by L. P. Lovell
"Don't worry sweetheart, he has that effect on all the girls. It's really hard trying to be his wingman sometimes." I roll my eyes. He feigns a sad face before cracking a wide smile.
"I'm sure." Molly says.
Throughout this entire exchange I can feel Theo's eyes burning into me. I roll onto my back again and pull my sunglasses down, clearly stating that I wish to end the conversation.
"So I'm having a few people over for some drinks at my flat tonight. You ladies should come?" Hugo asks.
"I'm busy." I say quickly.
"With what?" Molly snaps.
"I said I'd meet a friend from work for drinks." I quickly lie.
"Bullshit, we both know you don't socialise with those boring fucks you work with." She says. Both guys laugh again. "We'll be there. What time?"
"Molly!" I snap.
"Say ten?" Hugo replies. "Give me your number and I'll text you the address. It's just around the corner from here." Molly practically purrs as she puts her number in his phone.
"Have I just become fucking invisible or something?" I whine.
"Great. We'll see you tonight then." Hugo says casually.
"Yep, apparently so. Great, just great."
"Oh, Lilly." Theo says quietly.
"What?" I growl. Suddenly he's leant over me, his lips press to mine in a spider man kiss. I can do nothing but lay there. My traitorous body reacts to him immediately. My lips part and my tongue skims his lower lip. All too quickly he pulls away and I'm left bereft and panting.
I keep my eyes closed, not wanting to look at him. "Damn you." I murmur.
He laughs. "I'll see you tonight." He says huskily. Not likely.
Molly waits a moment before turning to me. "Holy shit. That kiss was so hot. I can't even imagine what kind of sex you two have. Jesus." Molly starts physically fanning herself with her magazine. I roll my eyes at her. What the hell just happened?!
I'm stood outside Hugo's flat, much to my horror. Molly whined, bribed, blackmailed and finally begged me to come with her. So here I am, knowing that everything I don't want, but desperately do is in that flat. Molly's long blonde hair is pulled into a sharp pony tail. Her skin tight purple dress is very short and her long legs slip into a pair of my black Louboutin's. I'm wearing a little floral summer dress and cowboy boots. As per usual I couldn't be bothered with my hair so it's in its usual disarray of loose waves. I’m trying to look like I made no effort, which isn’t hard because I really didn’t.
Molly presses the buzzer and some random girl throws the door open. She's already drunk by the looks of it as she staggers back a step. We step inside and she walks away without a word to either of us. The flat is sparse, lots of white furniture with a couple of bright paintings decorating the walls. Flat really isn’t the word, massive bloody apartment is closer.
Music blares around the place, vibrating the walls. The front room is full of swaying bodies. The female to male ratio is about five to one, most of which are in a state of undress. A few turn their heads when we enter the room, and as per the bitch code they look us up and down before sneering and looking away.
"I can't believe you wanted to come to this shit." I grumble.
"Oh, ignore these bitches." Molly shrugs.
"Fine. Let’s get this over with. An hour Mole and then we're leaving." I say sternly.
She rolls her eyes. "Fine, but if I get laid with the man candy then you're going home alone, or with Theo." She giggles. I don't even respond to that.
We wonder into the kitchen where various bottles of alcohol are on the side. I grab a bottle of Corona. I don't trust unsealed drinks. I wedge a lime slice in it and take a sip. I look around the room, but I can't see Hugo or Theo.
One of Molly's favourite songs comes on and she drags me into the front room. I finally spot Theo on one of the sofas in the corner. One girl is sat on his lap whilst another sits next to him nibbling his ear, both are wearing next to no clothing. He seems to be completely oblivious and carries on a normal conversation with the guy on his other side. For some unbeknown reason I'm...I don't know, disappointed I guess, I'm not sure, but I'm definitely bothered and that disturbs me. So I decide it's a good thing that there are women all over him. The more women that surround him, the better to distract him. Still, the sight of him with Malibu Barbie attached to his neck is enough to make me hurry back to the kitchen for several shots of tequila.
"Interesting." Molly says as she stalks up behind me.
"Not a word." I growl.
She shrugs. "I just find it fascinating that you should be pushed to tequila because he's sat with another girl." She smiles smugly.
"As if. I'm pushed to tequila to get through this bloody party with all the half-naked tramps. I feel like I might catch an STD just looking at them. I shouldn’t have expected anything less with Theo and co organising."
She laughs. "Okay. Let’s dance." She grabs my hand and tows me to the centre of the room.
The tequila quickly numbs my senses and lowers my inhibitions. I dance with Molly and forget about everyone else in the room, forget about Theo. I didn't want to come here, didn't want to see him, but there's that weak part of me that kind of did want to see him. There's a part of me that wants to own him body and soul, that loves that he still wants me after I slept with him. Fucked up I know, but that's exactly what I am... fucked up. The problem is that I will never possess him, because he's a player, just like me, and if he thinks anything like me then just the thought of being possessed will scare him shitless. By this point we've garnered the attention of the few males in the room, a normal occurrence when I've had a few shots and decide to start busting out the moves. I dance with Molly like I'm being paid for it. She grinds and shakes against me until Hugo appears with another bottle of tequila and a huge grin on his face. I take the bottle from him as he becomes Molly's willing substitute. I swear to god, Molly may be pregnant by the time they're done.
I take a few deep gulps of the burning liquid before I turn and dance with the first guy I come into contact with. I wrap my arms around his neck, still holding the bottle. He puts his hands on my hips as I snake my body up against his. I don't miss the hardening crotch of his jeans pressed against me. This is what I need, what I love, to own a man, to control him, to have power over him. He is a slave to my body right now and that gives me power, power is strength. I edge us back to the wall and push him up against it. He's attractive, with rich hazel eyes and dark copper hair that falls slightly over his forehead.
"What's your name he asks?" I watch him for a moment before I take a swig of the tequila. I'm definitely tipsy now, my head spinning, the comforting numbness allowing me to block out all thoughts or perspective and so I act in the moment, taking what I want right now. What I want is to use somebody, to control them. Like I said, fucked up, but this is my life, reduced to just these few minutes or hours when I’m not the used girl that I’ve spent most of my life being. It’s a means to an end, an emotional outlet if you like. I smile seductively, at least I think it’s seductive, it may just be a drunken squint, who knows. I then push him up against the wall so hard that I hear the breath whoosh out of him. Before he can recover I press my lips to his firmly. Teasing and nipping him. A tap on my shoulder makes me turn around. Molly and Hugo are stood there, Molly smirking, Hugo looking awed. "Your friend is seriously hot babe. I swear to god she looks like she just got disturbed from a kill." Hugo laughs.
"Fuck you." I spit. He only laughs harder.
"Um, we're going somewhere quieter." Molly cocks an eyebrow.
I nod and turn back to my 'kill'. He smiles sheepishly as I run my hand up his chest and around the back of his neck. I tilt my head and bite his neck before running my tongue over his throat. He smells good, although not as good as Theo, he lacks that undertone of pure man, ugh why am I thinking about Theo? His fingers wind into my hair and my hands travel under his shirt.
Suddenly a thick arm is wrapping around my waist and I'm hauled backwards against a broad
chest.
"What the fuck?!" The guy I was just kissing shouts, looking over my shoulder with a scowl.
"Get the fuck out of here!" A deep voice growls from behind me. I spin around and am met with those fierce blue eyes spitting fire. His hands are firmly planted on my waist still.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" I scream at him.
He leans forward so that his lips are near my ear. "Stopping you from doing something you'll regret." He snaps.
"Fuck you!" I shove away from him and storm across the room through the sea of bodies. Somewhere along the line I've lost my tequila. Great, just great. I head to the kitchen to find some more. I find a bottle of Jaegermeister and down a shot before pouring another. My stomach shudders at the dark bitter liquid, but I ignore it. The alcohol is keeping the cluster-fuck that is my head at bay right now. Just as I go to pour a third shot, the bottle is snatched from my hand. He slams it on the counter top, nostrils flaring, eyes blazing. I open my mouth to tell him to do one, but my breath is cut off when his shoulder slams into my stomach.
"Theo, put me down!" He completely ignores me as he moves through the house, me thrown over his shoulder.
He eventually puts me down before turning around and locking a door behind him.
I look around at what is clearly a man cave. One half of the room is occupied by leather sofas and an enormous flat screen with various game console controllers strewn across the room. The other half is taken up by a pool table and a small bar sits in the corner of the room.
"You want to play pool?" I snort.
He stares at me unflinchingly. "No. I want to talk." He says coldly. His whole body is rigid tense, his breathing slow and deep. His muscular chest strains against his black t-shirt, the short sleeves showing his tattoos. Oh god he looks good. I take a deep breath. I'm now in a room alone with Theodore Ellis and I'm drunk. Drunk Lilly and hot Theo are not a good combination. Shit. Sober up Lilly. Do not do anything stupid.
He steps towards me and runs his hand down my arm, his fingers trace delicate lines on the underside of my wrist.
My mind has to work hard to clear through the tequila and Theo induced fog of desire and think coherently. If I stay in this room the likelihood of something happening between us is high. Oh who am I kidding it's a full blown guarantee. I need to leave now.
"We have nothing to talk about." I state bluntly. "I'm leaving." I turn towards the door but he pulls me back and encircles an arm around my waist.
"What were you doing with that guy just now?" His eyes meet mine and I can see the burning rage behind them.
"What did it look like?" I raise an eyebrow at him.
He exhales. "Okay. Why?" He meets my gaze with a startling intensity.
"Why do you fuck random women?" I ask with a smirk, catching him off guard slightly.
He shrugs. "Because I can, for an orgasm, who knows."
"Hmm, looks like you have your answer."
"If you want a fuck, then why not just find me." He strokes his thumb in rhythmic circles on my wrist.
I drop my gaze from his. "I don't want you." I answer.
"We both know that's a lie, but assuming I believed you. Why not?" His tone is clipped. Why not? Let me see, because you’re a dirty slut who’s screwed half the female population of London.
"Jesus Theo. We had sex once, that doesn't make this a fucking relationship. What, you just assume that's it now and I'll come to you when I need sorting out? You’re an arrogant prick. If I wanted an orgasm I'd use my bloody vibrator!" I try to wrestle out of his grip, but he holds on. His expression remains surprisingly calm.
He brings his face close to mine and for the first time I can smell whiskey on his breath. His eyes lock with mine, the intensity between us unnerving. "So you're not just looking for an orgasm...what are you looking for?"
"Fuck you." I spit at him. "None of your fucking business." He's hitting way to close to the mark and it's making me uncomfortable.
His voice becomes flat and cold. "Maybe you just like the attention, like to tease men.” He turns his cold glare on me.
I lean in until my lips almost touch his. “Fuck. You.” I say icily. The smile that touches his lips is just as cold. I try to snatch my wrist away but he won’t let go.
"What are you running from Lilly?" Everything, I think to myself. He’s treading a very fine line and it makes me snap. Who the hell does he think he is!?
“I’m not running. I’m walking away from a mistake.” I hold his gaze, and I don’t miss the flash of hurt behind his hard expression.
He wraps his fingers around the nape of my neck and speaks close to my ear. “Call it what you like, but you want me every bit as much as I want you. I just don’t lie about it.”
"I don't fucking want you Theo, why is that so hard for you to understand?!" I seethe. Before I know it I'm pinned against the pool table and his lips crash into mine angrily. I kiss him back in a dazed moment before shoving him away from me.
"Tell me why Lilly. The truth. Stop lying to me. Why him and not me!? I bet you didn't even know his name." He growls. He looks genuinely angry now, his face a bare inch away from mine. His hand grips the back of my neck. I’m trapped.
“Oh, because I’m sure you know the name of every girl you stick it to. Don’t you dare start judging me! Let me go.” I struggle.
“I thought you were better than that.” He says coldly, pinning me against the edge of the pool table.
“Well I’m not!” I scream at him. “I’m not much better than you!”
“Why him?!” He asks again.
I snap. I don't know what comes over me but I just snap. "Because I can use him! I can screw him and walk away without a second thought. Jesus. Just leave me the fuck alone Theo." Once again I try to push past him to leave, but he wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his chest. I struggle to no avail.
“Let me go.” I say calmly.
“You are better than this Lilly, so much better. I wish you could see what I see.” He looks at me with such sincerity. His fingers brush my cheek gently. I exhale on a shuddering breath and relax into his strong arms, his fresh masculine scent. There’s something about his presence that comforts me, that soothes my battered soul. Theodore Ellis is not a man to take comfort in, my mind knows this, my body doesn’t.
His hot breath brushes my neck as he whispers close to my ear. "I'm not using you Lilly I promise. Far from it." He takes a deep breath. The way he see’s straight through me scares me. Without me even saying it, he knows exactly what I’m thinking.
I don’t need him reading me, trying to work me out. I step out of his embrace, putting some distance between us. I need to quit Theo. I need to walk away for my own good, or he’ll just seduce me and keep dragging me back. He is not somebody I need to get involved with in any way.
"Look Theo. Let’s be honest. You can bullshit me all you like, but we both know what you are. Monday was great, we both got what we wanted. No hard feelings. I think it's best that we just leave it at that." I close my eyes unable to meet his piercing blue eyes.
"And what exactly am I Lilly?" His voice is deep, seductive in a way that simply cannot be learnt. He steps forward, caging me against the table again.
I open my eyes to see his serious expression, his eyes study my face intently. "A whore." I shrug unapologetically. "A player, womaniser, whatever you want to call it. A man who uses women."
"You shouldn't listen to rumours." He brushes his lips across my jaw making me tremble in his arms.
I laugh lightly. "So you're the pinnacle of moral behaviour?"
"No. I do as I please. I never promise anyone anything. When women come to my bed they have no expectations of me beyond an orgasm. They know it's nothing more than sex. I do not use them." He frowns, his eyes gripping me in their depths. “It’s mutually beneficial.”
I look away, focusing on a spot on the table behind him. "Well, that as maybe, but I can't be your play thing."
"Have you ever
stopped to think that maybe you used me? I gave you an orgasm before you walked out and now want nothing to do with me. Pot, kettle, black I think." His lips pull up at one side, his usual cockiness gone. "I think you're scared Lilly." He whispers, his breath touches my lips making me shiver slightly. He pulls me closer, aligning his body flush to mine.
My stomach clenches as his gaze fixes me. "That tight leash of control that you keep at all times starts to loosen when I'm around you. You love it secretly, the liberation of acting purely on carnal desire, and yet you fight against it so hard." His lips brush my ear lobe. I gasp at the contact. I want to push away, but the urge to pull him closer quickly overrides it. How does he do this to me?
"I represent everything you hate, you think it's weak to give in to your desires, but I believe that only the strong take what they want in life." His hushed voice tingles over my senses. His hand winds into my hair, pulling my head back so that he has access to my throat. His tongue traces a taunting line up my throat. I close my eyes, fighting the overwhelming need to succumb to him. God, he's so good at this. "You're a strong woman Lilly, and yet you deny yourself the very thing you want right now." His voice drops to a husky whisper. "I'm right here for the taking sugar, all yours." His lips press into my neck and heat crawls over my skin. My body bursts into flames, stoked by his slow torturous words.
"Wow arrogant much." I gasp, barely able to breathe.
He laughs. "Maybe. It doesn't change the facts Lilly. You're body was made for me. You're all I can think about, all I want." His teeth graze my earlobe. "I want to kiss you, touch you, taste you." I tremble. I want to tell him that clearly I'm not all he wants as proved by Barbie attached to his neck earlier, but that would make it seem as though I care and I don’t. Not really.
I know I’m being played, but my traitorous body won’t let me move away from him, I’m drawn to him on such a primal level it’s almost painful to deny myself. He kisses down my neck until I'm panting wildly. God I need to get a grip. "Stop fighting it Lilly. Switch off your mind and let your body have its way. You want someone to use sugar, use me. I'm more than willing." I whimper desperately. The war between my body and mind reaches a frenzied crescendo.