by Marc Horn
44
My bed’s outside, in the middle of the balcony. My wrists and ankles are tied to it. The leg of one of my pairs of jogging bottoms has been cut up and is now tightly wrapped round my injured knee and forearm. I can see the dark blue material is wet with blood. My head’s groggy and there’s a numbing sensation of pain.
‘Was this really necessary?’ I ask. ‘A lot of effort just to sit out here.’
Burton sighs. ‘You think I dismantled and rebuilt your bed out here?’
‘Ah, so I did this?’
‘All to convince you that you’re right.’
‘About My World? I don’t need any more proof.’ Burton sits beside me, on one of my kitchen chairs. ‘Hope I wasn’t considerate enough to transfer that chair out here, too?’
He shakes his head. ‘I had to carry this out here myself.’
I stare at him for a few seconds. ‘So what’s your plan?’
Burton looks at the ground. ‘I hate to see you like this, Kane. You’re like a son to me—’
I snort. ‘You’ve got some fucking balls saying that, piss flap.’
He looks up. ‘Both of us believe in the ends justifying the means. You would do anything to catch your man. And I did what had to be done to cultivate that mindset.’
‘There’s a big difference,’ I snarl. ‘I never sacrifice decent people to get what I want.’
‘Your father wasn’t decent!’ he shouts. ‘He may as well have been Kilbride’s accomplice!’
‘Bullshit! You’re talking shit!’ I try to get up, but the straps are rigid, and the consequent jolts of pain in my arm and leg knock me back down. ‘You were the inept one, Burton. You couldn’t catch him. You were useless—’
‘I did catch him, Kane,’ he says slyly.
‘That was down to me and me alone, my friend.’
He nods, nonchalantly, rolling a syringe between his fingers.
‘So that’s your plan, Burton?’ I nod towards the weapon in his hand.
‘Unfortunately, it has to be this way.’
‘What’s in it?’
‘It’s Haloperidol − the same stuff you were given in hospital. Obviously you need stronger doses.’
I leer at him. ‘You’re going to cabbage me.’
‘I’m going to do what Palinder was supposed to.’
Palinder − the fit doctor at the hospital. That’s her name, I remember now. ‘She on your payroll, too?’ He doesn’t respond. ‘What’s in me so far? Morphine?’ I can tell that something’s fighting the pain.
‘Yes, just that at the moment.’
‘So what you waiting for?’
He inhales deeply. ‘This is the end, Kane. This is closure for me. Before you’re controlled, I feel you deserve some explanations. And some credit.’
He’s gonna totally cabbage me. Permanently. I won’t be able to move or speak, once he’s finished with me. And, most importantly for him, I won’t be able to think. All I’ll do is exist. Allow the world to keep happily spinning. ‘I’ve worked it all out for myself,’ I say.
‘You were sensational, Kane,’ he says, his expression almost one of awe. ‘You became the officer I dreamed you would be. Your handling of the Kilbride case was exceptional. And rearranging that rapist so that he buggered himself – ingenious.’ The pain is increasing − I have to grit my teeth. ‘It’s the way society should be policed. We needed you so badly. Someone brave, ruthless, uncompromising. Someone innovative.’
‘Why’re you trying to justify what you did? Starting to doubt yourself?’
‘Not at all. I just want you to know that you were a superb police officer—’
‘Yeah. The officer you never were. The officer you could never be.’
He coughs, ignores me. ‘And the missing kid, too. Good riddance to him. We’re on the same wavelength, you and me. He took and gave nothing back. So we removed him. Fantastic approach.’
‘I’m not interested in your credit, piss flap.’
Unperturbed, he goes on. ‘There were other benefits of course. Supercop minimised the risk of you finding out about your position.’
‘As the creator?’
He nods. ‘As a police officer, you would be within a level-headed environment. Far reaching delusions would be ridiculed. I’d hoped you’d dismiss such ideas as soon as they surfaced.’
‘Yeah, well, you were wrong about that. I was always gonna find out. Hilda told me that’s why all the crazy shit was happening – to help me unearth the truth.’
‘That mad nigger had a big mouth. But she was worth keeping around.’
‘I know. You used her. She had the strongest connection, didn’t she?’ He nods. ‘And that’s a racist term, by the way.’
‘My generation are right wing, son. That’s how you wanted it.’
‘Bollocks. I can’t control everything; Hilda knew that. People do what they want.’
He grins. It’s thin-lipped and cold. ‘She just wanted to make you feel better. You should be feeling a lot of guilt, Kane. All the atrocities we see and hear about are down to you.’
‘That’s untrue,’ I say resolutely.
‘Accept it, Kane. Terrorism, illness, kiddie fiddlers and murderers – all down to you, my friend. All concocted by that sick mind of yours.’
‘You’re a liar, Burton. Only Hilda could be relied on to talk the truth. And Noah...’
He laughs. ‘You have to face facts here. You’re a killing machine, Kane. You thrive on it. Noah’s dead body is a thrill to you. That’s why you told him about Supercop. You wanted him dead. You knew that anyone who knew about it was a target.’
‘Bullshit,’ I say, but the pain and Burton are having a draining effect.
‘No, Kane, it’s true. You wanted him punished for the problems he caused you.’
‘Rubbish.’
‘Think about it, my friend. Remember, you are responsible for everything that happens.’
‘I’m not buying it, piss flap.’
‘I’m giving you explanations, son. You enjoy killing the builders?’
‘Yes.’
‘See how little you value lives?’
‘The bill was extortionate,’ I joke humourlessly.
‘Ah, I see − it was over debt,’ he says sarcastically.
‘Well, you’ve got my money, haven’t you? Was it worth the swim? Or did you assign someone else to get it?’
‘Course not. This thing needs to be kept secret. The only people that know this is your world are the links and that bitch of yours.’
‘Cassandra?’
He nods. ‘This has to be contained. I told you earlier – anyone in the know is a liability. People would panic and take desperate measures. I kept the black bitch and those two numpties around solely to use their connections to you.’
‘Hilda said there were five.’
‘She’s right, but none of us have been able to find out who the fifth link is.’
‘So it’s just that fifth link that’s tasking Cassandra?’ He nods. If that’s true, then Hilda was mistaken. She’d said ‘some’ of the other links were tasking Cassandra. ‘Another failure eh, piss flap?’ I mock. ‘You failed to kill The Poet and you’ve failed to kill her.’
His face tenses as he stares at me. I’ve touched a nerve. ‘She’s an elusive little slut. I should have assigned someone competent to deal with her.’
‘You mean, not Cliff?’ He nods again. ‘Perhaps you should have done it yourself, Burton? Or did your past failure put you off? Shatter your confidence, did it?’
His stony face relaxes. ‘I managed to beat you, didn’t I, Kane? I can’t be that inept, can I?’
I wince at the pain in my limbs. ‘You had an unfair advantage.’
‘I used the tools at my disposal.’
‘You had to use your connection to outfight me. That’s the only way you could win. You pre-empted my moves − you knew what was coming.’
‘Oh yes. I read you like a book. It’s a warning system, not too dissi
milar to your Hell Bell. We both have the ability to read a page before it’s written.’
I shake my head. ‘That ability’s been a liability to me today. It’s non-stop–’
‘That’s because your journey towards self-fulfilment is coming to an end.’
I remember the train journey. ‘And you used that little, ginger piece of shit, too?’
‘The photo? That was a waste of time. You were a lost cause by then.’
‘Another failure. They’re stacking up, aren’t they? All it did was reinforce what I already knew.’
Burton scans my body with his eyes. ‘It didn’t have to come to this. I did my best to keep you in the force.’
‘Your best is now dead,’ I say triumphantly.
‘You’ll go down for murdering the superintendent, Kane. You didn’t tidy up after yourself.’
‘There was no point. I knew the end was in sight.’
He laughs. ‘You were mistaken, my friend. I’m going to pump you full of this stuff.’ He lifts up the syringe, waves it about in front of him. ‘It’s going to fry your mind. You’ll do just what I want you to do. And you’ll be none the wiser.’
I think about a solution. Some way to kill him. But I can do nothing − I can’t move. And he can outguess me anyway. Shame it’s not a two way thing. I can’t read his mind. I couldn’t read any of the links. Running the world utilises everything I’ve got...
‘It didn’t have to be this way. If you’d just done your job and not lost your fucking mind, then none of this would have been necessary.’
‘I told you, piss flap, I was destined to work this out.’
‘But you were a liability, Kane. You really pushed your luck, son. I could only do so much before they forced you out. I had so many of your complaints squared up. Once your removal from service became inevitable, I did everything I could to have you sectioned rather than imprisoned.’
I sneer. ‘Course you did. Cos in jail I would’ve been killed.’
He nods. ‘There was no chance that you could have hid your background from the inmates. You would have been the officer who had arrested many of them. And you were often featured on media programmes and publications. Everyone knew you.’
‘But we both know it’s a lot easier to break out of the nuthouse.’
He studies me. ‘You were careless in your dealings with your black, criminal friend, too.’
‘Big Log?’
‘You never arrested him. It should have made your colleagues suspicious. You turned a blind eye to his crimes in return for his information and to take advantage of his access to firearms.’
‘Only petty crimes, my friend. Big Log did warehouses. He never preyed on individuals.’
‘It’s fortuitous for him that you didn’t tell him about supercop.’ He closes in with the needle.
I close my eyes. I try to ignore the pain so I can clear my mind. I try to focus.
‘Are you passing out, Kane? Or is this a desperate tactic?’
I ignore him. I fill my mind with specific information – my whereabouts and the danger.
I shudder when the needle goes in my arse cheek. I try to shut it out. I have minutes left. I concentrate, make my message loud and clear.
‘I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve, son, but it’s too late now. It’s time for you to give up this chase.’ I hear rustling, but manage to block it out. ‘How many times have you stuck on the cuffs, Kane?’ I don’t respond. ‘Probably thousands... Now, I’m cuffing you. Not your wrists – I’m keeping your mind in place. I’m keeping it exactly where I want it.’
I feel another needle jabbed into me.
‘Remember the girl in your probation? You two got close, didn’t you?’
My eyelids flicker. Fuck me. Nadiya. I moved in with her.
‘Thought you might quit the job for that bitch.’
That scumbag burglar Marsh broke out of custody and did her over. After that she left me for good.
Burton laughs. ‘It took a few bribes to organise his escape.’
I have to ignore this revelation. Dwelling on it won’t help me. I have to refocus.
‘I know you’re conscious, Kane. Anything you want to say? You’ve got a couple of minutes left.’
Hilda did it. I can do it too. I devote all my resources to this communication. Hope that the fifth link will come and save me.
45
It’s all about challenges, this. Plain sailing is pointless. An untested life is an unfulfilled one. Overcoming setbacks strengthens us, develops us, helps shape us into who we can be. We should all strive to produce the best results we can. You ain’t gonna avoid using top gear in a Porsche, are you? You use everything it can offer, don’t you? For each person to truly succeed in life, they need to engage their own top gear. The super was right when he said that we all want to push ourselves to the limit of our capabilities. It means life is full of opportunities and hope. We have the potential to make everything better.
This is the fascinating, potentially awesome world I’ve created. The problem is that we need the lows to reach the highs. And the lows can hurt so badly.
I think it’s all down to me. Hilda said it wasn’t, but I agree with Burton that she just wanted to make me feel better about myself. I devised the supercop plot. I involved other players, of course I did, but it was invented to make me grow and perhaps to take my mind off the origins of my existence. So I’m responsible for my father’s death. Selfishness is the price of mankind’s desire to fulfil itself. Other people suffer to help us get to the top. My father suffered to help me get there. He was my setback. And boy did I grow.
In that dream my father said that I needed to find the ringleader’s weaknesses to find him. He said the ringleader would hide his weaknesses because they make him vulnerable. He’s right. I’ve hidden them all my life.
I have only myself to blame for all this pain. And my quest for perfection blinded me to the possibility of this disastrous situation arising. Now I’m gonna have to wait a long, long time for my release. These people of mine have outsmarted me. They’ve overthrown my command. Now they’re in charge. Now they can use me to keep things the way they want them. And, ironically, mankind’s obsession with progression and the desire to cheat death, may mean even dying from old age may not be my saviour. They could freeze me, or preserve me in some way so that my mind is still intact.
Now I start to panic. I’ve never panicked before and it sucks to feel this way. I can even hear myself whimpering. How could I be so stupid to let it come to this? How could I Iet myself be beaten like this? I’ve always felt invincible, too hard and streetwise to be taken out. But with that arrogance came carelessness.
I’m cuffed. My mind. Restricted, incapacitated, controlled – like a slag in handcuffs. But it’s always been cuffed. I’ve tried to break out of them. Now I’ve got no chance. They’ll never be released.
‘You’re too smart to use that on me,’ I hear Burton say.
My eyelids are so heavy, but I fight to open them. And then I see the flickering form of the fifth link.
‘You killed my father,’ Cassandra hisses, sleek and sharp in a black, satin dress, complemented perfectly by the black pistol in her hand.
Burton is hovering over me, his body angled to the left slightly so he faces her. His weapon is not in his hand, but I know it’s in his trouser pocket. I try to speak, but I cannot even open my lips. I’m useless.
‘That’s down to your boyfriend here,’ he says. ‘All of this is down to him, you know that. Fuck, he even killed his own dad.’
‘Don’t feed me your shit, Burton.’ She’s trembling with rage. I can see the gun wobble slightly as she stands beside the crate of bricks, ten metres from her target. ‘Put that needle slowly down.’
Burton watches her as he lowers the needle towards the ground. ‘So you’re the fifth link, are you? I was never able to determine your identity, not even through that crazy, black bitch. Even she didn’t think it was you. Your link’
s too weak.’
‘You’re not as good as you think you are,’ she says.
That vicious, thin smile of his materialises again. ‘Shoot me and everything’s over. If you release him, he’ll kill you immediately. You killed Hilda, the only person he trusted. And your father killed his father. He doesn’t think things through anymore. He’s a cold-blooded, killing machine.’ He takes a deep breath. ‘So you’ve got to keep me alive. Only I can keep him sweet. You know that. You’ve tried to change his mind about all this, but it hasn’t worked. And now you’ve killed Hilda, it’s a lot harder to read him. I can keep everything sweet—’
‘What have you done to him?’
‘I’ve pumped a load of Haloperidol into him. It’s stopped him from being a threat to us, in the interim anyway.’
And then I groan when her eyes fall on me – because she’s taken them off Burton! Painfully predictably, he rolls under my bed. Cassandra fires a shot at him, but I hear no reaction from Burton. She must have missed. I feel Burton move to the rear of the wooden headboard behind me. Of course that won’t protect him, but his close proximity to me will. He saves his ammo, as Cassandra has taken cover behind the bricks. I hear his heavy breaths behind me, but gradually they dissipate. I can hear nothing from Cassandra. And then, Burton moves around the side of my bed. He’s gonna attack! The arrogance of him to think he can take her out! She’s killed three coppers, two of them from armed response, and also a patient in a secure hospital. But my heart sinks when I realise why he’s doing this. He’s tuned into her, hasn’t he? The fucker’s reading her! On his feet, pistol in front of him and pointing at the centre of the bricks, he inches towards them. I want to warn Cassandra that he’s gonna pre-empt her move, like he did mine. The piss flap’s gonna kill her! Shit! I feel so fucking utterly useless, so weak and pathetic. I cannot save her. I cannot move. I’m forced to lie here and watch this horrific duel. Emotion wells up in me and I find that I care about her. I want us to be together again. I want her so badly to survive. But, isn’t this just thinly veiled selfishness from me? Isn’t it just the case that she can save me from an appalling future? Anything else is most likely bullshit.