by Marc Horn
‘All represented from a fictional point of view. The public like it because it doesn’t affect their everyday lives. You do.’
I fold my arms. ‘Come on then. How many clear ups did I get? How many did he kill?’
The super stares at me, and then relents. ‘Eight.’
‘Wow, that’s good. And I bet there’s a lot more you can’t pin on him. Make sure you let the victims’ families know where I am. I’m sure they’d want to thank me for providing them with good honest closure after thirty years of suffering.’
‘I’m sure the papers will do that for you.’
I laugh. ‘So fucking bitter, you two. Can’t even thank me, can you? It’s been a long process putting a stop to him, hasn’t it?’
They meet my eyes, trying to read me, to see if I’m going to head down that path. They know that I know. They despatched Cliff to murder Cassandra and Goater, and to return me here. The Supercop plot is not so secret anymore. But they’re terrified it’ll get out. If it was exposed it would destroy them. Bet they wish they could kill me. There’s no guarantee that my words would be dismissed as the rantings of a madman.
‘Long careers to throw away, eh?’ I tease.
‘Excuse me?’ the super snaps. ‘What do you mean? What are you talking about?’
‘Corruption. It’s a dangerous thing. It always comes back to bite you in the arse.’
‘Are you insinuating that we have acted corruptly?’
I push myself forward to the edge of my bed and stare steely eyed at them. ‘I’m gonna get out of here and find you two. And I’m gonna find out exactly how corrupt each of you have been.’ They gawk at me. The chief looks back at the nurses. ‘And the punishment will suit the weight of your involvement.’
*****
‘So, where do we stand now?’ my father asks me.
‘We’re close.’ I’m not a wreck like last time − I’ve got a grip of myself. I can still see myself cuffed in the rear stack position, and I’m still in uniform, but now I can see something else. In front of me I can see my reflection, in a mirror or something. In the reflection I can see me, in uniform, but bizarrely I’m cuffed to the front too!
‘Twenty-eight years and we’re about to close the case. I knew you wouldn’t let me down.’
‘I’ve still got some enquiries to make, but I know where to go.’
‘So who’s the ringleader? Who masterminded the annihilation of our family?’
‘I don’t know that yet.’ That’s a good point. Who is the fucking daddy in all this? Whose brain’s gonna float as cinders?
‘Kane,’ he addresses me firmly, ‘you’ve got to find the leader. Once you eliminate the leader, the rest will fall.’
I’ve got no idea who that could be. This happened almost thirty years ago. A cop only served for thirty years back then. This had to have been run by some piece of shit who’s now retired.
‘Listen to me,’ my father instructs me. I pay full attention to him. ‘People try to hide their weaknesses. Because the weaknesses make them vulnerable. This ringleader has his weaknesses. Once you find them, you’ll find him.’
When I try to break free of the cuffs, the rear ones stay on, but in the reflection I see the front ones smash apart.
39
‘Me told yer me’d see yer today, didn’t me?’
I ignore this. Hardly groundbreaking foresight on her part.
‘What did the policemen ’ave to say to yer?’
‘You know the score, Hilda; they just want to keep me in here. I think they’re linked to me.’
She dismisses this point with an angry wave of her hand. ‘Don’t you go guessing who is linked. Fatal, that is. Me can tell yer now, they ain’t linked to yer.’
‘So how do they know that killing me would be suicide? Cos they sure as hell would top me if it was an option.’
She shakes her head. ‘They ain’t linked, me telling you that, but they work with someone who is. He tell ’em to keep you alive.’ I’m drawn towards her. It’s like magnetism. ‘You know ’im.’
‘I know loads of cops, hundreds and hundreds.’
‘This one yer know for the longest time. This one been watching you for the longest time.’
My mouth opens and my body stiffens like cement. I never knew what became of him. He disappeared and I felt no urge to trace him, because he reminded me of the past. ‘Burton... PC Burton!’
She nods.
‘He-he helped me, helped me get over my father’s death. He manipulated me into joining the force.’
‘He be a strong influence in all of this. He a shady character, a dangerous man.’
‘The local bobby, all smiles and encouragement. All bullshit.’ That’s how Cliff knew where I was − Burton led him to me. The super and chief couldn’t admit that, because it would confirm the existence of the supercop plot. And their involvement could backfire on them if something detrimental comes of the forensics. So they’re having to withhold evidence that proves I was there. How frustrating for them! And they couldn’t say that Cliff was innocently assigned to find me and return me to hospital, because they’re not even attached to his nick. They work in Complaints. They’d have no legitimate reason to assign him anything. Such a delegation would unearth darker truths...
‘He integral in all this, me knows he is. He be a very strong link.’
‘Is he- did he- is he the ringleader?’
‘He could be. Me feels a lot of mischief from him for many, many years.’
‘But he was the home beat, the bobby until I left school. He wouldn’t have remained in that position for—’
‘It meant he was close to you, me boy. It ain’t about rank, it’s about controlling you.’
‘I need to find this son of a bitch.’
She slaps my arm. ‘Mind yer tongue. And what you gonna do when you find ’im? Get revenge?’
‘He deserves it.’
‘You’ll be wasting yer time.’
‘Why?’
‘Cos it all just a distraction.’
She’s right. Course it’s just a distraction. But it’s still there in the background, lingering, taunting me. ‘While those involved are still around, they’re doing everything they can to prevent it getting out into the open. That means murder. They killed Goater and tried to kill Cassandra.’
‘They done that, they would ’ave done you a favour.’
I sigh. It’s engrossing, surreal, difficult to comprehend. ‘How old are you, Hilda?’
‘You know how old me is.’ I stare blankly at her. ‘We is all the same age.’
I ponder for a moment. ‘Thirty-three!’
‘Of course, you is learning. No one live longer than you ’ave, me boy, but some ’ave lived less.’ Her eyes narrow to slits. ‘You give us all a past. You make it all seem real.’
‘Did you fair well?’ I ask, feeling a bizarre sense of responsibility and the wariness that comes with it. It’s something I must learn to accept, I tell myself.
‘Me come from a poor part of Trinidad. Me come here in the fifties and work in a factory. Me ain’t got no family ’ere, they die many year ago. Me ain’t got no money—’
I blow out air. ‘Sorry.’
‘All me got is me heart. But that’s all me need to do me job. And now me is seventy-seven and me waiting is over.’
I nod, meeting her wizened eyes. ‘Then I gave you the most important role.’
‘That’s why me got nothing calling me away.’
I probe her for sadness. ‘And you don’t resent the position?’
She cackles. ‘Me knows more than anyone else does. They all walking blind while me is the one who is ready!’
‘For what?’
‘For nothing, me boy. They all waiting on promises up there.’ She points her finger skywards. ‘But me knows once me go, me go. You ain’t got no other plan for us.’
‘So... why have you waited so long to talk to me?’
‘Me had to wait for you to come to me. That
’s when you be ready to listen.’
‘And so ... you can tell me things? You can explain stuff that’s been happening?’
She stops me with a wave of her hand. ‘You know why. You ’ave the answers. Before you not sure, but now you are.’
‘Losing it? The ability to maintain everything? It’s disintegrating.’
She nods. ‘An idea this big has become too big to handle. It all just going back to what it was – nothing. Shoes don’t make no sound when they tread, songs all sound the same and don’t come up with nothing new, the same people walk past yer time and time again—’
‘Shadows aren’t cast as they should be,’ I concur, ‘making untrue shapes. Rain falls in front but not behind. People with first and last names they could swap. Unconnected people who have the same features, mannerisms, speech. A freezing morning and no frost—’
She nods as she cuts back in. ‘The radios in them cars that don’t work. The curtains blowing when there ain’t no wind. The two men on the train who can’t speak English. The mushroom—’
‘Lolly...’ I finish off. ‘All proof of this breakdown.’ I sigh. ‘So why do they try so hard to keep me unaware? Whether they like it or not, it’s all going to vanish.’
‘Hey, listen to me. Venice is sinking.’
I hold her stare. She’s so acute. No one will abandon the island until it’s gone. I take a couple of deep breaths. I’m apprehensive, I’m ashamed to admit, but I must ask her. ‘So... what am I?’
I look into the deep black voids of her eyes. ‘Your book is closed, me boy. It like hitting steel with a feather. Cos you wanna shut us all out and keep this all real.’
‘Well?’ I ask impatiently. ‘Did you break it down? Do you know?’
She sighs. ‘All me know is that you is some kind of energy. Some kinda energy ball. Me don’t know where it is or what exactly it is or what it look like, but me can feel huge power. And me can tell there is great hunger for more power.’
‘I’m a ball?’ I raise my eyebrows quizzically.
‘Some kinda energy matter. But me can tell that the purpose of it all is to grow, to get bigger.’
‘How do I do that?’
‘Like anyone do. You enrich yourself. You find a challenge and you beat it. It nourish yer mind, make it stronger.’
‘So it’s a quest for greater knowledge, which becomes power?’
‘Listen, it like a game of conkers. Me knows you played conkers when you were young. You beat another conker, your conker overtake it. You wanna keep getting better.’
‘So my overall objective is to beat all competition?’
‘To grow.’
‘So who – what – am I competing with?’
Hilda shakes her head. ‘Me don’t know that. Me can’t see that far. Yer won’t let me. But me know there is fear. Fear that you will shrink until you vanish.’
‘How can that happen?’
‘If yer don’t grow, yer shrink.’
‘Sounds like a shit existence to me.’
‘It give you so much power, me boy. The power to create a universe.’
‘But not enough power to maintain it.’
‘Only because you is so smart. You make this life and make it so it be real to you. But you is a fighter. You fight till you win. And you sought the meaning of life like we all do. You made the distortions and the strange things happen to help you resolve the mystery. You work it all out, me boy; you work out it was you. You could control it all if yer wanted, yer didn’t ’ave to be overloaded, you could be none the wiser. But you wanted truth.’
‘Fu... Jesus.’
‘Him too. And God and the devil. And the Big Bang Theory. There just to make you believe in some kinda beginning.’
I sniff. ‘So have I expanded as I intended?’
‘Course yer ’ave. You done so much good. And so many lows meant so many highs.’
‘You what?’
‘You made up the lows so you could enjoy the highs.’
‘So you’re saying I had my dad killed for eventual enjoyment?’
‘No, me told yer, there’s many tings you ain’t got no control over. That ’appened because of that Burton man.’
‘What else d’you know?’
‘Not much. There’s only one way you’ll find all the answers you want.’
I snort. ‘My death.’
‘Yes. That be the only way yer gonna know it all.’
‘I can’t give up like that. I don’t throw the towel in. I’m a survivor. No one defeats me.’
‘But you is suffering, me boy − suffering in yer mind, suffering to find yer peace.’
I’m not suffering!’ I laugh. ‘I enjoy this... whatever it is.’
She waggles a crooked index finger in front of me. ‘Yer don’t know how much yer suffer till it’s done.’
‘Do all the other links know what you know?’
‘They should do. They ’ave the same access.’
‘D’you know any of the others? Apart from Burton?’
‘No, me ain’t met none of them and me don’t know their names. But one of ’em is very active. They sending someone ’ere to kill me.’
I shiver for a second. ‘They can’t kill you in here.’
‘They ain’t gonna fail,’ she says calmly. ‘They don’t like me big mouth.’
‘A patient? A new patient’s gonna kill you?’ I ask, worried.
‘We’ll find out soon enough.’
One of the nurses steps into the room. ‘Hilda Ogden? You have a visitor.’
‘Hilda Ogden?’ I query as she gets to her feet.
She smiles. ‘Me knows. She’s outta Coronation Street, way back. Yer running outta new names.’ Then she winks. ‘Me don’t never get no visitors.’ She grabs my hand firmly. ‘Me grateful to yer for taking time to make me, and me hope that me helped.’
I stand up too. ‘Hilda, they can’t do anything to you. There’s a glass screen. Nothing gets through. Listen to what they’ve got to say. It’ll be useful.’
She tuts. ‘They ain’t got nothing to say!’ she shrieks, frowning, and then she storms out the room.
I sit there for a while, the nurses watching me like hawks. Her words echo in my mind. Most of what she’s said has been right. No, all of what she’s said has been right. What if she’s right about this? What if this visitor gets to her? She’s told me things that put them at serious risk. She’s told me what I really am. This is just make-believe. I am the creator. And I know how to uncreate. I spring to my feet. The nurses tense up.
‘Lads,’ I begin. ‘Hilda feels that she’s in danger. That visitor might harm her.’
‘No she won’t.’
‘She?’ I swallow hard. ‘The visitor’s female?’
‘Yeah.’
‘What’s her name?’
‘Dunno.’
Stupid question. She wouldn’t give the right name, nor would she look the same.
‘Make the staff aware. She’s at risk.’
The nurse who communicates with me is large, black, with ballooned muscles. Size has never fazed me. Bodybuilders throw powerful punches, but they’re easy to read and they soon tire. But right now, I’m not fighting fit. I need to be one hundred percent to overpower them and the other staff.
‘Just relax, fella. She’s gonna be fine.’
‘Yeah? She ever had a visitor before?’
‘I doubt it.’ The two guards conceal smirks.
‘Yeah, I know the score. We’re nuts, so we talk and think nuts. But if she dies, I’ll remember this chat.’
He tenses up. ‘You threatening me?’
‘Yeah, I am,’ I say, squaring up to him. ‘All you have to do is ask your staff to be vigilant.’
The other nurse steps between us and says, ‘Razors, you’re going back to your room.’
When I get there and the locks slide into place behind me, I hear the unmistakable voice of Hilda in my head… ‘Cassandra.’
And then the alarms sound.
&
nbsp; 40
After two hours of panic and commotion, the patients are finally treated. The doctor enters my room, the two nurses hovering in the doorway behind her.
‘Razors, sorry for the delay. An incident occurred.’ Her voice is hurried and stressed.
‘Yeah, I know. Hilda was killed.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘Because she never gets visitors. She felt she was in danger. I told those two pricks, but they didn’t give a shit.’
‘Oi! You better show some respect!’ the one I spoke to earlier shouts.
‘Okay!’ The doctor holds out her palm to the nurses. ‘She was delusional, Razors. What she said to you was not an uncommon statement from her.’
‘Really? Well this time it was a prophetic one.’
She sighs. ‘The nurses cannot leave their posts. And they would be suspicious of such comments from you.’
I snarl. ‘Yeah, I know. I know how us patients are treated. You talk about how important it is for us to interact with other people. Bullshit! I tell them that she’s in danger, they ignore me and she’s murdered!’ I glare at them. ‘Pair of piss flaps!’
They fidget on the spot, then lean forward as if to charge. But the doctor’s searing look stops them dead. ‘Enough!’ she snaps. ‘It is over, Razors. The staff did not entertain your claims, but why should they have done? You rejected this facility and escaped, causing embarrassment to us all. Why should they trust you?’
I ignore her. She opens the grey case on the trolley and takes out the syringe. After filling it with my cabbage juice, she asks me to lie on my front. And then she gasps for a fraction of a second before I clamp her mouth shut with my left hand. The nurses leap forwards, but stop when they see her head flung back against my left shoulder, my left hand cupping her chin and lifting it so her neck’s exposed. I hold the needle in my right fist, aimed at her throat, ready to tear a hole.
‘Well done,’ I hiss. ‘Move and I move the needle. Alert anyone and she squirts blood everywhere.’
‘Okay, okay, don’t be stupid; no one needs to be hurt!’
‘Drop your keys on the floor, fuckwit.’
The quieter of the two nurses removes his keys from his belt and tosses them onto the floor.