by Arika Stone
I closed my eyes, following his instructions. He took the palm of his hand and lightly brushed my erect nipples, sending a completely different sensation ripping through my body. As he repeated the process of soft touches followed by intervals of pain, I began to understand what he was trying to teach me. Each touch of pleasure or pain blended while each also caused a different type of arousing sensation. I eagerly anticipated the pain, for I knew, in the release, there was pleasure.
Val shifted me upward on the bed closer to the wall. He raised my arms over my head. “Drop your hands down.”
I obeyed and felt a cold metal bar about two inches below the top of the mattress. No sooner had I felt it than I realized he was tying a cloth around my wrists, securing me to the bed. My heart started to pound.
“Please don’t do this,” I pleaded. I feared being tied down. I opened my eyes, tears cascaded down my cheeks.
His demeanor softened. “Eve, you look fearful. What’s wrong?”
“Please,” I begged again.
“Tell me why.”
“I don’t know.” I swallowed hard, fighting the lump forming in my throat.
“I promise I won’t hurt you. Do you trust me?”
“Somewhat.” I wanted to be truthful. I could see he was concerned, but I couldn’t tell him the reasons why. I didn’t understand them myself.
He brushed my hair away from my face. “I promise you have nothing to fear. I would never hurt you. I would love to push you to your limits, let you dance on the razor’s edge. I will never push you past what you don’t want.”
I eyed him. I didn’t know if I was ready to give up control. Could I trust him to place me in a position that left me powerless?
He could sense my hesitation. “I’ll tell you what. Red will be our safe word. Anything you don’t want me to do, say red, and I will stop. I promise.” He paused and stared intently at me. “Tell me what’s off limits.”
I answered without hesitation. “This.” I tried to lift my hands off the rail.
Val chuckled. “I’ll tell you what I like. I like it when I make you come.” He lifted my legs a bit. “I also like your ass,” he said, trying to lighten the mood and giving my butt a smack.
I squirmed under him. My cheek burned from his touch. The pain-pleasure continuum had vanished. Now it was just pain.
“I’m afraid I may have ruined our mood.”
“Nonsense. I’m just going to have to ease you back into it. I’m sure removing this”—he began to untie me—“will help. Now, I trust you to keep your hands on the bar. If you remove them, I will put this back on you,” he warned in a stern but humorous voice.
Val kneeled between my legs, lightly running his fingers over my thighs. “I know you; you react. I kiss you; you wrap your arms around me. I thrust into you; you jolt into me. Tonight, I want you to lie there and accept what I am going to do.”
“So you want me to be a dead fuck?” I asked, teasing him.
“No, I want you to experience the moment. Trust me.”
“But—”
“Shh…” Val placed his finger on my mouth, silencing me. “Close your eyes.” His voice was calm, soothing.
I did as he requested, thinking of how he’d fondled my breasts earlier.
“If I remove your ability to touch and block your vision, two of your senses are removed. Your other senses are heightened, and you respond differently. And from now on, the only word I want to hear you speak is our safe word if you need to. Understand?”
I nodded, following his orders.
“Good.”
Val rose from the bed. There was a soft rustle on the floor, but I dared not open my eyes.
Abruptly, my nipples were greeted with something as cold as ice. He removed the frigid object and wrapped his hot tongue around my nipple, with his warm hand on my other breast. The combination of hot and cold was a new sensation to me, and like pain and pleasure, once he found a rhythm, the anticipation was unbearably erotic.
He stopped, shifting off the bed before returning to me. He grabbed both breasts in his hands, squeezing my nipples, making sure they were hard.
“This may hurt a bit,” he warned as he squeezed a clamp onto each nipple, ensuring they stayed erect.
I moaned in pain. The clamps hurt. They burned, they pulled, but, most importantly, they stayed in place. I wanted to rip them off, but I didn’t want to disappoint him. I took a deep breath, hoping if I controlled my breathing the pain would subside.
His fingertips made their way to the sides of my torso, tenderly inching their way up and down, tickling my skin. I giggled from his touch, releasing the pain with every breath that escaped my lips.
As he made his way down my body, I breathed in deeply, exhaling as his hands worked their way back up. He knew I was anticipating his moves, and instead of caressing back down, he flicked his fingers on the clamps, sending waves of pleasured pain throughout my body.
My back arched, and my pussy throbbed from this game. My wetness dripped down my slit, and my toes clamped against the bed. His hands moved down to my inner thighs, abruptly pushing them far apart, exposing my pussy.
“Lovely,” he muttered as he dove into my pussy with two fingers and placed his mouth on my clit.
His tongue flicked back and forth over my pussy, causing me to squirm in delight. He reached up, squeezing my nipples with the clamps before roughly pulling on them, simultaneously snapping them off.
The sound that came out of my mouth was indescribable; the pain completely took my breath away. I couldn’t control myself. I peaked in pleasure, squeezing his head as my legs clamped onto him.
My body lay there shaking, legs trembling from the experience, and my hands slid from the bar.
“No, we’re not done yet.”
I opened my eyes.
“Shall I blindfold you?” He smiled.
I shook my head no and closed my eyes. It was enjoyable to lie there living in the aftershocks of the orgasm.
“Rest. I will be right back.” He kissed me on the cheek.
I heard his footsteps ascending the stairs before silence filled the dungeon-like room. I was tempted to open my eyes, but I didn’t want to spoil the mood.
Moments later I drifted into a peaceful sleep. I welcomed the darkness with open arms and embraced the feeling of serenity surrounding me.
Chapter 12
My head throbbed, my nipples ached, and my mouth was as dry as a desert. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep.
No sooner had I closed my eyes and gotten comfortable again than I heard Val strumming an acoustic guitar next to me. My eyes fluttered open.
“Go back to sleep, darling. I didn’t mean to wake you. I was just working.”
I smiled in the dimness. The fire was almost out, and a lamp was on, casting a yellow glow. “It’s all right. What time is it?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve been composing for a while.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” I yawned and rubbed my eyes. “Am I bothering you?”
Val moved his notebook to the side and placed his guitar down on the floor. “No, not at all.” He curled up next to me. “I have some bad news. I completely forgot, but I have to leave tomorrow on business. I’ll be in Madrid for three days. Would you like to come?”
I thought for a minute. “I would love to, but I can’t.”
“Why not? What else do you have to do?” Val questioned.
“I have a business meeting on Tuesday I have to attend.”
“Why don’t you reschedule?”
“I can’t. I already changed the meeting once. Can you reschedule?” I lobbed back.
“Everything is already booked.” His face told me he knew something. “What kind of meeting do you have? I thought this was vacation.”
“Something important came up. They requested a consult, but I don’t anticipate working.”
“And who is they, may I ask?” He was prying for information, which I found odd.
/> “I can’t disclose confidential clients.”
“I see.” He rose from the bed. “I’m going to shower.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked innocently.
“Nothing. I’m tired. I need rest.” He kissed me gently. “Why don’t you go back to sleep? I’ll join you in a bit.”
I could sense something was bothering him. “What’s wrong?” I asked again. This time I wanted to know. I wanted him to say what was bugging him.
“Nothing, darling.” He made his way up the stairs.
An uneasy feeling washed over me. I knew something was going on, and it had nothing to do with him being tired. Was it that I was withholding information or because I wouldn’t change my plans for his?
I dragged myself up the stairs. Daylight was beginning to break; it was past eight a.m. I began to put on coffee and search for food. I really needed to go to the market and stock up. This was no house for a woman, not yet anyway.
I waited patiently, staring at the coffee pot percolating. I glanced at the island and noticed his computer was on. The water from the shower was still running. Should I snoop?
I crept to the computer, not wanting to get caught. Casually, I ran my finger over the touch pad, illuminating the screen. His email was open; it was an itinerary from his manager.
I glanced over the email, quickly absorbing it all. The label wanted him to finish out their contract. There were several press dates and parties during the next three months and a rehearsal schedule, which extended past the winter holidays. They were expected in Los Angeles in January to finish recording for an August release, followed by a tour.
My jaw dropped. Fate had thrown us a bone. Or had it?
“What are you doing?” Val had walked downstairs unbeknownst to me.
“Sorry, I was trying to get on the Net,” I fibbed.
He grabbed a cup and glanced over my shoulder. “And reading my email was going to get you there?”
“No, I just turned it on.”
He kissed me on the cheek. “You are a terrible liar. If you weren’t blushing, I probably would have believed you.”
I laughed; at least he wasn’t too mad. “So?” I gestured to the screen, questioning what I had read.
“I’m not happy. I have a gallery exhibit in Paris in December and now a rigorous rehearsal schedule. I wanted to spend as much time with you as I could.” He stood behind me, hugging me.
“But you’ll be in the States next year too. We’ll have more time together then.”
“And after the release, I’ll be away for at least a year on tour. I’m not happy; I wanted to focus on us. I don’t want us to fail.”
I faced him. “You can stay at my place when you’re in LA.” The invitation escaped from my lips.
“Will you be there?”
“I’ll try. It depends on my schedule.” I paused and gazed deeply into his eyes. “Are we going to work?”
“I’m not planning on leaving you.”
Fear flooded my body. Everything we had spoken about erased in an instant. My soul faced enormous internal conflict that I couldn’t resolve; I’d found love, but our worlds clashed with each other. We could never be together unless one of us changed.
He kissed me softly on the lips. “Don’t fret. We’ll work it out.”
“I can’t help but worry.”
“Let me do the worrying for us. I have no fears. We will get through it. It’s going to be a beautiful day. What would you like to do?”
“I haven’t seen the churches. And since it’s Sunday, can we go?”
He eyed me suspiciously, walking to the counter to pour coffee. “Is there a particular denomination you would prefer to attend?”
“No, I’m agnostic. I was raised Catholic though.”
“Humph,” he said snidely, staring out the window.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Your church…”
I cut him off, sternly. “It’s not my church. All I said was I was raised Catholic.”
He turned around and stared at me coolly. “I’m not a fan of organized religions. They are hypocritical. They’ve ruined countries. They’ve taken lands they did not own. They converted people and those who would not obey, and they condemn or kill. And even in today’s world, many suppress women with their archaic, patriarchal views. So go pray to your God, who is deaf and blind, and pray he has mercy on your soul.”
“Fuck you!” I threw my cup of coffee at him with all my might. He ducked as the cup landed squarely against the wall, shattering it into a million pieces. I began to cry. “You have no right! You have no idea what I’ve been through!” I shouted through sobs, unable to control the oncoming panic attack.
Val stared at the broken mug before turning his attention to me. “Do you care to tell me what this is about?” he stated quite calmly.
I buried my face into my hands. I couldn’t look at him. I could hear his footsteps crunch on the broken glass with each step he took toward me. He went to place his hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged him off.
“Don’t touch me.”
“Eve…”
I sighed, trying to catch my breath between sobs. I swallowed hard, trying to get the words out. “I can’t.”
He leaned on the counter next to me, searching my face for an answer. He placed his hand on my arm gently.
I sighed. “I don’t like talking about it.” I pulled away and wiped my tears on the sleeve of my shirt.
“But maybe it will help.”
I paused briefly. The floodgates were about to open. “Why?” I slammed my hands on the granite. “It doesn’t matter. You can’t change the past.” I rubbed my forehead and sighed.
He pulled up a stool and sat next to me, waiting as he always did for me to continue.
“Why do I bare my soul to you?” I was teary-eyed. “I’m sorry I threw the cup at you and broke it. I will replace it.”
“Don’t worry it; it’s not important. I suppose I asked for it when I attacked religion and, in essence, you. But you’re the only thing that matters.” He reached over and smoothed my hair. “Do you want another cup of coffee?”
I nodded. He walked to the coffee pot, crunching on random pieces of glass. “See, I would walk barefoot on broken glass for you,” he said, trying to make me smile. “Why don’t we go sit on the couch? It will be more comfortable.”
I silently agreed, and we made our way to the living room. We sat in silence, and I stared ahead, sipping the coffee, knowing Val was waiting for me to pour out my soul.
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession.” I paused, not knowing how to continue.
“Are you mocking what I said?” he asked cautiously, knowing he was treading in unstable waters.
“No.” I shook my head and sighed. “That’s when it happened. My first Reconciliation.” Bringing my feet under me, I cast my eyes down. I gulped, tears streaming down my face. “As we were leaving the church, I lagged behind in the vestibule while my parents chatted outside. There was a car accident. One of the vehicles jumped the curb and hit them head-on. My parents died in front of the church steps, in front of me. I remember the priest holding me, pulling me back inside. I wanted to run to them, but they wouldn’t let me. No matter how hard I prayed, they still died. I was seven and alone in this world.”
He reached for my coffee and placed it on the floor before embracing me, drawing me into him. I buried my head into his chest.
“Eve, I swear, you will always be safe with me. I promise you will never be alone again.”
“You can’t promise that.” I sniffled.
“You have my word that I will be your shelter and your protector. I am so sorry if I caused you any pain. Please forgive me?”
I rested my head on his chest, my body fitting snugly between his legs. He wrapped his arms around me tightly as if to shield me from the world.
Chapter 13
“Don’t you have a plane to catch?” I leaned to kiss him.
“I told Sebastian I wasn’t going. It didn’t feel right to leave.”
“Please go. Take care of your business.” My independent nature kicked in. I didn’t like to feel vulnerable. “Besides, I’m going out with your sister today, I have a meeting tomorrow, and you return on Thursday.”
“Are you sure? You can come with me. It’s no problem at all.”
I decided to finally let him in on the secret. “I can’t. I’ve already cancelled on your president once.” I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat next to him.
“And what exactly are you planning for her?”
“I’m not sure if I will be planning anything. It’s about the presidential ball. I won’t know until tomorrow.”
“What would they need you to plan? It’s the same boring pomp and circumstance every year. Nothing changes.” He let out a yawn.
“You’ve gone?”
“Yes, I’ve attended. Anyone who’s made an impact on Finnish society is invited.” He yawned a second time.
“Were you working last night?” His eyes were bloodshot and dark, the circles underneath more profound than I had ever seen.
“I didn’t work. I’m going on, oh, about forty-eight hours without sleep. It’s all right.” He waved it off.
“Why didn’t you sleep?” His habitual insomnia was starting to concern me.
“I did for a bit until you woke up with nightmares. It’s why I don’t want to go to Madrid without you.”
I felt horrible. In the short time he’d known me, all he’d done was take care of me or listen to my inner torments. I was pretty sure any other man would have been running away from me by now. “I feel bad. This is not like me.”
“Maybe this is more like you than you realize. When you were home, you bottled up everything. Now you’re releasing. It’s okay to let it all go. I love you, and I’m here for you.”
“Well, if I was you, I would tell me I was crazy.”
“Unfortunately, you are quite normal. I’ve already Googled you.” He eyed me slyly.
I giggled. “You have? Find anything good?”
“Not unless you want to discuss flowers, lighting, and fabrics. You throw quite a party.”
I smiled at his description of my life. “I’ll admit I Googled you too.”