic, it’s going to be a hard fight.”
Blake knew that it wasn’t going to be just a hard fight. It was going to be a full-on war. One that they might not be able to win. His mind immediately went to Christy. He said, “I need to get her back to her own world.”
Max said, “I was just thinking the same thing.”
Blake said, “I guess you picked a really bad time to decide to go get her back.”
“Time is different over there. I was afraid I’d miss my chance if I didn’t act.”
That was exactly how Blake felt. Like it was everything running through his fingers, and there was nothing he could do to save it. He had no idea how Christy felt about him. Had she truly just come back to see Heather? It was somehow ominous is that she had shown up just when Max was considering sending Heather back into safety. It felt like everything in the world was conspiring against him and the relationship he wanted so badly.
Chapter Sixteen
Christy was wholly confused. Sex with Blake was so different. It was better, more satisfying than any sex she had ever had, and not just in a physical way either. She had known that after the first time that they had had sex, but she still did not quite understand what it was that made it so different. It felt more real, more…
Heather said, “You mean it’s intimate.”
She locked her fingers together. “Yes, that’s it. That’s what I meant, and you know what? That scares the shit out of me.”
“I know. You were so busy proving you don’t need it, you never let yourself know it. Because if you knew it, you might have to admit that you could fall in love.”
“I do love him.” The words came from her mouth before she could halt the flow of them. She looked down at the floor and added, “I just have no idea at all how he feels about me, and given how awful I have been to him, I’m not sure I even deserve that from him.”
“Wow,” Heather said, and with real feeling. She grabbed one of Christy’s hands, and Christy looked up. Heather stuck a finger in her face and said, “Let me tell you something. You do deserve to love, and what’s more, you deserve to let yourself be loved back. You’ve always been so scared of turning out like your mom, and I get it because I was there and I know what was happening to you when you were a kid. I know what she put you through, bringing home guy after guy and telling you each one was going to be the perfect husband and daddy. I know she was not the only one who got hurt when it did not work out. Your mom didn’t ever see how much she was hurting you, how much those guys she brought in and out of your life, were hurting you by never being the one, but I saw it. Because I was there.”
It was true. A thick, salty lump formed in her throat. Her chest went tight with tears she had never shed but had always wanted to. How many times had she felt like it was finally going to happen, that she was finally going to be a part of a real family, only to have the rug yanked out from under her? How many times had she had to be strong so she could comfort her mom when all she really wanted was some comfort of her own?
She choked out the words, “You know me too well.”
Heather said, “I know you well enough to know that you want this, that you love him, and that you are already looking for a way out. Well, you know what? You know the goddamn way out. It’s through that portal. If you don’t think you want him and this, then take it and go home.
“Because the truth is, while he was a lousy coffee date, he is a great guy. If I had to choose a guy for you, he’s the guy I’d choose. He’s a smartass, but so are you. He’s stubborn, and he’s scared of falling in love because, let’s face it, he has a lot to live up to considering what he had as an example when he was a kid. But he does love you. I know it. So, I’m telling you, as your best and longest friend, that you either need to be with him or leave him alone. Because all you’re doing right now is hurting the both of you.”
It was true. She was hurting herself, tearing herself to pieces while trying to figure out what she wanted and if she loved him when she had known all the time that she did. She was hurting him too. She was, and she had not wanted to see how hard he was trying to be with her, how much he was asking her for because it had been so much easier to just pretend that all he wanted was to use her for a family, and then drop her when he had it.
A family.
The one thing she had always wanted so badly. She still did not know if she would be a good mother. Maybe and maybe not. But one thing was certain; Blake would be a goddamn good father if they ever did have kids. He would be a great father in fact. He would also be a great man for her, and all she had done since she had come back was try to find an excuse to leave again.
Tears rolled down her face. “You’re right. The portal’s there, and all I would have to do is take it. I want to take it because I’m so scared, I feel like I can’t breathe. I feel like running away because I am so scared I will ruin it all, just like my mom used to do. That I will cling too tightly or find fault with everything because I have some crazy notion of what love is supposed to look like, and he can’t live up to it, and vice versa because yeah, look at what his parents had.”
Heather let out an exasperated breath. “You know what not to do. Go do what you want to do.”
That was all she needed to hear. Christy turned away and headed for Blake’s room, her feet flying over the stone floor. Her heart hammered hard and fast in her chest and her breath came in hard and sharp gasps. He was so close, and she had to tell him all those things, had to tell him before she could stop herself, before she could convince herself to just leave and leave it all unsaid. Before she could chicken out.
His door was closed, and she tapped on it. He swung the door open and said, “Hey, I was just looking for…”
Before she could think it through, she flung herself at him. Their bodies collided. Their lips met. That pure sweetness that was what she felt for him filled her as she felt the urgent press of his body and mouth against hers. Their teeth clashed a bit, and then their tongues met and danced. His hands pulled her closer yet, and into his strong and powerful embrace. That kiss lingered long, and she savored every single second of it, every soft-and-yet-fierce bit of it.
That kiss didn’t break off; it tapered off slowly, and when it was over, he said, “Christy, we need to talk. I need to tell you…” his hands raked through his hair. “I need you to know what’s happening.”
She said, “The Orcs are coming, aren’t they?”
“Yes.”
That single word told her everything she needed to know. War was there, and there was nothing she could do but stay or go. She knew then that it was past time to stop lying, to stop hiding her heart from him. She loved him, and she knew that she could lose him. She didn’t want to lose him.
She said, “Blake…I…I love you. I want…” She broke off. Tears shimmered across her vision. Her legs felt weak. Had she just done that: said the words she had always been so afraid to say? She had, and once they were out, she had to keep talking. “I do. I didn’t want to. I have always been scared to fall in love. My childhood, well it sucked. My dad left when I was little, and my mom never got over it. She pretty much left me to raise myself while she chased down love in every bar and bottle she could get into. I…I am so scared that I’ll have kids and screw them up. That I won’t give them enough love. I’m afraid I will love you and end up like she did.”
His fingers cupped her face. His voice was rough with emotion.
“My God, why didn’t you tell me all that before? I know when we met I was…yes. I know. It was all screwed up. But you know what? You’re enough. I know my line would die out if I didn’t have children, but you, well, you’re what I really want. You’re enough. If you love me but don’t want kids, then I don’t care. But…but you have to go home now. I’ll find you after this war is done. I promise.”
“I’m not leaving.” Christy folded her arms across her chest and glared at Blake. “I’m not. You’re crazy if you think I am or will. I just told you I love you and you said you love me too, and then you follow that up with, ‘Oh, by the way, I’m shoving you back through a portal. No worries, I’ll hit you up after this Orc thing’s all over.’ Are you serious?”
Blake raked his hands through his hair. “I didn’t say it exactly like that.”
“No, but that was the gist of it.”
“It’s for your own good.”
“Don’t even try to tell me what’s good for me.” Her chin thrust out. “I’m not going. I can fight. Get me a gun or a knife or something.”
“I don’t have guns. We don’t fight with guns. They wouldn’t do anything but kill humans. They’re useless on Orcs and dragons. No sense in having them.”
Her body shook. He had just told her that he loved her, that he didn’t care if she could have kids or not, and now he wanted to send her away. She knew, really, she did, that he was just trying to save her life. But her life was there now; there was no going back. She could not go back. She could not lose him, not like this. She knew to stay would be asking to die. They were probably, all of them, going to die
or be gravely wounded. She was not long-lived like a dragon. She had no ability to fight like he did. She could not fly. Her skin was not armor.
But none of those things would be enough to protect him either. She had to be there. Had to. There was no way she could leave and never know, really never know, if he died, if the Orcs had won, and if he had died still loving her.
Blake reached for her. “Don’t do this, Christy. I can’t let you stay. I love you. I don’t want you to die here.”
Her lips shook. “I don’t want to die here either. I want…” Her eyes filled with tears. “I want to have your babies. I want to live with you, in this castle or in your parents’ house. I want to watch you be a father. I want all of that, and I know we may never get any of it now because of the Orcs. But I won’t leave here and you, not like this. I love you, and people who love each other don’t run away when things get hard.”
He shouted, “This isn’t hard! It’s war, and there’s a difference! You could die!”
“Then maybe we should agree to have each other’s backs. Or you should get me a knife. A big one. Because I’m staying. I can bet you Heather won’t go either. That’s not happening, and I damn sure am not running away from this, or from you—not anymore.”
Blake came toward her. His eyes shone. His hands caught her and pulled her close. She rested against his chest. Her breasts flattening against the wide and strong expanse of his chest. He said, “Why do you have to be so damn brave?”
“It’s just the way I am.”
He stroked a hand over her hair. “I know. Dammit, I know. I want you to go, I do. I’m scared I will lose you.”
“I’m scared I will lose you too. That’s why I can’t.”
“I know.” His hands kept smoothing her hair away from her face, but that didn’t soothe the agony in her heart. She was not going; she was not going anywhere. That she was willing to die for him said everything she had ever wanted to say and didn’t know how. “I wish you would, but I’m glad you’re going to stay.”