That got his attention, and he lifted his head far enough to meet her gaze. Desire darkened his eyes and quickened his breathing, but his voice was almost too even as he repeated, “Using me?”
“You said before you thought I was playing you, using the attraction between us against you....” She swallowed hard. “Ever since I came here, my mind has been racing. Should I tell you about Timmy? Should I keep quiet? What will happen if I do? Can I live with myself if I don’t? All these thoughts, and I just want them to stop! I want to stop thinking and to just feel.”
Sam was silent for a moment before he murmured, “Feeling is good. Feeling can be really good.”
“But it’s not fair to you!”
He chuckled as he lowered them both to the couch. “You have my permission. Use away.”
She wasn’t sure what he meant at first until he leaned back against the cushions, inviting her to...do as she pleased. Kara didn’t let herself stop and think. Leaning forward, she brushed her lips against his mouth, the rough scrape of beard at his chin, the hollow of his throat. Tasting, feeling...all the while she explored the shape and size of the muscles hidden by his T-shirt. His shoulders, his chest, his stomach. The dry rasp of his breathing sounded in her ear as his body trembled and tightened beneath her fingers.
His hands gripped her hips but not once did they stray from that spot as he gave himself over to her, letting her be the one in charge just as he’d promised. And somehow it didn’t matter that he wasn’t touching her. She felt so in tune with his body, so connected to Sam, that she could almost experience his hands on her in every place she touched like some kind of phantom pleasure.
Her hands had just drifted lower when a soft cry carried out from the bedroom.
Kara froze, even as Sam reacted. He practically lifted her from the couch as he stood. Keeping her hand in his as his long strides led the way to the bedroom, he’d just reached for the doorknob when Timmy called out again. “Mommy!”
It was Sam’s turn to freeze, but Kara had heard the heartbreaking cry before. As she pushed the door open, enough light spilled in from the hall for her to see Timmy sitting up in bed, his eyes wide but unfocused as tears streamed down his round cheeks.
She’d learned the hard way it was best not to wake him but to try to soothe him back to sleep. It was a lesson she didn’t have time to explain to Sam as he rushed ahead of her and tried to take his son into his arms. But the minute Timmy became fully awake, he started screaming and scrambled back against the headboard. “No! No! Go away. I don’t want you. I want Aunt Kara!”
Chapter Ten
“Sam found out about Timmy before you could tell him?” Sympathy and a touch of horror filled Olivia’s voice even from across the miles. “Ouch!”
“Well, I guess that’s better than ‘I told you so,’” Kara said as she watched Timmy from the small kitchenette. His head was bent over a piece of paper with colorful markers spread across the coffee table.
“But?” her friend prompted.
“You told me so.”
Olivia only gave a small, smug chuckle before turning serious. “So what’s he like? Now that you’ve gotten to know him?”
“He’s—” Memories of last night’s kiss swamped her, and Kara was glad her friend wasn’t there in person, certain Olivia would read the truth behind the heat rising to her face. “He’s trying to connect with Timmy.”
“Trying? But not succeeding?”
“At first I didn’t think so, but yesterday...” Kara filled her friend in on their day. “You should have seen Timmy running along the beach and heard how hard he was laughing.”
She left out the way she, too, had gotten caught up in the game. She still couldn’t believe she’d pushed Sam into the surf. Or how hard she’d been laughing as she stumbled in the loose sand, trying to make her escape, before Sam had tumbled them both to the damp and gritty beach. His gaze had roamed over her damp clothes, her windswept hair and pinked cheeks as if she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, and Kara had thought sure he was going to kiss her.
But he hadn’t.
The kiss had come later with no one around to see and only her own conscience to know how much further the kiss might have gone if not for Timmy’s nightmare.
But she wasn’t about to tell Olivia that either.
Focusing on Timmy instead, she said, “I never really thought about Timmy liking sports. He’s always been so interested in reading and puzzles.”
“Like you?”
“I know what you’re thinking. That Timmy likes what’s familiar to him.” She’d seen the hurt on Sam’s face when Timmy pushed him away after his nightmare. The little boy had clung to her, taking comfort in her arms and in the sound of her voice as she sang him back to sleep. He’d slept through until morning and woke up without seeming to remember the nightmare. His first question had been to ask when they were going to see Sam.
“There’s nothing wrong with holding on to what’s familiar,” Olivia said. “But it’s okay to spread your wings a little, too, and embrace something new. Someone new...”
Kara knew her friend was right, but she couldn’t help the little twinge in her heart at the idea. Already Timmy seemed less like Marti’s little boy and more and more like Sam’s son.
“Besides, sweetie, it’s not like Timmy can’t like both sports and books. He doesn’t have to pick one or the other.” Her friend paused. “He can love both.”
Kara closed her eyes on a sigh as her friend’s point drove home. “Just like he can love both Sam and me.”
“Wow! You know, I never thought of it like that.”
“Oh, stop! That’s exactly what you’ve been saying.” Lowering her voice, she said, “But a choice is going to have to be made. Either Timmy comes home with me or he stays here with Sam.”
“Or...you stay there with Timmy and Sam.”
“That’s—that’s crazy,” Kara argued as if the thought hadn’t crossed her mind far more than she wanted to admit. “What am I supposed to do about my condo, my career? The department chair position? I’ve worked hard to get where I am.”
A faint echo followed her words, coming not from the cell phone but from her own mind as she recognized nearly the same words her parents had said to her over a decade ago when she’d told them she was pregnant.
She would have given up anything—her full-ride scholarship, her perfect GPA, her future career—to have had the chance to be a mother to her little girl for more than a few, heartbreaking days.
Could she do the same now for Timmy?
Nothing about leaving the little boy felt right, yet in her heart she knew taking him away from Sam would be just as wrong.
“Do you really think I should consider moving up here for Timmy?”
“For Timmy...for you...and maybe even for Sam.”
“Sam?” Kara echoed, startled, only to lower her voice even further when Timmy curiously glanced her way. “Sam wouldn’t have anything to do with my decision. He’s Timmy’s father, but that’s all.”
“Kara, I think we both know he’s something more. I can hear it in your voice when you talk about him.”
“Hear what?”
“There’s this smile.”
“That’s ridiculous. It’s impossible to hear a smile.”
“Oh, really?”
“Really.”
“Okay, genius, I’ll bet you a hundred bucks that right now I’m hearing a frown.”
“You’re hearing annoyance.”
“Okay, and when you talk about Sam, I hear happiness and interest and lust. Should I go on?”
“Please don’t.”
“Look, all I’m saying is to keep an open mind for a solution that isn’t as cut-and-dried as Timmy choosing between you and Sam. Maybe there’s a compromise where
you all win.”
After saying goodbye to Olivia with a promise to call again in a few days, Kara dropped her phone into her purse and rounded the short countertop separating the kitchenette from the small living room. “What are you working on, Timmy?”
“A picture for Sam.”
Two figures with bright yellow hair held flashlights with beams shooting out like lasers. Dark scribbles crouched in the corners—monsters vanquished by the father-son duo. “That’s great, Timmy.”
“I’m gonna draw another picture of Sam’s car. Sam said he’ll take me for a ride. We’ll go really fast with the top down.”
Sam says... Timmy was still a little shy in Sam’s presence, but he was full of stories, recounting what Sam said when he wasn’t around. Yes, Timmy had clung to her after his nightmare the other night, and she knew how his rejection had hurt Sam. But Timmy had reached out for what was most familiar, most comforting.
If she hadn’t been there, he would have turned to Sam. If she hadn’t been there, Timmy would be far more open to talking to Sam instead of talking about him.
Kara swallowed. Was her presence hurting more than it was helping?
“And this one. It’s a picture of you and me and Sam at the beach,” Timmy was saying as he held out the drawing for her to see. Three stick figures ran along a tan beach, holding hands beneath a vivid blue sky. He’d given each character a bright red smile, a clear sign of the good time he’d had.
“You had fun at the beach, didn’t you?”
“Uh-huh. It was—” Ducking his head, Timmy went back to coloring, pressing down hard enough that the marker squealed across the paper.
“It was what, Timmy?”
“It was like a real family with a mommy, a daddy and a little boy.”
The softly spoken words sucked the air from Kara’s lungs. Had she really thought Timmy wasn’t old enough, wasn’t smart enough to realize he didn’t have a father? Yes, single-parent families were common these days, but that link, that connection of father, mother and child was still so important, so vital.... What had Sam said?
It’s the kind of childhood Timmy deserved, too, two parents living together, raising him together, under one roof.
A real family.
* * *
Sam looked up at the quick knock on his office door. He’d come in to catch up on some of the paperwork that had piled up over the last week and also to make sure Will could handle working most of the weekend on his own. Neither of them had talked about their argument, and Sam was more than willing to let that sleeping dog lie.
“What’s up, Will?”
“Sal Dougan’s here.” Bracing his skinny arms on either side of the open doorway, he leaned into the room. “He’s got a flat on his van.” The teen drummed his fingers against the frame. “He says he just wants to fix the one, but the other three are as bald as, well, as Sal is,” he said with a huff of a laugh that quickly faded away. “I think he’s worried he can’t pay for the other ones. I thought you might wanna talk to him.”
“Thanks, Will.”
The boy nodded and stepped back from the doorway, but before Sam could pass by, he blurted out, “I was wrong the other day when I told you to stay out of my business. I mean, we’re friends, right? And friends look out for each other.”
“Yeah, they do.”
Will dropped his head and scuffed the toe of his work boot along the vinyl floor. “My mom’s pressed charges against Darrell. She says I might have to testify.”
Poor kid. He did okay one-on-one, but he clammed up in front of a crowd. Sam could only imagine how nervous he’d be on a witness stand. “You’ll do fine if it comes to that.”
“Yeah.” The teen lifted his head and grinned. “Oh, hey, I saw you’d started repainting the ’Vette, but I thought you were leaving her red?”
Sam breathed out a sigh, thinking of the soon-to-be shiny black sports car. “Sometimes plans change.”
After leaving Kara’s hotel room, he’d gone straight to the shop. He’d known he wouldn’t be able to sleep. Not with the memory of Kara’s kiss replaying against Timmy’s nightmare.
In a way, he felt as if he’d been the one dreaming. One minute Kara was clinging to him, kissing him with a passion and desire beyond anything he could have imagined. The next minute, his son was screaming and pushing Sam away.
God, that had hurt. He’d never known the punch a four-year-old kid could pack. If Kara hadn’t been there, he didn’t know what he would have done.
Standing outside the doorway last night, he’d watched as she rocked Timmy in her arms. The soft sound of her voice eased the tension from his little body. His shuddering breaths soon eased, and he’d drifted back to sleep.
The soft glow from the light in the hall had touched her profile as she leaned down and kissed Timmy’s forehead. The complete and utter devotion on her face had stopped Sam’s breath in his chest, and he’d had to face the question hovering outside his thoughts for the past few days. Would Timmy be better off with Kara than with him?
Staring at the ’Vette that he’d primed and sanded, he hadn’t found an answer. But he had made a decision. He was still a little surprised he wasn’t feeling a greater sense of disappointment, but putting his dream on hold felt right. He and Kara still hadn’t talked about the future, but Sam knew one thing for sure. Whatever free time he had, he wanted to spend with Timmy—if not in Clearville, then in San Diego.
* * *
Sam’s assistant, Will, greeted Kara as she and Timmy walked toward the open bay door of the garage. The teen wore a pair of coveralls and a red baseball cap pulled low over his forehead. “Sam’s just finishing up with a customer, but he’ll be glad to see you guys. Especially since you brought lunch from Rolly’s,” he said with an envious nod at the brown bags in Kara’s hands.
“I asked one of the waitresses about Sam’s favorite meal, and she said that you both like cheesesteak sandwiches.”
“You got me one, too?”
“If you’re hungry,” Kara said, hiding a smile at the way the boy nearly snatched the bags from her hand.
“Starved!” Walking over to a shiny black truck, he dropped the tailgate to use for a makeshift seat and immediately dug in.
Kara lifted Timmy up beside the teenager and said, “I didn’t think to bring any drinks.”
“Sam has a vending machine inside the garage. I can go grab some sodas,” the teen offered, but he already had his hands full of his sandwich.
“I’ll go. Timmy, are you okay waiting out here?”
“Uh-huh.” He eyed the second bag, most likely hoping to sneak a few of the fries she’d promised him if he ate his chicken strips.
“Okay. Do not let him eat all of the fries before I get back,” she told Will and then pretended not to see the conspiratorial glance pass between the two boys.
Kara stepped from the bright sunlight into the shadowed interior of the garage, more than a little intimidated by all the tools and machinery she couldn’t begin to name. The smell of motor oil, rubber and exhaust fumes filled the air. At the moment, all the equipment was silent, the cavernous space quiet enough for sound to carry from Sam’s office.
“Thanks, Sam. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this.”
“No problem. Those tires have been ready to go for a while now.”
“Yeah, I know, but—”
“You have three kids riding in your van, Sal. There’s no ‘but’ about that.”
“I’ll pay you back,” Sal vowed.
“He does stuff like this all the time.”
Kara spun around, startled by Will’s voice. “I thought maybe you needed a hand with the drinks,” he added.
The vending machine glowed in the corner. She thought of making up some story, but it was more than obvious she’d been listening to
Sam’s conversation. Still... “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”
Will shrugged. “It’s no secret that Sal’s had a hard time lately. He got laid off a while ago and hasn’t found another job. It’s up to him to support his family...” Will’s voice trailed off as he glanced away with a frown. “Anyway, Sam’s really good at looking out for people.”
“I know.” Over the past few days, Kara had seen the kind of man Sam was, the kind of father he could be—fun-loving, but caring, too. Able to teach his son about guy things like sports and cars, but more importantly, showing him how to be a man by the kindness and respect he gave his friends and family.
The sound of Sam’s voice grew louder as Kara inserted the last of her quarters into the soda machine. His eyes widened and he grinned as he caught sight of her. He shook hands and said goodbye to Sal before heading her way. “Kara, what are you doing here?”
“Timmy and I brought lunch, and Will was giving me a hand with the drinks.” Kara handed the final can to the teen who ducked away as if belatedly embarrassed by the talking he’d done. “If you’re busy—”
“No, I was just finishing up. Besides, I’m never too busy for lunch with my son and his beautiful aunt.”
Kara felt her face start to heat. It was ridiculous how easily he could fluster her with a single glance or a flirtatious comment. But there was something beneath the teasing look in his green eyes that made her think he meant every word.
“Timmy has a picture he wants to give you.”
The one of Sam and Timmy together, battling the shadow monsters. Kara had left the picture of the three of them together, like a real family, back at the hotel. Of course out of sight wasn’t out of mind. Not when she could still hear the sound of Timmy’s voice, the longing in his words.
A daddy, a mommy and a little boy....
“I’d forgotten about that. The dozens of pictures I used to bring home to my parents...” Sam’s voice trailed off, and Kara could see how much it meant to continue a tradition he’d had with his own parents. Hiding his emotions behind a laugh, he added, “Knowing my mom, she probably still has all of them tucked away somewhere for safekeeping.”
Daddy Says, I Do! Page 13