by Brooks, Tori
Ruby shook her head. “Erika Atlas isn’t a release valve, Randy. She’s a main course, but I see your point. It’s nice of you to take that stance, boys stick together and all that,” she paused and glared at Olly. “Why aren’t you defending the little geek?”
Olly shrugged. “Can’t stand the pompous twit.”
Ruby rolled her eyes and returned her attention to Lindsay. “Don’t tell Dev he said that.”
“Go ahead. He doesn’t like me either,” Olly disagreed. Randy snickered.
“How can you tell?” Ruby asked, her eyes boring into him as if daring him to give the wrong answer. With Randy laughing quietly beside him, Olly seemed to have more of a backbone.
“Did he say something to you?” Lindsay asked, wondering if Olly would be honest now that he thought he had backup.
“No. Guys just know these things.”
Lindsay and Ruby gave curt nods and dropped it. Olly didn’t really know, but there wouldn’t be any convincing him.
“Anyway, as I was saying,” Ruby continued. “Erika Atlas isn’t a one night stand, and she isn’t a release valve. She wouldn’t stand for it. Not from anyone, not even Devin Giles. I think those promo shots on the celeb sites are real. If they were staged, she’d be kissing his cheek or something. But it’s always him helping her out of a limo. Or they’re together at some event and he’s handing her a drink or whispering in her ear. I hate to say it, but I love that one at the beach where she’s sitting on his shoulders.”
“Enough, Ruby,” Lindsay said through gritted teeth.
“I think her point is there’s something going on. They’re together a lot,” Olly said.
“That and the ‘it’s not real it’s just for publicity’ thing is just an excuse Dev’s feeding you so you don’t get upset when you see the pictures,” Ruby nodded.
Lindsay didn’t want to hear this. She shook her head dismissively. “No, Ruby. Not Dev. It’s not that he’s a prude. He’s just reserved. It’s how his mom raised him. It took me forever to get him to cave in. Not because he didn’t want it, or even because of his values. Teri had him on a guilt trip from beyond the grave every time I got him hard. I can’t see it. I don’t think he’s capable of cheating, he’d be suicidally morose.” Lindsay closed the laptop. She was wrong to discuss this with Ruby and Olly. What was she thinking?
“How long have you been dating?” Ruby asked.
Lindsay picked up the laptop case but paused and looked up at the question. Ruby knew very well how long they’d been together. She ranted about it often enough.
“Four years last week. I still have a sunburn from our weekend getaway to prove it. Why?”
“Right. And you finally got him laid when?”
Lindsay frowned. “A year ago.”
“Right. And he said then that he wanted to marry you, right?”
Lindsay wasn’t comfortable with this conversation, but she nodded.
“Right?” Ruby asked again, clearly wanting her to give voice to her answer.
“Right,” Lindsay whispered.
“So since that time, your birthday has come and gone –”
“An engagement ring isn’t a birthday present, Ruby,” Lindsay interrupted.
“It is for some, and Christmas has also come and gone. Setting those aside, your fourth anniversary has also passed. How long is he planning on dating you before popping the question? At this rate, by the time he gets around to asking, angel, you could be looking at a ten-year engagement. Either that, or his heart isn’t in it.”
Lindsay shoved the laptop in the case, shaking her head and refusing to believe it. Of course she did believe it, or at least had doubts. Doubt was what forced her to come here in the first place.
“Lin, you can’t let him slide on this,” Ruby said, reaching out to take Lindsay’s hand. “You have to address it.”
“And do what? Talk to him? There’s nothing Dev can say. He can’t believably deny it. Just the fact that I suspect he’s cheating will upset him. He’d probably be calmer if he really is banging Erika Atlas.”
“There’s your benchmark then. See how calm he is instead of how guilty,” Randy advised with a smile. Lindsay wanted to slap him.
“No. The point is, it’s a no-win situation. If I accuse him of something like that, I can’t back away from it. Particularly when I’m guilty of the same thing myself. He doesn’t ask me and he has every right to. He has every reason to suspect that I had to have slipped in the last four years. Dev doesn’t say a word about it.”
“You have a condition,” Ruby frowned.
“A diagnosis isn’t a free pass. Besides, Dev and I are in an exclusive –”
“You assume,” Olly interrupted.
“Officially,” Lindsay said, making and maintaining eye contact long enough to make him turn away. “An exclusive intimate relationship, and now that I’m eighteen and free from high school, I can fly out to see him whenever I need to. He leaves plenty of time in his very busy schedule for me, even juggling things at the last minute if I need him to. Granted I have to skip my own classes if I do that, but I can and sometimes do.”
“He should make the gesture of skipping his classes for you,” Ruby said with a little sniff.
“Dev’s at MIT,” Lindsay shook her head. “And he’s taking a full class load. I’ve just got a few at the community college for now. It’s easier for me to get caught up.
“He comes home when he can, I’m not always the one on a plane. We’re managing my condition together. Part of Dev helping is that he doesn’t ask about my past, and he doesn’t ask about my mistakes.”
“And he doesn’t ask if you’ll marry him,” Ruby finished.
Lindsay hesitated.
“Do you even talk about it?” Ruby asked.
“Sometimes. A little. Dev takes it as said and done that we’ll get married. I mean he knows that he has to ask and all that, but when we talk ... it’s like we’re talking about years down the road. Planning for when we’re already married. Talking about someday.”
“Pipe dreams,” Ruby said.
“Look,” Olly said with a sigh. “You won’t confront Dev, can we just take that as a given? It’s obvious. You’re going to look the other way no matter what other evidence piles up or what else Ruby says. Why don’t you ask Erika Atlas?”
“What?” Lindsay asked, eyes wide as she stared at Olly. She didn’t know Erika, how the hell did Olly think she was going to ask her?
“Sure,” Randy laughed. “Just pick up the phone, say ‘hey, Erika, this is Dev’s girlfriend. I kind of got the impression you’re banging my honey and thought we should meet. So wanna grab a bite sometime? Get mani-pedis?’ That’ll be great!”
“Something like that,” Olly agreed.
Lindsay punched Randy in the arm. She’d hit Olly too, except he was across from her and she couldn’t reach that far. “That’s a great idea, Olly, except I don’t happen to have Erika Atlas’ phone number. Used to, lost it. Damn it!”
Ruby smiled. “Call from Dev’s phone, angel. Bet she’ll answer.”
○ ○ ○
After lunch, Lindsay went home, packed, and caught the next flight to Boston.
Dev was understandably surprised when she rang his doorbell and interrupted his study group. Just the same, she was glad she did. Lindsay didn’t care for some of the members of Dev’s study group.
Georgia and Krista smiled a little too sweetly as Dev pulled up a chair for her, confirming some members of Dev’s study group didn’t care for her either. Lindsay pushed her chair closer to Dev’s and took a seat.
Her position put her right beside Kevin, who kept brushing a hand ‘accidentally’ against her bare thigh. It would bother Dev. Lindsay was getting bothered too, and hot.
Standing, Dev looked up from his computer questioningly. She shook her head as she turned her chair ninety degrees so her back was to Kevin and moved it up against Dev’s. He raised his eyebrows and looked around the table, almost embarrassed when she
straddled the chair and sat again. Kicking one bare leg up and over Dev’s head, Lindsay realized she probably just flashed James on his far side as she settled her calves on Dev’s lap. Oh well, the hazards of thongs and mini-skirts. If James was looking, good for him.
“Comfy?” Dev asked, laying one arm over her crossed legs.
“Yup,” she nodded. Lindsay pulled her tablet out of her purse on the table and started reading a book she put on there for the flight.
She was going to ignore Georgia and Krista if it killed her, and she was going to look smart, gorgeous, and confident while she did it. If she was going to lose Dev, it wouldn’t be to either of them. In fact, Lindsay tapped the screen to flip the page even though she hadn’t read it, she wasn’t going to lose Dev to Erika Atlas either. She’d call Erika, who would certainly deny it. Even if she was guilty as sin, you deny it unless you’re either caught red-handed, which she wasn’t, or you’re a ho. Not even a whore, just a cheap, low class, ho.
Lindsay stopped to consider that. Was Erika Atlas ...? No. She looked at Dev, watching him as he stopped typing at his laptop and considered something. His brow furrowed as he worked a problem over in his mind. He was just adorable, and naïve about so much she wanted to just scream. But Dev wouldn’t look once let alone twice at someone low-class or stupid. Men might be governed by the head without a brain an unreasonable amount of the time, but Dev’s hormones seemed to be stunted. If anyone knew that, she did.
Later that night, after the study group left and she and Dev were curled up in bed together, Lindsay rolled over and turned off the alarm on her phone. It was merely there as a precaution and anxiety kept her from falling asleep and needing it.
Beside her, Dev breathed heavily as she slid out of bed. He looked so peaceful. She felt terrible for doubting him, like somehow she was the guilty party. She was, but he was too. Maybe. What if he was? What if he wasn’t? Did it matter? Doubt bombarded Lindsay, just like it did on the flight from Seattle. She almost turned around and flew back as soon as she landed, unable to find the strength to confront him. Of course, she wasn’t confronting him.
Sneaking around the bed, Lindsay took his phone from his nightstand and left the bedroom. She crept downstairs and into the living room, closing the door behind her. No one ever came in here. Above her was a spare bedroom, below her was Frau Schmidt’s sewing and laundry room, unlikely to be in use at this time of night.
Lindsay took a deep breath to steel her nerves. She pulled up Dev’s text messages, none from Erika. No recent calls either. Of course Olly told her Dev would erase the evidence as soon as she walked through the door. Assuming it was even there to begin with, Lindsay told herself. She pulled up his contacts list. Erika’s number was there. She had hoped it wouldn’t be.
Closing her eyes and taking another breath, Lindsay opened them again. She dialed Erika.
○ ○ ○
Erika was still haunted by the first time she saw Devin Giles. She was addicted to watching their website for each new prank when A Thousand Words opened for Rushing On. Her manager talked her out of crashing their backstage parties in favor of inviting Dev into the studio for a collaborative effort.
Mark was a genius. The singles placed well in the charts, the videos were popular and gave her a valid reason to get to know Dev better. She discovered he was secretive and skittish.
That was three years and entirely too many appletinis ago. Dev would turn twenty-one next week, Erika reflected as she stared at the drink in her hand. She knew him better and wanted him even more, but wasn’t any closer to making him hers. He didn’t drink and Erika knew, if she actually caught him, she’d have to stop. She’d live. Sadly, she drank more because of him. Her liver was probably cheering her on more than anyone else.
Erika walked over to her piano and sat down, setting her drink on top. She took out her pencil and made some notes on the pages in front of her. Lately she’d written a series of songs focusing on slutty women that didn’t deserve the men they had. They were pretty much all based on Lindsay Caffey, and Erika made sure she worded them carefully so Dev wouldn’t recognize his darling girlfriend in the hateful lyrics.
She didn’t understand what he saw in her. Fine, she was pretty. Erika was pretty. Thinking Dev preferred blonds, Erika briefly went blond. And she personally thought she did it better. Dev gave her a curious look the next time he saw her and told her in no uncertain terms that he preferred her as a brunette, she just ‘looked weird.’
Erika didn’t think she’d ever been told she looked weird before in her life. Kenny was with them and smacked the back of Dev’s head. Dev apologized immediately and he did it beautifully. He reworded his criticism to say she simply looked stunning as a brunette, it favored her eyes. Erika laughed, she had to. When she saw him next as a brunette again, he nodded and said, ‘better.’
She took it as a good sign at the time, but still didn’t know where she stood in relation to Lindsay. Could Dev talk to Lindsay like that? He refused to talk to Erika about anything personal. Not even school. Instead, Erika was left to talk to Kenny and Jess to get information. It was always hints of this and that. They seemed supportive of her efforts, but not openly.
Bryan was nice, and seemed to know Dev well, but also seemed to see right through her. Erika wasn’t able to get much information out of Bryan other than Dev had a girlfriend and she was good for him. They were well-suited for each other. Erika didn’t want to hear any of that.
After shooting a video with A Thousand Words while on their tour, Erika quietly bribed a photographer to tweak a few pictures of her and Dev to look more intimate.
The pictures looked like they’d just kissed and were coming up for air. They went viral and rumors of a romance spread like wildfire. Of course Dev and Erika made statements denying the rumors. She also had her manager make sure the pictures and headlines stayed very much alive and in the public eye. With only a little encouragement and direction on Erika’s part, Kenny and their managers came up with the idea of a public relations ‘relationship’ between her and Dev. No one believed there wasn’t a relationship anyway, they may as well benefit from it. Pictures here and there were easy to stage. A few events, a couple dinners. Erika could easily drop in on Dev and have someone take their picture. They simply wouldn’t comment on the pictures or deny any rumors. No one listened anyway. Things shouldn’t get out of hand with the G-rated material they were staging. They worked together and they were friends. Friends could be seen together.
Erika couldn’t believe Dev agreed. She really couldn’t believe he got Lindsay to go along with it. If she was his girlfriend, Erika would have said absolutely not. Erika reached for her appletini and took a sip, grimacing at the reminder at how little she understood about Dev’s relationship with his girlfriend.
Dev avoided photographers. Erika discovered it was like he lived in a bubble. It didn’t matter, the paparazzi followed Erika like she traveled with a neon sign over her head. Getting pictures of them together spread around was easy. Although she found she had to warn him she was going to show up or his rabbit-about-to-sprint expression would give away their little game. It was kind of cute, or would be if he wasn’t running from her.
If she sent him a text a few minutes in advance, he could steel himself, and his panicked expression was easily misinterpreted as merely surprised. She usually over-played her initial smile as a reminder to him. Dev’s answering shy, uneasy smile made him look a little happy to see her to someone who didn’t know him well enough to see how uncomfortable he was. Erika let them take a few pictures as she grabbed Dev’s arm and led him to the nearest private place. Looking for privacy invited public speculation, but in truth she was just trying to get him away from the cameras that threatened to give the poor boy a panic attack. She’d love to reward him with a big kiss and a snuggle, or something even more intimate, but had to settle for a Diet Coke or Dr. Pepper. For some reason, he always switched to Dr. Pepper in November and April.
Erika glanced
over at a picture she had framed of her and Dev at the beach. He was smiling at her – a real smile, and it was really at her. She adored that picture because of the dozens out there, this one was genuine. Dev was really with her for a while. They talked, he laughed, smiled, and was actually there. Too bad it didn’t last. He had to catch a plane and go back to college. That was over a year ago. Erika didn’t understand why Dev was determined to interrupt his life for a degree he admitted he’d never use. It complicated working with the band, stressed him on tour, and – although he didn’t say it outright – seemed to make things difficult somehow with Lindsay. Maybe college wasn’t so bad after all, Erika decided.
She finally got Jess drunk at a party a few months ago and got him to open up about Lindsay. Not as much as she wanted, but a bit. There was a lot Jess didn’t know about the woman Dev had been with for years. Dev didn’t talk about her, not even to Jess and Kenny. Bryan knew something. Secrets. Lindsay and Dev were keeping secrets. Erika was dying to know what.
At first Lindsay was a goth and Dev wouldn’t even kiss her, and yet he wanted to marry her from the first date. Erika thought that was cute, but it also made her want to scream.
Jess said Lindsay led Dev around by the nose. He also said Dev was all about not having sex, it was the only thing he showed any backbone on. But Lindsay cornered him in Chicago last spring and pushed the issue. Kenny was there, they were sure he caved. Jess labeled her a slut and a player. Jess was too, so Erika trusted he would know.
He passed out eventually, but Erika was satisfied. Jess brought up some good points: Dev wanted to marry Lindsay from their first date but she was nineteen now, and they not only weren’t married, they weren’t even living together. Dev indicated before that college was some sort of problem between him and Lindsay, and Jess implied Lindsay was a wedge between Dev and Jess and Kenny. Adding up the pieces, Erika decided, for the good of Dev and A Thousand Words, Lindsay really needed to go. Kenny and Jess no doubt thought so too, although Dev would fuss about it. He just couldn’t see it clearly. He was too close.